The Black Dragon versus Johnny Thunder

Last and least sensible, Johnny Thunder.

Unless the other JSAers, Johnny Thunder was never meant to be a serious character. He's just a much less intelligent (and less amusing) version of Maj. Anthony Nelson, with his troublesome wish-granting genie.

Larry Hagman was a brilliant comedian; despite all the pratfalls and absurdity, he made you believe that Tony Nelson was essentially an intelligent, serious, dignified, even boring military guy, who, without his genie, would have a completely hijinx-free life.  Exactly unlike Johnny Thunder.

When you are a comical character, having an all-powerful genie isn't a problem, it's a bootstrap for hijinx.  But when you are suddenly thrown among strong-jawed spandex types, it's a problem.  No matter how powerful Starman, Dr. Fate, or the Spectre may be, Johnny's Thunderbolt can drag them around like a mom taking an child across a busy street.

Thus Johnny (or his Thunderbolt) is often sidelined or used as a framing device.  He will idly wish the JSA could be present at the start or finish of some adventure and, thanks to his wish-granting Thunderbolt, that happens. It is an extremely useful gimmick to the writers. It's absurd, but the limits of Johnny's intelligence and morality (and the strict rules the Thunderbolt must follow) keep him as the comic relief rather than an all-powerful god-king.

The Black Dragon is very much one of those stories, as these panels I omitted earlier show:

"Hurry, Jim, the light's about to change!"

"Here, let me carry you like a one-year old, Doctor."

"Because I'm your mother, that's why!"

"Mom! I can fly by myself!"

"Bath time for you, little man, and no arguments!"

"I think someone needs his nap..."

"I've had with you, mister, we are going home right NOW."

As the final story opens, Johnny is hiding in a garbage can to read his secret assignment.

Even Johnny's embarrassed about being Johnny.

What would possess him to hide in a garbage can?

Johnny must be a Speed Sanders fan.

Anyway, Johnny discovers to his chagrin that his orders are to STAND DOWN because the Black Dragon problem is too important and he's an idiot who would only mess things up.

I would really like to have read how cruelly that message was worded.
Ah, well.

Johnny casually wishes he could prove himself by getting to "the bottom of this business". Naturally, the Thunderbolt simply takes Johnny to Black Dragon's secret headquarters, because the Thunderbolt can do anything he is asked to.

Johnny is, as always, completely unprepared for the ramifications of making a wish, even though this sort of thing happens to him every day.  

Johnny and Thunderbolt's relationship is hampered by serious communication issues.

I will skip most of Johnny's hijinx; just because I had to suffer through them doesn't mean you have to.

Okay, here is one hijink; 
the eighth stolen invention disintegrates Johnn's suspenders, making his pants fall down.
You're welcome.

Then Johnny shows once again that, despite being an idiot, he is staggeringly heroic. When he learns that the Black Dragon is currently threatening death and danger elsewhere, he orders the Thunderbolt to go STOP them, rather than save him.

Johnny is not normal, but in some ways that is to his credit.

Another errant wish, however, results in another hijink, one with disturbing philosophical implications.

Uh-oh...

The Thunderbolt must always grant Johnny's wishes and so...

HE CREATES EXTRA JOHNNY THUNDERS.

This is deeply unsettling.  Do these Johnnys immediately die at the hands of the Black Dragon?  Do they escape and if so, don't they, of necessity, persist until they can sacrfice they lives for the country?  Can they also command the Thunderbolt?  Could Johnny not simply wish multiple JSAs into existence to solve any problem?  The implications are staggering and remain completely unexplored since they are never seen again outside of these two panels.  I am sure Roy Thomas had a script stashed away somewhere about the Johnny Extras, but fortunately it has never seen the light of day.

During this diversion, Thunderbolt goes off to magically stop the Black Dragons (who are going to blow up a factory or some such).

Proof that Thunderbolt could have taken each of the JSAers to their targets immediately.

Meanwhile, the Extra Johnnys are, of course, just as useless as Original Johnny.  So, the original Johnny, captured and about to die a martyr, makes one last wish: that the JSAers could see his heroic sacrifice to know he's not a complete loser.

I mean, Johnny IS a complete loser. But that's not a flaw, it's a feature.
Being a "stupid but heroic loser" is why Johnny didn't simply use the Thunderbolt to rule the world (which, you will remember, was the original plan of the Bahdnisian bandits who captured him at age 7 to gain control of the Thunderbolt).

This wish results in the seven scenes we saw earlier of the Thunderbolt dragging the other JSAers to save Johnny.

Which they do.

Several dragon-beatings later...

"I forget I have an all-powerful genie at my beck and call.
Again!"

The U.S. military rounds up the vanquished Black Dragon members.

In Golden Age comics, they usually made sure to show Regular Joe Authority Figures finalizing the defeat of the enemy. It was important to show that the superheroes were ASSISTING the common man, not REPLACING him.

Everyone files his report with Wonder Woman (because it's not a JSA story without REPORTS) and we learn, again, just how stupid Johnny Thunder is.

It's a metaphor, Johnny; look that up while you're at it.

Well, THAT was a long, torturous and fairly typical Golden Age JSA story.  Although it took us NINE DAYS to slog through it, I still have to give Golden Age writers their due: this was ALL IN ONE COMIC BOOK.  If this tale had been told under modern-style decompressed storytelling, it would have take longer than World War II itself.

Still, if this prompted you to reassess the "classic" nature of Golden Age Justice Society stories, it was worth the effort. Remember, don't believe everything you are told about any piece of literature until you have read it for yourself.

The Black Dragon versus The Spectre.

Is there a point to reading this part? Or ANY story with the Spectre?  It's always the same; the Spectre simply WILLS his way into finding the targets, punches a few of them, then once he has defeated them the old-fashioned way, grows giant and lifts up whatever hideout they are in and takes the whole kaboodle to jail (OR sends them to another planet). It's the Only Spectre Plot.

But we are committed to this project! And we wouldn't want to make the Spectre sad by omitting him.

The Spectre is morose and it disgusts Starman.

It begins with the Specte seeming uncharacteristically chipper.

What could have the Spectre smiling so?

Ah; it must be the torture of a notable American inventor.  Torture is, after all, Spectre's hobby.

Beaten into submission, Inventor Reagan explains how his magnetic rocket invention works:

Thank goodness Earth's magnetic poles are immobile.

Mr. Reagan may be guilt-racked, but not so the Black Dragons who decide to use his invention to destroy, hm, um, let's see... how about... Chicago? Yeah; Chicago!

At least it's art-deco enough to fit in with Chicago architecture.

Meanwhile, back at Mr. Reagan's lab, the Spectre wrestles with a sense of abandonment.  

"I get no sense from these documents that Mr. Reagan cares about me, The Spectre, and did not consider how his disappearance might affect me emotionally."

He tries to find Mr. Reagan by YEARNING for him, but to no avail. Then... a ray of hope!

"My Spectre-sense is tingling...!"

The invention must be a sadness-seeking rocket because it can't resist honing in on the Spectre.

"What I have been longing for! Is my emptiness now to end?"

Like a psychic sensitive in an occult film, the Spectre clings to the rocket, feeling the Vibrations of the Black Dragons and the Agony of its inventor, Mr. Reagan.

His sweet, sweet Agony of Spirit.  
It is like catnip to the Spectre.

It is unclear, but then the Spectre throws the rocket away from Chicago to either Japan or The Sun Itself.

It sounds like Japan but... I really think that would be noticed. I mean, at least by the Japanese.

Then the Spectre, having locked on to Mr. Reagan as his soulmate, finds him through pure YEARNING.

"How much do I love you?
I'll tell you no lie;
how deep is the ocean?
how high is the sky?"

The Black Dragons try to report in to Japan on their success, but this will prove their undoing, since it allows the Spectre to find them through one of his most profound powers: SUPERSENSITIVITY.

I CAN FEEL IT.

Being the Spectre, he intercepts the radio transmission by... grabbing it. Like, in his hands.

"My supersonic sonar radar will help me!"

Wait, why is this so familiar? Oh, yes, that's right:

LITTLE MISS MARCHY-BOOTS.

Never thought I'd see the sad and sorry Spectre as a Drum Majorette.  But I guess it's true that inside every emo kid is an underconfident cheerleader.

The Spectre phases into the Black Dragon's submarine, intent on saving his soul-mate, who cries out in joyful relief at his arrival.

I will kindly pretend that "yellow" here refers to cowardice.

Find yourself someone who says your name the way Mr. Reagan says "The Spectre".  

"I called him with something you wouldn't understand:
MY SOUL."

The Spectre's priority-- Mr. Reagan --is clear, and he phases him out of the submarine (and I presume magically shields him from the difficulties of, you know, being under water).

"Maybe we can do it, too!!"
Oh. I do not want to see where this is headed.

*sigh*

Again: fiendish but not intelligent.

"Still, the Army High Command doesn't love as much as I do."

The Spectre gently places the treasured Mr. Reagan with the authorities before returning to deal with the Black Dragon.

Do you think the Spectre ever forgets to phase someone he's carrying? 
*BONK*!;
"AAAAAUGH!";
"... Oops."

How weird is the Spectre? So weird that he thinks of sharks and humans as cousins.

Weird, lonely guy.
I mean; not even AQUAMAN stops to apologize to sharks.

But the Spectre (in his "spirit form") is even MORE incorporeal than Dr. "My body is composed of pure energy" Fate; the Spectre doesn't need to BREATHE.  Being dead helps with that.

Now that Mr. Reagan is safe, the Spectre doesn't need to hold back. He does his usual schtick of GROWING GIGANTIC, picking up the submarine IN HIS HAND.

How can a submarine be a space ship? Oh.
Oh, no...

Ah, here's the classic Spectre; he simply HURLS the submarine (and its occupants) into space.

I jibe at the Spectre but "Give my regards to the planets!" is an awesome line.

Okay, I am little disappointed in the Golden Age Spectre.  The Bronze Age Spectre would have thrown the submarine into space AND removed their need for air and food, just to prolong their horrible fate.  But the emo Golden Age Spectre is too desperate to be liked for that; so he joins the Black Dragons on their tour of the universe to give them a chance to give up.

"That was no static, boys, that was me!"
Am I right? See how fast I can run, Daddy?
DO YOU LOVE ME NOW?!

Mr. Reagan's heart nearly bursts with joy when he sees the Spectre again.

< heart-eyes emoji>

Then the Spectre helpfully dumps the submarine on the roof, which surely will have no difficulty supporting the additional, hm, let's say roughly 40,000 tons.

"Sorry, boys, I only do the Grow Giant And Pick Things Up bit once a story, so from here on you're on your own."

So ends the Spectre's tale, although it may simply omit the weeklong trip to Cabo that he and Mr. Reagan took to "decompress" and reconnect.

Colonel Frank Nelson approves: "eeeeYEHHHssss!"

This is the end of all the standard subplots and now it's time for the wrap-up.  

Tomorrow: *sigh* 

Johnny Thunder.