Speed Saunders and the Hilton Diamond, 3: The Trail Gets Warm!

Yesterday, we left as The Biggest Diamond Merchant in Europe, Elias Brent (a.k.a., "Mr. Brandon") was pumping bullets in Speed and Jim with a forty-five, one-handed, bent-armed, and with no noise-protection.  How very European!

But of course the bullets completely miss Speed and Jim!

Oh.
Ow. Ow ow.
I may have spoken a bit too soon.

Well. That's embarassing.

Given that there was one Bang, one Bam, and one Boom, we can presume that Brent/Brandon shot at least three times in what apparently must be described as a Withering Blast of Bullets, after which Speed and Jim fell to the floor. So... they simply MUST be dead.

NOPE; JUST FLESH WOUNDS.

Of course; I should have realized that no mere bullet would dare harm Speed Saunders, not even at close range.  Besides Brent is a European who obviously doesn't know how to handle a forty-five.  Speed, through sheer force of will and in the interest of time, manifests a Viennese-style doctor to treat the wounds (they are European wounds, after all). Speed explains his presence and Brent, who recognizes Speed because everyone recognizes Speed, simply apologizes and toddles off, despite having just SHOT someone From Headquarters.

"I shoot a lot of people, you see; it's already in my budget."

Jim, playing audience surrogate, helps us realize that Speed was just trying to fool Brent/Brandon about Jim's father's death being a suicide.

"Jeez, Jim, how stupid ARE you?  I'm unadopting you."

Fortunately, although not even fully out of the room, Brent can't hear their plan, probably because he wasn't hearing ear protection when he fired a forty-five. They've got to follow him (which you can't do by tesseracting or shadow-traveling) so they take a taxi.

Okay, Jim, the son of a diamond merchant; exactly how and why do you know that Darnell is a fence for stolen goods?

Then Speed says something that no other English-speaker has ever said.

Trails only get cold, Speed; they do not "get warm". That is not how English works. Or entropy.

Speed, obviously thinking that Brent/Brandon stole a diamond from Jim's father before murdering him and has just sold it to Darnell The Fence, goes to test his theory.

Have you notice that no one has questioned why Brent is traveling under an assumed name? Or is that just something that European Diamond Merchants do on the regular, for security reasons?

I am eager to see how Speed approaches this interview. "Hi, Darnell; have you recently fenced any stolen diamonds? I'm from Headquarters."

I can already tell this interview will not go well.

Tomorrow: the intervew does not go well!

Speed Saunders and the Hilton Diamond 2: Getting the 411!

When last we left Speed (and his new tagalong, "Jim", Son of Corpse), he was following up on a hunch (as he often does).

"Later"?  Is this the Hunch Following or AFTER the Hunch Following?  Even a veteran of Speed Saunders stories such as I has trouble holding on as the plot roars along at breakneck Speed.

Pause for a moment to appreciate the worldliness of Speed Saunders, who recognizes by sight the Biggest Diamond Merchant in Europe, Elias Brent.  As well as the natural Ace Investigator skills his sidekick is quickly acquiring. 

"HAVE HIS STOMACH PUMPED!"  

"Let's not rush things, Jim..."

I guess it helps that Brent is DRESSED European; the bowler, the wing collar, the cravate, the carnation, the dress gloves.  If he had a mustache I'd assume he was Nikola Tesla, just coming back to his hotel from feeding the pigeons.

Also, Nik didn't have a scar (thanks to those big rubber shoes he worn in the lab).

You know what used to be VERY easy back in the day, before credit cards? Lodging under an assumed name. It happens all the time in old movies.

A diagonal scar? I thought he just had well-defined cheekbones. Well, such is Golden Age art.

Turns out Mr. Brent is posing as... MR. BRANDON. Whatever that means.

Note this part of the panel very well:

You see, Room 411 is located directly BELOW Room 511; it's a plot point and this panel foreshadows that.  Such is Golden Age art!

Next we get one of my favorite Speed Saunders quotes, one that I use myself all the time:

"I'm from Headquarters."

Headquarters? Headquarters of what? It doesn't matter; of EVERYTHING.  Whatever the relevant authority is, Speed is from its Headquarters.  

Speed and Jim go to 411 for some information.

For those who keep track of such things; this bellhop may be the only black person in a Speed Saunders story.  

Where Speed discovers the most non-descript generic coffee cups imaginable.

Which Jim somehow manages to immediately and unquestionably identify as belonging to his father.  Maybe that's his dad's lipstick? 

I think "generic" undersells it; these are the very instantiations of the Platonic Ideal of Coffee Cup.

This story, by the way, is in the exact period when melamine cups and dishes were being popularized among American consumers.  Jim's dad was HIP.

Before we, the readers, can even think of asking, "Who on earth TRAVELS with their own coffee cups?!", Speed focuses on some... napkins? Wax paper? Receipts?  Proto-postit notes?  Lipstick blotters? Who can tell?

WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR, SPEED, TELL US QUICKLY BEFORE--

SUDDENLY A SHOT RINGS OUT!

Okay, fine; NOW I can tell it's a scar.

Thus did the Biggest Diamond Merchant in Europe, Elias Brent (whom we are apparently now calling by his pseudonym, "Brandon") shoot both Speed and Jim to death, may they rest in peace.  Don't mess with the Antwerp mafia!

Tomorrow: We pay our final respects to Speed Saunders (and his sidekick, Jim).

Speed Saunders and the Hilton Diamond, 1: A Locked Room Mystery

 Meanwhile, in Detective #18, we find:

We join this episode of Speed Saunders, already in progress!

Yes, this is the first panel.  Speed has work to do and can't wait around for you to catch up.

Who is the corpse? Who's the non-chalant blond kid?  Does getting a chemical report involve stomach-pumping?  Who knows! It's Speed Saunders, just run with it...

So, the blond kid nonchalantly staring at the corpse is the corpse's son.  But, because English has no clear way to distinguish between an appositive and a vocative, it's perfectly ambiguous whether Jim is name of the corpse or of the corpse's son. Or both.

Something big and dangerous, Speed? Like.... a bear? Do you think the diamond merchant was shot by a bear?  Or maybe a talking gorilla, like the one you fought before?  Curious to see where this hunch takes you!

Turns out, this is a "locked room" mystery.

"He entertained someone?"
"Sorry to have to break it to you, kid, but... 
your father was a veritable strumpet."

"Your father was not ready for bed." He looks pretty ready to me, Speed. He's wearing a robe and lying in bed.  But if he did commit suicide, would he really "get ready for bed" first?  Pretty sure that's not a thing suicides do. "Must remember to set the alarm before I shoot myself; wouldn't want to oversleep!"

Speed, however, is not some methodical fanciful fop like Hercule Poirot; Speed is an active action-oriented fop.  As such, Speed does not have time or patience for "locked room" mysteries and so dismisses THAT part IMMEDIATELY.

There was a time when you needed a key to lock a door from the inside, as weird as that now seems.  That's the time Speed lives in.

Jim -- or is it Jim Junior? -- is disconsolate.  Having lost his father, in his despair he naturally chooses Speed as a role model and immediately starts to look like him.

In mere moments, Jim Junior's transformation into Speed Junior is nearly complete.

Speed Junior would later become a founding member of the Teen Ace Investigators, along with Slap Bradley, Denise Colt, and Coco, Maid of Disguise.

Speed has a hunch!  Let's see how THAT turns out...

JuJuBit Profile: The Penny Plunderer

Naturally, I had to make myself a special sculpt of Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer, who is the epitome of a one-shot Golden Age thematic villain and source of the Batcave's Giant Penny. Honestly, who DOESN'T love the Penny Plunderer?

Sigh. I really DO deserve to get a better digital camera.

The sculpt was created on JuJuBit using this pic:

As I've said before, it's a crying shame that John Astin played The Riddler on Batman'66, when Joe Coyne is so clearly the part he was born to play.

I already have a previous Joe Coyne custom Heroclix, so I needed a new dial for the new sculpt.  I wanted a dial that would be a useful support piece rather than a strong one that could successfully take on Batman as a team centerpiece.

Because taking on Batman didn't turn out very well for Joe.

I specifically wanted him to be a useful assistant for Two-Face, Batman's (MUCH) more prominent coin-related villain.  So I chose the one dial almost perfectly designed (unintentionally, I assume) as a complement to Two-Face: 

The Gambler has TWO "coin-flipping" mechanics handy, one of which lets Two-Face re-do a coin flip (and Two-Face figures almost always have some sort of mechanic that depends on a coin flip).  Giving Two-Face a second chance whenever he flips a coin to do something in the game can be a very useful ability, indeed!

Once I "rebrand" this dial, it looks like this:

He doesn't naturally have the "Batman Enemy Team Ability" but he does have the "Team Player" Team ability (that's the question mark in the circle) that allows him to copy the Team Abilities of other friendly figures.  That lets him "borrow" the Batman Enemy TA from another figure (such as Two-Face).  His regular powers, without going into detail about them are general about be fast-acting, sneaky, and LUCKY (or unlucky, as the case may be), which is not a bad match with the Penny Plunderer.

His 'coin-re-flipping' power might also come in handy if I play him with the actual Giant Penny.

I'm not sure the Giant Penny would really be helpful, but it sure would feel good thematically.!

Red, White, and Blue Arrow, 4

 When last we left Speedy and Blue Arrow, they were plunging to their rocky cliffside doom, having been outwitted by some cheap hood named "Bronco Bates" with the old "there ain't no balcony" trick.

"Muttley! DO SOMETHIIIING!"

Obviously, they are goners.

Fortunately, Blue Arrow is oblivious to the obvious.

Can Blue Arrow make such a miracle shot?

Hm... No.  I'm pretty sure you DO like to brag, Blue Arrow, given that this is the first thing you say, even before swinging to safety.

Again, this seems to me like bog-standard Green Arrowing, but, based on Golden Age principles, if you are told something is a Miracle Shot, then it IS a Miracle Shot. One that is not only life-saving, but one which enables a surprise counterattack against Bronco Bates and his baleful buddies.

"Blue Arrow! You're back!"
"Yes, I almost broke it!"
See, B.A., THAT would have been witty.  
This is why you won't be in the JSA. 

So Blue Arrow is: exceedingly confident, gives solid smack talk, is stupidly gullible, and makes crazily expert shots on the regular.  I guess we have a winner!

At least that's what Blue Arrow thinks; Speedy has another idea, however.

"Say WHUT?!"
Awesome catchphrase, Blue Arrow.

I will not mention the little dervish doll, or the clay pipe, or the Made in China pot. But I will note that these multicolored archers seem to have been given deep access to Arrow Stuff (including the Trophy Room), which is in Ollie's house. Or apartment. Or Arrowcave.  The Golden Age was very vague about such things.  Are they all told Green Arrow's secret identity?  How would you handle such logistics without or before giving away the secret identity?

Well, we'll never know, BECAUSE...

Speedy has decided to slowly denude Blue Arrow with repeated shots that whiz tantalizing close to his body. As a test of his... bravery. 

"And, trust me, I am watching your body closely to see whether your muscles are quivering!"
Sure, Roy.  Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Wait, why is Blue Arrow wearing green underwear? OH, NO....

IT WAS EARTH ALL ALONG!

Yup.

There never WAS a Red, White, or Blue Arrow.  Each one was just Ollie, dickishly deceiving Roy, while -- AMAZINGLY -- wearing a full Green Arrow costume UNDER his Other Colored Arrow costume.  Honestly, that's more impressive than any of those trick shots.  At least explains why Ollie gave the "other" Arrows unfettered access to his Arrow Stuff.

But then who were those guys at the archery contest?

... Good question, Roy.

Turns out they were NPCs that Ollie just willed into existence, like they were bystanders generated by a special power on his Heroclix card.

Their names are unimportant; only my deception matters.

This is dizzying in its implications.  Does OLLIE have an archery club, and, if so, isn't that unhealthy for his secret?  Does GREEN ARROW have an archery club and how has that never been a plot point before or since?  Does Roy not KNOW the people in this club well enough to see through the disguises? Does Roy not know OLLIE well enough to see through the disguises? When, why, and how did Ollie become a master of disguise and mimicry (while falling to his death)?

Is Ollie being a dick, teaching Roy a lesson, like a Silver Age Superman hoodwinking Lois Lane "for her own good"?  Is Ollie becoming wisely humble, knowing that he needs to earn Roy's trust again?  Can you earn someone's trust by deceiving them? Is this the incident that leads Ollie to inspire the "Green Arrows of the World" group eight years later?  Is this the initial crack in an obviously broken relationship whose disintegration will eventually lead Roy to dissipation in an opium den? What IS going on here?

Regardless, the lesson YOU must learn is: Golden Age writers do not care. They are about tricking you and subverting expectations, not creating logical sequences of events.  They used this potential rich and resonant story concept -- a sidekick comes to the difficult realization that his mentor is slipping and forces the selection of a replacement -- not for pathos but for unrealistic and childish trickery.  The Green Arrow writers patted themselves on the back for fooling a bunch of ten-year-old readers and then left for an early three-martini lunch at Delmonico's, confident that no one will be questioning their wisdom or their morals after reading this story, let alone 70 years after it was written.

Red, White, and Blue Arrow 3

We left Speedy with a very successful Red Arrow, who seems to have proven that he's not only as good as Green Arrow "in his prime", but possibly BETTER.  Terrific, in fact.

Desaturated Arrow here has Ollie-level overconfidence.

Together the archers notice that there's "nothing much doing in the city".  Which, well... it's Star City.  What do you expect?  So effective has Green Arrow been -- in his prime -- that all crime has been driven past the city's edge!

Ollie always used the 'slow' gate, because he didn't realize it referred to cars.

But only and exactly to the edge of the city, since the very toll-gates on the bridge are currently being robbed!  

What are the odds?

I make fun of the Arrowcar catapult because it's absurd, but using it this way when there's no vertical distance to transverse is especially idiotic.  Jeez, bridge trolls, just SHOOT them while they're inbound.   Instead they whoosh away in their bandit car.

A siren arrow? Who's going to be dumb enough to fall for that?

Well, now we know how dumb you have to be to be a crook in Star City.

This silly trick turns our bridge tolls back to run over dem two arrow characters down with their car.

That reminds me; isn't Green (or Red, or White, or Blue) Arrow exactly the WRONG name?  Why isn't he simply called Green ARCHER?  Who names themselves after the weapon they use? I mean, Wild Dog doesn't call himself "Stray Bullet", does he?

I would totally support him if he wanted to, though.

Anyway, the archer bros have to come up with a plan to stop a vehicle barreling down on them.

Spike Arrow is Green Arrow's tough cousin from the wrong side of the tracks.

Aren't ALL arrows "spike arrows"? In any case, it's a solid plan and works handily, giving Roy another chance to disrespect Ollie.

"when he was good."
Dang, Roy is casually savage. I love that about him.

A desperate crook risks a deadly jump from the bridge, but White Arrow is equal to the emergency.

Not only is White Arrow sensational, you can wear him with anything.

You may notice that the set-up for the White Arrow's outing was given less 'screen-time' than Red Arrow's. This is a very typical and efficient pattern in Golden Age stories where events (such as crimes, villain encounters, etc.) often come in threes.  If the first event is, say, three panels, the second will be two, and third will be one.  Once you know this 3-2-1 trope, you'll notice it in lots of Golden Age storytelling.  Based on this pattern, Blue Arrow should come on with little to no intro.

BOOM.

"No, no, it's my eyes!" really seems like a comment that would have been more appropriate when hideous Red Arrow appeared, but I guess not everyone likes blue.

B.A.'s got the swagger and is efficient.

And he's on point with his trick arrow use!  As good as Green Arrow...
was when he was good.

Unfortunately, Blue Arrow is also as GULLIBLE as Green Arrow:

As you'll recall, The Octopus got Ollie with a similar trick.

Roy, being astute (and second in line) manages to stop himself in time by grabbing on to the door. Blue Arrow, sadly, plummets to his doom on the rocky cliffs below.  Red Arrow was deemed insufficiently visually distinct from Speedy and so this is how White Arrow came to replace Green Arrow, who was never heard from again.

Or WAS he...? Find out tomorrow...