"Lanterns" and The Superman Problem

 To my surprise (and probably yours), I like HBO's "Lanterns" series.

I will start off by happily admitting that there are aspects of it I do not like, rooted in the foibles of its creators (Damon Lindenof's loose plotting and time wasting,  James Gunn's simplistic and irreverent dialog, and Tom King's obsession with trauma and general sourness).  But these failures of style have not blinded me to its successes of substance.

• The original relationship between Hal Jordan (as mentor) and John Stewart (as back-up) is central.
• The core lore is preserved.  The Oans, The Sciencells, The Corps, Sinestro, The Manhunters.  In the first two episodes. I mean, what more do you want?
• Hal Jordan (although not ideally cast) is somehow both a reckless idiot, but still a fearless and innovative hero who instinctively cuts to the heart of the matter.

And there is another element that I think people are overlooking. One that some see as a downside, but which is actually the secret to the show's success so far:

It's completely the wrong genre.

Before I explore that, I'm going to discuss (again) "The Superman Problem".  One of the problems with Superman is that he is SO darned powerful that it's hard to come up with a credible threat.  But pre-Bronze Age writers knew exactly how to handle that: they gave him problems that couldn't be solved with force.  The Prankster; The Toyman; Mr. Myxyzptlk; Bizarro; secret identity problems; red kryptonite shenanigans; Lois's schemes.  These are not challenges that Superman could simply punch his way out of.

Lois is a problem easily solved through simple inaction.

Lots of people make fun of these old Supeman stories, but they are missng their genius. Stopping a locomotive is a snap compared to hiding your use of your awesome array of superpowers when you are in your civilian identity and constantly surrounded by scoop-hungry reporters.

WHAT WILL HE DO?!

This is all very obvious in Superman's case, but there examples with other heroes as well.  

For example, as I have mentioned before, Hawkman's main tactic is hitting things with a mace, so writers gave him "unhittable" foes like the Shadow Thief, the Gentlemen Ghost, and the Fadeaway Man.  

"Lanterns" seems to have learned the lessons of "The Superman Problem".  It's not switching genres from space opera to detective story randomly.  Not is it doing so because it's "embarrassed" at Green Lanter's space opera roots (I mean, Hal suits up and flies off to Oa to visit Sinestro in the SECOND episode).  "Lanterns" has dumped two GLs in the middle of a detective story because they can't just "power ring" their way out of it.  Sure, it's a detective story with aliens, bu it's still very much not a situation where a power ring is going to accomplish much. So far, that's giving Hal and John a substantial challenge (one which they seem to still be struggling with after ten years).

And, one which I -- so far -- enjoying.

JuJuBit Profile: Doll Man

Crazy, crazy, Doll Man.

Crazy from the very start.

Darrel "Doll Man" Dane.

Sure, Darrel. That is the sanest reaction to being six inches tall I can imagine.

Comic's first shrinking hero (I think).  

Whose greatest enemy was an empty Dress Suit.

In choosing a dial, there are a number of other shrinking heroes I could have used (The Atom, Ant-Man, and the Wasp, chief among them).  

I chose...

none of them.

I swear, he's not overcompensating.

Yes, Doll Man is a Tiny hero and needs a dial with the Tiny symbol (it makes a character harder to hit and easier to carry by his friends).  But more figures that just shrinking heroes have the Tiny Symbol.  And I wanted a dial that capture of bit of the CRAZY that is Doll Man. So I chose:

Yes, the Wonder Twins' pesky pet, the horrible and chaotic space monkey Gleek, turns out to have a pretty good dial for Doll Man. Leap-Climb and Flurry for Doll Man's two-fisted bravado, Superstrength and Invulnerability (both of which his stories demonstrate for his tiny form), and, most essentially, PERPLEX to represent Doll Man's erratic nature.

Here's how that looks translated to Doll Man.

Like Doll Man, the dial is short but sweet.

Doll Man will be a great figure on an Atom team, barrelling in opponents ready to clobber them with, um, a pencil, or confounding them with his antics at a distance.  

The Phantom Stranger: Fun with color!

 

It's good to remember (or learn) that the early function of DC's most mysterious character was... demystifying phenomena.

Speeds Saunders and the Hilton Diamond, 5: Crime in REVERSE!

 

While Jim goes to Headquarters to arrange the arrest of Darnell the Fence of Stolen Goods, Speed inquires after whether Diamond Merchant Brent has booked passage back to Europe.

I want to live in a world where everyone's plot function is highlighted by a small plaque at the front of their desk.

But then, while checking in with Headquarters, which is where he's from, Speed receives some rattling news!

Well. Looks like Darnell's not a very good fence, is he?

Apparently, Darnell can't tell paste from diamond, which you really should be able to do if (1) you are a fence of stolden goods and (2) the object in question is 200 carats.  Elias Brent, the Biggest Diamond Merchant in Europe, is no fool; he dumped a fake diamond off on Darnell to throw Speed on his trail (which wasn't getting warm after all!).

PRETTY sure that's just not how warrants work, Speed.
Do ANY of your cases make it through court?

Oh, look, that ship must be the S.S. Gotham, since that's Reginald Denny as Commodore Schmidlapp, who's got a deucedly clever invention stored in the hold below, should be worth millions of yankee dollars, pip pip!

"KISS him, if you must!"

Inside Brent's cabin, Speed finds chloral, because apparently Brent never throws ANYTHING away.  

Except jeweler's pouches, I guess.

Then, weirdly, Speed is all worried that Brent will board the boat, which will somehow put him out of Speed's jurisdiction.  This seems silly for two reasons; first, the idea that Speed's jurisdiction has limits OF ANY KIND is laughable, and, second, Speed started in the Harbor Patrol, so the water is where his jurisdiction STARTED.

Anyway, they do catch Brent before he boards and fortunately they don't have or need a warrant.

I say fortunately because Speed (and the writer) has forgotten that Brent's first name is ELIAS.  If the warrant had been made out with the wrong name, it would have been void.

Brent then asks the question we've ALL wanted to ask Speed, but never dared to.

Mr. Brent; have you SEEN Speed's clothes? Seems like a silly question.

The Speedspanation is supposed to make everything clear, but, as usual, it does no such thing.

Trying to make it look like a suicide by locking the door on the inside was exactly what let Speed know it wasn't a suicide because...

If it had been a REAL suicide, he would have left the door open so his son could be the first person to find his corpse.  Solid reasoning there, Speed.

You win, Speed. I cannot for the life of me figure out why Brent would bring an insanely valuable diamond from Europe, then kill a diamond merchant he'd told about it, then pretend to sell the diamond, all in order just to get right back on the boat to Europe. With the diamond.  

I can ONLY assume that the writer simply got it BACKWARDS and the plot was supposed to be that HILTON was showing the diamond to BRENT.  There is no other interpretation that makes any sense and even THAT one would still point directly to Brent and the missing diamond, since the secretary knew about their appointment.  

Jeez, with stories like this, it's no WONDER Detective Comics was so easily taken over by Batman.

Speed Saunders and the Hilton Diamond, 4: Wait... what?

 

Speed has stopped by for a casual chat with Darnell The Fence of Stolen Goods.

Smooth, Speed; really smooth.

Darnell is less than cooperative.

You don't get to be as well known of a fence as Darnell without a cool composure.

From this interaction, Speed deduced that the European Diamond Merchant did, in fact, dump the diamond he stole from Jim's dad at Darnell's.

Headquarters! That's where Speed is from, you know.

At Headquarters we learn some very important information from the Chief Coroner.

Specifically, that "Hilton" isn't the name of the hotel, it's the name of Jim's FATHER (and presumably of Jim).  Okay, the hotel COULD be named "Hilton", but the diamond is called the Hilton Diamond because it was stolen from Jim Hilton's father, Mr. Hilton.

Oh, we also learned that Mr. Hilton had been drugged with chloral.  By which the coroner doesn't mean the organic compound trichloroacetaldehyde, but rather the result of its union with water, chloral hydrate, commonly used as a hypnotic or sedative agent since 1869.

You can tell because it looks like a person zonked out on the ground after wiping out while ice-skating.

Speed's assumption that the chloral hydrate was administered BEFORE Mr. Hilton was shot is correct.

What about the normal shading of the face, doc? Because that appears to have been greatly maximized.

One supposes Speed might have gotten this information over the phone but perhaps he wanted to show Jim Headquarters, which is, after all, where Speed is from.

Then they dash BACK to the hotel that may or may not be named "Hilton".

"Given the speed at which I operate, I have a hunch my intial search was cursory and shoddy!"

Sure enough, Speed finds something that the previous investigation did not reveal.

Do you think maybe Mr. Hilton LIVED at the hotel? That's a thing that used to happen in those days, before they invented condos.

Surely, if Jim was able to tell at a glance his father's coffee cups, he'll be able to identify whether this is his father's diamond bag. And, yes, traditionally, jewelers DID use small leather pouches for carrying jewels. Probably a medieval thing.

Drumroll, please...

MH: Mr. Hilton

Hm. So the pouches belongs to... someone else?  Another diamond merchant?  Elias Brent, we can assume? But this line of reasoning is cut short by the arrival of a stranger in the doorway!

"Wuh-ellll,  ya got trouble my friends, right here in Saunders City!
Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with C and that stands for CHLORAL!"

I'm glad he introduced himself or I might have thought THIS one was Nikola Tesla.   This dandy fresh off the Rock Island Line is here as a Useful Male Informant.  I don't believe I caught his name, but I don't believe he dropped it.  Surely Mr. Secretary will provide us useful information!

... Wait. 
Wait.
I... what? WTH?

Brent didn't TAKE the diamond from Hilton; HE BROUGHT IT TO HIM.

...

Let me try to understand. 

Brent had a diamond in his possession worth between $10 million and $25 million (in today's dollars), which he brings FROM Europe TO Saunders City to Hilton's room (which may or may not be at the Hilton).  Then, um... Hilton goes DOWN to Brent's room on the floor below-- BRINGING TWO OF HIS OWN COFFEE CUPS-- and they ... have coffee in Brent's room (411)?  Then they... go back UP to 511, where, um... Hilton zonks out, chloralized by the coffee, giving Brent the opportunity to shoot him in the head and put the gun in the corpse's hand (because you could totally get away with that stuff in the day).   Then he left and used tweezers (every diamong merchant has them) to turn the inside key and lock the door.

Okay, MAYBE all this simply happened in Room 511 and... and Brent TOOK THE CUPS to his room afterwards because he knew the chloral in one of them could be detected if found by the police.  Sure, I can believe that but...

if he HAD the diamond, what was the point of KILLING HILTON?!  And then selling a $10-25 million diamond to a cruddy local fence for what, five thousand bucks?  And if Hilton has never had the diamond, WHY CALL IT THE HILTON DIAMOND?!* This makes no sense at all.

NO, SPEED, IT IS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE AND NOW MATTER HOW LONG YOU STARE AT ME IT WON'T CHANGE THAT.

Speed prepares to arrest everyone within a one-mile radius.

"Don't I need to, you know, be some sort of officer to get a warrant from Headquarters?"
"Of course not, Jim. Just tell them I sent you; I'm from there.

Tomorrow: Speed gets to the bottom of this mystery. Kind of. Without a warrant.

*This does, I suppose, lend credence to those scholars who believe that the Hotel is ALSO named "Hilton".

Speed Saunders and the Hilton Diamond, 3: The Trail Gets Warm!

Yesterday, we left as The Biggest Diamond Merchant in Europe, Elias Brent (a.k.a., "Mr. Brandon") was pumping bullets in Speed and Jim with a forty-five, one-handed, bent-armed, and with no noise-protection.  How very European!

But of course the bullets completely miss Speed and Jim!

Oh.
Ow. Ow ow.
I may have spoken a bit too soon.

Well. That's embarassing.

Given that there was one Bang, one Bam, and one Boom, we can presume that Brent/Brandon shot at least three times in what apparently must be described as a Withering Blast of Bullets, after which Speed and Jim fell to the floor. So... they simply MUST be dead.

NOPE; JUST FLESH WOUNDS.

Of course; I should have realized that no mere bullet would dare harm Speed Saunders, not even at close range.  Besides Brent is a European who obviously doesn't know how to handle a forty-five.  Speed, through sheer force of will and in the interest of time, manifests a Viennese-style doctor to treat the wounds (they are European wounds, after all). Speed explains his presence and Brent, who recognizes Speed because everyone recognizes Speed, simply apologizes and toddles off, despite having just SHOT someone From Headquarters.

"I shoot a lot of people, you see; it's already in my budget."

Jim, playing audience surrogate, helps us realize that Speed was just trying to fool Brent/Brandon about Jim's father's death being a suicide.

"Jeez, Jim, how stupid ARE you?  I'm unadopting you."

Fortunately, although not even fully out of the room, Brent can't hear their plan, probably because he wasn't hearing ear protection when he fired a forty-five. They've got to follow him (which you can't do by tesseracting or shadow-traveling) so they take a taxi.

Okay, Jim, the son of a diamond merchant; exactly how and why do you know that Darnell is a fence for stolen goods?

Then Speed says something that no other English-speaker has ever said.

Trails only get cold, Speed; they do not "get warm". That is not how English works. Or entropy.

Speed, obviously thinking that Brent/Brandon stole a diamond from Jim's father before murdering him and has just sold it to Darnell The Fence, goes to test his theory.

Have you notice that no one has questioned why Brent is traveling under an assumed name? Or is that just something that European Diamond Merchants do on the regular, for security reasons?

I am eager to see how Speed approaches this interview. "Hi, Darnell; have you recently fenced any stolen diamonds? I'm from Headquarters."

I can already tell this interview will not go well.

Tomorrow: the intervew does not go well!

Speed Saunders and the Hilton Diamond 2: Getting the 411!

When last we left Speed (and his new tagalong, "Jim", Son of Corpse), he was following up on a hunch (as he often does).

"Later"?  Is this the Hunch Following or AFTER the Hunch Following?  Even a veteran of Speed Saunders stories such as I has trouble holding on as the plot roars along at breakneck Speed.

Pause for a moment to appreciate the worldliness of Speed Saunders, who recognizes by sight the Biggest Diamond Merchant in Europe, Elias Brent.  As well as the natural Ace Investigator skills his sidekick is quickly acquiring. 

"HAVE HIS STOMACH PUMPED!"  

"Let's not rush things, Jim..."

I guess it helps that Brent is DRESSED European; the bowler, the wing collar, the cravate, the carnation, the dress gloves.  If he had a mustache I'd assume he was Nikola Tesla, just coming back to his hotel from feeding the pigeons.

Also, Nik didn't have a scar (thanks to those big rubber shoes he worn in the lab).

You know what used to be VERY easy back in the day, before credit cards? Lodging under an assumed name. It happens all the time in old movies.

A diagonal scar? I thought he just had well-defined cheekbones. Well, such is Golden Age art.

Turns out Mr. Brent is posing as... MR. BRANDON. Whatever that means.

Note this part of the panel very well:

You see, Room 411 is located directly BELOW Room 511; it's a plot point and this panel foreshadows that.  Such is Golden Age art!

Next we get one of my favorite Speed Saunders quotes, one that I use myself all the time:

"I'm from Headquarters."

Headquarters? Headquarters of what? It doesn't matter; of EVERYTHING.  Whatever the relevant authority is, Speed is from its Headquarters.  

Speed and Jim go to 411 for some information.

For those who keep track of such things; this bellhop may be the only black person in a Speed Saunders story.  

Where Speed discovers the most non-descript generic coffee cups imaginable.

Which Jim somehow manages to immediately and unquestionably identify as belonging to his father.  Maybe that's his dad's lipstick? 

I think "generic" undersells it; these are the very instantiations of the Platonic Ideal of Coffee Cup.

This story, by the way, is in the exact period when melamine cups and dishes were being popularized among American consumers.  Jim's dad was HIP.

Before we, the readers, can even think of asking, "Who on earth TRAVELS with their own coffee cups?!", Speed focuses on some... napkins? Wax paper? Receipts?  Proto-postit notes?  Lipstick blotters? Who can tell?

WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR, SPEED, TELL US QUICKLY BEFORE--

SUDDENLY A SHOT RINGS OUT!

Okay, fine; NOW I can tell it's a scar.

Thus did the Biggest Diamond Merchant in Europe, Elias Brent (whom we are apparently now calling by his pseudonym, "Brandon") shoot both Speed and Jim to death, may they rest in peace.  Don't mess with the Antwerp mafia!

Tomorrow: We pay our final respects to Speed Saunders (and his sidekick, Jim).