Friday, February 10, 2006
BHM 10: Mr. Bones
Okay, if there are people who didn't know Croc was black, are there also people who don't know that Mr. Bones, the director of DEO, is black?
Probably. He's another one of those characters whose race is (suspiciously?) obscured by his powers or costume.
I can't stand Mr. Bones. Those of you who know him only as Director of DEO won't understand that. Those of you who remember him from Infinity Inc. will understand that.
Three guesses who created/designed him. HINT: does he remind you of anyone?
In additional to the absurdity of his design, uselessness of his powers (a cyanide touch? invisible skin? WTF?), he came with horribly off-putting "character touches" like the cigar (how many 20-year-olds smoke cigars, for pete's sake?), a smart mouth, and talking in rhyme.
I'll repeat that. Mr. Bones talked in rhyme. Always. For no reason. In the real world, people who try to pull stuff like that -- well, there aren't any, but if there were they'd get beaten up twice daily (unless they had a convenient cyanide touch, I suppose). Rhyming is bad enough, since rhyme is the McDonalds in poetry's restaurant row, and is usually absent or used lightly in real poetry. But, let me tell ya, A.E. Housman wasn't writing Bones' dialog, so every word balloon was with filled with sub-Hallmark, arhythmic doggerel that made you embarrassed to know English.
If DC gave me the task of creating a character that would annoy the maximum number of readers possible as consistently as possible, I would create Mr. Bones. Oh, and for those who are wondering, his leg was eaten by shark. Who was his adopted brother. You don't really want to know.
I hate the fact that he appears to have been editorially made the director of DEO simply because he looks dramatic, without any evidence or background that would prepare him (a former kidnapper!!!) for the position. Okay, DC, you really shouldn't have to live in Washington to know that the heads of national security agencies aren't people under 30 who didn't go to college.
Anyway, now that I think about it ... perhaps it's better if no one knows Mr. Bones (jeez, give the guy a first name!!!) is black.