Saturday, April 07, 2007

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

  • The Hall, and where it goes. Simply brilliant. Anyone who can't accept that compromise shouldn't be reading comics.
  • The JLA's photographer.
  • The Legion is everywhere, isn't it?
  • Kurt Busiek's Khyrana the Accursed, not only because she is instantly a classic villain for two of the Big Three and has symbolic mythic value, but also because she came with her own logo-font.
  • Kalibak's "Hello Kitty" shirt.
  • Joe Kelly's interesting redux of Supergirl's controversial origin.
  • Harley, cleverer than you think and on the ceiling.
  • Nuns versus Parademons.
  • Batwoman. Just on principle.
  • What makes Jonah Hex laugh?
  • The new Ventriloquist. I find her much more interesting than the old one.
  • Dr. Choi, on the girliness of tea.

Friday, April 06, 2007

"Haircare with Aquaman" Week, No. 6

6. Aim for a versatile haircut.

Choose a flexible haircut that can be worn to the left, to the right, parted in the middle, brushed back, or combed forward. That way you can vary your look, because there's nothing more boring than looking (or sounding or behaving) exactly the same all the time.

For fun, work a stray lock into your 'do, for a look that's casual but not messy.

Experiment with product on the weekends. With a little gel, spike up your hair and spice up your life!

But don't get carried away with it.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

"Haircare with Aquaman" Week, No. 5

5. Conditioning!

If even a big-headed purpled-eyed freak like Aqualad can learn the importance of frequent conditioning with salon-quality hair-care products, you can, too!

Remember, kids: there's nothing that makes you feel better about yourself or look more well-composed to others than well kept hair!

"Eat your heart out, Alan Scott!"

Trust me, boys; the time you invested in haircare is well worth. Because the only thing more aggravating than having to fight for your life while watching your infant being asphixiated by your archenemy is


Wednesday, April 04, 2007

"Haircare with Aquaman" Week, No. 4

4. Avoid mussing your hair.

Try to avoid wearing caps that would mash down your hair and give you "hat-head". If it's a little chilly, start with earmuffs instead, as I do.

If you must use head-wear, choose something loose-fitting enough that it doesn't crush your hairdo, something that gives it "breathing room".

Hair whose life has been strangled by skull-fitting headwear is sure to attract undesired attention, even if people are too polite to say anything to you about it.

Don't let this happen to you, kids.

You know what happens to people who wear headgear that mashes their hair?

They become evil.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

"Haircare with Aquaman" Week, No. 3

3. Use a comb daily.

This can be tough. If you wear a skin-tight diving outfit all the time, as I do, there's really no practical place to carry a comb. Sometimes you just have to improvise!

Sharks are always willing to help boys comb their hair; tell 'em Aquaman sent you!

Sometimes, I just carry around the comb Black Lightning gave me for my birthday.

Of course, for me, it's a bit more decorative than functional. Garth uses it a lot, though.

So important is the daily use of a comb that I once abandoned my teammates in the Justice League Detroit to search the seven seas for a comb. A man must have some personal priorities. Besides, taking care of yourself so others won't have to is your first duty to yourself and to society ... and that includes haircare! Remember, boys; anyone can help save the world, but only you can comb your hair.

Oh, by the way--! As long as you have a comb with you, remember to always bring along a piece of wax paper, so you can make a kazoo to entertain yourself and others at parties, on the subway, and in line at the post office. It's one of my personal secret keys to instant popularity, kids!

Monday, April 02, 2007

Monkey Business

Spin Control: Ben's review of Wonder Woman #7.

My character profile of Lorena Marquez, a.k.a. Aquagirl.

"Haircare with Aquaman" Week, No. 2

2. Wash your hair with a conditioning shampoo.

It can be a chore, yes, but it can also be a fun activity when shared with a friend.

"San Francisco!" is an old Atlantean expression that means
"I echo your sentiments!"

Even if that friend is a big-headed purple-eyed freak.

Without a conditioning shampoo, your hair can start to puff out into an Atlant-Afro, which will make your head look enormous.

Or, in Aqualad's case, more enormous.

But with a conditioning shampoo, your hair can be supple, shiny, and the admiration of the ladies night and day.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

"Haircare with Aquaman" Week, No 1

Ahoy, boys! Aquaman here.

My good friends at National Periodicals asked me to talk to you all today about an important subject, one that could affect the rest of your life:

Proper Hair Care.

Boys, it's important to take pride in your hair. Why, your hair is one of the first things people see about you and one of the things that makes the biggest impression on them. I found that out the hard way at my birth, when, in Version 3.2 of my origin, I was cast out and exposed to die by the Atlanteans for being blond.

Jealousy's an ugly thing, kids. Particularly in brunets.

But, if you've got a beautiful head of solid yellow hair like I do, you just have to get used to it! In fact, I learned to make my hair a particular point of pride. Well-kept hair can be a source of great self-satisfaction and a delight to all who see you.

But you don't have to be a superhero to maintain attractive hair; you can do it, too! This week, I'll be giving you some simple guidelines to follow. Today's is:

1. Keep your hair a short, manageable length.

Don't let your hair get too long, boys. Oh, I know some other kids may try to express their freedom by growing their hair long, but I'm here to tell you that's just wasted rebellion for an apathetic audience. They're "not cutting their hair off" to spite their face!

One of the first signs your hair is too long is that your bangs get out of control, and hang down stringily over your forehead. How embarrassing!

Remember, if you let your hair grow too long in a misguided attempt to appear free-spirited, you'll start to look too effeminate...

or even feminine...

or wind-up looking like a deranged homeless person.

I would never do that, kids, and I hope you wouldn't, either!