Vibe in the Justice League of America

As Absorbascommenter Kevin Trudeau kindly pointed out in my previous post, the inevitable has, indeed, come to pass.

I speak, of course, of the Inevitable Return of Vibe (as I have spoken of before).

Vibe is part of the re-branding of the Justice League.  More accurately, the diversification of the JL brand.  There are a lot of comic book supergroups, but none has the power and Q rating of the Justice League, which ushered in the return of superheroes as a genre in the comic book medium, forged the Silver and Bronze Ages, and inspired the creation of the Marvel superhero line.  In 1980s, DC experiment with the brand, diversifying with the Justice League International, Justice League Europe, television's Justice League Unlimited, and more regrettable experiments like Extreme Justice, Justice League Elite, and Justice League Antarctica. 

The original Silver Age Justice League of America was, of course, an experiment to begin with. Let's put all our most popular heroes in one book and see what happens.  It was (as I have said 100 times) the opposite of the editorial philosophy behind the Justice Society of America (which was, "let's put all our heroes together who CAN'T sustain titles on their own, have them operate in coordinated solo missions, and see if we can generate a breakout character). The experiment succeeded.

The next level of experimentation came with the Bronze Age Justice League of America, which widened membership beyond the traditional Seven Icons (sacrificing also-ran Martian Manhunter in the process) and introduced some occasional internal conflict in the formerly oh-so-chummy group. On the whole, that experiment succeeded and many readers still remember the Satellite Era fondly.

The next experiment, meant to modernize the Justice League when its icons were deemed to have grown musty, was the Detroit-based Justice League.  That experiment, it is fair to say, did not succeed.

Further evidence not required.

Vibe, as a character, certainly had some flaws-- he was just a bit too brash, too irascible, too obviously a cultural reach-out.  In short, he was a tad too "Marvel'.  That's what DC had been going for and what they thought their readers wanted; a Marvel-style group of troubled misfits on a Marvel-style group with lots of internal conflict.   It's a valid editorial direction, sure...but it's not "the Justice League", and the readers rejected it rather strongly.   DC tried to recover, but big ships turn slowly.  By the time they started guest-starring the 'real' Leaguers to keep the boat afloat it had already run aground, and the Detroiters were done for. 

Again, Vibe had his flaws, but his biggest sin was being part and parcel of the failed Detroit League.  Of the three characters created specifically for the Detroit League, only one survived, no doubt by turning invisiblish and running away on her nearly-invulnerable feet.

Yet, as the linked article shows, Vibe will retain many of his core elements.  The vibration power.  The Detroit.  The "Low-rent" hero, um, vibe.  The connection with his brother.

But there are subtle changes calculated to make Vibe more viable.  Old Vibe was held back by his elder brother.  New Vibe is encouraged by him.  Old Vibe was over-confident and disrespectful; new Vibe is
more understated (as is his outfit).

I have high hopes for New Vibe.  Is he the brave and bold stroke he was in the Detroit League?

No.  But then again... this isn't the '80s.

Clip Week 3; Vibe and his amazing friends

I am out of reach this week for very pleasant reasons. Rather than time-release posts without being to attend to the commentary thereupon, I'm offering a retrospective on some of our favorite topics here. [I've noticed that the labels function on Blogger doesn't always pull everything, which is why I'm not just using that to do so.]

Today's Topic: Why, nothing less than...

Vibe and his sidekicks, the Justice League Detroit.

One Hero Vibrating
Vibe in Crisis
Lessons from Vibe
Scipio's Dream Team
Paco versus Ralph
The JLD's meta-origins
The Real World: Detroit
Vibe versus Batman
Vibe lives
Could Vibe dance?
JLD: Sure bet
Vibe me!
Ominous Black Sun
JLD versus surrealism
JLD and the First Amendment
What killed Dale Gunn
Vibe needs YOU!
Vibe! The Musical
Even Vibe
DC Comics Presents #68
Vanilla Wafers

The Ominious Black Sun

Well, I got suddenly and dramatically sick yesterday. (Dramatically? Shyeah, there's a shock.) Like, fainty sick, as in a Ted Knight style "Assist me to the couch!". That's what happens when you read more than one Starman story in a row; the constitution can only take so much.

As a result, I wasn't able to finish My Diatribe Against Art that I've been thinking about. (Other bloggers rant; I have diatribes). So, instead, I'll have to release this post early...

Annuals used to be a big deal. In an era before nonstop company-wise crossovers and weekly series, annuals were the place were Big Stuff happened. Take, for example, the Justice League of America Annual of 1985.

Lesson? Do not feed Steel chili.

Lots of Things Whose Shock Value is Severely Diminished by Familiarity happen. Red Tornado is destroyed; the JLA satellite is destroyed; Vixen cops a feel.

Do you think she bought the strap-on herself, or was it a gift from Dale?

Many great Vibe moments, of course. Vibe fighting with that jerk, Green Arrow. Vibe working with Black Canary (as he should be, instead of that jerk, Green Arrow). Vibe's jealous face as Vixen cops a feel ("!Don't tell ME to back off of Dale, puta!").

Even Geo-Force gets a moment, during his double date with Black Lightning and Batman.

Finally, I understand why Geo-Force is on the team!

But most of the action centers around the Leaguers and Co. fighting a giant violently pink hole that's sucking in everything it can.


Hmm; what does that remind me of...? Oh, yes, of course...

Zatanna

But none of that is really our purpose for revisiting this issue today. Our real interest in this issue is that contains one of the great Comic Book Haikus of all time, folks...


The space warp is still
hanging there, pulsing like an
ominous black sun.

Leave it to Dale Gunn to produce a haiku that's not just inappropriately florid, but sexually suggestive of, well, of what apparently Vixen wasn't able to resist early. 'Cuz, you know, Dale, that Space Warp is not black; obviously your mind is elsewhere.

What haiku can YOU offer to celebrate this issue, these characters, or the giant pink sucking hole?

The Friendless Wonder

Wonder Woman doesn't really have any friends, does she?

I don't mean supporting cast member type friends, though Zeus knows, she doesn't really have any of those either. Poor Diana is a victim (along with other notable figures like the post-Crisis Flashes and Aquaman) of a phenomenon I call "supporting castastrophe", the complete turnover of her entire supporting cast whenever she gets a new writer. Hippolyta, Etta Candy, Steve Trevor, Julia Kapatelis, Mindi Mayer, Ed that Detective Guy from Boston, the Gang from Taco Whiz, whoever the heck was in the Byrne run, Ferdinand the Minotaur and Rucka's Embassy Gang -- the Legion of Substituted Zeroes has an enormous battalion of Wonder Woman's castmembers.

But I'm not talking them; I'm talking about, well, "superfriends", for lack of a better term.

Batman and Superman are friends. Shovel all you want your Milleresque hooey about their being "naturally at odds with each" and "they could never be friends". Whether they're chummily selling war bonds together or bickering like an old married couple, the fact remains that they are socially paired.

Green Lantern and Flash, the Silver Age Duo, were also socially paired. Of course, in the Bronze Age, there was more of a Green Lantern / Green Arrow thing, but one thing was sure: none of the three hung out with Wonder Woman, sharing a six pack of ambrosia.

The JLA's Weirdo-in-Residence, the Martian Manhunter, has usually been associated with the other odd man out, Aquaman; they were "the Backup Boys". After the classical era of the JLA, their social pairing was reinforced by their work together in the Detroit League, and J'onn's repeated appearances in Arthur's (many many) titles.

Wonder Woman? The only woman in the original JLA was, de facto, a loner. Now, there have been so mighty efforts in the last few years to shore up her role in "DC's Trinity", and great strides have been made in making her a distinct personality with definite relationships with Batman and Superman.

But friends? Despite Brad Meltzer's insistence that the JLAers are all really really REALLY chummy, most other people I know think of them primarily as colleagues of hers. Batman and Superman are, historically and conceptually, paired with each other. "Batman & Wonder Woman" or "Wonder Woman & Superman" is never going to sound as natural as "Superman & Batman".

JLU, the animated series, made some steps in the right direction by pairing Wonder Woman with Hawkgirl. It was rather contentious, so I'm not certain it was a friendship, exactly, but it was certainly a social pairing, regardless of what their attitudes were toward each other at any particular point in the series.

Now that Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl are both in the JLA, will this pairing be reiterated? Perhaps it would be better if Wonder Woman were strongly paired with Black Canary, who like Wonder Woman is a hero with a strong Golden Age pedigree. It might help in the never-ending battle to have Black Canary taken seriously (because that'll have another serious setback when they have marry that loser, Green Arrow, whom she should have dumped permanently about 10,000 times ago).

Of course, since someone at DC seems insistent to marry Canary and Arrow, those two are, unavoidably, going to be a social pairing; so, maybe Wonder Woman should be best friends with Hawkgirl. Hawkgirl could certainly use the boost after DC fumbled her own title.

Regardless, Wonder Woman, of ALL female characters in the DCU, should have at least one female superfriend!

And, NO, it can't be Vixen. Ick.

"Haircare with Aquaman" Week, No. 3

3. Use a comb daily.

This can be tough. If you wear a skin-tight diving outfit all the time, as I do, there's really no practical place to carry a comb. Sometimes you just have to improvise!

Sharks are always willing to help boys comb their hair; tell 'em Aquaman sent you!


Sometimes, I just carry around the comb Black Lightning gave me for my birthday.

Of course, for me, it's a bit more decorative than functional. Garth uses it a lot, though.


So important is the daily use of a comb that I once abandoned my teammates in the Justice League Detroit to search the seven seas for a comb. A man must have some personal priorities. Besides, taking care of yourself so others won't have to is your first duty to yourself and to society ... and that includes haircare! Remember, boys; anyone can help save the world, but only you can comb your hair.

Oh, by the way--! As long as you have a comb with you, remember to always bring along a piece of wax paper, so you can make a kazoo to entertain yourself and others at parties, on the subway, and in line at the post office. It's one of my personal secret keys to instant popularity, kids!

Another Reason to Love Starman

Anyone can defeat a grizzly bear.
Except, you know, the Detroit League.




But Starman knows that the coolest way to take out a grizzly bear...


is to hit it with a tiger.

Training Game

It was a training mission. Batman had been asked to run a little "war game" to test an old friend's new team. Be careful what you ask for, Arthur, Batman thought. With Manhunter in tow, He signaled in the dark to Dr. Mid-Nite and they moved out to cover positions on the left and right banks of the river, while Black Canary covered their rear. Let's see how this Detroit "Justice League" fights in the field.

The superpowered grandstanders came crashing into center field. Typical, Batman thought. What else would you expect from a stage magician and a breakdancer? Arthur and his supermodel friend were surely being more prudent, sneaking towards us while submerged in the river. Yes, that's why J'onn is making such a show of himself instead of stealthing: he's providing a distraction to improve the chances of their attacks succeeding.

Spencer, what are--? Should've stayed behind me, as I instructed. The grandstanders, impatient for battle, tagged her right away from a distance, and now she's reeling. Having tasted blood, they'll be focused on her, giving me the chance to take them out. Unless ... ah, of course; here comes J'onn to "attack" me. Right on schedule.

I know how to take care of him, but Mid-Nite's in trouble; Aquaman and Vixen are dogpiling him. Smart; they don't want him healing any of our team. Well, it's up to Canary, Batman thought; I have to deal with the Martian, the magician, and the machisto.

A few bic lighters later, J'onn was out of commission and Vibe had followed suit. Mid-Nite and Canary were down, and when Aquaman and Vixen turned their attention to Batman, it was too late. Arthur first, of course, Batman reasoned, before he can get back to the river. Vixen ran to regenerate her powers ... but not fast enough.


I like Heroclix; even when I lose. Even when I lose to Devon (!) and one of his Batman teams.

But next time, the gloves come off. I'm adding the Elongated Man figure, the Sue Dibny pog, AND ....

Dale Gunn.

Batman doesn't stand a chance.

52 Things That Occurred to Me...

about the return of the multiverse.

1. There are a potential 51 versions of Vibe left, and I couldn't be happier about that.
   
2. Is there a world where Power Girl is still wearing that headband, and how do we avoid it?
3. Is there a world where Marv Wolfman never came to DC, and if so, how do I get there?
4. Does the Haneyverse exist as a world of its own or is it too self-contradictory?
5. Will I get to see a world where Koryak finally hooks up with Officer Malrey?
6. Does the gang at Ace Comics get a universe and how does one get an invite?
7. Is there a universe in which Ted Knight is the Voice of God? I mean, other than ours?
8. Does the multiverse mean we might actually get stories told in the Golden or Silver Age style again?
9. I have no doubt that the Phantom Stranger is exactly the same in every universe.
10. And that Darkseid isn't interesting in any of them.
11. Do you now need a valid passport to cross the vibrational barriers between the universes?
12. Do any worlds still have letter columns?
13. Is there a world in which Dr. Thirteen is the lead story and the Spectre is the back-up?
14. Will any other world get its own "line" of comics, kind of like the Animated Universe?
15. Should it?
    
16. Is there a world where The Joker lasted 100 issues and Azrael only nine?
17. Is President Bush the greatest statesman Earth-3 has ever known?
18. Have gorillas conquered any of the universes, or did the dachshunds stop them?
19. Interesting as Waid's Legion might be, can we get back to Earth 247 now? It was much more interesting than this childish generational conflict.
20. Do all Ranns suck?
21. What must be the total number of people that any version of June Walton has slept with?
22. What must be the total number of people that any version of Dale Gunn has slept with?
23. If any of the old multiverse worlds is familiar to you, which one would be your favorite (other than "Earth-1" and "Earth Prime")?
24. Are there any worlds where Blue Devil is straight? Bi, even?
    
25. Are coupons for Palisades Park from one universe good in all the others?
26. Is 52 worlds enough?
27. Mr. Mxyzptlk and Bat-Mite knew all along, didn't they?
    
28. Are there any worlds where the JLA is even remotely normal?
29. The multiverse is really just a corporate mechanism that makes it easier for DC to absorb other companies or their intellectual properties, isn't it?
30. Don't you hope there's a world where Lois still dresses like that?
31. Is Hal Jordan's ego visible from other universes?
32. I'd like to think there's a world where Jack Cole lived to see how he is now revered.
    
33. Does the multiverse mean we might get to see Toy Boy again? Please?!
34. Can we please send the Fourth World off to an Earth-4 just to keep them away from decent comic books?
35. I think that, given his powers, Vibe should be able to transverse the vibrational barriers, so one should be showing up any day. Maybe even three or four!
    
36. Can you use Baron Winter's house to get from one universe to the other, even though it's not Metro-accessible?
37. I believe there's a happy happy world where Wonder Woman is dead and Dr. Domino is not.
    
38. Did DC invent the concept of the multiverse or was that pioneered elsewhere in sci-fi literature?
39. Are there any worlds where all your extra copies of The Death of Superman are actually valuable? And do they have Ebay?
    
40. How many panels would it take Geoff Johns to ship Bart and Jaime off to Earth-8 and bring back Barry and Ted?
    
41. If he did, would it really upset anybody?
42. There should be at least one world where all crime and evil has been completely eliminated. By Lady Cop. Oh, and there's no VD any more, either.
    
43. Is there a world where Batman's just a pale copy of Green Arrow, or does Green Arrow suck multiversally?
    
44. I hope Earth 616 isn't part of the multiverse.
45. Can we please see a world that's been conquered by, say, Per Degaton or the like? I mean -- what they actually do all day? Exult?
    
46. Please tell me there's a world where the writers actually understand Aquaman.
47. I'd read a book like 52 even if it came out monthly; is that what The Brave & The Bold will be?
    
48. Should the Captain Marvel family stay in "our" world or get their own?
49. Should we get some kind of vote or say in how the multiverse looks? I mean, other than voting with our wallets?
50. If you could decide at least one thing or person would exist in every world of the multiverse, what would it be?
51. If you could decide at least one thing or person would not exist in any world of the multiverse, what would it be? And, no, you may not say "Vibe".
    
52. Will there be any practical, noticeable changes with the advent of the multiverse or it will it just be an excuse for retcons and the dismissal of goofs and incontinuities?

Comments for Christmas

There are many things I want for Christmas. An announcement about Vibe: Sword of Detroit. A Chuma the Afrobot action figure. A crushed velvet cape.

But there's something I want that only you can give me. It's the same thing every blogger wants: comments.

If you've ever written a blog or anything like it, you know how much of yourself you put into it. Nothing is more depressing to a blogger than birthing a post that then receives no comments. Is it any wonder that so many bloggers throw in the towel when they get the sense of performing to an empty house?

A lot of people don't comment on past posts because they think the time to do so has passed. Not so at the Absorbascon, where the posts are truely timeless. I get notified of every comment made, regardless of whether the post is recent or not.

Below is list of posts I made that I poured my heart into (or, at least, took the time to type) that never got any comments. Boo hoo!

You can fix that by giving me... Comments for Christmas! Nice ones, if it's all possible. And this is the chance for all you hundreds of lurkers out there to reveal yourself and give me a shout!

• The Island of Misfit Blogposts:
• Chronos on Fairness
• Martian Manhunter: Dynastic Centerpiece
• The Mystery Analysts of Gotham
• Wonder Wonder: Dynastic Centerpiece
• The Joker, on Style
• Kanjar Ro, on Humility
• Black Adam, on Confidence
• Zor, on Style
• The Leader, on Humility
• Terror of the Two-Headed Coin
• The Rainbow Raider, on Purpose
• Ecology on Rann
• Home-shopping on Thanagar
• Do Not Touch My Butt
• Knocked Cents-less
• It's All in the Wrist
• And God said, "ZOWIE!"
• Prof. Hugo Strange Presents AZZ
• The Martian Manhunter Archive
• Extinguishing Robin
• The Queer Machine
• Batman Roughs Up Santa
• Vurm, Infuriated! (Okay that has one comment, but, c'mon, it's STARMAN)
• Another Thrilling Adventure With Black Condor
• Hanging Out With Black Condor
• Falling for Black Condor
• Black Condor's Balls Fly Free!
• Black Condor Snags Another One
• Black Condor, Going Down
• Black Condor says Red Means Go!
• How Smart is Batman?
• Dinner Party Dumbells
• Oiling Up with Hawkgirl
• Hawkman's Little Toy
• Hawkman's Plan for the Evening
• Hawkgirl Turns the Tables
• Couples Night at the Hawks'
• The Thanagarian Pleasure Net
• The Hawks, Ten Seconds Later
• Hawkgirl Entertains Herself
• Batman's Hat
• Batman's Date Drug
• Batman Quotes
• The Ocean Master, on Resilience
• The Riddler, on Planning
• Hal Jordan is a Jackass
• Hal Jordan is a Windbag
• Hal Jordan is a Prima Donna
• Hal Jordan is Sketchy
• Hal Jordan is a Whiny Slacker
• Cub Moron
• The Unwitting Patsy
• The Blackmailed Accomplice
• The Innocent Dupe

Justice League Detroit vs. Degenerate Art

During this modern renaissance of classic villains, I've been waiting for some brave writer to bring back some of the Justice League Detroit's villains. HA!

Why, if you rolled together Morrison, Simone, Johns, and Palmiotti into one big ball it still wouldn't have the ability to do some of those characters justice. Winick... maybe.

Who could forget the JLD's battle to death against:

The Irridescent Hand Jive?And they were nice enough to do its nails afterwards; those are heroes, people.

The Justice League Detroit was also in the forefront of the war against the Secret Society of Surrealists & Such, including...

Salvador Dali!

Hey; how'd the alien tentacle porn slip in there again?

The Child-Perverting Dr. Seuss!

Wassily Kandinsky's Fettucine Bolognese!

The Parasitic Popularism of Roy Lichtenstein!

And last but not least...

Mock Apple Pac-Man and the Living Mask of Steranko!

And they did all that...

IN ONE ISSUE
(JLA 257, Dec 86).

The JLD Advances the First Amendment

It's mostly forgotten nowadays, but the Justice League Detroit broke a lot of ground (most of it with Gypsy's feet). It was the first series ...

• to show clearly how useless and annoying Sue Dibny was;
• to show older black janitors getting it in on with magical women of all races, in scenes that probably would have been excised from "Hair";
• to show that replicating Marvel characterization formulae in the context of the DCU is like putting a pig in a prom dress on the cover of Vogue;
• to show that Mera knows how to pilot a hovercraft;
  
• to show that Puerto Rican people can, in fact, develop superpowers, as long as they are ethnically appropriate.

But it also broke down barriers and tackled taboos that even today's rape-of-the-month series wouldn't dare.

Comics had toyed with the forbidden fruits of sweet sweet octopus love for decades, almost since the beginning of the genre, yet never managed to take the bold step to the next level. But -- and they won't teach you this in Comics History 101 --we have the Justice League Detroit to thank for this great moment in the exercise of the First Amendment...

The Justice League Detroit Brings
Tentacle Porn to American Superhero Comics

Gypsy; Vixen; the Elongated Man; and a multitentacled alien that needs comforting. "What do we do with it?", indeed, Ralph...

What Really Killed Dale Gunn

Great heroes and supergroups are known best and defined, I think, by their greatest enemies and their great moments.

Well, there are no greater heroes and supergroups than the Detroit League.

These last two days we've have a taste of that rare and underappreciated vintage, Justice League Detroit, by witnessing Batman and Elongated Man's dalliances with Vixen (who is not a rare and underappreciated vintage). It's inspired me to revisit that most glorious era of the Justice League in this coming week.

Now, I can't promise you the pulse-pounding action of Batman, Superman, & Wonder Woman working on their scrapbook together. But there are the kind of moments that, honestly, you just can't experience outside of Detroit.

And there's no finer example of that then the culmination of their groundbreaking, socially relevant "Hard-Cooking Heroes" saga, its climactic battle...

The Justice League Detroit versus
the Flying Chili Bowl of Death!

See? That's what happens when Vibe's not around to save the day...!

Clean House. Please.

You know what my favorite television show is? You might be surprised.

It's Clean House, hands down. No question.

If you've never see the show, it goes like this. People whose homes and lives are overwhelmed with clutter and disarray call for help, and are descended upon by brassy diva Niecy Nash and her trio of expert fixer-uppers. They cajole, wheedle, shame, and bribe the homeowners into unclutching their crap, then (in unparalled hypocrisy so achingly beautiful it brings tears to my eyes) unload it onto other people at a yardsale, whose proceeds contribute to the redecoration of their homes.

On every show, these people -- who, remember, have called Clean House knowing darned well what they do -- stand around shocked and in denial about the very crap that forced them to call, saying things like:

• "Those dolls are my babies."
• "But I love that broken sewing machine!"
• "My grandma gave me that macaroni."
• "That's a project I'm planning on working on."
• "I paid good money for that in 1987!"
• "Do you know how hard that is to find?"
• "Oh, but I collect bread bags."
• "That phone book has sentimental value."
  
• "I'm saving that for my children."

It. Is. Tragic. One does not "love" things. One loves people. One loves dogs. Not cats, of course; cats are evil. But you get the idea; do not love anything that cannot, at least in theory, love you back.

"That's nice, Scipio; what does any of that have to do with comic books?"

Quite a lot, actually.

First, there's the cluttered home that is the DCU (or, really, any publisher's "universe" over time). Every once in a while, the accumulated baggage has to be evaluated, sorted through, and prioritized. One must retain the essential, jettison the extraneous, and repurpose the salvageable. Closet room is made for new colorful characters, literary rooms are furnished with new plots, and the carcasses of broken-down crossovers are cleared from the yard.

Those housecleanings can be rough. Even a "Clean House" fanatic like me can cling tightly to purposeless continuity tchotchkis, blinded to how refreshing a clean literary house can be. But I try to remember that all the clutterbugs on the show who actually trust the experts to do their stuff are always -- ALWAYS -- delighted with the results (and even if the specifics of the design aren't perfect, the streamlined living space is a refreshing new start). Well, not always; there was the legendary Judge Dragon from the first season, but she was obviously seriously disturbed and clearly not an appropriate model of behavior.

Second, there's the cluttered homes our comic books find themselves in. When I meet new people and they learn of my interests, they usually say, "Oh, so you collect comic books?"

I always say the same thing: "No. I just read them."

If you watch a lot of Clean House (and I do; I TiVo it; I burn it to DVD; I watch it on the laptop while sunning at the beach), you'll notice that the word group "collect / collection / collectible" crops up FREQUENTLY. It's the ultimate red flag and the Clean House crew never fails to swoop down mercilessly on these pointless "collections" of frisbees, shot glasses, soccer balls, and salt-&-pepper shakers.

Starting about 10 years ago, I started purging my accumulated back issues every couple of years. Without looking at anything within the boxes, I mentally pick out some things I want to keep, pull them out, and farm out the rest.

The first time I did, I advertised the bulk of my collection as being for sale. A young couple came to check it out. As the husband (the real buyer, of course) looked through the books, his eyes spun pinwheels as he marveled at a literal myriad of stories he'd never heard of. They were young; they were poor; they couldn't afford more than a third of what I was asking for.

But they got it all anyway. The opportunity to share the joy those old stories had given me with someone who cared about the DCU as much as I do -- I couldn't put a value on that.

Another time, instead of selling them, I donated all but a few choice ones to a local charity, a home for children with AIDS. It's tax deductible, you know.

Last time, I forfeited them to the Big Monkey E-bay store to help jumpstart the business. I'll probably be doing that again soon. I'll pick out a few things to save, like my Detroit League run; I mean, it's not like that's going to be in trade paperback any time soon. But the rest of everything else "pre-Infinite Crisis" will go out to give someone else pleasure.

I've got enough to do reading my new comics without pretending that I'm going to go back and spend time re-reading my "collection".

PLEASE. Consider selling, donating, or giving away your old comics to help perpetuate our hobby. Besides; you deserve a Clean House.

Pogs in Space!

They are the two DC characters who form the framework of their kind. Each in their own ways define their ages; neutrality toward them is impossible. And I have heard tales of families torn asunder and fistfights at comic conventions caused by arguments over them.

While their impact on our own lives might be less dramatic, none of us can remain untouched by ...

Zook and Itty.

No one has ever really known what to do with the Martian Manhunter, a sci-fi character with a pulp detective life in a superhero world. When faced with such an insoluble problem, DC did the only sensible Silver Age thing: gave him an insufferably cute space simian sidekick.

That always works so well.

ZOOK

Zook was able to radiate intense heat or cold at close quarters, and had some defensive shapeshifting abilities. Thus, the Zook pog can do 2 clicks of Damage (able to harm a Tough character but not an Invulnerable one). Zook also spoke a grating baby-pidgin, something like what you'd expect if Superbaby had been found not by the Kents but by a Korean "good time girl" at a U.S. Army base.

The Zook Special Rules:

1. Zook has Shape Change.
2. The Martian Manhunter has "Defend" with regard to Zook.

In 1975, power rings weren't the little chatterboxes they are today. Ceiling tiles and yellow lamps detected; evasive action recommended. So Hal Jordan used to fly the vast emptiness of outer space accompanied by the fascinating conversation of his favorite person: himself.

While Hal could enjoy that forever, there's only so much readers can be expected to endure. So DC gave Hal a little space pet to sit on his shoulder and listen uncomprehendingly to Hal's self-admiring ramblings; pets are good at that, trust me. He named it "Itty"; what do you expect from someone who monikered his mechanic "Pieface"?

But as is the law in comic books, all things innocent must be spoiled. Later Itty grew into more threatening adolescent and adult forms of his species, at one point sucking calcium out of Green Arrow; don't think about it. This plot was so wonderful that Gerry Conway stole it a few years later to use it in a JLA Detroit arc; amazing, huh?

You'll know the End Is Near when Wizkids puts out an Itty REV for each stage of his development.

Meanwhile, enjoy our

ITTY THE LASMA

Itty does nothing, can't talk, has no special powers, and can barely move. Being small, however, he's hard to hit.

The Itty Special Rules:

1. Heroes cannot attack Itty, because he's cute.
2. Itty can "ride" beside a Hal Jordan figure.
3. Hal has "Defend" with regard to Itty.

I got yer Gunn right here...!

Okay, speaking of the JLA-Detroit, this is long overdue.
Put some Gunn in your Heroclix game! I put him on teams with Vixen, Zatanna, Aquaman, the Martian Manhunter, and my custom Vibe (or when I'm feeling special, my custom Breakdancing Vibe.) If you want, you can use

the Special Dale Gunn Rules:

1. No female pieces in the game are allowed to (non-sexually) attack Dale (with one exception).
2. Any female opponent in close combat with Dale is not able to breakaway (but may still be carried away, force blasted, or suffer knockback).
3. Vixen and Zatanna may not move adjacent to each other if Dale is within their line of sight.
4. If Dale comes into their line of sight when they are adjacent, Vixen and Zatanna can attack only each other until separated by teammates or line of sight to Dale is blocked.

For maximum enjoyment of the Dale Gunn pog, tape it to the underside of your car hood for one week before using, store it in a humidor full of inexpensive cigars, and play an Isaac Hayes CD while using him in the game.

Vibe me!

It would be impossible to replicate the horror of the Justice League's Detroit era, its crabby mischaracterizations, its plots that are somehow simultaneously outre but still tedious, and its brainstomping dialog...


were it not for Steve Englehart.

Even though in his brief run on Batman years ago, Englehart managed to mischaracterize the Joker as an impractical loon rather than a brilliant but incidentally homicidal criminal mastermind and the Penguin as a clue-dropping Riddler clone, I am still going to choose to believe that his current arc in JLA Classified is an ingenius homage to the original awkwardness of Vibe's Jay El Lay, rather than just bad writing with drawn out meandering plotting (plodding?), unrecognizably unpalatable versions of well-known characters, and harsh entendre-driven dialog that makes you sorry you know English.

That choice made... let's revel in how expertly Englehart has mimicked the incomprehensible mess that was the Detroit League! Except, of course, for Vibe, who was aces.

Speaking of aces, this final (?) installment of "Game of Chance" begins with Scooby and the Gang hiding out in a cave from a forest fire started by the Royal Flush Gang. Is the fire an ingenious trap laid by the RFG to disable the only contemporary leaguers with power, intelligence, and experience (the Martian Manhunter and Aquaman)? Ah, no, actually. Queen just forgot to stamp out one of the cigarettes she been constantly smoking through the arc. No, really.

Anyway, J'onn is focused on the most important thing: WHERE has the Royal Flush Gang gone and IF they are nearby WHICH version might they be facing? Apparently, J'onn (and Englehart) forgot that an issue or so ago, the JLA killed two of the original gang and then let the other two go, actually stopping Vibe and Steel from going after them. And, since the gangs are essentially indistinguishable and rely on the same power of "stellaration", it makes no strategic differnce which gang it might be. It's not like the readers care!

It's followed by a cute scene where J'onn sends Vixen and Gypsy to scout ahead (because they're intelligent, prudent, and less likely to blunder their way into a conflict) while making Steel and Vibe stay behind (because they're too loud, aggressive, and stupid). J'onn, you are SO sexist! At least we get a cute panel of Vibe being petulant.

Adorable. Of course you're sneaky, sweetie. And the oufit helps.

Gloriously, this is followed hard upon by an entire pulse-pounding page of Aquaman ...

wait for it ...

falling down.

Phew!
I haven't been that excited since Aquaman found a comb in JLA 242!

Next we learn that the Martian Manhunter lied to them all about their camping trip, which was really just an excuse for him to have the time and opportunity to read their tiny little minds. Sadly, I can't label this an Englehartian mischaracterization of the Noble Martian Manhunter. J'onn's just a creepy snoop who plays headgames. J'onn's always been a creepy snoop who plays headgames.

Then we find out that animal-avatar Vixen plays little naughty games with the "furries" on the weekend:

A lot of guys feel that way, Vixen.

Actually, she's "channeling the powers of Grizzly" because she's in a cave. Apparently she and "Grizzly" are on a first name basis; I wonder, did she know Mr. Chocolate, and, if so, what was his first name?

Anyway, she follows that up with one of the JLDetroiters trademarks: the Apropos-of-nothing Sententious Assertion of Self-Definition ...

"I am the life of Africa -- for better or for worse."

I would say it's for the worse, if true. Are there a lot of grizzly bears in Africa, Vixen?

Have you ever paused to think about what a photo shoot with supermodel Mari (Vixen) McCabe is like? I picture it something like a scene out of Zoolander: "You're a monkey Derek. You're a monkey. Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes. Mash your cymbals, chimpy. Dance, Derek, dance." Hm... actually that sounds more like a date with Vibe.

Cut away to Gypsy who, stealthed, is running through the cave in her bare feet (because that's how she does everything), doing an extended interior monologue of Apropos-of-Nothing Sententious Assertions of Self-Definition about being "Roma" and "some of us gypsies have special powers that not even Zatanna could know" and how "J'onn with his telepathy cannot read my thoughts for I have gypsy thoughts."

Um, actually, "Gypsy", your name is Cindy Reynolds, your parents aren't "Roma", you grew up in a suburban Michigan cul-de-sac, which you left when no one would pay attention to your essay on A Tale of Two Cities, and you ran away (apparently, without shoes) to Detroit, where you were a street-thief whom Chuck Dixon dressed look like Cyndi Lauper. (Does Englehart not have access to Wikipedia? Or the DC Encyclopedia? Or Ridelin?) So if Gypsy is thinking any of things that Englehart puts in her thought balloons she is stark raving delusional.

Anyway, so she runs into Amos Fortune who's telling the RFG they're not going to be "stupid hearts or clubs" any more (which is really good, since, um, they were spades or clubs), and magically remodels them into Living Tarot Cards of Doom.

And, no, I did not make that up. Who could? I mean, other than Englehart?

Then, the JLA attacks the RFG, but, more importantly, J'onn J'onnz swears.

The Martian Manhunter swears.

JJ has done some pretty odd stuff over the years. So odd that it's really hard to say that anything's out of character for him (wait till you get a load of his new miniseries!). But having JJ swear is unimaginably out of character and if I had lain awake for 3 nights trying to come up with the least likely things for him to do or say, it still wouldn't have occurred to me to have him swear. Englehart is some kind of genius, I say.

Well, at least we get to see Vibe's Gary Coleman impression:

That is so cute. If I were Mr. Drummond, I'd adopt Vibe in a heartbeat.

Naturally, in the midst of the fight, King falls over dead from coughing (which in *kof* case you *kof* missed it, he's been *kof* doing in every *kof* word balloon for *kof* four koffin' issues) which causes the rest of the gang to start having heart attacks. At this point in the story, I can only ascribe everything about this story -- plot, characterization, dialog, and DC actually printing this comic-- to the effects of stellaration, because it defies all odds and logic.

Oh, and in other developments ...

We learn that "vibe" is a verb, baby.

Vibe me!

While the RFG is kicking the JLA's arse and the cliff in the cave (that's a BIG cave) is collapsing, the inevitable happens: a bear attacks the JLA.

Hey, Vixen, Grizzly called; he wants his powers back.
Oh, and I'm here to tell you the bear is not the only one freaked by this battle

Bear attacks; it's a Detroit thing.

In other ursinological news, we learn that bears do urinate in the woods, and, if possible, on Aquaman:

Urine ... same constituents-- as sea water-- kept me alive -- to help my team...

Well, apparently Vixen not the only one into all sorts of freaky stuff.

So, as the issue ends:

• The RFG loses the fight,
• we learn that Vixen is "in love" with Steel (even though she was sucking face with his godfather, Dale Gunn, about a week ago and hitting on the local preacher as well... oh, and has barely said 5 words to him in the entire JLDetroit run),
• we find out that Gypsy has precognition and knows how Vibe and Steel are going to die but doesn't warn them about it (because, like Supergirl, she doesn't believe you can change the future, so I guess it's good she didn't figure out Despero was going to kill her parents, huh?),
• but it's all okay because, well...

Vibe is still irresistible to any and all.

P.S. Note the joyous news that the story is CONTINUED IN THIS WEEK'S JSA CLASSIFIED.

What YOU can do for ME

I'd like you to do some things for me. I feel I can ask for these since I didn't get any of the things I asked for last year. Well, except for the thought-slaves, and I had to buy those for myself.

1. Read the new interview with incoming-JLA writer Brad Meltzer that Devon has posted at Big Monkey. Perhaps it will help you deduce the new line-up...

2. Vote in my new poll on who you want most to see in the new JLA.

3. Write my local newspaper (the Examiner) and ask the pop culture writer to do a story about either the Absorbascon or Big Monkey, particularly if you live in the DC metropolitan area. Feel free to site and link to particular examples of their respective fabulousnesses. The paper has specifically, publically asked for suggestions about websites and comic-related stuff to be covered, so don't worry that you're coloring outside the lines.

4. The Examiner is groovy, because it covers comics every Wednesday, at least one or two full pages. The City Paper is not groovy, because it does not. Please write the City Paper , explain to them why they need to report on and review comics to remain hep (or hip -- whatever you kids call it nowadays) and ask them to do so, particularly if you live in the DC metropolitan area.

5. My friend and frequent Absorbascommenter Jon Hex (a witty guy of good taste, except for his foolish decision to attend the San Diego Comicon instead of the Big Monkey Party on Thursday) has a new blog; do pay him a visit and say hello.

6. The highlight of Thursday's Big Monkey Party will be...

the Dramatic Reading Contest.

Contestants will be given a panel or two of the kind of prose that you can find only in comics. Then, when the panel appears on the screen, they will go to the mike on stage and do the best delivery of the lines they can. I have about 11 of these ready to go, but I have a feeling I could use some more. And, because I own no Marvel comics, I have no selection featuring Dr. Doom, who, I'm told, talks like Dr. Domino night and day (and sometimes in his sleep). If you have any panels that would be good for the Dramatic Reading Contest, please e-mail them (or, better yet, just a link to where they are on the internet) to me.

7. Three of best enjoyed events here at the Absorbascon were Widowmaker Week, Dr. Domino Week, and Real Word: Detroit, starring the Detroit League. ALL of those came about because somebody had some stupid Bronze Age comics they were willing to give to me. If you have a stupid Bronze Age DC comic you'd like me to make fun of (and that you don't need back), send it to me at

Scipio Garling
c/o Big Monkey Comics
1419-B Wisconsin Ave. NW
Washington DC 20007

And if you don't have any, remember: you can buy some at Big Monkey Comics Ebay store!

Things That Made Me Happy...

in this week's comics.

• Adam's cape.
• Lana Lang, Professional Plot Device.
  
• The return of Sonar.
• The return of Ibis. No, not Isis; IBIS.
  
• How Clark got to keep his job.
• How Lois reacted to how Clark got to keep his job.
• Giant mob bosses.
• Giant Manhunters.
• Giant electrified popcorn. Giant electrified popcorn.
  
• People beating the snot out of Hal Jordan.
• Gehenna's shoes.
• Lois saving Clark's butt.
• Vixen discussing her equipment.
• "Arcanobiologist"?
  
• Aquaman's unorthodox facial.
• The sexiness of Lois.
• The noseyness of Jimmy.
• The Detroit League's inability to simply jump in a nearby stream to escape the forest fire.

JLDetroit: A Sure Bet for Entertainment!

It's been like Old Home Week here at the Absorbascon thanks to the "A Game of Chance" storyline running in JLA Classified, starring the remarkable...

Justice League of Detroit!

Despite repeated photo sessions, this is the best their PR guy could come up. Nice pillow, J'onn.

With...

Aquaman, doing what he does best.

Perpetual piscatorial understudy Walter the Walleye finally got his big break in show biz...when Peter the Pufferfish was unavailable for this story.

Sue Dibny, doing what she does best.

Specifically, flirting with superheroes while her husband's not around.Don't lie to yourself; you don't really miss her either.

Vixen, doing what she does best.

"I feel ... the animal urges... building inside me!"
"No ... dance poles ... in woods! Must-- use tree!"

Gypsy and Steel, doing what they do best.

You say you're sorry? I guess that's as good a way of putting it as any.

Vibe, whom I can't show doing what he does best because this is a family blog, so you'll just have to infer it.

Vibe's got a "ten-strike" that can handle any queen or even another "10".
Just thinking about it makes me feel faint.

and featuring...

J'onn "No, we're not ending our camping trip early simply because we were attacked by supervillains and just killed two people; why do you ask?" J'onnz!

Ah, the "Heart of the League" isn't exactly a warm one, is it?
How bad is it when your behavior appalls Vixen and Vibe?

and Dale Gunn, The Irresistible Man!

"If Zatanna and Vixen couldn't resist me, boy...""...what chance do you think you have?"

Monkey Mailing

I noticed yesterday that, while there are over 1400 people who visit this blog daily, there are only 100 people who are signed up for the Big Monkey Comics "What's Shipping" Service.

It's a free, non-invasive service that sends you an e-mail each week of what's shipping from the various companies. Naturally, this info is already available on-line for those who want to look for it.

But judging from the number of calls that comic book stores get asking questions like, "Did Vibe: Sword of Detroit come out this week?", the Big Monkey thought people might appreciate just getting an e-mail that lets them know what's new on the stands. So we made something that does that; that's how much the Monkey loves you.

The e-mail you'll get looks something like this:

Ooo. Pretty.

Anyway, as I said, it's free and we won't sell your e-mail address to the Scientologists or the Viagra Manufacturers Association. To sign up for the service, just go to the Big Monkey website and put your e-mail address in this box:


Then you'll no longer be in the dark at Recess when all the cool kids are talking about what comics are coming out that week.