The Black Dragon versus Hawkman

Okay, let's see what Hawkman is up against in his assignment to stymie the Black Dragon's pl--

WT-Flying-F? BWHAHAHAHA

Okay, even for a Golden Age JSA story, that is exceptionally ridiculous.  And defiant of more than one law of aerodynamics.  

It's the windows that really sell it, though.  Eat your heart out, Iwao Takamoto.

Pictured: A Nearby State.

To save time, the injured inventor of the Giant Aero Prop straight just tells Hawkman where the villains are. Naturally, they holed up in the same kind of weird castle-tower-monastery place that Hawkman stories often take place in, because his uppity creative team were always going for that faraway Prince Valiant vibe.

That's how Hawkman became a weird, occult thing with mysterious artifacts from distant temples rather just a shirtless gym bro in an anti-grav belt and a downy security blanket.

And just in time, too, as Japanese Klunk is explaining how the Giant Aero Prop works.

"Whatdidhesay, whatdidhesay?"

Hawkman cracks some heads, as is his wont.

He snatches the Master Plans for the propellor, hurls some Black Dragon goons to their doom, then resolves to take the propellor itself.

"And just when I thought I'd never have a more absurd means of flying than the one I regularly use!"

I believe that's comic book Japanese for "uh-oh".

"... so are the Days of Our Lives." 
< insert haunting theme>

But like Icarus before him, Hawkman is felled by his own hubris.

Those bullets can harm you. 
Your wings are not a shield of steel!

This is why Batfink got 100 cartoon episodes and Hawkman three.

The Black Dragoneers craft a fiendish plot: tie Hawkman to the propellor, then fly the device until he falls to his doom.

Hey, I said it was a fiendish plot, not an intelligent one.

Yes, you heard that right. Their plan is to kill a man whose ONLY ability is flying unaided by tossing him from a great height. 

Gives you a clearer sense of why they lost the war, doesn't it?

Despite the obvious flaw in their plan, it goes pretty well.

With Hawkman apparently disposed of, the Black Dragoneers whirl away to chop the tops of off NYC's skyscrapers.

Would it had KILLED them to add "It's a plane?"
That saying was ALREADY well known by this point, believe it or not.

Naturally, Hawkman does NOT fall to his death because not-falling is his superpower, and he wings to New York to stop the giant propellor with the aid of some hawks.

I guess they gave up on the picturesque but probably self-defeating idea of lawnmowering the New York skyline.

Naturally, since this is NYC those are Peregrine Falcons, but when you are Hawkman, whose girlfriend kicks more ass than he does, you are not fussy about what help you can get.

The birds stop the bombs off-panel, while Hawkman, wrapped in his comforting security blanket, confronts his captors.

One of whom, despite being "An Oriental", is clearly an avid student of Western philosophy's Aristotle.

Hawkman delegates the disposition of the de-planed Dragons to his horde of hawks.

Sorry, but "peregrine falcons" is insufficiently alliterative.

Well, at least we escaped the preposterous sight of mid-air lawnmowering.

I guess I spoke too soon.

So much for Hawkman. Buy some No-Doz pills for tomorrow, when we join the garishly dressed Sandman as he searches for the (re-)inventor of Greek Fire!

The Black Dragon versus the Justice Battalion

I swore I'd never do it again but...

I am going to try to read another Golden Age Justice Society of America comic book (All-Star Comics #12, AUG-SEP 1940), if for no other reason than to dissuade you from ever trying to do so yourself.

Oh gods this is AFTER Flash and Green Lantern left; I'm doomed.

This the first outing of Justice Society as the "Justice Battalion", meaning... well, nothing really.  It just meant FDR gave them a new nickname and permission to fight against the Axis with his blessing (and some coordination by Uncle Sam)

And by that I mean The Federal Government, not the CHARACTER, who had much more important things to do, like give piggy-back rides.

The war was too big to be ignored in comic books and editors had to find ways of making their heroes' adventures fit into war-time storytelling.

Except of course for Batman who always does whatever the heck he wants;
he was playing keep away with Catwoman while other heroes -- government pawns that they are! -- fought Uncle Sam's war.

The Flash and Green Lantern, being popular AND sensible, had gotten their own comic books and so had already left the JSA.  

I guess it makes sense that Jay would be the fastest one OUT of the JSA.

Green Lantern was only in nine issues of the JSA.
That's about the length of an average Geoff Johns story.

As I regularly remind people, the JSA is not so much the JLA's conceptual predecessor as it's conceptual opposite.  The JLA was composed of the DCU's most popular and iconic heroes; the JSA was composed only of characters NOT popular or iconic enough to have their own comic book series. At times, it REALLY shows.

In this issue, actual comic book star Wonder Woman becomes the JSA secretary, 

Starman always had a way with words. And oomphy way.

This not so much because She Was The Woman (like everyone assumes), but to explain why she didn't get story segments of her own, because she was a STAR in her own comic. The POINT of the JSA was to showcase these also-rans and Wonder Woman only did cameos in the hope that her popularity would boost interest.

The cover is proof of that, if proof were needed.

She was already a busy lady and none of these feebs were up to the task of saving Steve Trevor's bacon on the regular.

The premise for this series of stories is that the "Justice Battalion" has been asked by the feds to look into an Axis subversive organization called "The Black Dragon".  Who are they?

A shadowy tong headed by a war-mongering self-centered elder who has a very high opinion of himself, a very low opinion of his countrymen, and wields power through a fanatical cult.
Thanks goodness America is safe from such things!

They also double as a pre-explosion Kryptonian cos-play society.

Major Exposition shows up from the Pentagon to give the JSAers their assignments.

Actually, this was before the Pentagon, but you get the idea.  The JSAers don't care WHERE their assignments come from as long as they GET ASSIGNMENTS. They can't live without them!

There are eight inventors who've been kidnapped along with their war-relevant inventions.

Unlike me!

Eight? How terribly convenient.

"Count me out, boys! While you're off beating up racist caricatures, I'll stay here and battle The God of War himself, along with his divine minions."

I am deeply moved by the sad sight of the godlike Spectre, disappointedly opening what he had hoped was a Valentine from the Little Red-Haired Girl.

I am impressed, however, that even the Golden Age, the writers found the time to call themselves on their own BS, in anticipation of potential reader objections:

Whatever helps you sleep at night, you deserter.

So off "the boys" go to fight the Black Dragon.  Oh, and despite Wonder Woman's clearly superior "star" status, Golden Age writers were not above some standard sex-stereotyping:

"Wistful"? More like dumbstruck by how much their enthusiasm outstrips their confidence.

Tomorrow we join JSA Chairman Hawkman on HIS part of the adventure.  Will he be saving an AERIAL invention, as would be thematically appropriate? You'll see...!

The Featured Cast

Before I turn to comics characters, I want to talk briefly about Dr. Zachary Smith (as portrayed by Lost in Space's permanent Guest-Star, Jonathan Harris).

"Is this REALLY necessary, my boy?"

Whenever you read any on-line discussion about Lost In Space, someone inevitably complains about Dr. Smith being useless. I can understand why they think this: certainly, his virtues are almost nonexistent, his skills debatable at best,  and his flaws are, if not endless, nearly bottomless.

Many people forget that originally Dr. Smith was an Air Force Colonel, the Jupiter program's head physician, and an expert enough combatant to knock out a military guard with one karate chop.  Over time, the show intentionally "forgot" all these details so that Dr. Smith would be as useless as possible. 

People focused on Dr. Smith's in-universe uselessness tend to overlook Dr. Smith's narrative purpose (other than as an "internal antagonist"): Dr. Smith was there to emphasize the HORROR of the situation.

And NO ONE has ever been better at emphasizing horror than Zachary Smith.

The Space Family Robinson (including Don West) are supernaturally brave.  It's kind of baked into the fact that they were chosen for the Alpha Centauri mission to begin with, and they are remarkably resolute in the face of each episode's new terrors. Dr. Smith is there to provide a "normal" (if frequently dramatic) reaction to the horrors they encounter (and of being lost in space generally).  People complain about Dr. Smith's goofy histrionics undercutting the seriousness of show.  But it is exactly that quality of Dr. Smith that SELLS THE DANGER.  It is, ironically, Dr. Smith who convinces you to take seriously the threats that might otherwise seem just goofy.  There is ZERO doubt that Dr. Smith is 100% terrified EVERY TIME and you cannot help but identify with it to some degree.  Dr. Smith's shrieking cowardice isn't a character flaws; it's his principal FEATURE.  If you miss that, you are missing much of the point of the series.

Similarly, many readers, too focused on imposing their own logic to "in-universe" situations, miss the narrative purpose of supporting characters (or of certain characteristics of some main characters).

The prime example of this is, of course, James Bartholomew Olsen.

"... again"?

I'm just going to assume that if you are reading this blog, you are already sufficient familiar with The Flaws of Jimmy Olsen.  Let's just say that Jimmy is somewhat ... impulsive.  And overconfident.  Such traits get him into Situations, ones that even his pal, Superman, is challenged to handle.

But that is not a "flaw" of Jimmy Olsen; that is the POINT of Jimmy Olsen.  It's not just a useful plot device that Jimmy's a congenital idiot with less impulse control than a toddler; it's essential metaphor.

Jimmy Olsen isn't merely "non-superhuman", he is painfully HUMAN.  Jimmy Olsen -- powerless, too impulsive for his own good, foolishly confident, oddly blasé when he finds himself in bizarre situations he has usually brought on himself -- IS humanity.  To ask "Why on earth is Superman pals with Jimmy Olsen?" is to ask "Why does Superman put up with humanity AT ALL?!"  Jimmy Olsen shows what makes Superman special.  It's not having superpowers; it's have superpowers and STILL caring about a self-destructive, short-sighted mess like Jimmy Olsen (and by extension the rest of us).  And Jimmy provides a benefit to Superman that almost no one else in-universe: by and large,  he treats Superman and Superman's life as NORMAL

Look, we all love Superman, but normal he ain't.

If Superman has one consistent fear, it's of being ostracized and abandoned.  There is nothing Superman -- who is really just Clark Kent, after all-- values more than being treated as normal.  The reason all his friends are work colleagues is because (other than his appearance) having a job is the most human thing about him.

Nothing says "I'm secretly afraid of being abandoned by my entire planet AGAIN" than naming your secret headquarters "The Fortress of Solitude".

There's a similar situation with Wonder Woman: the readers who deride classic Etta Candy as merely a "funny fat friend", an extended fat joke from a less enlightened era.  

Your crippling man-hungriness repulses me, Diana; and I am someone highly accepting of man-hungriness.

But they are missing the point of Etta Candy (especially all those writers who have her lose weight).  

Dieting Etta Candy is not Etta Candy at all.

As I pointed out twenty years ago, Etta Candy neither needs nor wants your permission to be herself.  Unlike Golden Age Wonder Woman, Etta is neither vain nor hung up on men.  

Shut up, Diana. I'm sick of your sanctimonious fat-shaming. Etta is not your "project".

Etta isn't "fat" because she lacks willpower; she could be thinner,  but trying to have a Wonder Woman physique isn't where her values lie.  

Etta knows her value doesn't come from others.

Etta's purpose isn't to be laughed at; it is to be admired because she doesn't HAVE to be a runway model to be vivacious, popular, and effective.

Batman has a misunderstood supporting character; it's must less obvious, but I think it's just as important. The character is Bat-Girl (the real one, I mean).

SPOILER ALERT:
She's a heroine.

So many versions of Barbara "Batgirl" Gordon integrate her fully into the "Bat-family".  It takes a variety of forms.  In some media/contintuities, she has a romantic relationship with Dick Grayson (or even Bruce!) or she operates out of the Batcave with her efforts being coordinated by Batman as leader of the Bat-family.  To me, this misses the point of the characters. Specifically, to BE independent of Batman.

Whose baby ARE you, anyway?

The Batman'66 show, of all versions, got it right.  Batman and Robin never knew who Batgirl was, but they appreciate her cooperation and her professionalism and never tried to control her.

There's was not an entangling alliance.

Even when Barbara Gordon switched from being Batgirl to being Oracle, she wasn't "Batman's resource".  She was depicted as an independent operator and a resource for the entire superhuman community.  The independence of Batgirl made her a feminist role model (in a way that man-crazy Wonder Woman never actually was), the logical successor of the original Batwoman and Bat-Girl.

Remember them...?

Now only modern Batwoman serves that role and it's undercut rather severely by the fact that Batwoman is Bruce Wayne's cousin and so is quite literally part of the Batfamily.

I am sure the attempts to be "inclusive" of Batgirl in the Batfamily are well-meant; no one wants to dismiss or diminish Barbara Gordon as a character.

Well; almost no one.

But doing so does diminish her as an entity inspired by yet still independent of Batman. This is why I have always resisted fandom's relentless "shipping" of Barbara Gordon and Dick Grayson.

That and sartorial considerations.

I am myself am (somewhat) guilty of this type of mistake.  No one has been more critical of Silver Age Aqualad than I.

Because he is a big-headed, purple-eyed freaky menace.

But even in my blinding detestation of Aqualad (who was always useless in-universe), I intuited his narrative purpose: making Aquaman look cool.  When Aqualad was freaking out, Aquaman retained his composure.  When Aqualad thought they were doomed, Aquaman remained hopeful. When Aqualad could see no way out, Aquaman found a simple solution.

Or at least the Silver Age's idea of "simple".

I have been similarly critical of Iris West. a.k.a., The Meanest Woman Alive.  But her in-universe flaw is a narrative feature: she shows that Barry Allen is The Most Patient Man Alive.  Which explains how he, the Flash, can live in world where literally everyone is much slower than he is.

Hal Jordan's legendary bone-headedness is certainly a flaw, but it has a narrative function: it highlights the fact that his defining features aren't intelligence or planning, but rather fearlessness and willpower.  

For about the sound of one hand clapping.  
What does it mean for Hal Jordan's mind to go blank?

Now, you might think these are insufficient or inappropriate virtues to determine who wields a power ring, but you are not the Silver Age Guardians of the Universe.

And who are we to doubt the wisdom of beings with their superior sense of color coordination?

I could go on, but I've covered most of the icons and I think you catch my drift.  Next time you feel critical of the flaws of a particular character, stop to consider whether those are part of their narrative function.  Or do so right now in the comments!