Saturday, October 01, 2005

Superman and the Lime Dress of Doom!

Dedicated to Mike at Progressive Ruin, who just introduced me to one of my new favorite ridiculous characters: Superman's "shopping buddy" Vartox.



Superman actually has three weaknesses: magic, kryptonite, and back issues of Katy Keene.

Examining this closely, I finally realized that I briefly dated Vartox in 1983, when everyone still called him "Billy". Had to dump him, of course; he was hot, yes, even with the cheesy moustache, but there are a limited number of places you can take a man who insists on wearing yellow thigh huggers, a Fifth Dynasty loincloth, and a "The Ray"(tm) brand leather vest .... everywhere.

Oh, and Superman, sweetie -- you know you're in trouble when you're taking fashion advice from Billy Vartox. Even Lana Lang (not really known for high fashion sense or general intelligence) has the brains to realize she's got to return that hideous lime floor-length gown and has left it in the original packaging...

8 comments:

Elephantine Room said...

Holy crap - it's Sean Connery from Zardoz, and he's feeling up Superman! What mad world is this?

Scipio said...

Heh --
welcome to the multiverse, my friend.

Mikester said...

If I'm going to have a post about any particular Superman supporting character be dedicated to me, let that character be Vartox. Fan-tastic. Thanks, Scipio!

Anonymous said...

Hideous? I don't know about that. I've always been a sucker for a redhead in a lime-green dress.

Anonymous said...

What truly amazes me about Vartox is the idea that someone at DC saw "ZardoZ" back in the 70s and thought "hey that's a GREAT look!"

I mean have you people SEEN "ZardoZ"?!

Elephantine Room said...

Anonymous, I saw Zardoz, bought the DVD and listened to the commentary. Connery's best work, period - well, that or "The Man Who Would Be King." Who can fight the red loincloth and ponytail?

totaltoyz said...

Even Lana knew how hideous that dress is; she couldn't even find shoes that matched it. (What, no Payless in Metropolis?)

The Evil Atheist said...

Garrr...must...have...context!!