The Human Falcon: the Zoo Caper

Yesterday, Detective John Jones was stymied in his attempt to stop the left of some priceless bird-of-paradise plumes by avian villain The Falcon.

As portrayed by Academy Award-winning British actor Jim Broadbent.

Today we find out what the Falcon wanted the priceless plumes for: INTERIOR DESIGN.

"Cozy cave, obsequious parrot, quartet of caged ostriches, some priceless plumes; YES. It's all coming together QUITE NICELY. a-hahahahahaha!"

How long do you think it look him to teach Iago there to say that?  Why in heaven's name does he have a quartet of ostriches? The Falcon has dreams and goals and they are not for us to understand.  He's been working on this for YEARS.

"Peter"? Who names a parrot "Peter"? Stan Lee, take off that mask!

But Detective John Jones has dreams, too; dreams of catching the Falcon!

The first giant Golden Eagle in captivity? Um, Genghis Kahn (1167-1227), whose people had already been practicing giant Golden Eagle falconry for a thousand years or two, would like a word with you.

Not a bad guess, JJ.  I don't know why everyone calls you stupid (although your resting fullback face is certainly partly to blame).

Sure enough, the Falcon obligingly appears...out of the sky!

I call foul!  The splash panel showed the Falcon picking up the cage WITH HIS OWN HAND.  Yet another metaphorical cover/splash page, where This Scene Does Not Appear In This Comic.

Now, it's 1959, and J'onn COULD have probably averted this by enlisting the cooperation of the newly-created Federal Aviation Agency, but JJ always insists on doing everything himself using his wild array of powers in some odd way.  

Because it's not like you could take out your service revolver and just shoot the plane's gas tank, an idea that even a TV studio guard would have.  You ARE kind of thick, aren't you, John?

But, the Falcon (who, after all, has been planning all this for years) is way ahead of him with another distraction tactic.

In Apex City, there is ALWAYS a nearby flock of Apexians to endanger.

Note that, since J'onn is invisible, the Falcon is simply releasing the lion FOR FUN. Or just a general practice of causing disturbances to cover his getaways.  In either case, I am impressed.

Okay.  You've read enough Martian Manhunter stories; time for a test to see how closely you pay attention.  Can YOU deduce how the Martian Manhunter deals with the escaped lion?

• A.  Walks up invisibly and firmly but gently uses his super-strength and invulnerability to push the lion back into its cage.
• B. Uses his telepathy to calm the lion into returning to its cage.
• C. Lures the lion back to its cage with an ice cream cone he conjured atom-by-atom with his mind from the void of space.  Plus, lions aren't that into ice cream.
• D.  Uses his Martian breath to simply BLOW the beast back into its den because Mars-halation is his default long-distance power.

A?  Too direct and simple; you fail Martianing 101. 

B? No. Of course not. J'onn doesn't HAVE telepathy, remember? It's the only power he DOESN'T have. Except for flying.

C?  A temptingly bizarre choice. But J'onn can only conjure an ice cream if he's got an ice cream cone in front of him to model it after. I mean, the man's not a magician, you know.

D?  You cannot be faulted for choosing D.  It is the choice most consistent with how MM operates. HOWEVER...

That is how he solved the PREVIOUS situation and the Martian Manhunter never uses the same trick twice IN A ROW.  The answer is therefore obvious. It's...

E. SPINNING

REMEMBER: 
All problems that can be solved by spinning must be solved by spinning.
It's the first rule of Martian power use.

What good on earth does THIS do?  Well, J'onn had just spun a big hole in the ground.  And as stupid as John Jones may be....

... male lions are stupider.

Falling safes. Falconplanes.  Meteors. Rampaging lions. Giant Robot Bears.  Sudden sinkholes.  Exploding water towers.  Since Apexians spend all their time flocking around town and gawking, they have seen it all and so accept every weird occurrence with childlike innocence.  No wonder the Martian Manhunter decided to settle there.

Once again Detective John Jones (despite having godlike powers) has failed to stop the Falcon from committing a spectacular robbery in broad daylight before a crowd of witnesses.

"You know, Jones,  I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but...
have you ever even TRIED to just shoot his gas tank?"

Tomorrow: Captain Harding IN ACTION!

The Human Falcon: he's fantastic!

You may remember my run-down on The Martian Manhunter's rogue's gallery a short 18 years ago, in which we met the malevolent Human Falcon.  I discovered how severely this piqued everyone's interest and for the last 18 years I have been pestered EVERY DAY by someone wanting me to discuss the Human Falcon IN DEPTH.

Okay, fine. Perhaps not EVERY day.

Let's get some background on the HF from his hype-man, the editor.

He is bizarre, but he is not winged.
It's really impressive just HOW untrue this all is.

The speed of a hawk! Well, he has a plane.  

A FALCONplane, mind you.  Branding matters.

The strength of an eagle!  Okay, I will cede this point, since the splash panel suggests that the Falcon can with one hand lift a giant cage with a giant golden eagle in it WHILE hanging from a thread with the other hand.

And he's holding it OVERHAND, like he's palming a basketball.
It's abnormal.

I mean, even J'onn J'onzz can do nothing!  But that's really MM's thing, isn't it: he's all-powerful yet always believes himself incapable of stopping some mook in a business suit.

The wile of an owl! Well, we'll just see about that, won't we?

It starts, as so many interesting stories in the '50s do, with a gaggle of girl dancers backstage at a TV studio.

This is in the same vein as a priceless folio of famous parasols.

I am trying to imagine myself as a collector of priceless plumes, which is odd even for a comic book citizen. I mean, I know the Sims can collect bird feathers, but comic citizens?  

Anyway, I am a Priceless Plume Collector and Roy Raymond there calls me up and says:

"Can we borrow your priceless bird-of-parade plumes? It's for a good cause: television!"

So, I say: "Fantastic! Glorious! I'm floating with ecstasy!" because in those days being on television, which was sort of primitive version of YouTube, was a really big deal. And, after all, what could possibly go wrong?

Let's find out.

Look! Up in the sky! It's... a bird! Metaphorically.

By the way, those are clearly ostrich feathers (the traditional plumes used by female dancers) rather than the much smaller (but more valuable) plumes of a bird-of-paradise, but I'm not going to go there.

Now, you may not think you'd be afraid or even startled by a man in a suit wearing an owl-head. But if you think that, you probably have never seen the Aussie horror film "Stage Fright".

Trust me; such a person would scare you.

Gotta hand it to '50s villains: their commitment to the strictures of contemporary couture while still trying to be intimidating is impressive.  They WILL wear a normal suit but you WILL still fear them.

Anyway, TV studio guards in the 1950s were no creampuffs and they pursue this animal-headed loon without hesitation, dedicated to earning their minimum wage, with which they support a mortgage and a family of five.  

Their plan is to simply shoot his gas tank with the pistols that, you know, all '50s TV studio guards carried.  They are already smarter than Detective John Jones.

Unfortunately mere TV studio guards are not up to the challenge of the Falcon's owlish wiles:

Like he's Speed Saunders, the Falcon whirs about on his pursuers and confronts them.  The best defense is a good bird-feather bazooka offense.

Bird-feather bazooka is next-level thematic weaponry; I can't believe the Penguin never used one.  Naturally, this unbeatable weapon is nearly FATAL for the guards, and Detective John Jones must abandon his own pursuit of the Human Falcon in order to save their lives.

If only J'onn had the ability to fly. Which he doesn't. It's the only ability he DOESN'T have, really. I mean, except for telepathy, which he also doesn't have.

To do so, he must become his Martian self (because at that point, he could not use his Martian powers while in his human form).  But he's also invisible, which does not prevent him from using his powers.  Later, writers would realize that, if he could do THAT, there was NEVER any reason for him to become visible while using his powers.  So they also made it that he couldn't use any other powers while invisible. It's almost as if there were a growing recognition that J'onn's endless panoply of powers made him unwritable.

Naturally, he solves the problem with Mars-halation, his favorite long-distance power (and second favorite overall power).

Now, it's possible that this entire incident seems a bit familiar.  That's because it is nearly identical to an incident in the famous "Mr. Moth" story, where an animal-headed villain in a business suit escapes to his plane after a robbery and uses a device to blind pursuing authorities who must then be saved by Martian Manhunter before they wreck their vehicle.  This is because this "The Falcon" story (March 1959) is entirely re-run beat-for-beat exactly one year later as the "Mr. Moth" story (March 1960).

But at this point, this sort of incident is so unprecedented that it actually moves Apex City's Police Captain Harding to STAND UP.

Something the not-easily-moved Harding does not do lightly.
At his size, Captain Harding doesn't do ANYTHING "lightly".

Tomorrow: The Martian Manhunter versus a lion, because what could be more thematic in a Human Falcon story than a rampaging lion.

Barry &.Hal

Sometimes I wonder why Barry and Hal are such good friends.

But then other times...

it seems perfectly obvious.

More Apex City Fun!

Following up on suggestions, I had designed "chance" cards to be used with the Apex City heroclix map in my previous post.

One is drawn after each round of a game on the Apex City map; they presume that the Martian Manhunter will be in play during the game.

They are designed to incorporate several of Apex City's unique properties, specifically:

• the incredible frequency of fires breaking out;
• the improbably number of meteor-strikes (I suppose that technically makes the meteorites, doesn't it)?);
• the wandering flocks of citizen that always seem to fill the street of Apex City;
• the inevitability of planes crashing.

Plane crashes cause "Quake", which in Heroclix knocks all adjacent characters two squares and does them two clicks of damage. The player who wins an ad hoc roll-off get to bowl a plane into the other team!

Flocks of Apexians are mobile terrain, hindering line of sight for attacks (and giving places for Stealthy characters to hide).  They remain on the board until they "run into" a building in the way, which removes them from the board.

Meteor Strikes only happen on clear spaces without buildings; they wallop anyone on that spot for 2 damage and have the "Poison" power as long as the remain (1 click of damage per round to any adjacent character).  They remain where they are unless removed by the Department of Meteoritics (which Apex SURELY must have).

Fires have the same effect, but only happen on buildings. They remain until removed by the Fire Fighters.

When adjacent to a Meteor Strike or Fire, Martians lose all powers and are "Earthbound" (that is, cannot use any special movement abilities. 

As a treat, the Idol-Head of Diabolu can show up. The team opposing the Martian Manhunter can place it as an immobile object on any clear space; therefore, they can use Probability Control (forcing an attack to be re-rolled once) on the Martian Manhunter from that space. 

Taking my game to a higher level

My very crafty husband has gifted me with props for enlivening my Heroclix games, with which I am delighted.  Together we created an elevated, transparent and blank "supra-map" that I can put above outdoor maps to represent the airspace above and on underwater maps to represent the surface of the sea.

You can see it in use in the photo, where it represents the airspace above a public park where Hawkman and Hawkgirl (with some pals) are confronting some Manhawks, Satana, Byth, and Ira Quimby.

The Manhawks, Satana, Byth, and Ira Quimby are all customs.  You have to be willing to put in the work for a Hawkman-specific Heroclix game.

You can also see some of the aerial props he made (you should see the RAINBOW, not pictured).  

Okay, fine; there's the rainbow.

The rules adapt quite simply to a second level: there is no line of sight between the levels (it's too high up!); it costs one square to move up or down; a figure can only move up or down in one turn, not both.  It really brings life and purpose to flying characters and battles!

Here's a photo of the supra-map being used to represent the surface of the sea in game where Aquaman and his finny friends are taking on Black Manta and his goons.

These are the props for use in temperate/cool waters.  He made separate sets for Tropical Ocean and Polar Ocean. These things matter to me.

The Tropical Ocean props

Tropical surface of the sea close-up.

The Polar Ocean props. Brrrr.

The iceberg combo is a really nice touch.

Anyway, this has reinvigorated my enthusiasm for the game and inspired me to make a new map of my favorite, freaky fictionopolis: Apex City!

As in my original Apex map, all of these locations (including the two bridges) and place names are from references in actual Martian Manhunter stories, which were always specific about just WHERE something was happening.  We know more specific places in Apex City than in Metropolis.

My inspiration for the map was post-war beach-town tourist maps and postcards. That really does seem like J'onn's natural habitat (to the degree that J'onn seems "natural" anywhere!).

I am eager to figure out a way to have random meteors, fires, and plane crashes occur during the game and threatening the Martian Manhunter as an added challenge.

The props are ready.

I am also planning to make flocks of Apexians as "mobile hindering terrain".  I just have figured out the game mechanism for their auto-movement. 

Because what is Apex City without its flocks of panicked citizens?

Speed Saunders Jumps to a Conclusion

Disguised Speed Saunders had just discovered that his boss/host at the San Jose Mission ("Padre") is in fact just a toady of Evil Sugar Plantation owner, useful-female-informant abductor, and suspected murderer, Nick Del Borno.

The "Evil" modifies Nick, of course.  It's not like he grows Evil Sugar or anything. Although he MIGHT, I suppose, if he's working for Mr. Slugworth.

So, faced with a soup-faced fat guy and an ineffectual (and now unarmed) knife-thrower, Speed either beats them up or just pulls out his pistol on them.

Psych.  He runs away upstairs for no accountable reason whatsoever.  

What he does next will surprise you! 

Watch 'til the end!

I can only surmise that since no mystery can withstand his scrutiny, Speed, who gets bored easily, has to act bizarrely and unpredictably to spice up his own adventures for himself.  Why else would he almost immediately turn around and LEAP at the very people he's running from?

Aerial advantage, I guess.

A Thimble Theater Donnybrook follows, with all the flying stars you could ask for.

Fortunately, Speed has no dignity to damage.

Then Speed does exactly what he could have done when he ARRIVED in San Jose. Pulls out his pistol and threatens to shoot if someone doesn't tell him who killed Arthur Bell.

Speed always takes the direct approach.
In the most indirect way possible.

So the "mystery" is, um, solved...?

I'm sure that testimony given under duress of a loaded gun will hold up in court.

Then again, perhaps Speed simply shot them right there.  I mean, it's Chinatown, Jake; who's going to stop him?

P.S. Speaking of no one daring to stop Speed, it's clear that his real boss, "Mr. Marr", did NOT fire him for taking this jaunt, aa threatened.  Speed is still working for the NYC Harbror Patrol for at least four more issues.

My name is Speed and I'll be your server.

When we last left Speed, he'd been koshed into unconsciousness by one of Nick Del Borno's confederates for punching Nick Del Borno in the face, and was recuperating at the hut of what I hope is a "poor farmer" and not a "door farmer".

Pretty sure he's figured that out, Sr. Farmer; he IS a detective, after all.

The kindly campesino then supplies Speed with the next piece of information he needs and gets a fiver for his trouble.

"Here's a little extra for not removing my obvious disguise."

By the way, if you are wondering at what point we learn(ed) that Nick Del Borno runs the rival business to the victim's sugar plantation, just keep wondering because we are never actually told that directly.  It's Speed Saunders, you just have to try to keep up, people.

I myself am wondering why a sugar planation owner lives at a Catholic Mission. The plantation must be doing terribly. And you wouldn't expect a Catholic Mission to put up with someone who raises cane.

The Padre falls for Speed's Old Beggar Disguise and kindly takes him in.

BTW, I'm assuming that Speeds speaks flawless rural San José-accented Spanish to pull off this ruse. I mean, if he can fly a aeroplane while holding a map, why not?

Padre seems really nice; gives him a job.

"I knew my Cordon Bleu Grand Diplôme would come in handy some day!
I hope that one day my studies of goldfish are similarly utile!"

Luckily for Speed, he doesn't have long to wait for his quarry to surface.

Last time, Nick Del Borno caught him off-guard. THIS time Speed has prepared.

"I mean, now that I've killed her *ahem* 'friend', it seems the only decent thing to do."

And what Speed has prepared is SOUP. Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but JUSTICE is best served PIPING HOT.

"Hi, my name's Torgo and I'll be your server tonight... OF JUSTICE!"

Then Speed socks Nick Del Borno in the face, which worked SO well for him last time.

I mean, he may be morally justified but the legalities of punching an un-indicted face after dosing it with hot soup are questionable.  Even in San José.

But then ... Judas reveals himself as, once again, Nick Del Borno has a confederate at hand!

Everbody run;
the Homecoming Queen's got a gun.

Padre turns out to be a Nick Del Borno flunky AND a poor knife-thrower!

Art. Who needs "The Night Watch" when there's Speed Saunders?

Tomorrow: Padre refuses to sign Speed's timecard.