Friday, June 12, 2009

10 Reasons to Own....

the "Diana Prince: Wonder Woman" Volume 2.

Well, all you really need to know is that the Widowmaker story is in it, possibly the most perfectly Bronze Age story ever made (I can't say "written"; that would be an offense to writing).

But, even without the famous Widowmaker story, here are ten good reasons you simply must own this volume.

1. Wonder Woman beating the tar out a drag queen.
"Madame Fatal?! I'm sorry, Oracle didn't tell me you'd be here...!"

2. Bronze Age fashion.
Whoa. Someone obviously couldn't afford to hire Edna Mode.

3. Superman setting a floor on fire by dancing.

What a dork; stupid shufflefoot.

4. Wonder Woman bitch-slapping an injured Lois Lane while Superman looks on, laughing.

Okay; maybe he really is a dick.

5. Machine-gun Wonder Woman
Let's see Mattel come out with a Barbie version of that.

6. Wonder Woman takes muff-diving lessons.
"This is how we roll at the Renaissance Fair, 'princess'...!"

7. Lesbian slave-rings.
Not enough of those in comics nowadays, I say.

8. Superman in hippie drag.
And now, I can't un-see that.

9. Wonder Woman torturing prisoners.
"On Paradise Island, we don't waste time with water-boarding!"

And, of course...
10. the on-going mutual hatred of Diana and I Ching.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Things That Made Me Happy

in my comics this week.

Actually, my comics arrived late this week, because UPS was delayed by the racist octogenarian madman who shot and killed a security guard at the Holocaust Museum.

So, the Thing That Made Me Happiest about my comics this week was they had on average less horrible happenings than my own city.

  • I have no idea what and who that is at the end of Action Comics, other than that, whatever it is, it's some good old-fashioned comic book fun.
  • Speaking of which.... THINKO!
  • One doesn't expect Alice Cooper to be quote in Super Friends.
  • What Barry used to do for charity.
  • So, it is now okay for me to think Tim Drake Wayne is really hot?
  • I thought I saw something in the background of Flash Rebirth 1; now I get it.
  • Ion's clever ploy.
  • The return of the Black Beetle.
  • Yes... Abra Kadabra is the one you would have to get rid of, first and foremost.
  • Batman lives. Always.
  • The delighfully ironic fate of Lyssa Drax.
  • Batman protects rappers, too.
  • The real Joker card hanging in the Batcave.
  • "No one from the Sciencells escapes the Alpha Lanterns."
  • Good to see Max again.
  • Wait, so, that means Guy Gardner watched Brokeback Mountain? Heh.
  • Mr. Freeze's motive.
  • Playing lightning bolts and bracelets.
  • Yes, opening a book can shatter worlds, I suppose.
  • Iris's umbrella. Really, she's so mean, I'd just assume the rain would be afraid to fall on her.
  • The "ultimate man cave". Heh.
  • The Professor. Who isn't the surprise really; but the what and the how will be.
  • Well, that's one way to bookmark a page.
  • The Blue Snowman, unnecessary backstory included!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Vol. 2

So, after all the lunacy we went through in Volume 1 of the Martian Manhunter Showcase, what happens in the second Volume?

Everything gets stranger. Much stranger.

You think that's not possible?

How is it possible? In Volume 1, J'onn J'onnz had cars driving across his giant butt, used Martian finger snapping to cure cancer and square the circle, fought the Human Squirrel, and created ice cream cones out of thin air with his mind. Really, where can you go from there?

Well. I guess we'll see. One thing, I'll say; you do NOT go to "Middleton".

I reject the false doctrine of the Middletonites, and I hew to the Apex Creed:

I believe in one city, Apex City, home of the Martian Manhunter, and at all times, whether he's visible or invisible.

And in one J'onn J'onnz, the only-remaining son Mars, created in the Silver Age before all heroes; J'onn of J'onnz, lighted by firelight, very Silver of the Silver Age; written, not edited, being of one substance with the Schwartz, by whom all comics were made.

I've read both Volumes of Martian Manhunter Showcases, and there is only ONE mentioned of the putative "Middleton" as the home of the Martian Manhunter. And here it is:

Okay, in case you don't recognize my megalocranial friend there, that's Prof. Arnold Hugo, a one-off Batman foe (Detective Comics #306, August 1962, "The Wizard of a Thousand Menaces!"), whose biggest accomplishment was failing to create an artificial moon. Hugo's debut against Batman was in the same issue of Tec where Detective John Jones died (more on that later!). Arnold Hugo became the Martian Manhunter *snicker* arch-enemy. Sigh. I guess it was a step up from the Human Squirrel and the Human Flame.

Anyway, it's Arnold Hugo who identifies MM's town as "Middleton", and it's never mentioned again. A hapax legomenon uttered by a notorious lunatic, liar, and loser is nothing to base continuity on! I think Arnold's just raving. Or perhaps Middleton is a suburb or or neighborhood within Apex City.

Regardless... it's still clear we're in Apex City:

Monday, June 08, 2009

"You think I'm scared of you?"

Oh, we all know what it's like. Your ex shows up, and he needs your help, and even though all the bitterness and pain is still there, so is the sense of obligation from shared experience, so you help him out.

Then you find yourself shot to death by Kyrgystani mobsters and lying face up in a ball bin at a children's restaurant play area.

Well, that's just what happened to poor Joey, the Human Flame's original, um, "partner in crime".

Still, the old magic was there between them! They composed as their final joint endeavor this delightful haiku of defiance entitled, "You think I'm scared of you?"

"I killed the friggin'
Martian Manhunter!" "Screw you,
Mike! I'm outta here!"

Of course, this is from the first issue of the already-legendary Human Flame miniseries "Run", so you've all probably seen it already.

What haiku can you compose to celebrate the return of the Human Flame, mourn the loss of Joey, or ponder the ignominy of
finding yourself shot to death by Kyrgystani mobsters and lying face up in a ball bin at a children's restaurant play area?

Pep 22: the Big Yellow Marble

Like a dog, the Shield marks his territory through circumminction.

"The earth is MINE, Giant Jackboot; MINE, I say!"