Uncle Frickin' Sam

It's Uncle Sam.

It's

UNCLE
FRICKIN'
SAM,

people.

I can't imagine what Sam's going to do with his sleeves rolled up like that.
But I like to try.

This February sees the release of the new set of DC Heroclix figures (called Crisis): Uncle Sam, it has recently been announced, will be among them.

As you know, I adore Uncle Sam; he's the ultimate heartthrob among Personified Nationhoods. Look at those thighs; you could crush Communism with those! It's been great that he's found a unique place of honor among DC's icons (although, of course, he was "inherited" in 1956 from another company, who copied him from the political cartoonists' Uncle Sam). Now he's done the same in Heroclix.

It's also nice to finally have the centerpiece of a Freedom Fighters team. Wizkids has already made a Phantom Lady figure

a Ray

and a Damage (if you want to count him). Oh, if only this forthcoming set also has the Human Bomb and Black Condor! I can wait patiently for Red Bee, Firebrand, Doll Man, and the rest.

Anyway, back to Sam.

Uncle Sam has Leap/Climb (named as "From Sea to Shining Sea"), which means pretty much nothing can stop him from going wherever he wants to go. Plus, he's got the Transporter ability, which means he can pick up and carry with him one of his teammates in his arms. In those pythonic arms with their Popeyesque forearms. With the sleeves rolled up.

Naturally, he has Leadership (named as "Liberty and Justice For All") to inspire his teammates. And they inspire him to! For each teammate near him who has taken an action token in the fight, he gets +1 to his Close Combat Attacks! This special power is called (drum roll)... "Give Me Your Tired".

But what about when Sam grows to massive size (sigh)? They've thought of that, too, giving Sam a special power ("As Big As My Country") that makes him a Giant, which is gonna make him a fightin' powerhouse, particularly when combined also with Quake ("Lay Low Th' Foes of Freedom") to scatter enemies and Flurry ("Truth and Justice will Prevail") to make sure they stay down.

Sam's a tough old cuss, with Invulnerability ("Through the Perilous Fight"), followed by Toughness ("Safe Thro' the Storm"). In his end dial, he's even got Regeneration ("Ya Can't Get Rid of Freedom") and Support ("Mend Thine Ev'ry Flaw") for his teammates (just like when he healed Phantom Lady of her addictions!).

Oh, and if that weren't enough, he picks up Teleportation ("To the Heartland"), so he can whisk his teammates to safety (just like he does in the comics!).

It's a smart job they've done with Uncle S. He's no Superman, but he's a strong solo fighter, able to take a punch with his damage-reducing powers and quickly shatter the enemy lines with offensive powers like Quake and Flurry. They captured his ability to grow big and to regenerate himself.

But it's in making him a team-player that Wizkids really impresses me. He can carry his teammates into battle with him, inspire them, and rescue them when they need it (Transporter, Leadership, Teleportation, Support). I'm pretty sure that's the JSA Team Ability he has on his dial, so he can share his Defense Value with them as a protector (just as the JSA can protect Uncle Sam). And when his teammates are "tired" (as represented by having action tokens on them) he gets extra strength to pick up the burden while they recover.

Talk about "Big Tent" politics; Uncle Sam is going to be one of the greatest "tentpoles" the game has ever seen.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Pa Luthor.
• Wendy and Marvin's unorthodox weightlifting program.
• The Duke of Deception. Good to see ya again!
• The Return of Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters. For a few pages, at least!
  
• Brimstone with a starrophyte on its face.
• Nazi Flash's costume.
• Black Condor versus Firebrand on American Indian history.
• Jimmy Olsen is a very hot mer-man. Bait my hook!
  
• Tim's plan for making a 'real difference'. Tim Drake; still the coolest person in the DCU.
• Circe's 'gift'. Clever way of having our cake and eating it, too. I like it. But I have little expectation that it will continue...
• Martian Manhunter with a starrophyte on his face.
• The Mask? Yeah, we definitely need her in WW's Rogues Gallery.
• The Crime Society.
• "He needs our help with his sexy fight!"
• Wonder Girl I and Wonder Girl II are Nightwing and Robin. Yes, they are; the Dynastic Centerpiece model will not be denied.
• Blue Beetle is a good student, and teaches Dr. Zuel a lesson.
• Okay, could the dirty stinking Rannies have been any more vile to Adam Stranger this week? The scorpion stings, Adam; it is its nature.
  
• We use their bones as fertilizer on the next crop? Now, THAT is over the top villainy.
• Careful, Mxyzptlk; stare at the Fourth Wall long enough, and it will stare back at you!
• Jaime Reyes's parents can make me cry every time they appear; it's their superpower.
• The Red Bee's Ironically Apt Empowerment takes a turn for the worse.
• Lex Luthor frenching Lois Lane.
• What Lex Luthor did after frenching Lois Lane.
• Heinrich Himmler as Max Headroom.
• Heh. Timberwolf came before Wolverine. Never forget that.
• PLEASE please please tell her name is "White Canary"... . PLEASE.
  
• Jason Todd the Wishbone.
• Piranhas and wasps in a death trap? Nice one, Morrison!
• How Peacemaker ruined his boots in Arizona.
• Snapper Carr versus Starro, I expected. Snapper Carr versus the Trinity, I did not expect.

JLA set; My guesses

Now that we've got that pesky Avengers set out of the way, we can all concentrate fully on Wizkids forthcoming "Justice League" expansion set for DC Heroclix!

Based on what I know, what follows are my guesses as to what will be in the set. Naturally, I'm sure I'll be spectacularly wrong (I mean, Bronze Tiger would simply never occur to me), but that doesn't stop me from having fun guessing.

1. Bronze Tiger
2. Robin (in his new costume)
3. Connor Hawke (Green Arrow II)
4. Aquafake, Bored of Atlantis
5. Deadman
6. Classic Flash (Barry Allen)
7. Guy Gardner
8. Batman ("Aparo" version)
9. Zatanna (Headmistress of Hotath costume)
10. Lobo
11. Superman
    
12. Tharok (for the Fatal Five)
13. Captain Boomerang (for the Suicide Squad)
14. Brainiac 5 (for the Legion)
15. Dream Girl (for the Legion)
16. Power Ring (for the Crime Syndicate)
17. Batwoman (for the Batman Family)
18. the Penguin (for the Batman Enemies)
19. Brainiac, Silver Age (for the Superman Enemies)
20. Black Manta (Injustice League)
    
21. Crimson Fox
22. Prof. Ivo
23. Amazo
24. T.O.Morro
25. Tomorrow Woman
    
26. Dr. Destiny
27. Kanjar Ro
    
28. Classic Aquaman
29. Classic Green Arrow
30. Classic Green Lantern Hal Jordan
31. Jay Garrick
32. Mento or Niles Caulder
33. Captain Marvel Jr
34. Black Condor
35. Uncle Sam
    
36. Vibe
37. Gypsy
38. Per Degaton
39. Toyman
40. Granny Goodness
41. Classic Trickster
42. Pied Piper
43. Star Sapphire
44. Dr. Polaris
45. Dr. Light 2
    
46. Lightray
47. Bloodwynd
    
48. Firehawk
49. Wonder Woman 1,000,000
50. Golden Eagle
51. Rag Doll
52. Silver Banshee
53. Batman & Robin
54. Amazing Man
55. Gang of thugs
56. Nightwing
57. Grace Choi
58. Huntress
    
59. ?????
60. ???????!
    

Special figures confirmed Tournament LE: Starro Starro Controlled Flash
Starro Controlled Green Arrow
Starro Controlled Green Lantern
Starro Controlled Aquaman

Confirmed Mail-away Figure: The Phantom Stranger (as previously discussed)

1. Bronze Tiger
2. Robin (in his new costume)
3. Connor Hawke (Green Arrow II)
4. Aquafake, Bored of Atlantis
5. Deadman
6. Classic Flash (Barry Allen)
7. Guy Gardner
8. Batman ("Aparo" version)
9. Zatanna (Headmistress of Hotath costume)
10. Lobo
11. Superman

1-11. These aren't guesses at all. We know for a fact that these characters will be in the set, because we have either seen the sculpts in advertisements, seen the characters on the box art, or been specifically told by Wizkids they are in the set. You'll notice there's lots of JLA love in these eleven!

I've seen the Zatanna sculpt, by the way, and, unfortunately, its ass is not on fire. Which is a pity, because it would have been a good use of translucent plastic.

12. Tharok (for the Fatal Five)
13. Captain Boomerang (for the Suicide Squad)
14. Brainiac 5 (for the Legion)
15. Dream Girl (for the Legion)
16. Power Ring (for the Crime Syndicate)

12-16. These characters are near shoe-ins, because they fill in or complete existing theme teams. Tharok is the last of the Fatal Five, and with the new Legion starter out, is a lock. Classic Captain Boomerang is a little shakier, but he's the essential piece missing from the Suicide Squad and is needed for a Classic Central City Rogues team (which is important, since there's finally a Barry Allen Flash in this set).

The Legion will surely gets its usual two members per set. Dream Girl is a good bet because (1) she looks cool (2) she's a female figure (3) she'd bring Probability Control to Legion teams. Besidesm she pairs perfectly with Brainiac 5, who, like her, would be hard to hit (due to his force shield belt) and has 'distance powers' (e.g., Outwit and Perplex). A B5 figure came out in a previous set, but he's not quite up to snuff with the new Legionnaires. His Q rating is darned high; you can have a Legion without Quislet or Quantum Kid, but not without Brainiac 5; expect a remake. And, for those of you about to type

"But surely Starboy or the other Legionnaires from the Lightning Saga will be in the set instead!",

save it; the lead time on making Heroclix sets is too long to have yet been influenced by the Lightning Saga.

Power Ring, like Tharok, is the last member of his evil team (the Crime Syndicate) so he's a shoe-in, too.

17. Batwoman (for the Batman Family)
18. the Penguin (for the Batman Enemies)
19. Brainiac, Silver Age (for the Superman Enemies)
20. Black Manta (Injustice League)

17-20. These characters are additions to an existing Team Ability (most of the main Team Abilities get at least one new character per set, and with 60 characters now in each set rather than 48, it's more likely than ever to be a goal). The guesses here are a lot dicier than than 1-16.

Batwoman's got several things in her favorite: (1) Batman Team Ability, which is always popular. For pity's sake, they made Spoiler. (2) Wizkids always needs female figures to help balance the set. (3) She was riding quite high about the time this set would have been planned.

We might a more obscure Batvillian like Killer Moth or Firefly, but my money's still on the Penguin. The Penguin's been made before, but he was notoriously unusable even at the time he was released. Factors in his favor; very high Q rating; previous sculpt was wrong (white suit); previous dial was unusable; Wizkids new dial designers have a much better handle on how to represent characters like the Penguin; and the Penguin (who has actually fought the JLA and the SuperFriends) makes much more sense in a JLA set then Killer Moth or Firefly. [Yes, Dale; I know that Killer Moth appeared in JLA #35....]

Similar logic applies to Brainiac. The Superman Enemies always need help. Besides, we've had Brainiac13 and the Terminator-Brainiac foisted on us in two previous sets; we deserve the Silver Age Brainiac everyone will recognize.

Black Manta? Well, yes, there are other Aquafoes to make, but here the "Penguin Logic" applies again. All the factors in Penguin's favor (except sculpt; the original Manta sculpt is fine) augur well for Manta as well. Besides, he could add to the figure with the Injustice League ability (look for an alternate Team Ability for IL figures, too; it's current definition is so unwieldy I don't think I've ever seen it used in play).

21. Crimson Fox
22. Prof. Ivo
23. Amazo
24. T.O. Morrow
25. Tomorrow Woman
26. Dr. Destiny
27. Kanjar Ro

21- 27. Well, it is a JLA themed set, after all! Wizkids has said, "all eras and versions of the Justice League" will be represented and nothing says "JLE" like ze Crimson Fox. I'm anxious to see how perfume is represented on her dial.

Prof. Ivo might not be that big on offense, but, since he's an invulnerable mad scientist, he could be a really annoying support piece. Imagine him with Imperviousness and Outwit down the dial!

Wizkids would be fools to pass on the opportunity to remake Ivo's creation, Amazo, for the JLA set, now that they have "special powers" at their disposal. Count on him, with some crazy power for copying the powers of other figures within his sight and range.

The original T.O. Morrow figure is still a lot of bang for the buck, but a new version with Probability Control is in order. And while I personally think "Tomorrow Woman" is embarrassingly ludicrous, she was popular in the way that All Things Morrison seem to be. Besides, she would bring telekinesis and pulse wave to the JLA table.

Dr. Destiny looks cool and is a quintessential JLA villain. And wicked, if he's got some special version of Mind Control that lets him control powerful figures without taking damage. Likewise Kanjar Ro. Okay, fine, Kanjar Ro doesn't look cool. In fact, he looks like a chinless stoolie you'd slap around at bar on Rimbor. But give him a big Gamma Gong with triple incapacitate and he's a serious problem.

28. Classic Aquaman
29. Classic Green Arrow
30. Classic Green Lantern Hal Jordan

28 - 30. This is reverse logic. First, you've got to know that Wizkids is making Starro-ed controlled versions of four characters as giveaways at its "Win a Giant Starro clix" contests. Those are Silver Age versions of Aquaman, Green Arrow, Green Lantern, and the Flash, all with little Starro-fish on their faces. I've seen these, and they are darned pretty. By simply making versions without the Starro-fish on the faces, they get four other figures easily. We know that there will be a Silver Age Flash in the set already, so that makes it even more likely that we'll get Silver Age Green Arrow, Green Lantern, and Aquaman, too.

31. Jay Garrick
32. Mento
33. Captain Marvel Jr
34. Black Condor
35. Uncle Sam

31 - 35. This is more team filling. Jay Garrick was in the first set, but will get a remake for several reasons. (1) He still costs around $30 on Ebay, so a lot of people don't have him. (2) We need a version with the JSA Team Ability. (3) We need a version with some defensive powers.

The Doom Patrol needs a new member, probably Mento, because while he's less important than the Chief, he's easier to represent and is more visual. The Marvel Family is missing only Junior, and the groovy new Black Condor will add to the Freedom Fighters (plus, he's a babe). So would Uncle Sam, whom I think they may make as a giant figure, to take advantage of the new booster boxes that allow them to easily mix figures of different sizes.

36. Vibe
37. Gypsy

36 & 37. Like it or not (okay ... not; no one likes it), the Justice League Detroit is one of the versions of the League. The JLD had three members unique to that version: Gypsy, Steel, and the irrepressible Vibe. Gypsy still has legs (though perhaps not shoes) having been seen repeatedly since the JLD days, even as an operative in Birds of Prey; besides, she's got the Distaff Factor in her favor. Steel? No, I think he'll wait until "Citizen Steel" makes his appearance; there's already a Heroclix figure named Steel, thank you very much. As for Vibe, well, I think we'll see him because he's more closely associated with JLD than any other character. Plus, with some Quake and some BREAKDANCING AGILITY (Deflection or Combat Reflexes), he'd be a nice dial to have on the team. Any team, really. Or, you could just put his sculpt on your nightstand and stare at it every night as you nod off to sleep.

38. Per Degaton
39. Toyman
40. Granny Goodness
41. Classic Trickster
42. Pied Piper
43. Star Sapphire
44. Dr. Polaris

38 - 44. I hate having to pit hero teams against one another just because there aren't enough decent villains! We need those guys. Per Degaton isn't a JLA villain per se, but he's a high profile JSA villain and that's close enough. Besides a dial full of Probability Control would make him a great background figure on any villain team.

Toyman is the missing member of the Legion of Doom. Nuff said.

The Fourth World is (apparently) a necessary evil, so it's time for ridiculous Granny Goodness (or one of the Female Furies such as Lashina). What on earth would be on her dial I cannot imagine, unless they give her a Special Power like BUTT-UGLINESS: Granny Goodness may use a power action to automatically incapacitate any opposing figure the first time she comes within its line of sight.

The Trickster and the Pied Piper are safe bets for Flash Rogues because neither has been made yet (and, no, the "Kid Trickster" doesn't count, particularly since a stiff wind will take him out of the game). The Trickster could be the first flying DC villain to start with Perplex on his dial, and that could be very helpful to the Rogues (who need all the help they can get). And a mind-controlling Pied Piper tp use against any speedster under 100 points (which includes all of the Flash Family) would be useful.

We've got hordes of Green Lanterns and no villains for them to fight; bring on Star Sapphire, in as skimpy and as internet-enraging a costume as possible. Likewise for Dr. Polaris (although, not even I want to see Dr. Polaris in a skimpy costume. Well, not as a Heroclix figure, anyway...).

45. Dr. Light 2
46. Lightray
47. Bloodwynd
48. Firehawk
49. Wonder Woman 1,000,000
50. Golden Eagle

45 - 50. More JLA theme. Dr. Light 2 is definitely in the aforementioned category of necessary evils and she represents the beloved JLI era. Lightray helps fill out the New Gods roster, and was (at some point I'm glad to have missed) a JLA member. Bloodwynd pretty much existed only as a JLA member. Plus he's one of their few mystics and even fewer black members. Besides... he looks fantastic. Who cares what his dial says?

Firehawk? Why, yes, she was in the JLA; the one formed during 52! Besides, she's one of the few even remotely recognizable members of the Firestorm cast and has the Distaff Factor. We know there's going to be a member of the DC 1,000,000 version of the League (whatever it was called... Justice Legion A?). Wonder Woman One Million is the best candidate, other than Starman, from that group. But I'll think she'll get it because she easily dialable, looks cools, bolsters the Wonder Woman box of Heroclix, and has the Distaff Factor.

Golden Eagle was too a member of JLA (okay... mostly honorary). Besides, the Hawkman Family could use someone other than the Man and the Girl. And he plays nicely into the following Teen Titans set. Alright, fine! I just like Golden Eagle.

51. Rag Doll
52. Silver Banshee
53. Batman & Robin
54. Amazing Man
55. Gang of thugs
56. Nightwing
57. Grace Choi
58. Huntress

51 - 58. There's a lot going on here in this little grab-bag. Rag Doll works as a JSA villain, an Injustice League piece, and continues the expansion of the popular Secret Six. Silver Banshee? Well, the Superman Enemies really need a boost and a female foe wouldn't hurt either. Besides, has there every been a more fabulously designed "Nightmare of a Drag Queen" look than Silver Banshee? She should appear regularly in heavy metal videos and episodes of Queer Eye.

Batman & Robin. Yeah. Together. On one dial. The New Dial Mechanism of the Year is the "duo dial", as used for Cap & Bucky in the Avengers set. It's not exactly what I would use it for, but after the Avengers set, it seems pretty clear that if you ain't got an ampersand between your names, it ain't for you. So, unless they're planning on surprising us with Mr. Scarlet & Pinky or Dan the Dynamite & TNT, it'll be Batman & Robin.

Amazing Man. No, I'm not sure how I feel about Amazing Retcon Man, either. But he was a Justice League member, works with JSA teams, and adds to the list of black characters in clix. Not quite sure what they'd do with his dial, but I guess if they did the Absorbing Man they can do Amazing Man. As long as there's one click of "Amazingly Brittle Man"; that still amuses me.

Gang of Thugs. No, I don't really think we'll get this, but we should anyway, and they should have the new Duo Dial mechanism. That would make the perfect foils for Batman&Robin, plus the Batvillains (particularly the Mastermind ones) desperately need them. Besides, with them, we get to say "GET THEM, YOU FOOLS!" while playing. Really, what's the point of playing villains if you don't get to say, "GET THEM, YOU FOOLS!"?

Nightwing, of course, would add to the Outsiders team, the Batman Family, and still count as JLA (thanks to the horror that was "Obsidian Age"). Besides, a lot of people would like him to be remade. I've never had any problems with him as is, but he is kind of front-loaded and a new dial would do him better justice. Huntress likewise. As for Grace Choi, well, there's always got to be one character I can't believe they wasted plastic on, and that would be she.

As for the last two figures, well...

who do you think they will or should be?

Well, who am I to argue with Uncle Sam?

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

Honestly, virtually everything has been making me happy in my comics lately. I mean how many weeks do you get to see the Supercar ... twice? How often does a fellow blogger make a contribution to Green Arrow's Rogue's Gallery like the Hideous Closet Pastry?


Best moment of the week? Lots to choose from, but one hands-down winner:

Skeets and Speedy fighting Dr. Polaris with a yo-yo.

I mean, unless the Phantom Stranger shows up with Vibe in tow, there's really no way anything gets better than that. Although later in the story, Speedy does manage to stop Dr. Polaris from hurling the earth into the sun, armed with nothing more than a stonehead arrow from Hawkgirl's bedroom and Booster's familiarity with the Battle of Agincourt. That's a close second to the yo-yo thing.

The story give us not only a Booster Gold who is a scholar/athlete but also a nice spin on Polaris's portrayal, an ingenius twist of his traditional dual personality. DC doesn't really need an "Ultimates" line, folks, just more of you buying its "animated" titles.


This month's Uncle Sam & The Freedom Fighters continues its patented brand of lunacy and I love every panel of it, like this one where Uncle Sam defeats his enemies armed with nothing more than the truth, the power of the media, and size 412 shoes.

This image makes me feel so ... warm.
Hot, really. God, I love my country.

Elsewhen, Palmiotti & Gray freshen up Jonah Hex with the introduction of a new character: Tallulah Black, the Woman Wronged. We like her. If Jonah's new spunky "sidekick" isn't enough, the story's also a bouquet of little moments like Xtreme FGM, dynamitic decapitation, little girls breaking men's necks, and shoe-shopping with Jonah Hex. Really, I don't why Western comics aren't more popular.

52 gave us the wonderful and long-brewing donnybrook between Lex Luthor and John Irons, representatives of the Worst and Best of humanity. We also get giant crabs (um ... in the story, I mean), Osiris's interesting quest, and a lovely reminder (so rare in comics) that you really can die from falling two or three stories, leaving you just as dead as if you'd been incinerated by a megarod.

I really like the new Sargon the Sorceror, even if he is rather a Starbellied Sneech. Using his haircut to evoke the original's turban is a darned clever design touch. And he has a nice sense of humor when it comes to killing people ironically. I mean, the Spectre's the master at it, but you just know he never really gets the joke. DC: I want to see Sargon again, please. If possible, on a shopping trip with the new Black Condor and the Phantom Stranger.



Do NOT miss the Annual of Action Comics. Not only it is full of little vignettes and stories that fill holes in the Superman storyline but also the kind of fun stuff that's been missing from comics too long, such as overviews of the Fortress of Solitude, Kryptonite colors, and Superman's rogues galleries. This comic is everything an Annual should be. Thank you, DC.

Shazam: The Monster Society of Evil is wonderful; do yourself a favor and buy it (which I only did because Devon made me). I understand now why Jeff Smith is so acclaimed. Somehow, it is both as terrifyingly creepy as Captain Marvel can be and as winningly innocent as Captain Marvel should be. Finally, a book I can read along with children; I simply must go and rent some!

Holy Phylogeny, Batman!

In the Golden Age, DC heroes were mostly rich guys or aliens, capable of amazing stunts of well, superhuman proportions. They were morally noble, but tended not to get hung up on little societal details like "due process". Impressive though they were, they sure got knocked around a lot; but it never seemed to bother them much.

• He is of high birth or even something more than human.

• He must perform extraordinary feats.

• His is a noble character which is close to perfectly ideal.

• The suffering of the character is physical.

The Silver Age saw new heroes like Barry Allen and Hal Jordan, who were essentially regular joes. Older heroes like Batman and Superman became less independent and more public figures; instead of confronting governors and defying police, they started working with them, for them almost.

• A hero can be of common birth.

• Battle is an ongoing test of manhood and loyalty to the community

• A man has to be seen as having a good moral character including. chastity and obedience (doesn’t actually need to be of such a character, perception more important than actuality).

• Must demonstrate obedience to hierarchy; Must follow elaborate rules of chivalry, dress, courtesy, and codes of conduct.

• Wages war on behalf of the community.

Then Marvel hit the scene and looked at heroes in a new, more personal way. Volatile and emotional characters struggled to understand themselves and their powers. Spider-Man wrestled with his ambivalence over the responsibilities of his powers. The Fantastic Four created unique roles for themselves as "celebrity superheroes". The X-Men spent much time considering what it meant to be "a mutant" and what the future of the mutant community should be.

• Birth and class are unimportant: the individual transcends society

• The battle is internal: it is a psychological war won by the “courage to be me”.

• Moral codes are eccentric–heroes make their own rules

• Passions are outside of individual control

• Self knowledge is valued more than physical strength or endurance
  (physical courage is de-valued)

• The hero is moody, isolated, and introspective

• Loyalty is to a particular project and to a community of like-minded others

Some later heroes were more cynical in design. The Question, Booster Gold, the Creeper, Lobo, Hitman, the Wildstorm heroes; all of them seemed to be focused on just getting by, with goals and behaviors that stood out in contrast to their predecessor. Even some old heroes, like Iron Man, got recast into this new "heroic" mold. If you'll read the most recent issue of Freedom Fighters, you'll see Uncle Sam take heroes of this type and try renovate them into nobler heroes based on the early model of the Golden and Silver Ages.

• He seeks merely to survive–to create a pool of light in a world of dark shadows.

• The war is against meaninglessness: the battle is to create meaning and value.

• The heroes have a code of behavior rather than a code of ethics - they portray men who are impassive, hard-boiled, never surprised by events.

• The world is seen as having no internal order: anything goes–the hero is as likely to be debauched and depraved as the enemy.

• The internal struggle is with addiction to drugs, liquor, sex, money.
  The external struggle is with corruption in government, the military, schools - formal organizations.

• There is no sense of community. The hero lives for a small, select circle which can be merely one woman or a few trusted friends.

Why, if I didn't know better, I'd say the comic book industry intentionally replicated the development of the four literary conceptions of the heroic (Classic, Medieval, Romantic, and Modern).

Things That Made Me Happy...

in this week's comics (and some o' last week's).

Cascade. Oh, so delighted to see her in last week's 52. I know her only from pouring over the DC Encyclopedia in search of water-based characters who would be good custom clix for my Aquaman-centric ocean map games. Hanging out with Black Adam isn't the best sign, but it keeps her in play so that some day she can find a home in the Aquaman title. Maybe by then the real Aquaman will be back in it, too.!

Dr. Psycho versus Manhunter. Is Doc P a bit overused right now? Perhaps. But given that he was absent from comics for DECADES, I don't begrudge him the screen time. Besides he's consistently and unrepentently vile; we deserve more villains like that.

Command D. Of course -- how else would something as rug-chewingly crazy as Battle for Bludhaven end except with Command D?

Bye-bye, Bludhaven. Wish I could say I'll miss you, but from the very beginning you were nothing but a parody of Gotham.

The Wolfman is a monster that kills once a month. Happy to hear that Marv Wolfman's run on Nightwing is just a few filler issues. Wolfman, the "creator of Nightwing", is, as far as I'm concerned, the Man Who Ruined Dick Grayson. But you knew that already. He is the exact opposite of what that character needs right now.

Vibe's cameo in JLA #0. Thanks, Brad!

Batman borrowing a book from the library on Themiscyra. Second best moment in JLA #0.

Captain Atom's "new outfit" at the end of Battle for Bludhaven (which apparently lots of younger readers didn't understand). A nice easter egg for us fanboys though!

Freedom Fighters. I have to agree with Devon (who, after all, erreth not): if you read only one comic book this week with strong social commentary using metahumans as a metaphor, then let it be Freedom Fighters.

Robin's great relationship with Batman. But I'm with Alfred; I mean "The Clash"? Harrumph!

Querl Dox calling Vril Dox stupid. Well, who else can get away with it?

The Legion's Supergirl. DC; can we please allow this version of Supergirl into the 21st century?

The crazy-@$$ silveragedness of the 31st century. Yes, this week we learn in one expository word balloon that the earth shifted its axis of rotation so that Australia became the south pole, rendering Antarctica liveable, where one city eventually got giantified by Bizarro-Brainaic's Enlargement Ray, and that's where Colossal Boy comes from: a city of giants living in Antarctica. Oh. Well. Of course! That's how the 31st century should be...

The art, particularly the inking, in Robin.

Doll Man's opening scene. So sweet it made my teeth hurt.

Finally, someone is going to get rid of Major Force. Who keeps thinking it's a good idea to bringing this cheesy, cartoonishly violent bowling trophy back as character? Let him go this time, please.

Uncle Sam is coming and somebody's gonna get a whoopin' out by the toolshed.

Sue's hats. Lots of them.

The Question, retooled to resemble more his JLU version (really, the only version that's ever been truly popular).

Batwoman. Batwoman skulking. Batwoman throwing batarangs. Batwoman crashing through windows. Batwoman's majorette baton of doom. Batwoman kicking ani-men butt. Batwoman making a quick exit. I don't know whether Renee is in love in Batwoman, but I sure as heck am!

What Flash discovered for the Big Three at "the Hall". Make no mistake: there are some ideas so good, you just can't kill them, folks. Thanks again, Brad.

BZZZZZZZZZ!

You don't think I'd send the Red Bee out in battle alone, do you?

Oh, I don't mean proper teammates, although I do have his friends, Phantom Lady, Uncle Sam, the Black Condor as customs.

No, I mean, of course ... the bees.

They have Flight, Leap/Climb (you can't really "base" a bee), JLA Team Ability (for free movement), and hellacious Attack Values (c'mon; if a bee really wants to sting you, it does). The Experienced Bee and Veteran Bee (whom I like to call "Michael") have Deflection and Supersenses respectively, making them very hard to hit (because, well, have you ever tried to shoot a bee? Trust me, it's harder than you'd think, even with a scope).

As Mr. Terrific would say, "play fair"; only use the bees with the Red Bee himself. They may not do a lot of a damage, but they make a great defense.

My Kind of Artist!

Okay, Kurt Busiek, I relent!

I'll support ANYTHING you want to do with Aquaman ...


as long as you let Fernando Albea draw it. Aquaman: Sword of Hooters, anyone?

But (semi-)seriously, folks ... is this the guy who needs to draw Black Condor, Uncle Sam, et al., or what? You could relaunch all of National's characters this way. Just imagine the Red Bee or Firebrand in Fernando's hands! Yee-ha!


Huhn. That's funny...



Kyle really doesn't look all that different, does he?

My Year in Review

The Absorbascon's Year in Review,
done as a Heroclix Expansion Set.

REVs, LEs, and Uniques

1-3 Thought-Robots
4-6 Denominated Henchman (Southpaw LE)
7-9 Nameless Underlings (Artsy-Face LE)
10-12 Delicious Hostess Fruit Pies (Cherry Pie with Real Fruit Filling LE)
13-15 The Penny Plunderer
16-18 Vibe (Paco Ramone doing "the Robot" LE)
19-21 Dominominions (generic)
22-24 Dr. Domino
25-27 The Red Bee
28-30 Bees (generic) (Michael the Bee LE)
31-33 Phantom Lady
34-36 The Fadeaway Man
37-39 Congorilla
40-42 The original Black Condor
43-45 Hugo Strange
46-48 Gnor's Hotdog
49-51 Batman-Clobbering Robin
52-54 Batman Bitchslapping Robin
55-57 Killer Moth
58-60 Mr. Scarlet
61-63 The Mist
64-66 The Awesome Human Flying Fish
67-69 Phantom Zone Cats
70-72 Catman
73-75 Blaze
76-78 Simon Stagg
79-81 Blockade Boy (Jeremy Rizza LE)
82-84 The Original Starman (Ted Knight LE)
85 Orca the Whalewoman
86 Uncle Sam
87 The Phantom Stranger
88 Vartox
89 Toyboy
90 The Green Arab
91 Boy King
92 The Kryptonite Monkey
93 Bizarro-Titano
94 The Light ("The Unknown" LE)
95 Amethyst
96 The Composite Superman (Joe Meach LE)

217 Rex the Wonder Dog (Clik Brick LE)
218 The Infuriated Vurm
219 God
220 Night Girl
221 Topo

FEAT CARDS
001 Bacteria Cloudburst Formula
002 Word Association
003 Mid-Crisis Life-Makeover
004 The Living Death
005 The Gay Place
006 Breakdance Fighting

BATTLEFIELD CONDITIONS
001 Incest
002 Drama

BYSTANDER TOKENS
01 Marsha Mallow
02 Forgettable Moll
03 Major Mynah
04 ROGER the Ore-Crusher
05 The Rabid Racoon
06 The Innocent Dupe
07 J. Edgar Hoover
08 Dr. Curry (as long as Arthur's going to be a Bystander in his own comic, shouldn't be one on the Heroclix board, too?)

OBJECT TOKENS
001 Yellow Ceiling Tile
002 The Ecstacotron
003 Atomic Warhead Arrow
004 The Queer Machine
005 The Saltwater Telegraph
006 The Polished Aluminum Flying Pan

COLOSSAL SIZED EXCLUSIVE FIGURE
300 Multiwoman of the Challenger-Haters (with four dials: "Moody", "Rather Peeved", "Royally Ticked", and "Monthly Visitor")

CONVENTION EXCLUSIVE
301 The corpse of Multi-Man

Happy New Year, everyone!

Christmascon

For some unfathomable reason, in our poll on "What new gay superhero will get his/her own series in 2006?", the venerable but rockhard patriot, Uncle Sam, is in the leader, followed by the new Aquaman, Sword (*snicker*) of Atlantis. Wouldn't it serve me right if it were the new Aquaman? In order to keep to my principles, I'd be forced to buy four copies every month, but throw them all away without reading them; oh, the comic book irony!

Speaking of Uncle Sam, I got this for Christmas from Totaltoyz, the Customizer in Residence at the Big Monkey Comics Ebay store:



















Yes, it's the red white and blue slab of manmeat himself with his white hot sword of victory, as seen previously here at the Absorbascon. What American lad could ask for a better toy for Christmas? Gods, I love my country!





Devon of Seven Hells gave me == I still can't believe it == a nearly perfect copy of Lois Lane 106, one of the most famous comics of all time. Yep; I now own "I am curious (black)!"Expect to hear in 2006 more about my perceptions of this wacky, well-meant story where Lois turns into a black woman. Lots more. It's now my sacred duty.

In return, I gave Devon something you don't find at the store: a custom Heroclix of...

the Viking Commando.Custom Viking Commando heroclix courtesy of Totaltoyz at Big Monkey Comics Ebay

Now, I have to look forward to Monday nights in 2006 listening to Devon shout, "I'm going commando on ALL your asses!" at the top of his voice while wildly waving a spatula above the Heroclix board like an ax as the dog barks like crazy. Oh, well, it's better than bowling.

Lastly (and certainly most ominously for you the reader), Captain Infinity was wonderful enough to send me one of the gifts I asked for: the entire run of the Detroit Justice League. That's right; I'm now armed with every single appearance of Vibe. Everyone say thanks to Captain Infinity!

COIE: Favorites in Action!

Okay, let's see...

If we're going to try to find some fun in The Horror That Was COIE (Crisis on Infinite Earths), I guess the first sensible place to start is with appearances by our special favorites. Yes, yes! That's something everyone liked about COIE; everyone (other the Inferior Five) appeared in it, so whoever you love has almost got to be there, even if only in one panel. Unless, it's, you know, like, the Bug-Eyed Bandit.

Who's our favorite? STARMAN!

Surely, with the melodrama gushing from every benday dot on every page, Starman would be a natural for COIE. Let's take a look!He's flying! And firing! And... hm. That's it, huh? No haiku? No lines at all? Not even lit from below? Okay, that's a bust, then. Well, I can't blame Wolfman, I guess. I mean, it's not as if the villain's plot hinged upon the use of some giant machine that collected stellar energy like his cosmic rod.
What next? Oh, I know: stripped down rock hard personification of justice UNCLE SAM! We love Uncle Sam! Let's see what that halfnaked slab of patriot power can REALLY do!
Oh. He talks. And talks. And talks some more. While wearing clothes. Hm. Let's read the minds of his audience and see how inspiring that is....

AQUAMAN: "Eyes--rolling up into head--must--remain conscious!"
HUNTRESS: "On Earth-2, this would be over by now. On Earth-2, the bad guy would have already fallen into a vat of acid. On Earth-2, I could shoot an arrow through the old guy's forehead."
JUDOMASTER: "That's it, I'm joing the Axis. And stop cutting my face in half!!!!"
PHANTOM LADY: "I want him so bad, I just can't stand it any more. Please Sam, show us the white hot sword of victory..."
SARGON: "With each passing paragraph, I, Sargon the Sorceror, am feeling increasing EVIL."
JEMM, SON OF SATURN: "ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Oops. Well, I sure that the viewing audience and the readership is inspired to--
Okay; maybe not. That's okay; that's alright. Inspiration like Uncle Sam's is undauntable. As Sam always says, a good man always rises.

I said,

"A good man always rises", Sam!

Well, perhaps we'll get a few words from Sam later, after his, er, nap.

PLEASE tell me we can salvage at least ONE DECENT moment with one of the Absorbascon favorites. A mind-controlled Black Condor does get to sock the Golden Age Hawkman with the silly yellow hood on, but it's not really a fabulous moment. We need a fabulous moment, we need--

Ah HA.

What we NEED is....


Vibe doing "the Robot" to celebrate his victory over Plasmus.

Phew! I feel SO much better now! You're dang right vibration is madmade, baby!

See? You can always rely on Vibe, people; he's the man.


P.S. The Bug-Eyed Bandit DID get a panel-- and dialog (unlike Vibe and Starman).

Unprepared

Here at the Absorbascon, we try to provide relief from the emphermeral controversies of the fanoverse by sticking to higher priorities.

When other blogs were discussing the death of Hawkeye, the Absorbascon discussed Night Girl's hair. When Dave's Long Box focused on Power Girl's boobs, the Absorbascon focused on her boots. When the internet debated Batman versus Green Lantern, the Absorbascon concentrated on Batman versus God and Green Lantern versus a ceiling tile.

In so, in anticipation of the discussion over the amazing revelations in this week's Villains United and Infinite Crisis, the Absorbascon will focus on--

ah, the heck with it.

Thanks to Devon, who erreth not, over at Seven Hells, I was mentally prepared for the final page of Infinite Crisis.

But I was not prepared for the mind-boggling revelations in Villians United, most of which I hadn't heard anyone theorize, yet all of which make so much sense.

• The Calculator versus Oracle
• The new Virtuoso
• Deadshot versus Deathstroke
• The amazing Mister Terrible (my new favorite villain after only one panel).
• Ragdoll versus Ragdoll.
• Knockout's revelation.
• Luthor versus .... heh heh heh.
• Parademon's gambit.
• Catman versus Green Arrow.
• Diana's declaration.
• Dr. Polaris versus the Human Bomb.
• Batman's REALLY RUDE comment.
• Mongul versus Batman.
• The Riddler and the Fisherman with the Red Panzer and Murmur.
• Dr. Light versus the Ray.
• The Human Bomb versus Bizarro.
• OMAC versus the Rat-Catcher.
• Nightwing's good luck.
• Everyone versus Uncle Sam
• The Psychopirate versus Damage.

It's a bad day to be in the DC Universe.

But it's a great day to be reading about it...