Tuesday, February 14, 2006

BHM 14: Dale Gunn

C'mon; who the heck else would we profile on Valentine's Day but that nubian love god, Dale Gunn of Justice League Detroit?

No point in recounting the Legend of Dale Gunn, already celebrated in song and story. After all, everyone's seen the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, the BET Special, the Masterpiece Theatre miniseries, and the Mario Van Peebles movie.

How man-potently sexy is Dale Gunn?

  • If Chuck Norris were black, the only person he'd accept being would be Dale Gunn.
  • Dale Gunn's old socks are prized by Chinese herbalists as a powdered aphrodisiac.
  • Dale Gunn is so potent, he sweats Viagra.
  • The Pope has issued an encyclical (Temptatio Dalis Gunni 1985) forbidding all nuns from approaching within 100 feet of Dale Gunn. Priests, 200 feet.
  • Dale Gunn is so manly that if you put him in a supergroup with Extrano, The Black Condor, The Red Bee, the group would still be collectively butcher than the U.S. Marine Corps.
  • When Dale Gunn walked by Gotham Central, Maggie Sawyer and Renee Montoya became spontaneously pregnant.

Remember, ladies, when your man turns out the lights and takes you in his arms this Valentine's Day, it will all be magic if do what millions of your sisters do every night:
close your eyes and think of Dale Gunn.


Anonymous said...

Hey, how come only the ladies get to close their eyes and think of Dale Gunn?

Anonymous said...

And with this post, you managed to make Dale Gunn more incredibly awesome than the entire run of JLA Detroit could ever do. I now love you forever, in a completely non-gay way. (I'm sure you get enough gay admirers anyway.)

Scipio said...

Coz-- because if a guy does it, well, everthing ends much too soon.

Adrian-- oh, I'm merely pointing out what's already there. And if you have an extra gay admirers lying around, believe me, I could use some...