Heads up, DC!

Hello, everyone! The Rolling Head of Pantha here! As longtime readers know, I embody the Spirit of Bloody Corporal and Capital Violence in the DCU… to the degree I can be said to ‘embody’ anything, that is. You may also know me from several Halloween carols, or my custom Heroclix figure.

I’ve been doing a tour of the state capitals, winding up here in the nation’s capital, visiting Scipio, who invited me to do a guest-post, which I composed primarily by falling nose-first repeatedly onto his iPad; thanks, auto-correct!

I know many of you were concerned that ‘the new DCU’ would be alienatingly different for you. But I’m here to report that under Geoff Johns’ steady, labrys-wielding hands, characters are still being decapitated on a regular basis in the new DCU. It’s true what the French say, “the more things change, the more they splay the same.”

Last month, I was afraid DC has gone soft on us, when the best Detective Comics, its flagship title, could offer us was a de-face-ification. Granted, it was a very high profile de-face-ification of comic’s most famous face. And it did make me miss Jean Loring…

I think the “Dollmaker” is just the neo-DCU’s new, less scary version of Jean Loring.

But (if you’ll pardon the pun) face it: Batman’s earliest recurring foe, Dr Death, already did the “oops I lost my face” routine seventy-some years ago. Heck, Harvey Dent became famous for losing half his face over fifty years ago. To say nothing of Dr No-Face!

Remarkable diction, considering.

De-face-ification isn’t cutting edge; it’s a poor man’s decapitation, if you ask me. So I took heart (um, metaphorically) to see that Detective #2 featured a prominent decapitation and the headless corpse of a GCPD member. With flies. Now, I’d have happily traded the swarm of flies for some actual in-panel violence, particularly an in-panel rolling-head scene. But a girl in my position – nose-first on a iPad – can’t be too picky.

But it was the first issue of Penguin: Pain and Prejudice that really brought a lump to the remains of my throat! There we got to witness, first-hand, a mugging that culminated with decapitation! Now that’s what I call getting capped! For extra points, it was a sweet, philanthropic old lady who got the ax; plus, they didn’t kill her first then cut off her head. No, it was proper death-by-decapitation; thanks, DC! William Gaines would be proud.

Really, in retrospect, I wonder why more muggings in the DCU aren’t decapitation. Guns are so… cold, so impersonal. How much more dramatic Batman’s origin would have been had we seen Martha Wayne’s severed head bouncing off the Fourth Wall in glorious 3D, bloodied pearls EVERYWHERE! Well, I can still hope; perhaps DC will take the opportunity the reboot affords to, um… ‘re-cap’ that scene.

Could that be any more boring? They could easily just be napping. Or moonbathing, which is a thing in Gotham.

Honestly, it’s something that could be worked into almost all the major original stories. We know now that Barry Allen’s mother was murdered; that might as well be a decapitation, mightn’t it? Abin Sur died in a freaking space-ship crash, which could easily have severed off his head, leaving his chatty power ring to do any necessary exposition. Crazy J’onn J’onnz’s reaction to Dr. Erdel’s experiment could easily have turned neck-severingly ugly. We still don’t know how Tom Curry died; cue the shark! During the explosion of Krypton, the sight of Jor-El’s flying noggin, headband and all, sliced off by some shard of sunstone would be the most natural thing in the world. And as for the Kents, well, two words:

wheat thresher.

DC; don’t waste this opportunity!

Fan Art from David Tomko of Philadelphia

Entitled,
"No Evil Shall Escape My--FWMP!"

Give that fan a contract!

Great Corpses: Jarrick

Hello, kids; Pantha, here! Back with another installment in my on-going series of "Great Corpses in Comic Book History".

Today's lesson comes from a time I haven't explained to you yet, but you may have overheard your parents discussing in hushed tones with other adults after they thought you'd already gone to bed: The Vertigo Plague.

In the mid to late 1980s (perhaps even before your parents met!), a disturbed genius named Alan Moore started writing disturbingly ingenious stories of horror, with gore and body counts rivaling the long-forgotten days of EC Comics (from even before your parents were born!). The stories usually combined dismemberment or exploding body parts, with bizarre sex (including the molestation of children), satanism, and plants.

Naturally, kids ate this up. [So, apparently, did Kevin Smith, but that's another story... .]

Just as gorillas once filled the pages of comics when editors noticed that gorillas sold comics, so too truly graphic horror started to pop up in all manner of titles. Eventually, editors recognized the danger of a literary pandemic, and naming the plague "Vertigo", they isolated the virus and sent the irreversibly infected characters off to live in permanent quarantine so as not to affect their Underoo-selling icons.

But before they did, some characters (and readers) suffered. Oh, how they suffered... .

Today's Great Corpse from the time of the Vertigo Plague is a little child name Jarrick. How did he earn his place as a Great Corpse, you ask?

It wasn't just because he came back from the dead as a zombie with maggots falling from his eyes.

Gee, I wonder where this is headed.

Or even because he killed his mother by biting out her throat. Impressive though that is.

Why do zombies always want to eat people, particularly their loved ones?

What really puts Jarrick among the Great Corpses is that his father split his head with an axe afterwards.

The lesson? There's a reason graves are six feet deep.

That level of pathos and gore also earns Jarrick a score of FIVE on the Rolling Head of Pantha Scale of Comic Book Violence.

Modern DeMedici

Mostly I talk about the writing in comics, not the art. But that doesn't mean I don't care about or like art; I used to work in an art museum, in fact.

So, to help increase the attractiveness of my blog to art-lovers and increase my hit count and acquire a new source of "lazy posts"--

er---

I mean...

"to help bring some much-needed artistic flair to the Absorbascon and to offer it as a showcase for budding pencillers"

I am willing to post any fan art you send me on this blog!

Of course, there's a catch. The subject matter must relate to one of our favorites (or anti-favorites) here at the Absorbascon. Examples of acceptable topics include:

• Vibe
• The Cast of the Big Monkey Podcast
• Hal Jordan getting hit in the head (no head-hitting, no post-ee)
• Orca the Whalewoman
• Dr. Domino
• Much-hated Halo
• The Rolling Head of Pantha (pictures of Pantha's head while still connected to her body will be disqualified)
• The Awesome Human Flying Fish
• Dale Gunn, Love God
  
• Jean Loring in any state of madness or evil
• Koryak
• The original Starman or any of his villains
  
• Purple-robed pansies armed with corndogs
  
• Major Victory from Who Want to Be a Superhero
• Vibe
• The All-New Atom
  
• Congo Bill (no, NOT Congorilla)
• Evil kryptonian cats from the Phantom Zone
  
• Geo-Force getting the crap beaten out of him
• Oysterwoman beating the crap out of someone
• Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer
• The Sea Devils (or just Judy Walton, Queen of the Sea)
  
• Masterman
• And, of course, Vibe

Send submissions to:
scipio@bigmonkeycomics.com

You're still a Boy to me

The Superman-Prime Revenge Squad (6 figures at 697 points)

ID	Name	Points
J085	Martian Manhunter	177
le027	Power Girl	120
U081	Black Adam	150
le066	Superboy	127
jl101	Rolling Head of Pantha	23
cd217	Krypto	100

Keep Your Head in the Game

My original plan for today was to post my next "Least Likely to Change" installment, but something happened today to change that.

Today, I received in the mail my latest shipment of customized Heroclix.

Dale, whom you will recognize as frequent commenter "Totaltoyz", made me a nice group of clix that Wizkids hasn't gotten around to making you and probably never will.

I got Argus. I think he's an underused part of the Flash Family, as in both the comics and Heroclix, that team could use somebody who has a schtick that isn't dependent on superspeed. He's on an Azrael dial. After all, what else can you do with an Azrael?

I got the Rainbow Raider (surfing the spectrum with stolen painting in arm), because, well, it's funny. Besides putting him on an Experienced Halo amuses me. I enjoy dissing characters I don't like by stealing their dials for demeaning customs. Especially Halo.

I adore the Busiek-style Prankster (armed with Kryptonite Custard Pie). He's on a very capable 107 point Joker dial, so he'll be a very worthy addition to the new Superman enemies coming out in the Justice League set.

I also got Mr. & Mrs. Menace, the Sportsmaster and the Golden Age Huntress. I love those two. We'll see how well they do against Rookie Alan Scott and Rookie Wildcat!

I got Dr. Impossible (because I helped name him), hilarious prehawkified Northwind (because he's just so fabulously faggy), and, of course, the Awesome Threesome of Torpedo-Man, Magnet-o, and Claw (because they are, ipso facto, awesome).

Oh, and just to give Aquaman a spot of extra trouble, I had "Devil Ray" from JLU made to act as an evil sidekick for Black Manta.

I even got a set of four G.O.O.N.s (surely you remember the Grand Order of Occidental Nighthawks?). Each wears a black derby and a turtleneck that says G.O.O.N. on it. They carry such deadly weapons as brass knuckles (nice touch, Dale!), pistols, a black round bomb that says "BOMB" on it, and an umbrella. Caped Crusader beware!

Ordinarily I would thank Dale for his amazing work (really, the pictures don't do these things justice) by email, but this time I am moved to do so publicly in a post. You should check out his Ebay page and order some custom clix of your own!

Dale also told me he was going to include a special gift to me for free, in appreciation for my support of his work. He tried to prepare me by saying that I should really by sitting down when I opened the box, or at least have someone at hand to assist me to the couch.

Naturally, I privately pooh-poohed this warning; you know how artists are about their work. My mistake. I did, in fact, stagger to couch with this surprise figure in hand, gasping for breath. I don't have a camera good enough to take a photo of it, but perhaps Dale will provide us with some.

It's 23 points. It has Charge and Leap/Climb. It has four clicks of life. Well... not life, really.

the Rolling Head of Pantha.

The "Superman Prime" Revenge Squad (6 figures at 697 points)

ID	Name	Points
J085	Martian Manhunter	177
le027	Veteran -Power Girl	120
U081	Veteran Black Adam	150
le066	Veteran Superboy	127
jl101	Rolling Head of Pantha	23
cd217	Krypto	100

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Well. That's one way to shut Brainy up.
• I now officially understand why Black Canary is marrying Green Arrow.
• The Amazon signifer.
• NOW we know why they sunk San Diego. Nice one, Tad.
  
• Okay, if there's ever been a more tantalizing page than the final one of Booster Gold 1, then I can't think of what it would be.
• It's nice to see that, after 50 years, Krypto and Titano still can't stand each other.
• Booster's sacrifice... and his price.
• Grace, your weakness disgusts me. Just as I knew it would.
  
• Well. Jefferson Pierce is not as smart as he thinks he is.
• Clark Kent has a Merit Badge in sewing? Of course he does.
• Catwoman continues to impress both as a character and a series.
• Did we just see the departure for Zerox... from the Nanoverse?! 'Cuz that little girl sure looked familiar to me.
• Okay, the only thing missing in that final panel of Holly and Harley is some D batteries.
• I bet every single one of those ridiculous Rannian weapons appears in the Adam Strange Showcase I just bought, including the hilariously horrifying Aqua-Ray.
• Batman versus Circe.
• The Zatannacave. It's not at all how Dale Gunn described it!
  
• Enter, the Clownfish. Don't expect to laugh.
• "With the Absorbascon, victory was inevitable." It's just nice to have that in print, you know.
• Supergirl's reading assignment.
• Yow! I needed to see that even LESS than Red Tornado did.
• Jimmy's new pal.
• Well, at least we'll never see that harmonica again after this issue.
• Hassan chop!
• I never thought I be happy to see that particular group of jumpsuited goobers; but I was.
• The Flashcave.
• "Long live the real king." See; Rip Hunter knows Aquaman's not dead.
• 31st Century perfume ads.
• Ah, so the Kryptonite Man does have a weakness, courtesy of Stan Lee.
• Robin versus the Robin Revenge Squad.
• I expected to hate Flash 231; I loved it.
• Now, that's taking tongue-piercing a bit too far.
• Megistus, just in case you need to know, is the scientific name of the Kissing Bug; it's from the Amazon... or it that "Zamaron"...?
• Young Superman as a cheftestant on Top Chef.
• Really? Don't you think you should start with your own sister, first...?
• My god, Daniel Acuna managed to make Wally West sexy!
• "This isn't the greatest the League will ever be." See; Rip Hunter knows Geo-Force sucks.
• Sure he's a good actor; but Batman's not fooled.
• Well. That's an interesting pair of narrators! Does Brad know something about "Junior" that we don't?
  
• Nice homage to the Last Superman Story, Kurt!
• No matter how many struggling women J'onn J'onnz restrains, I'm sure it's never enough.
• Pantha smiles; I counted one head squished, one exploded, and unnumbered decapitations on the Beltway.
• The Pozner Suit? The Pozner Suit?! Very interesting.
• Well. Now we know why Krypto usually just goes 'yip'.
• Never, in all the hundreds of horror and Vertigo titles I have ever read, have I seen anything half as horrible as what Brad Meltzer had Roy do to his daughter.

Pantha Report

Ah, for the innocent comics of our youth; they were nothing like the violent comics of today. Or, at least, so they tell me. They were, however, riddled with corpses


This is Tommy the Corpse, the guest star of Bronze Age Superman story.

Remember, kids, the most important thing to do when you encounter a corpse is to throw your arms around it and stare deeply into its eyes.

Gnothi seauton, kouroi!

And the next time you're tempted to complain about death in modern comics, think of Tommy the Corpse and ...


don't lose your head.

Sword of the Atom: 4!!!!

Yeesh, I don't know about you, but after that chunk of synoptic exposition I need a drink. More happens in that box than in a year's subscription to Brian Michael Bendis's Secret War. Of course, in all fairness, that's only five issues.

Rimshot! I told you I'd be here all week, folks.

In issue 4 of Sword of the Atom, the Rebels attack the Teeny Tiny City and succeed only because the evil Skeeve Minister has already primed the palace guards for his own revolt. That's at least a refreshing change from the usual sword epic plot of Hearty Heroes Take the Palace by Killing People Three At A Time While Still Chatting With One Another. Meanwhile, King Moron the Apathetic has finally figured out that the Skeeve Minister is plotting to overthrow him and prepares to announce the treachery to the world.

So, naturally, the rebellion succeeds but the people reconcile with their misunderstood king, the plotter is imprisoned, and the Atom marries the king's daughter and sitteth at his right hand, yes?

No. Guess again.

The King, being an idiot, confronts the Skeeve Minister, who, naturally enough, just stabs the king in the back. Princess Metal-bra shows up just in time to watch Pops bleed to death. Ah, he had it coming; he never even bought her a chair to sit in, for pity's sake.

Dude; why do you let your daughter sit in the I'm The King's Slave-Whore spot? Ick-y.

Then while the Atom and his men are leaping around ridiculously on their saddled frogs, the Skeeve Minister decides to

ACTIVATE

THE

STAR DRIVE!!!!

This is pretty clever plotting, actually. It's already been established that the Wee Folk came to earth on a Teeny Tiny starship, who's power source hasn't been used in forever because they forgot the science behind it many many generations ago. And the power source? Wait for it...

The white dwarf star fragment that Ray was searching for when he fell out of his plane.

Now that, gang, is comic books. And it gets better. After eons of non-maintenance, the dang star drive has a busted framostat and leaks 'white dwarf star radiation' like a sieve. So the badly irradiated, addled, and probably dying Skeeve Minister staggers out into the city brandishing a Toxic Touch of Death (tm), like Prof. Radium. Or Plasmus. Or Clayface. Or Dr. Phosphorus. Or Mano. Or the Red Death. Or Mr. Bones. Or Syonide. Or Shego. Or... well, you get the idea.

"For stealing from Rita Farr's closet I condemn thee to death!"

This leads us to the best (non-Jean Loring) scene of the series, but before we get to it, we'll take a small detour to an earlier scene where the Rebels discover a traitor in their midst who's in cahoots with the Skeeve Minister. So they kindly offer him the Poison Arrow of Self-Hand-Impalement:

Do you think Green Arrow's got one of those, too?

Gee, I don't suppose they could have put that poison in a pill or something.

I'd say this scene scores about a two on the Rolling Head of Pantha Scale; maybe a three, since the arrow comes out the back of his hand and is a fatal wound.

So what happens to the Badly Irradiated Skeeve Minister with the Toxic Touch of Death is at least a three, maybe a four:

Do NOT borrow Roy Harper's Mr. Bubble without asking first.

This scene from 25 years ago is brought to you by the innocent comics of your youth, which, as you keep telling me, would never show graphic violence like the evil comics of today.

With the malfunctioning star drive threatening the city, it helps to have a world-expert in exotic physics on hand to run into the machine and say "This sucker's going to blow!"

Gil Kane! You naughty, naughty man!

But what happens when you put six-inch Ray Palmer with white dwarf star radiation? Six-foot Ray Palmer, of course. The Atom starts to grow back to his normal height, and since the Jungleputians are too stupid even to flee for their lives from the disintegrating star drive, 'giant' Ray begins to kick the city to pieces like an unwanted sand castle in order to drive them away a safe distance, then staggers off just before the big ka-blooey, and collapses by the Amazon river, conked out by the radiation exposure, only to be picked up by some passing boaters who take him to an urban hospital.

Yawn! Let's check in on the real action: Jean Loring.

"Who DARES disturb the Loring? I'll have their guts for garters!"

One of the things that makes Jean Loring's evil so impressive is that she does more of it without even getting out of bed than you or I do in a lifetime.

Jean Loring from Sword of the Atom 1:



Jean Loring from Sword of the Atom 2:


Jean Loring from Sword of the Atom 3:


Jean Loring in Sword of the Atom 4:


Naturally, Ray is impressed by Jean's tenacity.

And overjoyed to be reunited with his beloved wife and return to the comfort of her arms.

I mean, who wouldn't be?


And this, believe it or not, is the end of Sword of the Atom:

Look out, Ray! That purse might contain a miniaturized flamethrower!

So, do you think Jean ...

(a) actually packed that hat and those gloves for a trip to South America's most inaccessible tropicopolis (which = insane)
or

(b) decided, hey, as long as I'm in town, I think I'll go hat shopping instead of looking for my missing husband (which = evil)?

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Fabian Nicieza's story in Action. I can't recall reading a story where Superman (or any other hero) had to deal with quite this situation with a "faith-based" hero. I find the subtle exploration of the pros and cons of religion enjoyable. Plus, it's a got fun usage of Superman's vision powers, and the art gives Superman a look he rarely has: really hot.
• Peter Milligan's "Kid Amazo" is so zany in premise that it's actually working for me, particularly the idea that the Kid wants to rebel against his father by becoming a good guy. Still, judging by Milligan's writing of Martian Manhunter and the Flash, he's never read a JLA comic before; wherever they are, it's not New Earth. See what happens, Brad, when you put Geo-Force in the League?
• The Spectre story (an eight-part "Orient Express") is finally over! If that doesn't make you happy, I can't imagine what would. I decided today that the story is actually an ingenious experiment in metaliterary theory: through it, the Spectre is punishing US with seemingly endless ironic torment. "THANKS TO THE DEMANDS OF YOUR BLOODTHIRSTINESS AND THE ROLLING HEAD OF PANTHA, GENERATIONS OF MINOR MISCREANTS HAVE DIED HORRIBLY BY MY HAND! YOU WANTED GORE AND IRONIC PUNISHMENT; NOW YOU SHALL HAVE MORE THAN YOUR FILL!" I don't blame writer David Lapham; I blame Geo-Force. When in doubt, blame Geo-Force.
• And, of course, beloved Dr. 13, who saves the day with his lack of faith. Any story where characters collectively quote "Windmills of Your Mind" and fight the empty costumes of Justice Leaguers is okay by me.
• The "wardrobe" joke and the visual that accompanies it.
• Darkseid playing Heroclix! But who's the blonde lady in the scarf? Did he have her customized?
• The ad for Countdown that appears in Countdown 51 made me laugh out loud; I wasn't expecting that button. So, since Ralph Dibny (in 52) left Jean Loring trapped or frozen or whatever, and since all the ads for Countdown have avoided showing Eclipso's face ... is it possible that there will be a NEW Eclipso other than Crazy Jean? Who could it be?
• Monitor-on-monitor violence! Blockade Boy must be in heaven with all these muttonchops.
• Monitors travel in giant soap bubbles just like Glinda the Good Witch? That's adorable!
• The solution to the great disaster? Priceless!

In other news...

A shout out to my friend and Big Monkey stalwart, sassy ass-kicking Sherin Nicole, for her on-line Washington Post interview. She's a credit to orange people everywhere.

Congrats to Jonnie B on his new Jon Hex Lives banner, which is much better than Devon's.

The Martian Manhunter is mad: I blame Geo-Force.

Big Monkey is going to run a comic book quizbowl, which should be a hoot. I used to coach college bowl (shocking, huh?) so I'm tasked with coming up with the questions. While the contestants practice their geek fu, I'm trying to arrange for Ulysses Campbell to film the event so we can post it on line. Congrats to Ulysses, by the way, on the first airing of his cable show "Fantastic Forum" on DCTV.

Speaking of airing ... what would you pay to listen to Scipio Garling of the Absorbascon (that's me), Devon Sanders of Seven Hells, Jon Carey of Facedown in the Gutters, Ben Hatton of Those Wednesdays, and Jonnie Brooks of Jon Hex Lives discuss and debate the latest comic book issues and stories in their usual witty way? Absolutely nothing, you say? Perfect, since that's exactly what it will cost you to listen to the BIG MONKEY PODCAST. Tech Guru Ben will gather us on Wednesday May 23 to record our first roundtable; we'll let you know as soon as it's up and available for download!

Great Corpses: White Guys, White Sands, White Gas

Hello! Rolling Head of Pantha here to share with you one of most traditional, wholesome elements of comic books ... a fresh corpse!

This is a personal favorite of mine. Oh, there's a lot to be said for slapdash impersonal gore, like, say, having your head knocked off by an insane Superman, well, knock-off. But fresh corpses are so much more meaningful when love and family are involved.

This one deserves a little set up...


Once upon a time, a highly-educated father loved his son so much, he took him with him on an exciting work-trip to the mysterious ancient land of Egypt.

But, as the archaeologist was hard at working exploring an ancient temple, his son wandered off, like a bad boy.


Rather than stay with his smart, hard-working, loving father, this boy wandered off and became entranced by the commanding eyes of a tall bearded older man. Much much much older ...

Oh, that's a mistake! When an older stranger asks you to swing his lever, little boy,
you should go running back to your daddy.

The white gas that reanimated the old man had another effect, less salutary.

Yep; it de-animated the Old Man.

Yes, that's the naive young Kent Nelson, Nabu of the Questionable Bedside Manner, and ...

the fresh corpse of Sven Nelson,
whom his son just unintentionally killed.

Don't worry! It's okay; Kent's young and bounces right back!


Hm. Perhaps I overestimated young Kent's resilience.


In any case, the next time you feel like complaining about death and killing in your current comics, just remember the little boy Kent Nelson, who killed his own father with the help of a creepy old Egyptian guy, and then they buried him in the middle of the desert.