Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Black Condor, the Ultimate Gay Superhero

Frederic Wertham was an idiot. Because he thought Batman, Robin, and Wonder Woman were gay? No. We know that Wertham was an idiot because he never mentioned Black Condor!

If you took the Red Bee, the Red Torpedo, the Red Gaucho, Madame Fatal, and Extrano and teamed them up with Jimmy Olsen repeatedly crossdressing, the story would still not be HALF as gay as any cover with Black Condor.

I've posted about Black Condor before and how he'd be the perfect Dynastic Centerpiece for the League of Extraordinarily Gay Gentlemen. But the gayness of Black Condor is so enormous it merits an encyclopedia, a temple, a themepark, a commemorative chess set from the Franklin Mint, a series of stamps, and a Top 100 Gayest Moments of the Black Condor special on Bravo. Want to end the problems in the Middle East? Have DC print ONE COPY of the Black Condor Archives and drop it somewhere in the Persian Gulf; within one year, there will be no new babies born in any adjacent countries, women will gain equality in local society, and sales of Birds of Prey will skyrocket.

Thing I'm kidding, huh? Nope; they'd throw me out of the Gay Bloggers Union! To prove my theory, let's take a stroll through the Black Condor museum. But steel yourself with a supermodel on one arm and a keg of Bud in the other, because Black Condor can make even the straightest of men SWOON...

10 comments:

Dorian said...

I've always gotten a strong gay vibe off the Black Condor as well. I wouldn't mind seeing some team-ups with Wildcat, if you catch my meaning.

He's also one of the characters that I really wish DC would get around to reprinting in an Archive format.

Scipio said...

Here, here. Certainly better than Kamandi, for Quentin Crisp's sake!

What do you say, Dorian? Up for a public call for DC to re-establish Crack Comics, with the superhero Fab Five of Black Condor, Red Bee, Spitfire, the Clock, Captain Triumph, and Molly the Model?

Anonymous said...

Condor's plenty gay, but not the gayest. Sure, a large proportion of the Quality Comics roster looked gay: Condor, Ray, Doll Man, Neon the Unknown, Joe Hercules, Red Bee, Firebrand...OK, I guess we should stop being in denial about Lou Fine. Quality also had Madame Fatale, the first transvestite superhero.

But COME ON. Stormy Foster is the gayest hero of the golden age, and deserves a tribute from absorbascon:

See here:
http://members.fortunecity.com/holeymoley2/pages/hit/hit2.htm

Amy said...

...Good God. I've seen the light. Black Condor -- #1 (with a bullet) on my Top Five Gayest Superhero Costumes Ever.

Stormy Foster at #2... love those hotpants.

(Mike Grell's Cosmic Boy will be so disappointed to be knocked out of the top slot.)

Harvey Jerkwater said...

Heterosexuality...fading...

Desire for...Condor...rising...

Confusion...mounting...

Unable...type...complete...sentences...

aaaaaghhh...

Anonymous said...

#2?! How many more guys does Stormy have to dry-hump before he gets to #1, lady?

Looking at those covers, Kid Eternity may have been the least gay feature in Hit Comics. And he had a fat old guy in a bathrobe following him everywhere.

Mike Loughlin said...

And on Earth-HB, we have Black Vulcan & El Dorado vying for a spot in the top-10. It's no pants vs. no shirt, a mustache, and a cape.

Anonymous said...

With his see through shirt, I'd always assumed Firebrand was the gayest of the gay, but after all that evidence, you are obviously right.
-nico

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