JLA FORTNIGHT: Black (Canary) Widow

Meanwhile, at "the beginning of the end" for the Secret Sanctuary Era of the Justice League of America...

As mentioned in our last post, after Red Tornado's disastrous arrival, Black Canary arrives to Earth-1. Like all Golden Age Heroes worth their salt (and associated with the Justice Society), when the Silver Age arrived Black Canary was determined to live on the parallel world of Earth-2. UNTIL...

a disastrous team-up between the JLA and JSA, where her husband got killed. For no particular reason (although I will blame Red Tornado), the JLA and JSA join forces to fight the usual Ersatzian Threat. You know, some cosmicky extra-dimensional, one-shot villain, with vague motivations. This time, apparently, the moon was in the seventh house, because they fought Aquarius, the Living Tiki Mug.

He really needs to be wearing a paper umbrella behind his ear.

The JSA Snowglobe is still the most popular purchase at the Earth-2 Gift Shop.

Aquarius (again, for no real reason) kills Black Canary's husband Larry with a giant lint ball.

"HA! Foolish human! You've fallen into my lint trap!"

Actually, Larry voluntarily jumped in front of the giant lint ball to save Black Canary's life. The lint ball was about to crush HER instead, because she was stuck to the ground in front of it. And just why was Black Canary stuck to the ground in front of it....?

Green Arrow's stickum-shaft, that's why.

C'mon; you didn't really think I'd posted that just for fun, did you...?

Oh, and, to be honest with you; that's NOT a ball of lint. It's a ball of cosmic power from Starman's rod. Yes, let's repeat that. Black Canary's husband was crushed to death by a ball of power from the cosmic rod of her ex-lover because she was glued to the ground with her legs open by the stickum-shaft of her future lover, Green Arrow. Top that, Scott Lobdell.

This is kind of ironic, since Larry was always a classless jerk, a shiftless freedloader and skeevy gumshoe who was a millstone around Canary's neck.

What a charmer. No wonder Green Arrow looked good to her.

Of course, what happens afterwards is even more ironic: she takes up almost immediately with another classless jerk, the self-righteous blowhard and skeevy crimefighter who's the reason her husband is dead.

"We're both crippled, Green Arrow; you by your ridiculous facial hair...me by my 20 lb. Tammy Wynette wig."

You see, once Larry is dead, Black Canary does what any grieving widow would do...

LEAVES HER UNIVERSE ENTIRELY.

Panel 1: "This entire universe reminds me too much of my husband."
Panel 2: A panel that reads very, very badly out of context.

In the process of migrating to Earth-1, Black Canary--somehow--acquires a superpower: -superscreaming.

Actually, if you pay attention to the story, you notice that Black Canary's power is NOT generated by her voice. It's psionic; the 'canary cry' is something that she generates with her mind, not her voice. It's more sensible, I think, and something I'd like to see reasserted when she is reintroduced as part of the Earth-2 JSA in the New 52.

Black Canary gains superpowers right after Wonder Woman loses hers. This is perfect timing, because now she can join the JLA to take the place of Wonder Woman, who having lost her powers, quits the group, and takes up a new hobby:

hating I Ching.


"What in Hades did you drag me to a carnival for, old fool? Can't you see I'm not dressed for it? Oh, that's right; you can't."

"To teach you the simple childlike delight of laughter, you brain-dead cow. Now LAUGH, wench, LAUGH."


Coincidentally, this blissful little scene of Wonder Woman and I Ching snipping at each other is the beginning of another nail in the coffin of the Secret Sanctuary era, which I like to call...

"RACE WAR TO THE STARS!" So, stay tuned.

Marriage: The Perfect Couple

Oh, Scipio, some of you are thinking, you just don't like superheroes being married AT ALL, do you?

You're wrong; I see nothing intrinsically wrong with the concept of a married superhero. It just fits better on some than on others.

Heck, Animal Man's origin story has him working up the courage to ask Ellen to marry him and his was always a 'family book' (and will be again from what I gather).

We all love Buddy, but... well, c'mon. He's an adult named "Buddy".
He'd be completely lost without Ellen.

Mister Miracle and Big Barda were a prime example; they pretty much work ONLY as a married couple. On their own, they were just silly/stupid; but together they were silly/hilarious.

Basically, they were like Oliver and Lisa Douglas in Hooterville, but with superpowers. Go look it up, kids.

Aquaman works as a married character. Though he works just as well as a single one, too. As long as he's not saddled with a big-headed, purple-eyed freak for a sidekick.

Art and Mera! You just know those glitter-strewn fun-loving beach-bunnies would go out partying at the pisco-theque every weekend. GET DOWN with your bad self, Mera! Shake what your mother gave you!

Although the Atom's marriage didn't work out so well for him, the Atom actually worked as a married character. Of course, that's mostly because being married to a dangerous world-threatening lunatic is seldom boring. Trust me, I know.

Jean Loring's about to shoot lasers from her eyes, bouncing them off her compact mirror to incinerate Ray. Ray, of course, is already smugly prepared with SCIENCE, and (rather than reveal his secret identity by shrinking to safety) he's ready to refract the laser beams away with a multifaceted crystal.
Truly those two were made for each other.

Many people think of Hawkman and Hawkgirl/woman as the classic married super-couple. They worked beautifully throughout the Silver and Bronze Ages as DC's ideal lovebirds (although the "one true love forever reincarnated" schtick got really tedious over the last 20 some years). But each also works just as well as a solo act.

It was always pretty clear what kept those two joined at the hips; doing it in mid-air was the only way to keep from breaking the bed every night. And we all know it takes a whole roomful of toys to keep Hawkgirl even remotely satisfied... unless you're Hawkman.

But the two characters who actually work much better as a married couple than they do on their own are, of course...

Green Arrow and Black Canary.


Green Arrow. A presumptuous, loudmouthed, egotistical Batman-wannabe jackass and self-styled billionaire man-of-the-people.

Black Canary. Motorcycle-riding "tough girl" knock-off of her own mom. Just like her mom, in fact, since her mom also married a presumptuous, loudmouthed, egotistical Batman-wannabe jackass....
Private detective Larry Lance.


Despite Green Arrow's flaws (and they are nearly endless), he has the one thing that money and decent characterization can't buy: a Golden Age pedigree. And that's something you need to make the A List in the DCU. Just ask DC editorial about two years from now, when they'll still be trying to convince you in vain that "Cyborg" belongs in the Justice League. Heck, for that matter, ask the Martian Manhunter (that is, if you can find Stormwatch's address).

A Golden Age Pedigree is too important for DC to let characters that have them go to waste (except for, you know, the entire Justice Society), so they've got to make Green Arrow bearable somehow. And the only character ever to keep Green Arrow in line-- or even care enough to try -- is Black Canary.

I've made the case before that Black Canary is a character with enormous potential if only DC would make a Dynastic Centerpiece out of her. Instead, most of her Earth-1 existence has been as part of someone else's cast as "Green Arrow's girlfriend"; ugh. Black Canary, with an even stronger Golden Age Pedigree than GA, having worked her way beyond the glass ceiling from her beginning as supporting character for Johnny Thunder (of all people), relegated to "Ollie's biker-chick girlfriend"? More appropriate is the relationship shown on the Batman:Brave & the Bold animated series, where Black Canary outshines him and he knows he's darned lucky to have her.

I was so happy when DC finally had them tie the knot! Despite some great attempts to stand them up on their own (such as when Green Arrow came back from the dead, returned to Star City, and started acquiring a dynasty of surrounding characters, or Black Canary's starring role in Birds of Prey), neither character was ever able to hold their own the way their Golden Age classmates (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, and Flash) could. But as the first superhero couple with Golden Age pedigrees, they would have occupied a strong and unique niche in DC's heroic pantheon. Contextualizing each other, each became much more likable and accessible.

But DC screwed it up almost immediately. DC's not very good at letting couples be happily married... except for Lois & Clark, which made them exceedingly boring. The one couple who could easily stay happily married and still remain interesting -- because each was a well-known hero is his or her own right -- was Black Canary & Green Arrow. Yet DC screwed that up almost immediately.

Such a waste! Think of the fun that could have been had. Double-dating with the Halls or the Frees; fighting the Sportsmaster and the Huntress; acting as each other's partners, without the need for sidekicks. It would have been a fresh paradigm not seen since, well, since the days before Hawkman and Hawkgirl started dying on a monthly basis.

But as far as I can tell, in the New DCU both characters will revert to their Golden Age status quo as singles. Maybe DC will have better luck establishing each as a solo act; maybe this time when they meet, DC will pair them off happily. What do you think...?

You're Special to Me!

In our previous chats about Heroclix, we've explored some of the standard powers you might find on a figure's dial. But you may have heard about "special powers" that some figures have; what's that about?

For many characters, standard powers are all that's needed to represent fairly well what it is they can do. After all, there are 40 standard powers (and that's not counting stuff like flight, the aquatic ability, multiple targeting, and Team Abilities), and combining them with different combat values makes for lots of possibilities.

But for some characters, the standard powers seem too limiting or are just "off". In the sets it released this year, Wizkids (the makers of Heroclix) took a simple but huge step that allows them to represent such characters better: special powers.

Special powers basically do one of these things:

1. Give a figure a modified form of an existing power.
2. Allow a figure to have two or more powers that would otherwise be mutually exclusive.
3. Grant a figure a unique gameplay mechanic.

• Give a figure a modified form of an existing power.

Sometimes a standard power is kind of what a character does, but is too weak, too strong, or just needs tweaked. Special powers can get around that by granting a version of the standard power that’s modified by having different conditions. Take, for example, “Perplex”; that’s the standard power that allows a figure to modify any one of its combat values (speed, attack, defense, damage, or range) by 1, or to do the same to any figure it can see that’s within 10 squares. That’s a fairly broad power, and open to lots of modifiers that make it the basis for many special powers.

Saturn Girl, Aquaman, Batzarro, Lex Luthor, Parasite, Merlyn, Aztek, Power Ring-- all have special powers that are, in essence, modified versions of Perplex. Saturn Girl can alter combat value by 2 instead of 1; Aquaman can "perplex" the combat values of any and all visible aquatic characters at the same time; Batzarro can only alter combat values by -1; you get the idea!

Perplex is not the only standard power used as a basis for some special powers. For example,, some special powers are modified versions of Mastermind (Lex Luthor, Superman) and Probability Control (Hourman, Time Trapper, Chronos).

The appropriate reaction to such powers: "Okay, that makes sense. Pretty cool."

• Allow a figure to have two or more powers that would otherwise be mutually exclusive.

For each type of combat value, a figure can only have one standard power at a time. For example, Barrier and Deflection are both powers that attach to Defense Values, so a figure can only have one of those powers at a time. That's a problem when you feel a character should be able to have recourse to either one. We talked about this when you were disturbed that a Green Lantern didn't have Willpower, because it clashed with another Defense power.

Special powers can get around this limitation very handily. Either they can specifically grant both powers (as when the special power "Vibration" gives Flash both Phasing and Hypersonic Speed, or when "Psychic Powers" lets Hector Hammond use either Psychic Blast or Telekinesis), or move one of the powers to a different Combat Value (Mento's special speed power, Mental Hold, grants him Incapacitate, which is ordinarily an attack value power). Other figures that have such special powers include Icicle (Mastermind and a Defense Special Power), Black Canary (Energy Explosion and Incapacitate), Parasite (Steal Energy and an Attack Special Power), John Fox (Charge and Flurry).

The appropriate reaction to such powers: "Well, of course. Finally!"

• Grant a figure a unique mechanic that represents what they do better than the standard powers can.

For some characters, Wizkids pulls out all the stops are creates a power that allows them a special way of doing thing in the game. Deadman, instead of just having Mind Control, can take "Possession" of an opponent's figure, and refuse to give it up (although he takes Damage for doing so, or might get ejected by a bad die roll). With "Disruption", Phantom Girl can remove objects from the board because she's destroying them from the inside. With "Kltpzxym!", Mxyzptlk can "pop" around the board, but each time he does, he runs the risk of being returned to the starting area.

The most popular of these powers belongs (naturally) to Batman, who can leap "Out of the Shadows" from one spot of hindering terrain to another nearby and then hit someone with his fist (close combat) or a batarang (ranged combat). Other figures with such "extra special" powers included Parasite, Firestorm, Bouncing Boy, Doomsday, Captain Boomerang, and Granny Goodness.

The appropriate reaction to such powers: "Yes; THAT is what they do. That is so awesome!"

Special powers have made Heroclix feel much more "comic book-y" than before and, on the whole, comic book lovers who play the game consider them an enormous improvement on the game, one that's helped increase its popularity among people who do not traditionally play such games.

Although some players were concerned that the Special powers would be too complicating or too hard to remember, my friends and I have not found that to be the case, because special powers are either (1) slight modifications of standard power (2) combo versions of standard powers or (3) the kind of thing that we always wanted that character to do anyway.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comic this week.

• Bone-saw Batman. Now, is that the perfect Halloween costume, or what?
• If need be, Jonah Hex will punch you in the throat.
• Chris's watch, which serves the same function as the kryptonite-laden belt buckles of Clark and Lois's imaginary children.
• Supernova is going to make a great Heroclix figure!
• Panda Dio.
• "Watch your language, Wally."
• The Extremists are from Earth-8? I guess they would be, since that's where Things From the '90s get banished to.
• Frankie Laine and Ennio Morricone, for those of you who are wondering.
• Niecy Nash and the Clean House Gang really need to talk to Black Canary about her garage. Too much mayhem and foolishness in there.
  
• Hal Jordan was ... a poodle? How perfect.
  
• I disagree with Brother Eye; I'd rather spend the rest of my life without Karate Kid.
• Demon-possessed Jonah Hex.
• I guess it's safe to assume that that's Guy's lantern... .
• Rip Hunter gets rear-ended.
• I'm not sure which would be cleverer: if Red Herring turns out to the bad guy or if he doesn't.
• Hal Jordan leaving Kyle Rayner naked and covered in sticky goo.
• They really don't make bridges very sturdy in the DCU, do they?
• Hercules working at Sundoller.
• For those who are wondering, the giant bowling pins are from one of the three deathtraps that Checkmate Jones once trapped Batman in posthumously, having contracted radiation poisoning ("The Doors That Hid Disaster", Detective No. 238, Dec. 1956).
• "Rabid" Magazine.
• Love Wonder Girl's new costume!
• When bullets won't work, sometimes you just have to punch a lady in the face.
• Hey; Connor Hawke IS half-Asian!
• Good lord, the Rubberduck clix would have Incapacitate... .
• Okay, DC, the scene on page 8 of Countdown is positively crying out to be re-dialogued as youth-porn.
• "Best in Show."
  
• Batman does not believe in what does not make sense.
• The Jokester's final bow. Truly, a class act.
  
• As I've said before, always good to see Fox and Crow.
• Jonah Hex man-crushing on Booster Gold.

The following wasn't in my comics, but it did make me happy. It's Lance the Blogger, who always makes me laugh, on a local health show. The part where Lance tries to describe the only two things you should do it bed is ADORABLE.

JLA 13: Black Canary, still not the leader of the JLA

One of the complaints readers had about Brad Meltzer's run on Justice League was that he wasn't able to show effectively why Black Canary was chosen as leader of the team, or show her leading it effectively afterwards.

But, you know what? McDuffie has been fixing many of Meltzer's gaffs, one by one, but this one has gotten even worse. In JLA 13, it seems almost that McDuffie has gone out of his way to show that Black Canary isn't leading, or certain not leading well.

1. While Black Canary is still recovering from kissing off Ollie, Green Lantern has already begun the meeting and briefed everyone on the situation.

2. Superman, Black Lightning, and Green Lantern debate Hawkgirl's fitness for duty. Black Canary has no say in the matter.

3. Black Canary mentions that one team has been out of contact for a while, Superman and Green Lantern decide what that means and that something needs to be done.

4. When Red Tornado asks for a battle plan, Black Canary does come up with one. But "Split into two groups and retrace their steps, okay?" isn't the single greatest example of clear and decisive leadership I've ever read. Can you imagine Hawkman, Wonder Woman, Power Girl, or Aquaman saying, "Split into two groups and retrace their steps, okay?" They would say, "You, you, and you, do this; you, you, and you, do that. Let's go, troops; stay close to one another and be careful."

5. Then Superman decides he's leading one of the subteams, and decides who he's taking. THEN, when they let Canary pretend she's picking the other team (it's everyone who's left, natch!), Green Lantern questions, then countermands the decision, points out a huge flaw in the decision, and changes the team. Far as I can tell, Green Lantern is leading the JLA.

6. Black Canary is utterly unaware that anything is amiss with Vixen's powers. Superman has to figure it out and confront Vixen. Then, neither of them say anything to Canary about it. Can you imagine him not telling Batman, Wonder Woman, or Aquaman? Can you imagine them not knowing already?

7. Then, when the villains show up, Black Canary shows that she's not a very good leader or, for that matter, Heroclix player. Canary; you're a Secondary Attacker. Use your Primary Attacker, Superman, first. Then, once they are softened up, your own attacks will be more effective. If you'd attacked with Superman and/or Vixen first, then you would have been free to tie up Parasite.

8. Black Canary shows that, not only is she a bad leader, she's a bad team member, and a crappy Heroclix player. When faced with three villains all of whom would be sensitive to her superpower, she decides instead to kick one in the face. Why? Mostly because she's indulging a delayed emotional reaction to something he did, oh, maybe 7 years ago. Yes, I can forgive BC for being emotional about rape in general, and the rape of her friend in particular. But if she can't do her job because of it, then she shouldn't be leading the JLA, or even in it. Can you imagine Aquaman or Wonder Woman doing what she did? I can't.

9. Once the villains have retreated, who retrenches and starts to make plans for their next move? Superman and Black Lightning.

Now, you could make the case that this portrayal of Black Canary is sexist. In fact, I'll wager there are about 147 blogs, livejournals, and podcasts that already have done so this week. And maybe it is. But there's another possibility:

Maybe McDuffie isn't to blame here.
Maybe this isn't the way Black Canary is being written.
Maybe it's the way she is.

Now, a good number of you will immediately dismiss me as insane or sexist for writing that. But I've come to believe these characters, having been around a long time, develop quite a lot of "inertia of characterization". Big ships turn neither quickly nor sharply. It's hard for anyone (at least, anyone who knows enough about them to become their writer), to change dramatically who they are, or even to write them too far out of character (except for, you know, Frank Miller).

For example: Geo-Force is a pompous, callous, ass. Recent attempts to refresh him in the public eye have led to a re-evaluation of the character in a new era, with new writers, and new readers, who seem to have reached a new consensus: Geo-Force is a pompous, callous, ass. I happen to think that's simply because... he is. The frog should not blame the scorpion for stinging, folks.

Blame it on Julius Schwartz, for inculcating me with the tenet that everything the writers here on "Earth Prime" write is merely a "reverberation" in their brains of what's happening on the "other Earths". Blame it on collective fandom memory, for whom each story of a character is merely an instantiation of the unalterable Platonic idea of that character. Blame it on me, for being a pompous, callous ass. But don't necessarily blame it all on McDuffie.

Some may object that Black Canary proved her leadership under a different writer (the glorious Gail Simone), who is the principal architect of the modern day grooviness of Black Canary. Perhaps. But (1) Black Canary was more of an MVP in Birds of Prey; Oracle was, and is, the leader. (2) Birds of Prey was, and is, a great team. But they are a great B Team, and Black Canary was the big fish in that smaller (but still rather large!) pond. The JLA is the A Team, folks, and Black Canary is surrounded by fish that are larger than she. And it's showing.

Don't get me wrong; I like Black Canary. I like her now more than I ever have. But, I like lots of characters, without thinking they are the appropriate ones to be leading the JLA. I don't think it's just because she's a woman or isn't the strongest member. After all, two of the greatest leaders in comic team history were Saturn Girl and Dream Girl of the Legion, neither of whom is exactly a powerhouse. I wouldn't buy Superman as the leader of the JLA, either; no matter how many times writers try to foist leadership onto Superman (usually in crossovers) it's always extremely ill-fitting. Superman is a fullback, not a quarterback. Aquaman is a quarterback; John Stewart is a running back; Flash, a wide receiver. Black Canary? Tight end.

It's exactly because I like Black Canary that I don't like seeing her lead the JLA; frankly, it's making her look bad. Brad Meltzer "promoted" her out of some misguided sense of Affirmative Action when the previous characterization to support it hadn't yet been built. Now JLA reads like a theater group where a weak director is being gently back-led by her company of strong actors.

When do Aquaman and Martian Manhunter get back?

JLA 13: Damage Control

I'm not sure that everyone gets everything they deserve out of the comics they buy (myself included). So this entire week, I'm going to focus on one single issue of one single, current comic book: Justice League of America No. 13, the beginning of Dwayne McDuffie's run.

While it's the beginning of his run on JLA the series, it's not the beginning of his run of JLA the group, which was the juggernaut that was JLA Wedding Special #1. So, I'm going to 'cheat" and count that as backstory to JLA No. 13, and therefore within the purview of this week.

McDuffie's first order of business? Repudiating the problems of the previous run. Here are just a few examples.

Fanfic is Replaced by Fiction for Fans

It begins with a deliciously wicked parody of the much-maligned Trinity at the Table scenes from Meltzer's run, in which the "Anti-Trinity" do in five pages what their enemies weren't able to do in five months: put together a team.

Already we know that McDuffie knows the difference between what's ridiculous (the previous JLA run) and what's funny (the new one). Already we know that McDuffie knows that readers want to see heroes fighting villains, not other heroes. Or playing chess. Or capture the flag.

Mensacentric Inactivity Minimized

In the previous run, there was lots of sitting around talking, and precious little doing. The JLA do have a meeting in JLA No. 13, but it is short, and consists entirely of necessary recap and battle plans. Now let's go kick some villain tail!

The Name Game

One of the most jarring features of the previous run was JLAers using their personal names constantly, even in battle. In JLA No. 13, members are still not using their codenames all the time. But neither are they using their real names all the time. They seem to be choosing which to use based on the situation, or as a signal to the readers of other things. For example, when Black Canary reassures Green Arrow, she calls him Ollie, which is understandable since the subject is the well-being of Red Arrow (who is always called "Roy", I note, by everyone). Superman calls Vixen "Mari", when he's having a heart to heart with her, and "Vixen" when they get to work. Green Lantern almost always calls people by their codenames, but the exceptions are noticeable. He calls Roy "Roy", because he doesn't want to say "Red Arrow" anymore than we do. He calls Hawkgirl "Kendra" most of the time; I'll let you figure that one out for yourself. And he always calls "Black Lightning" Jeff, probably because he relates more familiarly with him as a fellow black crimefighter with whom he seems to have a previous friendship (according to McDuffie, at least) and because he can't say "Black Lightning" without sniggering.

What the Heck Was THAT All About?

The plot (such as it was) in the previous run (which was really just one really really long story) wasn't very clear and relied enormously on outside and previous knowledge of the DCU. Frankly, I still am not sure what happened or why. McDuffie fixes this by explaining everything he can: Vixen's power problem, Dr. Light's history, the events of the Wedding Special, even how some of the characters are using their powers. Meltzer seemed to be trying to get away with explaining as little as possible, and McDuffie takes the opposite approach.

This is a big improvement over the previous run, where characters only finished their sentences about two thirds of th-- , and we were left to fill in the blanks. And even though Brad Meltzer had the guts to bring back the Hall of Justice (for which I applaud him loudly), he never had the guts to actually CALL it that, always calling it simply "the Hall", as it he were writing the Elk Lodge of America. McDuffie has no squeamishness (or "cuteness", whichever it was).

Bald Lightning

1. Having someone question (like every fan did) why Black Lightning would shave his head?
2. Coming up with a reasonable explanation?
3. Making fun of it for being dated?
4. Having John Stewart be the mechanism for exposing all this?
5. Topping it all with an in-joke for JLU fans?

That, folks is a Five-Star Fix of a Bad Decision By Previous Writer. Dwayne McDuffie did more to flesh out those characters for me in one conversation than the rest of DC's writers combined over the last ten years. You rock, McD.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Pa Luthor.
• Wendy and Marvin's unorthodox weightlifting program.
• The Duke of Deception. Good to see ya again!
• The Return of Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters. For a few pages, at least!
  
• Brimstone with a starrophyte on its face.
• Nazi Flash's costume.
• Black Condor versus Firebrand on American Indian history.
• Jimmy Olsen is a very hot mer-man. Bait my hook!
  
• Tim's plan for making a 'real difference'. Tim Drake; still the coolest person in the DCU.
• Circe's 'gift'. Clever way of having our cake and eating it, too. I like it. But I have little expectation that it will continue...
• Martian Manhunter with a starrophyte on his face.
• The Mask? Yeah, we definitely need her in WW's Rogues Gallery.
• The Crime Society.
• "He needs our help with his sexy fight!"
• Wonder Girl I and Wonder Girl II are Nightwing and Robin. Yes, they are; the Dynastic Centerpiece model will not be denied.
• Blue Beetle is a good student, and teaches Dr. Zuel a lesson.
• Okay, could the dirty stinking Rannies have been any more vile to Adam Stranger this week? The scorpion stings, Adam; it is its nature.
  
• We use their bones as fertilizer on the next crop? Now, THAT is over the top villainy.
• Careful, Mxyzptlk; stare at the Fourth Wall long enough, and it will stare back at you!
• Jaime Reyes's parents can make me cry every time they appear; it's their superpower.
• The Red Bee's Ironically Apt Empowerment takes a turn for the worse.
• Lex Luthor frenching Lois Lane.
• What Lex Luthor did after frenching Lois Lane.
• Heinrich Himmler as Max Headroom.
• Heh. Timberwolf came before Wolverine. Never forget that.
• PLEASE please please tell her name is "White Canary"... . PLEASE.
  
• Jason Todd the Wishbone.
• Piranhas and wasps in a death trap? Nice one, Morrison!
• How Peacemaker ruined his boots in Arizona.
• Snapper Carr versus Starro, I expected. Snapper Carr versus the Trinity, I did not expect.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in comics this week.

• The most relaxing Big Monkey Podcast of all.
• Jordana Gardner. Who'd thunk it?
• Poor Catwoman. But really, it's inevitable, and thank you, Will Pfeiffer, for realizing it.
• Bouncing Boy versus Starro.
• I really have no idea why a badger is attacking Phobia, but I love it anyway.
• Pomegranate magaritas?
• I actually enjoyed the Flash this week!
• Nice G'norrt cameo in Legion.
• The entire history of the relationship between Green Arrow and Black Canary in three pages.
• See? I told you Klarion's a bad guy. Don't believe otherwise.
• Lois brings mace and brass knuckles to a wedding? Good old Lo-lo!
• Good lord, it's Serling Roquette; I'd almost forgotten her.
• Those are gardening gloves the Spectre wears, aren't they?
• "The U.S. Navy?!!" Heh; nice one.
• Well, THAT's an interesting origin for Eclipso, and probably the most sensible one so far. Even if it turns out to be a lie.
• See? Everybody knows he's an idiot.
• Good lord, I'd almost forgotten the origin of the cold-gun.
• Impressive recap of the Fate helmet's recent history.
• That the four men wearing suits to a bachelor party are Clark Kent, Alan Scott, Jay Garrick, and Plastic Man.
• Two successive panels in Robin completely encapsulated the spectrum of Batman's personality.
• Wait... is that Power Girl spanking a stripper...?
• Soup into a colander? That's ingenious.
• Connor Hawke can perform weddings; monks are cool.
• The Return of Mister Terrible.
• Tad Williams, who realizes that Aquaman can crush a gun, that Vandal Savage is just a caveman, that Lorena would take the time to paint an "A" on her armor, and that Aquaman has the power to defeat Krusivax and save the world.
• "I came for the fight."
• I love the realistic mundanity of Kent Nelson's fall from grace.
• Plastic Man versus Clayface.
• Kyle becomes a penciller; take that, Dr. Wertham!
• Hey, Eclipso; please remember he used to be Public Enemy No. 1!
• Most surprising honeymoon ever!!!! And leave it to Ben Hatton to put all the pieces together...
• I think BOP 110 just taught me to love the Huntress.
• Zatarra's even hotter than Tim Drake, if that's possible.
• Glad to see that Acuna realizes how freaking huge Central City/Keystone is.

Least Likely to Change: Black Canary and Batman

Batman or Black Canary?

It's a pretty easy choice, actually. Black Canary is still very similar to her Golden Age version. Same outfit for the most part, same martial arts schtick. There are a few differences, of course.

Controversial though this decision might be, I don't count "Dinah Lance, Junior" as a different person from the original Dinah Lance. She's her daughter only in a retconnish way, kind of like how John Byrne made the current Wonder Woman the daughter of the one in WWII. In fact, she's just a different generation's version of the same person. I've noticed that you almost never see Dinah with her mother; is "Senior" dead now? And I mean, really; know how many women name their daughters after themselves? Zero. Only men are that vain and uninterested in fostering sense of individuality in their children. And don't bother giving me any real-life counterexamples of women with the same name as their mothers; it won't prove me wrong, it will just prove that those people are really, really weird.

No, Dinah doesn't "lose" because she's a replacement. It's for other reasons... .

The modern Black Canary has a superpower; in the Golden Age, she didn't. That's such a powerful difference in kind that almost nothing else matters. It happened, you'll recall, when she "migrated" from Earth-2 to Earth-1 . It may seem cool or perfectly natural for her to have a power now, so many years later. But at the time it was one of the most painful examples ever of "Ironic Superempowerment", the phenomenon by which unpowered characters just happen to acquire superpowers that just happen to fit with their previously chosen name or identity.

She's pretty much the same otherwise, but she's 'traded up' a good deal. She still has a macho jerk for a boyfriend, but now he's a superhero macho jerk. She still has a daughter who could follow in her footsteps, but she didn't have to quit her career on go through anything like, you know, childbirth, to get her. She's still a respected hero in her own right, but is now also known for her leadership in Birds of Prey and the Justice League. Black Canary's changed a lot, and, unlike most of her contemporaries, she's changed for the better.

This brings us to Batman, who I think is our winner. And how does Batman win? The same way Batman always wins.

By cheating, of course.

I'd been avoiding trying to tackle the issue of how different the current Batman might be because I couldn't figure out exactly what "the Golden Age Batman" meant. A lot of people think it just means "the dark and eerie figure of the night", the lone avenger of Gotham. Not so.

Smiling Batman, happy Batman, Robin's partner, deputized by the Commissioner and awarded a diamond-encrusted police badge? That happened in the early 1940s, folks; the Golden Age. In fact, that corner was turned, in my opinion, in "The People v. Batman", Oct/Nov 1941, Batman No. 7, in this very scene:


The nice thing is that, while Batman became Smiling Batman early in the Golden Age, he never forgot how to be scary. For example, in the panels below, B&R find themselves in a corrupt town where they can't work with the police. "That's okay, " Batman says. "We'll do in the old fashioned way and just scare the bejeezus out of 'em.""By reverting to our earliest technique-- cracking the nerves of the underworld. Remember the bat costume's origin and how the press described it? 'A dread shadow that silently stalks the nocturnal corridors or crime.' "

And so he does.


This is the Batman who, as a bad guy fell to his death from a skyscraper construction site, said to his little boy sidekick, "Quick, Robin! Snap a picture!" Do you really want to know what he means by "or else"? Shudder.

Anyway, my point is that Batman's entire literary history has been the process of weaving back and forth between the two sides of his Golden Age personality: Smiling Batman and Frowning Batman. And I love the statement above that it's a conscious tactic that Batman employs. Batman is neither crazy nor a fool, but a master of psychological warfare. He's accessible when he needs to be and implacable when required.

That's what he was in the Golden Age; that's what he is now. Least changed? Batman

Least Likely to Change: Green Lantern ?!?!?!?!

I mean, really; is there anyone who thinks the modern Green Lantern is the Least Changed from the Golden Age version?

According to our current poll, there are. Talk to me. Explain to me how that's possible. The number of votes Green Lantern should have is ZERO, people!

In the Golden Age, the Green Lantern was Alan Scott, the sole person who became the inheritor of a lantern made from a strange mystic meteorite that had fallen to Earth thousands of years ago.

Three times would the meteorite flame. Once to bring Death, once to bring Life, once to bring Power. The first time it, um, killed some bad guys, I think. The second time, I remember quite clearly, it cured someone of insanity. The third time was when Alan Scott found it, and it granted him the power of the Green Lantern.

The creator of Green Lantern said he was inspired by his seeing train engineer use a red lantern to signal "stop" and a green lantern to signal "go" (a coding system auto traffic signals still follow). Alan Scott was to be a modern Aladdin, and the lantern his magic lamp. And, contrary to what anyone tries to tell you, the ring and its wielder were originally vulnerable to any substance in its natural state, such as a rock or a piece of wood. Bullets, being of a man-made alloy, were stoppable. That made a (fairy tale-ish) kind of sense, since the ring was some kind of nature magic. Only later did this vulnerability get narratively narrowed to wood, because, wood being plentiful, was most often used to fell Scott.

The modern Green Lantern is an entirely different person. And concept, really.

Alan Scott was always portrayed as a very successful engineer, later radio broadcast, later broadcast executive. Alan Scott was a leader, in both his professional and heroic roles. And as Green Lantern, he intentionally designed a bizarre costume to freak people out. He lived in Gotham. Green Lantern was creepy.

Hal Jordan? Not so much. Hal's only creepy in a "Yeah, wiseguy... she's my daughter!" kind of way.

No, really; I intend no offense to Hal. TRUST ME, if I want to make fun of Hal Jordan, you'll know it. But Hal was always portrayed as a maverick and professionally troubled. In the Green Lantern Corps, he was portrayed as a star, or an MVP, not "Team Captain". Flash, Aquaman, Superman, Batman, Black Canary-- they've all been portrayed as leaders of the Justice League. But not Green Lantern. In fact, in JLA Year One, the very idea that Hal should be in charge was played as a joke.

Oh, and the Corps. The essential concept of the ring/lantern has changed. It used to be mystical. It was like a living thing, a thing of flame, which could used to do a wide variety of whatever-the-plot-required stuff, but was very seldom used to make concrete objects. The modern Green Lantern? A cold, hard computer, that displays analyses, forms "constructs" of, well, something green (Solidified light? Plasma? Whatever). It's weakness (when it has one) is a bandwidth in the electromagnetic spectrum. Instead of it being a one-of-a-kind item, there's now one in every cosmic CrackerJack box from Oa. Green Lantern isn't a secret identity, it's a title or a job, like "Marshall".

Alan Scott was his own man, trying to wield responsibly an enormous power that was his and his alone. He still is. Hal Jordan (and his ilk) are disposable flunkies, cosmic deputies using power borrowed from their alien bosses, symbols that we live in a police protectorate galaxy (and why nobody's punched Green Lantern's lights out on that basis alone, I do not know).

The only modern age hero I can think who's less like his Golden Age counterpart than Green Lantern is...

the Atom.

Least Likely to Change: Green Arrow

Talking about Green Arrow is always difficult. Particularly right after breakfast.

But Green Arrow is one of the handful of characters who has remained around since the Golden Age and through all the subsequent ones.

How much has he changed, or, more precisely, how different is the current, modern Green Arrow from his Golden Age version?

Uses arrows? Uses trick and gimmick arrows (no matter how loudly fans insist that he doesn't)? Is a wealthy public figure? Has a ward who assists his crimefighting under the name of "Speedy", while wearing a red and yellow outfit and using arrows? Lives in Star City? Civic-minded do-gooder? Is well known and respected among the superheroic community, no matter how absurd his schtick? Total lack of regular, non-laughable foes?

You know, in many ways, Green Arrow has changed surprisingly little. But again, I have to correct myself. Green Arrow has changed a lot; he grew ridiculous, secret-identity-ruining facial hair, acquired a sociopolitical patina, cultivated cantankerousness, fired his original sidekick for becoming a drug addict, went on a roadtrip in an RV with some brain-damaged toy salesman, lost his fortune, changed his costume and became a dark loner, died, acquired an illegitimate offspring (or, uh, two...? I lost track!), started and stopped a romantic relationship with Black Canary 142 times (roughly... I kind of lost track), came back from the dead with a new body, raped our childhood with the help of Stanley & His Monster, spent a year looking for a piece of jewelry he lost, studied some martial art (somewhere, at some point; I lost track), acquired a second or third fortune (I definitely lost track), adopted a prostitute, fought the sound-effects guy from Police Academy, started hanging out with Black Lightning, got replaced in the Justice League (three times; I kept track), became mayor of his city, and proposed to an old flame.

But how much he's changed isn't the question; it's how different he is now from his Golden Age version. Yes, he's changed alot, but he's come back to a form surprisingly similar to the one he started in. What's now his backstory has changed a lot; but most of his changes in the last several years have been centering back to the core of his Golden Age version. He's being portrayed less as a self-centered, pompous hothead, and more as a talented individual looking to better himself and the world. Less serious about himself and his opinion than about what he does. Almost, you know, respectable (if not likeable).

I'm not necessarily making the case that Green Arrow is the Least Changed from his Golden Age version. I'm just saying he's probably not as different as you think.

How different do YOU think the modern Green Arrow is?

Haikuesday with Green Arrow

Well, the Green Arrow Year One and Black Canary mini-series keep pushing me toward the belief that Ollie Queen just may be a hero after all, and a workable one.

After all, could anyone but a hero speak in such casual heroic haiku at such a critical moment, guiding a fellow hero on the proper path?

But if you kill him,
he can't suffer anymore.
Is that what you want?

Nice one, Ollie!

What is YOUR haiku celebrating Ollie Queen new heroic evolution?

Least Likely to Change: Superman

Who has changed the least?

Only a select group of Golden Age heroes (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash, Aquaman, Green Arrow, Black Canary) are still around. And I don't mean "retrieved" characters like Alan Scott, Jay Garrick, or any of the JSA-style inheritors. They are a different animal entirely from the Underoos Icon Gang.

So let's pull our Underoos out of the drawer and examine them over the next few days ... just to see how they're holding up.


Superman?

Well, he looks the same except for some minor vagaries of costuming. But he's changed alot.

He's added a host of powers (many of which, such as superventroliquism, were mercifully shed along the way), and the powers that have been consistent in kind have increased dramatically in degree.

His personality, on the hand, has changed in kind. The Golden Age Superman was almost anti-authoritarian. As a reaction to the powerless people felt during the Depression, the GA Superman broke into people's houses (including the Governor), beat the snot out of normal humans, hung them from flagpoles, grabbed unsympathetic employers and forced them to experience the deplorable conditions of their workers... . Superman (no matter what Frank Miller might think of him), has never been about supporting authority, but about having the power to circumvent it.

Yet, nowadays, we not only respect and envy that power, we fear its misuse. So Superman, most powerful of heroes, has had to evolve into the very image of He Who Would Not Abuse His Power, and come to be an authority figure himself. John Byrne (no matter what you might think of him) understood this tension and very early on he cleverly had Mayor Berkowitz use Superman to circumvent regular, slow justice and arrest Lex Luthor on the spot ... after saying he'd "deputized" him, of course.

His larger "secret identity" schtick is still very much intact. Clark Kent is still mild-mannered (I mean, as much as an investigative report can be) and his difference in personality from smiling, confident Superman is still his best disguise. But the two-and-half-sided triangle between Clark, Lois, and Superman is no more.

That's a big change. Superman used to symbolize men's need to be loved and admired not only for their aggressive confrontational selves, but for their quiet nurturing selves as well. And, I might add, some woman's refusal to do so, particularly strong capable ones like Lois. Despite professing to want "sensitive" men, women usually really go for a confident macho guy. How else would you explain that so many comic-reading women who would call themselves feminists are googly-eyed over Hal Jordan, of all people? I don't know a single comic-reading gay guy who goes googly-eyed over Hal Jordan; only women. Comic-reading gay guys go googly-eyed over guys who are confident yet secure enough in their masculinity to wear yellow balloon pants and red neckerchiefs. And breakdance.

Anyway, while that idea of being loved that way used to be presented through Superman as nearly impossible, his marriage to Lois (in which she loves both the Clark Kent Him and the Superman Him) is now shown as an ideal. In all fairness, then that's not a change: that kind of love was presented as ideal and the only kind worth having in the Golden Age, too. That's why Superman never accepted Lois's advances; if she was too good for Clark Kent, then she wasn't good enough for Superman. It's not Superman who changed; it was Lois.

It's a pity they never really showed us that change; they were kind of suddenly, you know, married.

In any case, how much has Superman changed in your eyes?

Prepackaged Fun!

The new JLA Heroclix set is going to make some fun things possible...


The Superfriends 550 p
Superman (197p), Batman&Robin (138p), Wonder Woman (127p), Aquaman with "Submerged" (75p), Wendy&Marvin (9p).

The Fatal Five 550p
Tharok (100p), Validus(152p), Emerald Empress (102p), Mano (56p) with "Sidekick" (10p) to the Persuader (129p).

Goal: If the Fatal Five kill Wendy & Marvin, they win. We all do, really.


Time Out 250p
Thomas Oscar Morrow 37p + Sidekick (10p) to the Time Trapper 125p, Chronos 77 p.

Time In 250p
Android Hourman 100p, Dream Girl 50p, Veteran Hourman 100p.

Goal: Whoever keeps track of the use of Probability Control most easily wins.

Quien es Mas Macho? 337 p
The Shining Knight 48p, Vigilante 45p, Green Arrow 50p, Aquaman 56 p, Hawkman 135p, Perry White 3p.

Quien es Mas Macho? 337 p
Lobo 207 p, Hawk 69, Bane 61.

Goal: Try to keep Perry's teammates from attacking him.

The Crime Syndicate 600p
Ultraman 242p, Superwoman 93p, Power Ring 90p, Owlman 87 p, Johnny Quick 77p (with "Damage Shield" 10p

Earth 1 vs. the Crime Syndicate 600p
Superman 222p, Wonder Woman 109p, Green Lantern 93p, Batman 79p + Indomitable 5p, Flash 82p + Armor Piercing 10p.

Earth 2 vs. the Crime Syndicate 600p
Starman 106p + Fortitude 25p + Damage Shield 10p + Armor Piercing 10p, Black Canary 46 + Stunning Blow 10p, Dr. Fate 155p, Dr. Mid-Nite 58p + Ambush & Entrench & Flashbang & Running Start & Indomitable & Triage (ttl 35p), Golden Age Flash 101p + Armor Piercing 10p & Fortitude 25p.

Goal: Try not to embarrass Earth 2.

The Committee to Kick Hal Jordan's Ass 200p
Hector Hammond 88p, Doctor Polaris 111p

The Committee to Kick Hal Jordan's Ass 300p
Hector Hammon 88 p, Sinestro 102p, Major Disaster 59p, Black Hand 48p, Carol Ferris 3p

The Committee to Kick Hal Jordan's Ass 400 p
Power Ring 90p, Hector Hammond 88 p, Sinestro 102p, Doctor Polaris 111p, Carol Ferris 3p, Thom Kamalku 5 p.

The Committee to Kick Hal Jordan's Ass 500p
Power Ring 90p, Hector Hammond 88 p, Sinestro 102p, Doctor Polaris 111p, Major Disaster 59p, Black Hand 48p.

Goal: To join the august ranks of the Yellow Ceiling Tile, the Bar of Soap, the Toy Airplane, the Falling Branch, and the Heavy Yellow Lamp.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Between the amazing work in redefining (or is it just refining?) Green Arrow's character in Green Arrow Year One and the Black Canary miniseries, I am being won over to admiration of GA. I mean taking the boat that's an escape from horrible torture and death... and burning it? To attract the bad guys? That's the crazy heroism that's the stuff of legend.
• But I'm still glad that some people-- very very smart people-- question Black Canary on the stupidity of marrying Ollie Queen, rather than everyone in the DCU blindly going, "Oh, a wedding, how lovely! This will be as nice as when the Atom married that cruel, self-centered, psychotic who Eclipso liked so much!"
• Thank heaven somebody finally called Wonder Girl and Supergirl out on their ridiculously tacky belly-shirts.
• Piper's "immunity".
• The very Last of Great Lesbian Love Scenes. Well, for them, anyway.
• John Rogers needs to be writing Teen Titans. Immediately.
• So I assume Ranx versus Mogo symbolizes Humanity's Vicious Self-Absorbed Denaturized Urbanism versus Recognizing Our Planet as a Nurturing Guide and Provider That Deserves Our Protection. Either that or it just looked cool to draw.
• Thanks for the pic of nearly naked pre- or post-coital Deathstroke in bed. No, really! Boxers should be his new uniform.
• The Mega-Rod versus Charizard.
• Blue Beetle versus Lobo.
• "Green Arrow's Secret Healing Factor?" or "Gosh, that minimum six to eight weeks of recovering from an open fracture sped by quickly!"
• I love this Club of Heroes story Grant Morrison is doing; it's like he's on new meds or something. What a great locked-room mystery, with some ace detective work going on. And the art! Extremely impressive, particularly the composition!
• I really what to know what has Knockout terrified, since she considers fighting Big Barda a hobby.
• Black Lightning's "Shut up, ho, this is my chair now; go make me a sammich!" look that he gives Vixen at the JLA meeting.
• I can never remember the name of Blue Beetle's two sidekicks, but I adore them nonetheless. Paco; the big cute one's name is Paco.
  
• Mr. Terrific + U.S. politics + Nazis = Jeez, Mr. Terrific is tall + Wildcat is enormous!
• No matter how nasty they make Eclipso, it still seems like a demotion for Jean Loring.
• So ... does that make Ollie's reaction to Roy's problem better or worse? Or simply understandable?
• Kid Devil made me do a Spit-Take of Amusement. That's pretty rare.
• Now that I realize that Big Barda would love playing Heroclix, I think I love her, too.
• Nothing says "I care!" like Kilowogg covered in corpses.
• We don't always get to say goodbye to the ones we love, do we? In fact, we seldom do. It's a good thing to remember.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

• Well. That's one way to shut Brainy up.
• I now officially understand why Black Canary is marrying Green Arrow.
• The Amazon signifer.
• NOW we know why they sunk San Diego. Nice one, Tad.
  
• Okay, if there's ever been a more tantalizing page than the final one of Booster Gold 1, then I can't think of what it would be.
• It's nice to see that, after 50 years, Krypto and Titano still can't stand each other.
• Booster's sacrifice... and his price.
• Grace, your weakness disgusts me. Just as I knew it would.
  
• Well. Jefferson Pierce is not as smart as he thinks he is.
• Clark Kent has a Merit Badge in sewing? Of course he does.
• Catwoman continues to impress both as a character and a series.
• Did we just see the departure for Zerox... from the Nanoverse?! 'Cuz that little girl sure looked familiar to me.
• Okay, the only thing missing in that final panel of Holly and Harley is some D batteries.
• I bet every single one of those ridiculous Rannian weapons appears in the Adam Strange Showcase I just bought, including the hilariously horrifying Aqua-Ray.
• Batman versus Circe.
• The Zatannacave. It's not at all how Dale Gunn described it!
  
• Enter, the Clownfish. Don't expect to laugh.
• "With the Absorbascon, victory was inevitable." It's just nice to have that in print, you know.
• Supergirl's reading assignment.
• Yow! I needed to see that even LESS than Red Tornado did.
• Jimmy's new pal.
• Well, at least we'll never see that harmonica again after this issue.
• Hassan chop!
• I never thought I be happy to see that particular group of jumpsuited goobers; but I was.
• The Flashcave.
• "Long live the real king." See; Rip Hunter knows Aquaman's not dead.
• 31st Century perfume ads.
• Ah, so the Kryptonite Man does have a weakness, courtesy of Stan Lee.
• Robin versus the Robin Revenge Squad.
• I expected to hate Flash 231; I loved it.
• Now, that's taking tongue-piercing a bit too far.
• Megistus, just in case you need to know, is the scientific name of the Kissing Bug; it's from the Amazon... or it that "Zamaron"...?
• Young Superman as a cheftestant on Top Chef.
• Really? Don't you think you should start with your own sister, first...?
• My god, Daniel Acuna managed to make Wally West sexy!
• "This isn't the greatest the League will ever be." See; Rip Hunter knows Geo-Force sucks.
• Sure he's a good actor; but Batman's not fooled.
• Well. That's an interesting pair of narrators! Does Brad know something about "Junior" that we don't?
  
• Nice homage to the Last Superman Story, Kurt!
• No matter how many struggling women J'onn J'onnz restrains, I'm sure it's never enough.
• Pantha smiles; I counted one head squished, one exploded, and unnumbered decapitations on the Beltway.
• The Pozner Suit? The Pozner Suit?! Very interesting.
• Well. Now we know why Krypto usually just goes 'yip'.
• Never, in all the hundreds of horror and Vertigo titles I have ever read, have I seen anything half as horrible as what Brad Meltzer had Roy do to his daughter.

Things That Made Me Happy...

in (and about) my comics this week.

• Ollie wears a size twelve? No wonder Black Canary stays with him.
• Black Adam gives new meaning to "determination"!
• The price for Hank Henshaw's loyalty.
• The Ant Map.
• The Adam Strange Showcase, which I haven't cracked yet, because I know it will be so full of the loathsome vileness of dirty stinkin' Rannies, that it's gonna make me blow my top!
• I really like the murder mystery when Batman meets the Club of Heroes. Very spooky; love the Black Glove splash pages. "The Most Dangerous Game" isn't exactly the most original plot, but since Grant Morrison can't write a comprehensible plot of his own, he's at least stealing the classic ones!
• Bug pogs.
• How the Justice League defeated Kid Amazo... and vice versa.
• I'll be darned if the Sinestro Corps hasn't made me warm up to the Green Lantern Corps (a book I never ever would have bought before). I'm not sure the entire universe has enough scenery for all these villains to chew!
• Playing Heroclix with Mr. Mxyzptlk.
• Apparently, Atom Smasher likes ladyfingers.
• The new episode of the Big Monkey Podcast, which is now available here and on the I-Tunes.

A New Big Monkey Podcast!

The latest edition of the Big Monkey Comics Podcast is now available on line (and on the I-Tunes for those who have the I-Tunes)! Please listen, enjoy, and tell me what you liked!
This is a 'very special episode', with Ben Hatton, Devon Sanders, me, Tori Tyree of the Women's Comic Book Discussion Group, and X-Men writer, the charming and generally delightful Mike Carey.

1. In our first section, I chat with Ben, Devon, and Tori about Black Canary and why you really don't need more than fishnets and kung fu.
2. The second section is Devon's on-the-spot interview with Mike Carey during his recent visit to Big Monkey.
3. In the third section, Tori and the Monkey Men tell you how to make comics attractive to new readers.

Listening for the following ... and more!

• Ben's new plan to distribute comics with other leisure-time products.
• Devon shops at Tiffany's. Yes, really.
• "You are not the editor of me." Nice one, Ms. Carey.
• Tori explains what Black Canary will do if she finds out she didn't hit you hard enough.
• Ben enjoys the deep-fried twinkie of nerdiness.
• What does Plastic Man smell like?
  
• Ace and Wicked Weasel teach Devon how to be a man.
• My Dramatic Reading of Hal Jordan's inner musings.
• The main driving force behind Mike Carey's diverse output!
• Ben postulates that it's not the message but the medium.
• Find out how the first comic I ever read influenced my choice of leisure activities and spending quality time with the elderly.
• A commercial for a delicious new personal security device!
• Devon sings the work of Harold Faltermeyer.
  
• We speak directly to Dan Didio, confident that he is listening.
• Thrill to a guest spot by Blockade Boy and Gerry Conway on a slightly moist Washington afternoon!
• Learn why the homeless flee in fear from the force that is Tori Tyree.
• Ben Hatton's I Hate Jogging, 1st issue special -- because YOU demanded it!

The Shape of Things To Come

I am beginning to believe that this

Fig. 1

is the structure of the current DC Multiverse.

Okay, sure; we all know that "52 universes" only developed from the working title of maxi-series, labelled thus because of how many weeks of issues it had. Pure happenstance....

OR
IS
IT?!?!?!?

Today I don my tin-foil hat (loaned to me by master conspiracy theorist Ben "Tin-Foil" Hatton) in an attempt to cobble together some sort of sensible reason that there should be 52 earths rather than any other number, and how New Earth can be the "first earth among equals".

What I've settled on is that the 52 universes represent the fourth degree of the decagonal figurate number series. I won't bore you with most of the mathematics (Blogger isn't designed for that kind of typing; besides, that's what Wikipedia is for). Suffice it to say that figurate numbers are those generated by the regular expansion of a polygon according to a standard geometric pattern/mathematical formula. One look at some examples, and you'll get it intuitively (see Fig. 2).

Fig. 2

The number 52 is generated by the extrapolation of a decagon (a ten-sided polygon). If you'll count the number of dots in Figure 1, you'll see there are 52 of them ...

ONE
FOR
EACH
EARTH!

Yes, this truth is definitely "out there".

According to, well, me, the "initial point" at the rightmost part of Figure 1 represents "New Earth". On the one hand, it's a dot just like all the rest; on the other hand, it's the one dot that is found on each of the successive decagons. It represents the first degree of the decagonal figurate series; it is the first among equals. Q. E. D.!

The two dots adjacent to "New Earth" are, of course, "Earth 1" and "Earth 2". They are conceptually closest to New Earth. Together, those three earths are the basis for the "inner circle" of earths, which includes the most familiar ones.

Maybe it'll be easier if I just show it to you...

Fig. 3

Sorry, Marty, I didn't have time to make it exactly to scale, but you get the idea.

Two structural questions remain:

Why is the structure of the multiverse decagonal?

Well, my answer may be rather metatextual, but I'm personally going to pretend it's manifestation of the Ten Iconic Characters that constitute the mythic rock on which the DCU is based (Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Green Arrow, Black Canary, and Vibe).

Why are we now at the fourth degree of the series (which is: 1, 10, 27, 52...)(a.k.a. Sloane's A001107)?

Perhaps because of the three reboots (Crisis, Zero Hour, Infinite Crisis)? Perhaps to represent the four Ages of Continuity (Golden, Silver-Bronze, Post-Crisis, New Earth)? Perhaps because we're now supplanting the Fourth World? Whatever works for your personal conspiracy needs.

And to the editors at DC: please feel free to utilize my diagram! Hey, I like to give back when I can...!