Thursday, September 22, 2016

One-Panel Promos

Aquaman #7
Aquaman, winning over a sworn enemy with logic and diplomacy and fabulous hair.

Batman #7
If you want to see Batman fighting giant monster child things in Gotham during a driving thunderstorm, 
this comic is for you.

Cyborg #1
This will either make you tear up or want to punch something.
Buy accordingly. 

Superman #7
Ah, Lois and Clark.  
Fun, low-stakes Silver Age shenanigans. 
Because Superman does not live by slugfests alone 

Trinity #1
There are two kinds of people in the world:
those who appreciate the glory of Rainbow Batman and those who do not.

Justice League #5
 Aquaman saves the day.

Batman makes a funny.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

One-Panel Promos

Flash #6: brutal.  The series is nailing Barry Allen, in several meanings of that word.

Wonder Woman '77 #27:
Fabulous for several obvious reasons.  But the word balloon, of course, is what really makes it.

All-Star Batman #1
 is so very very good. It looks good. It's intelligent. It's emotional.  It's action-packed.
And it has Chainsaw Batman.

All-Star Batman #2 
continues the trend. Some of the art is ACHINGLY beautiful. But I'm showing you as my one-panel promo the one panel that ISN"T achingly beautiful.

But this reproduction of a scene from Two-Face debut story (Detective 66)

is what sells me.

Wonder Woman #6:
The gods appear to Wonder Woman in the form of totemic animals.  That don't show up on security camera.  Don't get me wrong, the rest of the issue is beautiful, intelligent, and emotional.  
But THIS one shows the creators get it in a way that most do not.

Action Comics #963:

I should NOT be so easily hooked by the Silver-Age shenanigans of "how can Clark Kent and Superman be two different people?!"

But, the fact is...
I am.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

By Buddha!

Today's Haikuesday post returns us to the sanctuary of the Nine Unknowns thousands of years ago where the miraculous Talking Bronze Head and the Deva Solar Battery (a.k.a. "Miss Sparklejuice") have just been stolen...


This is how you know the Nine Unknowns are cool. Even in the most dire circumstances, such as the theft of the world's greatest treasure, they can still react in haiku.

How cool are YOU?  What haiku can you compose to celebrate the Nine Unknowns, their wondrous devices, and the general battle between the Hawk and the Criminal Alliance of the World in which they eventually find themselves embroiled?

Wednesday, September 07, 2016

One-Panel Promos

One of my pet theories is that it only takes only panel to let you know whether you want to buy a comic book or not.  

Rather than covers, or Coming Up blurbs, or creator interviews that are all the same ("Well, we're doing something entirely NEW that's true to the character's ROOTS, and yes, that other character you mentioned MIGHT be involved, but of course I can't tell that you for sure just yet, now, can I?"), publishers could just promo that one panel in advance and their marketing would be done.

Well, here are my own One-Panel Promos for this week's comics.

Supergirl #1

There are a hundred reasons to buy Supergirl #1, which is doing an almost impossibly good job of situating Supergirl in her new life.

But for me that's all it takes; it says worlds to those who can hear it.

Aquaman #9

There are many panels that would have served the purpose this month, because Aquaman is awesome, Mera is awesome, and Black Manta is fearsome. But I choose this one:

Because heroes don't start wars. They stop them.

Justice League #4

If this kind of talk turns you off, then you're not going to enjoy this issue.

Superman #6

There's a lot of bang and crash in this issue.

But that's all you really need to know.

Batman #6

There are some wonderful things in this issue. Including three Special Guest Villains I never expected to see again in my entire life.  The most wonderful of all, however is....

Batman stopping an unstoppable force with his most powerful weapon: compassionate understanding.

Friday, September 02, 2016

Taking Head Week #7: CAW and the Unsatisfying Conclusion

So the Hawks have rescued the Head McGuffin and Miss Sparklejuice from obscurity (and CAW) and are heading to return them to the Nine Unknowns, the people irresponsible enough and lazy enough to have lost them two thousand years and never looked for them or made replacements.  Great idea.

"Aren't we tandomly wonderful?!"  
The Hawks are totally That Couple You Hate On Facebook

The hidden sanctuary of the Nine Unknowns, unhidden by the Hawks' portable absorbascon.  

Wow. There actually are nine of them.  That's a level of fidelity I wasn't expecting in a Hawkstory.

First of all, the Hawks are NOT humans.  Second of all they are in mid-air; so they haven't set foot anywhere yet.  Third, what the HECK are you wearing?!  

Why not just take them to the Midway museum? 
They'd be broken within a week.

The Nine Unknowns take the Hawks on a tour of their sanctuary, because, although nameless like EVERYONE else in this story, they are still polite hosts, which is impressive since they haven't had any guests in 50 years.

Hey, that means... someone visited them in 1914. Any guesses?  A young Sonny Blandish?  Arne Saknussen? Vandal Savage? Enemy Ace?  Yeah; probably Enemy Ace.  Hans got around.

The spinning indic-arrow at the left of the machine really makes this panel.  Also, I have zero doubt that there's almost always strange radiation in Hawkgirl's body, just on principle.

The Hawks are so constantly afflicted with tingling sensations for some reason or other, that they don't even think twice about it anymore.  All those special pleasure-enhancing lubricants, no doubt.

Figuring that the radiation was just CAW's way of trying to find the sanctuary, the Nine Unknowns (or at least The One Unknown Who Talks A Lot) turns on the sonic shower and purges the Hawks of the strange radiation.  

It's a lot like the Decontamination Room of Sexiness on Enterprise, isn't it?

It's beneath the GANGES?!  Um, yeah.  No, thanks. NO treasure is worth going into the Ganges River.

As the now radiation-free Hawks return to Midway City, they are tailed by an evil limo.

Why would you need to tag the Hawks with special radiation to track them? Is there anyone easier to spot on earth?!?

And who is IN that evil limo? Why, the leaders of CAW:
Shadrach, Mishach, and Abednego.

Uh-oh, they have the power of serialocution. That's dangerous.

That's some multicultural WORLD evil, right there.  A fedora, a fez, AND a turban. I'd be more impressed if I didn't know Jervis Tetch could kill these guys in 60 seconds.

Their back-up plan is a pretty clever fake-out, actually, The REAL target (um, currently) is the portable absorbascon Hawkgirl is carrying, which can tell them anything damn thing the plot requires. 

Which is WAY more useful than a Universal Death Ray, 
by the way.  What are going to do with a ray that kills everybody?  

Is this the point where I mention that the absorbascon SITS IN THE HAWK'S OFFICE at the museum all day and could be stolen easily?  No. No, it is not.

So Manny, Moe, and Jack press the button that should kill the Hawks and...nothing happens. Because of course the Hawks have been purged of the offending radiation.

"Next time, Gadget!"

What an impossibly byzantine plot.  No wonder CAW hasn't taken over the world.  More like the Criminal Alliance of Frustrated Impotence, if you ask me.

I still love CAW, though, because they are true villains and not mere crooks.  Real crooks would just have shot the Hawks during one of their frequent, obvious fly-bys and THEN gone after the Head McGuffin and Miss Sparklejuice.  

That's why the Hawks don't live in Gotham.