My good friends at National Periodicals asked me to talk to you all today about an important subject, one that could affect the rest of your life:
Proper Hair Care.
Boys, it's important to take pride in your hair. Why, your hair is one of the first things people see about you and one of the things that makes the biggest impression on them. I found that out the hard way at my birth, when, in Version 3.2 of my origin, I was cast out and exposed to die by the Atlanteans for being blond.
Jealousy's an ugly thing, kids. Particularly in brunets.
But, if you've got a beautiful head of solid yellow hair like I do, you just have to get used to it! In fact, I learned to make my hair a particular point of pride. Well-kept hair can be a source of great self-satisfaction and a delight to all who see you.
But you don't have to be a superhero to maintain attractive hair; you can do it, too! This week, I'll be giving you some simple guidelines to follow. Today's is:
1. Keep your hair a short, manageable length.
Don't let your hair get too long, boys. Oh, I know some other kids may try to express their freedom by growing their hair long, but I'm here to tell you that's just wasted rebellion for an apathetic audience. They're "not cutting their hair off" to spite their face!
One of the first signs your hair is too long is that your bangs get out of control, and hang down stringily over your forehead. How embarrassing!
Remember, if you let your hair grow too long in a misguided attempt to appear free-spirited, you'll start to look too effeminate...
or even feminine...
or wind-up looking like a deranged homeless person.
I would never do that, kids, and I hope you wouldn't, either!