Dedicated to Mike at Progressive Ruin, who just introduced me to one of my new favorite ridiculous characters: Superman's "shopping buddy" Vartox.
Superman actually has three weaknesses: magic, kryptonite, and back issues of Katy Keene.
Examining this closely, I finally realized that I briefly dated Vartox in 1983, when everyone still called him "Billy". Had to dump him, of course; he was hot, yes, even with the cheesy moustache, but there are a limited number of places you can take a man who insists on wearing yellow thigh huggers, a Fifth Dynasty loincloth, and a "The Ray"(tm) brand leather vest .... everywhere.
Oh, and Superman, sweetie -- you know you're in trouble when you're taking fashion advice from Billy Vartox. Even Lana Lang (not really known for high fashion sense or general intelligence) has the brains to realize she's got to return that hideous lime floor-length gown and has left it in the original packaging...