Translating the September Solicits

BATMAN #61

"A new day dawns for the Dark Knight Detective as Eisner Award-winning writer Matt Fraction (Hawkeye, Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen) joins forces with superstar artist Jorge Jiménez (Batman, Summer of Superman Special) for an unforgettable new era of Batman! The best superhero in comics gets a brand-new first issue to kick off this new era that will test Batman and Bruce Wayne like never before!"

Okay, we admit it; we broke Batman. More accurately, we broke Batman by letting a series of hack writers try to break Batman, again and again, as if trying to re-tell Daredevil's Only Good Story.  So we're going to 're-start' Batman. Does that mean we'll wipe out decades-worth of accumulated narrative detritus such as the 14 Robins and the illegitimate son? Of course not!  We won't get rid of ANYTHING.  We'll just renumber the comic temporarily and give Batman a new costume, because ever since Batman's New Look in 1964, we think that's the answer to everything.

BATMAN #635 FACSIMILE

Written by JUDD WINICK

With the Bat-Family still reeling from a devastating loss and the Gotham underworld now largely under the control of Black Mask, a new player steps onto the field, bringing chaos in his wake! Just who is the Red Hood and what violent plans does he have for Gotham—and Batman?

We never give up our search for new lows, so we've finally hit upon: Facsimile Editions of JUDD WINICK comics.

ABSOLUTE BATMAN #12

Batman is at the mercy of the monstrous Bane. And though his body has seen better days, his mind and spirit are still strong. But how much longer can that withstand Bane’s brutal onslaught?

Only 12 issues in and we've already got him fighting "Bane", so now you have an idea how long we expect this to last.

RED HOOD #1

Jason Todd has left Gotham and Batman behind him. All he’s taking with him is his costume, his bike, and a metal briefcase containing two handguns (and lots of bullets). New Angelique seems like the perfect place for Red Hood to put down roots. There’s crime, vice, and corruption everywhere. When Jason discovers a superpowered serial killer who is targeting the city’s police, he finds himself sucked into a terrible and bleak conspiracy with seemingly no end in sight. But Jason isn’t the only person on the scene. Following his trail is Helena Bertinelli a.k.a. Huntress. Is she here to stop him or help him? What will happen when the two black sheep of the Bat-Family start working together?

"A lot of bullets". Is it, perhaps, 100 of them?  Sounds like it to me.

CHEETAH AND CHESHIRE ROB THE JUSTICE LEAGUE #2

The perfect heist needs the perfect crew! To pull off the impossible and execute a heist on the Justice League’s Watchtower, Cheetah and Cheshire are going to need a little help. They need to put together a crew. A small crew who can work quick and smart. Megalomaniancs and wackos bent on world domination need not apply.

Hm. Female cat-villains.  Guess we'll just ... pretend they are all Catwoman?  She's the only popular one, so that's probably our best bet.  Who's gonna notice?

WONDER WOMAN #25

Written by TOM KING

After days of searching through a mouse-infested world, Wonder Woman finally locates the lost Etta Candy and fugitive Amazon Emilie. Little does she know, they are hiding a tiny harbinger of death who will change Diana’s fate forever! You won’t want to miss the first appearance of the Matriarch in this oversize anniversary issue that will set the stage for all Wonder stories to come!

A Mouse-Man story hiding a "harbinger of death" that "will change Diana's fate forever" is about as close as Tom King can get to "whimsy", so what have we got to lose?

JUSTICE LEAGUE RED #2

Red Tornado conscripts Cyborg, but after his first mission, Vic, Green Lantern, and Power Girl aren’t ready to team up unless it’s to shut Reddy down. But RT can’t let anyone step out of line—to stop the future his analyses predict, he’s willing to leverage the one bargaining chip heroes can’t ignore.

Well, the whole spectrum corps thing helped revitalize interest in the Green Lantern Corps, so we are going to throw colored paint at the Justice League, too.  Just don't ask us the "red" is the appropriate color for ROBOTS.  

AQUAMAN #9

Aquaman has returned to Earth with new powers, new allies, and a new chance to be a father…all while a new mystery emerges from the depths of Atlantis! After the devastating events of the Battle of Dagon, Aquaman’s so-called Justice League Blue must regroup and refocus their efforts on Earth…and the return of one of the King of the Seven Seas’ deadliest enemies!

See above.

THE FLASH #25

With the Earth plunging into total darkness, all seems lost as Eclipso has turned the moon into his engine of despair. But Jai West and one of the Flash copies have a last-ditch plan in mind—that involves the West family dog? It all comes down to this explosive final chapter of “Bad Moon Rising”!

Yes. We ARE desperate enough to make you care about Wally West's family that we will be pitting his DOG against ECLIPSO.

NEW FUN COMICS #1 FACSIMILE

Written by MALCOM WHEELER-NICHOLSON, ADOLPHE BARREAUX, BERT SALG, KEN FITCH, JACK WARREN, JOE ARCHIBALD, LYMAN ANDERSON, ROBERT WEINSTEIN, EUGENE KOSCIK, and TOM McNAMARA

Whether you love tales of mystery and suspense, daring westerns, outer-space adventure, or funny animals, this book has it all! A brand-new era for the comics industry began right here—with the very first ongoing title made up entirely of all new stories, new art—new fun!

Even though this series lasted only six issues, and has zero historical significance (other than the appearance of Superman creators Siegel and Shuster's "Dr. Occult" in the final issue), there is probably some sucker who'll buy this, so why not?

In Defense of Green Arrow

 I don't know what's up with the art in "Green Arrow"

Except for the obviousness of some of the artist's inspirations.

But it's DIALOG I have come to complain about, not the art (which is interesting, if inconsistent).

Why are Green Arrow and Speedy talking like they are the ever-lovin', blue-eyed thing?

Look; I get it.  You want to show that Green Arrow is a street-level hero, a man of The People. Fine.  This, however, is not the way to do that.

Oliver Queen is a billionaire. A member of the Scottish peerage.  And the inventor of a metric crap-ton of REALLY weird arrows.

Never forget the Plastic Cat Arrow. Ever.

What's more, as has been recently established (AND reaffirmed by the new History of the DC Universe), Ollie and Roy used to LIVE IN THE 1940s. Those goofy golden age adventures?  They happened; they happened to THEM.  And the two guys in those stories didn't talk like street punks.  It's quite simply inconsistent characterization.

I get why some writers simply can't let go of Ollie's Liberal Crusader schtick; it's an easy and comparatively unique hook.

I am amazed by how many people take these versions of Hal and Ollie as "definitive". Those of Us Who Remember know that it lasted exactly seven issues and was quite unpopular, which is why it got cancelled.

But havin' Ollie droppin' his gs 'n' his "ands" smacks of Vibe using an exaggerated version of his accent when in character to throw of bad guys as to his real identity. It's an apparent affection that writer and readers can easily forget IS an affection.  

Squash THAT, I say!

I'm not going to say you can't have you cake and eat it to when it comes to Ollie's many "versions", But I AM saying that if DC wants to do so, they have to make a conscious effort to do across all creators' work on the character, as they have with Batman and Superman.

I think Green Arrow deserves at least THAT much!

Shallow Holt

 

I find this shallow characterization of Michael Holt to be a disservice to the character.  He's one of the accomplished people in the world. Being "Smart" doesn't automatically make you "Emotionally Stupid" any more than being strong means you're stupid.  

No one would ever had portrayed Terry Sloane, the original Mister Terrific, this way.  Why is it okay to portray Michael Holt as if he were some messed up Marvel character...?

Arthur and Jonah

 Sorry, Mark Waid's Aquaman:

That's a fail.  Jonah Hex does not have "complete nervous breakdowns".  He GIVES them.

Besides, he's time-traveled more than YOU have, so check yourself, Arthur.

Game Recognizes Game

 

Just a brief reminder

betraying the Justice League was the Red Tornado's original FUNCTION.

Either this is Mark Waid being ironic or it's simply characteristic lack of self-awarness on Red Tornado's part. It's Mark Waid, so it could easily be BOTH.

Dick Graysons

 Robin is and always will be

 cooler than Nightwing.

Haikuesday: A Man of Action

Despite ostensibly being a professional writer, Golden Age Superman didn't seem to have much of a way with words.  

Pictured: "a snappy, punchy, prose style"

Although the way he did have was mighty sassy.

And by "sassy", I mean "psychotically violent".

But occasionally, by sheer dint of being super, he would stumble into elocution. For example,in this panel, he improvs an earthy haiku about, um, declaring war against automobiles, I guess. Or something like that. Who really understands why Superman does the things he does?

He's a weird guy. Does the outfit not tell you that?

Yes-sir-ee! I think

I'm going to enjoy this

private little war.

What haiku can you compose to explain Superman's anti-auto mania? Or any else about him, really?

For your thoughts...

The Penny is dead.

Well, not DEAD.  U.S. currency is never sunset and can always be used as legal lender. But, finally, the U.S. has decided no longer to mint new pennies.

It's a logical decision I have long advocated myself.  Pennies, and the amount they represent, are a nuisance in modern-day commerce or, at best, superfluous.  They cost, I'm told, three times as much to make as their value.  And we already have gazillions of pennies in circulation, busy, well, not circulating, since their number far exceeds the supply needed nowadays.  

I rejoice for this sensible, realistic decision.  But, oh, how I weep for its implications for Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer! What would HE say?!

Something like that, I'm sure.

The Penny Plunderer is a favorite, not just on this blog, but across the comicsphere.  Although a one-off Batman foe, he was, ostensibly, saved from obscurity by the fact that the trophy from his adventure, The Giant Penny, is one of three most consistent and conspicuous of the Trinity of Trophies that identify the Batcave as not just any other hole in the ground.

It's why that penny is always drawn as a 1947 wheat-back penny; that is the year of its origin. 

I mean... it has its OWN Heroclix figure, for goodness sake.

I myself, however, think Joe Coyne's continued cultural currency goes deeper than that.  His fame comes not merely from his association with Batman's most prominent trophy, but from what he represents.  The Giant Penny itself represents all of Batman's Golden Age history. Palling around with Robin, the giant props era of Gotham City, and near-deadly confrontations with gangsters and thugs who are little more than barely amped up burglars.  It represents Batman's (comparatively) humble Golden Age roots, which anchor the character in a way no outer space adventure or world-saving omni-competence ever can.  Whatever else he is or becomes, Batman in STILL a guy you could knock off a giant postage stamp replica with a well-thrown roll of pennies, if you got lucky.

As opposed to SOME people, who would simply SWALLOW them.

Just as the Giant Penny represents Batman's Golden Age adventures and all their wacky glory, so does The Penny Plunderer represent an entire class of foe, the Thematic Criminal.

In the early days of comics, many crimefighters mostly just fought, well, criminals.  Guys in ties, armed with guns.  Golden and even Silver Age comics are FULL of them.

For example, the Martian Manhunter, even with his fantastic overage of powers, often just fought Guys In Ties.

Or, sure, some of them might have a "angle" or even a "gimmick".  But they themselves were completely unmemorable.  

And for some heroes that was challenge enough.

Supervillains, with their colorful origins, codenames, costumes, weaponry, and fixations, were very much the exception, rather than the rule.  But between the Guys In Ties and the Supervillains, both chronologically and conceptually, were the Thematic Criminals. Guys like Rocky Grimes, The Blaze, The Octopus.   

Like Ed Peale, a.k.a "The Gong".
He rebelled against bells; a severely disproportionate reaction to a common feature of society.

You can spot these guys a mile away. A prophetic real name; an over-reaction to some frustration for a backstory; a decision to adopt their fixation as their "crime symbol"; a thematic codename, outfit, weaponry, and, sometimes, choice of target. 

It's a sure-fire formula, still in use!

Such characters literally SHOW you, within the story itself, the transition of a Guy In Tie to a, well, if not a "supervillain", at least a "super-criminal".

They were ALWAYS called "super-criminals" on the Batman TV show. NEVER "supervillains" or even "villains".  

The "United Underworlders" up there are interesting examples. Each of them got "retrofitted" to be part of this pattern.  The Catwoman, originally just a thief and schemer, got a backstory where she was an airline stewardess who got amnesia in a plane crash, remembering only a vague affinity for cats from having grown up in a pet store.

Batman #62 (1950). Just to prove I didn't make something that stupid uo.

The Joker, originally a context-free cipher of an archetypal character of Evil Clown, was given a semi-tragic backstory to explain his schtick. 

Detective Comics #168 (1951). Just to prove I didn't make something that stupid up.

As a later-introduced character (1948), The Riddler largely fit the mold already. But even he has his story "deepened" to make his riddling an obsession rather than mere vanity, as it originally was.

Batman #179 (1966). Just to prove I didn't make something that stupid up.

Even the Penguin, who was always just a pompous murderous snot, eventually accreted a more humanizing backstory to account for his various eccentricities.

A process which actually began HERE, in the Batman newspaper strip (February 17, 1946). Just to prove I didn't make something that stupid up.

Batman's other Great Golden Age Villains, Two-Face and the Scarecrow, fit the pattern from the start. as previously discussed.  In fact, one of the reasons for the longevity and utility of Batman's golden villains is that while they CAN follow the pattern when the author wants, they can just as easily DEPART into some other venture (with a different theme or no theme at all). Since these characters predate their own thematic fixations, they seem just as valid without them.  The Penguin or the Catwoman can embark on a series of criminal endeavors that have nothing at all to do with cats or birds, and we don't think twice about it. 

This is not true of the Purely Thematic Criminals. The Gong is unappealing without bells, Rocky Grimes must travel a rocky road, and the Penny Plunderer would be short-changed without pennies.

It is not for nothing that Joe Coyne is the perfect and enduring symbol of thematic criminal obsession and is its prime representative on TVTropes.

But perhaps, ironically, society's dismissal of the penny is the most thematic outcome at all. After all it was the niggling and nugatory nature of pennies that set Joe off in the first place:

Joe felt that he, like the penny, was treated as valueless and tossed away, unloved, in a jar.  The fact that we can no longer be bothered to mint pennies is just the logical end of the story.

Just as Joe Coyne being undone by his obsession and the uselessness of pennies,

was the logical end of HIS story.

The Penny may be dead, but I say,

LONG LIVE THE PENNY PLUNDERER.

Figuratively, I mean.

Defending Bob Kane's Greatest Creation

I come today to defend Bob Kane's greatest creation.

Now, there are some (okay...many) who charge that Bob Kane has no "creations"; that all his work was cribbed off of (or stolen from) others.  It is certainly true that originality was not Kane's forte; I have no intention of dismissing the long-documented facts about how much of the work he was known for deserves to be credited to others (either "instead" or "as well").  

No need to take any obvious swipes at Kane.

I do want to point out, however, that although Kane was not the most original creator, his real strength was as an aggregator, someone who takes disparate existing elements and arranges them in ways that seem at the same time both new and yet familiar.  For example, The Batman (a character commonly associated with Kane) isn't really what we think of him as: the first non-super costumed crimefighter.  He is the evolved result of scores of previous pulp heroes, such as The Shadow and Zorro.  Batman is like Bach; he is not the first of his kind, he is the PINNACLE of his kind, the culmination of the style he embodies.  Kane deserves at least some credit for contribution to that synthesis of ideas.

There's an episode of an old science fiction show, "Star Trek: The Next Generation", in which a human praises the originality of an android's interpretation of a violin piece.  The android corrects him, saying he was really just combining the interpretative styles of several famous violinist. Significantly, the human corrects him back, pointing out the choices involved in doing that constitute a type of individuality in themselves.    "YOU chose the violinists, [who] have radically different styles, different techniques, and yet... you combined them, successfully."  It may not be QUITE the same as 'total originality', but perhaps the android was simply more conscious of the influences upon his style than a human would.

If Bob Kane had a forte, it was a gift for synthesis and the creative re-use of existing templates.

Or, sometimes, not so creative.

It is with that in mind that I must defend Bob Kane's Greatest Creation:

"Danger is his business."

I tired of repeatedly seeing the "conventional wisdom" that Cool McCool was a Terrible Cartoon, parroted, I suspect, mostly by people who have never even seen the show.

Like Batman, Cool McCool was a Kane-style synthesis of a number of archetypal elements.  He was a James Bond style secret agent with gadgets, but a clumsy fool-with-catchphrases (such as Maxwell Smart).  He had the dry wit (and voice) of Jack Benny and a tendency toward malapropisms.  He has a semi-sentient car (The Coolmobile, of course), which acts like a faithful horse, in Zorro tradition.  His episodes regularly feature his father and uncles as ersatz Keystone Kops.  

Tom, Dick, and Harry McCool

But like a superhero, he has a regular rogues' gallery, featured prominently in the show (and the shows' bumpers), all pretty clearly inspired by Batman's foes (I leave it to you to figure out which):

The Rattler, Jack-in-the-Box, The Owl, Dr. Madcap, Hurricane Harry, and Greta Ghoul will seem vaguely familiar, I'm sure, even if you've never seen the show.

There are other oddball touches, too. McCool plays the banjo and is allergic to cattle.  He's acutely aware of his own shortcomings, apologetic about his mistakes ("That'll never happen again, Number One!"), ready to admit when he's wrong ("When you're right, you're right!") and is concerned he's not living up to the example of his father, whom he idolizes.  

"Now Number One thinks me the fool;
has not respect for the name McCool.
But in the days gone by, right up at the top,
there was Harry McCool.
He was my Pop!
My Pop, the cop!"

And yet he presses on, because "danger is his business".

Everything about McCool feels familiar, but he is still his own man. His adventures aren't exactly rip-roaring, but how often do you see someone fight 500-pound canaries? As one wise reviewer said, "It's never laugh-out-loud funny, but it brings a constant smile to one's face."  And how many characters are cool enough to have their theme song sung by Bobby Darrin?! 

You can deem it "uncool" or "forgettable". But I, at least, remember and STILL find myself saying "That'll NEVER happen again, Number One" or "When you're right, you're right!".  To me, it is still Bob Kane's greatest creation.

I owe an apology to...

 Chandra Abbott.

You'll be forgiven if you don't remember who Chandra Abbott was; I forgot her, too.

She was the (non-monstrous) police officer who assisted Aquaman during his "Sub Diego" phase.

The monstrous one was Officer Malrey (Alonzo to his friends). I won't get into what his deal was right now because, like most of the Sub Diego storyline, it didn't make much sense.

Chandra Abbot CLEARLY should have been included in my line-up of Mystery Analysts for Aquaman, since that's exactly how she functioned in Sub Diego.

Sigh; Sub Diego. I loved the idea. I actually own original art from the series (including the delightfully memorable Dead Floating Panda), was an early advocate of Loran "Aquagirl" Marquez, and I was happy that Aquaman finally had (again, ahem) what other heroes had: an (American) fictionopolis of which he could be the protector.  Its original issues by Will Pfeifer (Aquaman #15-22, "American Tidal" and the first two of three installments of "With The Fishes") weren't air-tight (as underwater stories should be!), but they were a bold start with interesting mysteries, a unique setting, and intriguing new (or renovated) characters (such as Dr. Geist, Lorena Marquez, Koryak, The Eel).

I was quite saddened as it began to spin off into chaos that had to be retconned away by the next regularly-schedule reboot of the DC.  

Aquaman 15-22    Pfeifer

Aquaman 23-24     Ostrander

Aquaman 25-29    Arcudi

Aquaman 30-31    Guggenheim

Aquaman 32-39    Arcudi

John Ostrander did two issues after Pfeiffer, then John Arcudi became writer and halted all momentum with a three-issue story about Ocean Master magically changing reality to switch roles with Aquaman (the ONLY significant result being Aquagirl's new costume).  Officer Malrey was introduced, and although I kind of liked him, he made zero sense, since no one would happily (and SECRETLY) ask to be turned into a monster just so he could be a better police officer.  Evil corporation "GeneTech" seemed wildly UNDERmotivated as the perpetrators of the sinking of Sub Diego and the only real ongoing effect of which was to make Black Manta capable of breathing underwater.

I don't know, I can't keep track any more; can Black Manta STILL breathe underwater? If so, how is that explained, since that was tied in completely with Sub Diego, which is now retconned away. Just another part of the ongoing editorial chaos in the DCU.

Marc Guggenheim followed with a two-issue Sub Diego serial killer storyline, with ridiculous elements  like scrabble letter clues, Sub Diegans exhaling OXYGEN, and Aquaman hauling his butt to ARKHAM just to consult with Jonathan Crane, of all people.

Then Arcudi came back, with a dying Mera, an angry Tempest, and Atlantean magicopolitical problems in tow, which drew focus off of Sub Diego for the rest of the series. That all tied in with the company-wide crossover storyline of Jean "Eclipso" Loring seducing The Spectre into destroying all free-range magic in the DCU.

You remember: when the Spectre literally STEPPED on Atlantis and gave his silly "Widows of Atlantis, bring out your shrouds!" speech.

And that was the end not only of Atlantis but Sub Diego. Now, once again, after only THREE ISSUES,  Aquaman has wandered off into familiar, chaotic waters of obscure irrelevancy, wherein 

• Atlantis is missing or destroyed;
• Mera is missing or destroyed;
• Everything is all Magicky.

And Aquaman himself has literally wandered off the map.

If only Chandra Abbott were on hand to find Missing Person Arthur Curry.