The Falcon: Where Griffons Fly

So, Detective John Jones has two strikes in his attempt to capture the Fantastic Human Falcon.  

Planning pays off, people.

But Detective Jones himself has a plan! It is to lie in wait near what is the Falcon's likely next target: a rich guy's big bronze bird statue.

"Coffee is for closers, Jones."

Specifically, a statue of the mythical griffin. It's a neat touch: The Falcon steals an Eagle while releasing a Lion, after which he will steal a Griffin (which is a combination of an Eagle and a Lion).  The man's an artist of crime.

So, you'd think Detective Jones would just shoot the Falcon's gas tank when he shows up.  But that way is too normal for JJ.

"SKINNER / JETSON / BUMSTEAD!!!!"

But John has already become J'onn (he can't do his job without his 100 super-powers) and has invisibly hid himself inside the cage that holds the Griffin statue.

Want to lose sleep tonight? Try to figure out why a bronze statue is in a CAGE.

You'll recognize this ploy; hiding inside the object being stolen into order to infiltrate the villain's lair is exactly how J'onn defeated Mr. Moth.  

The Falcon is gloating with glee at his success, when J'onn rudely interrupts him.

"Materialize" is the correct word for returning from a state of intangibility, J'onn, not from a state of invisibility.  The word for that is... um.... okay, fine; there's not really a good word for that.  Given how common it is, you'd think comics would have invented a word.  Re-visibilize..?

A lot to unpack here.  

First, the Falcon really IS all about interior decorating.  Just like Mr. Moth, his motive is Living The Theme, not making a profit.  And he's going for a rustic vibe with an oil lamp and a hay floor; I bet he already has shiplap on order. 

Second, he doesn't grant his fine parrot the courtesy of using its NAME (which is "Peter", as you'll recall).  People like you don't deserve parrots, Falcon.

Third, J'onn appears to be about to show himself in his Martian form (something he was NOT doing yet).  Unless he's going to ... magically appear as John Jones? Really, who can tell WHAT J'onn is thinking, even WITH thought balloons?!  

And fourth... Chekov's Oil Lamp, whose purpose I am sure you have already divined.

"Not if I can help it, Falcon!"
But you can't help it, John; you never can.

So... J'onn magically appears as John.  True to form, the Falcon is concerned only with feathering his nest. Unconcerned about getting caught, his first and only thought is "I must find another place to decorate!" It's a very bird-like attitude. As for J'onn, for someone deathly allergic to fire, you'd think he'd be a little more focused on the fact that his quarry is armed with an OIL LAMP. 

"Unexpected"? Pretty sure John is the ONLY person who'd be surprised by this.

Oh. NOW I get it.

I was so focused on Chekov's OIL Lamp that I forgot about Chekov's OSTRICHES (which, unlike the oil lamp, were actually introduced in the First Act).  Here it goes...

Next to certain this is false, but comics are full of such "factoids".

Could have just put on the fire WITH the eggs, J'onn, and gotten a hearty breakfast while you were at it.

The Falcon, as discussed, is off to find a new nest to feather.

"This time, I'll hew toward Mid-Century or Scandinavian." 

But JJ is literally on his tail, being impish.

Perhaps "gremlinesque" is a better term.

No wonder JJ didn't call the FAA earlier; he clearly has not respect for the safety of the national air space.  All's well that ends well (for J'onn, at least); even Captain Harding is finally satisfied.

You see why these guys wear masks.

No explanation of how John managed to take credit for controlling the Falconplane; such details are often overlooked.  Anyway, if the scene above looks familiar, it should, for the same reason ALL these scenes seem familiar:

They will all be repeated one year later in the Mr. Moth story.

It really is the MOST blatant re-tread of a story (and after only one year!) that I have ever seen.  

The Human Falcon: the Zoo Caper

Yesterday, Detective John Jones was stymied in his attempt to stop the theft of some priceless bird-of-paradise plumes by avian villain The Falcon.

As portrayed by Academy Award-winning British actor Jim Broadbent.

Today we find out what the Falcon wanted the priceless plumes for: INTERIOR DESIGN.

"Cozy cave, obsequious parrot, quartet of caged ostriches, some priceless plumes; YES. It's all coming together QUITE NICELY. a-hahahahahaha!"

How long do you think it look him to teach Iago there to say that?  Why in heaven's name does he have a quartet of ostriches? The Falcon has dreams and goals and they are not for us to understand.  He's been working on this for YEARS.

"Peter"? Who names a parrot "Peter"? Stan Lee, take off that mask!

But Detective John Jones has dreams, too; dreams of catching the Falcon!

The first giant Golden Eagle in captivity? Um, Genghis Kahn (1167-1227), whose people had already been practicing giant Golden Eagle falconry for a thousand years or two, would like a word with you.

Not a bad guess, JJ.  I don't know why everyone calls you stupid (although your resting fullback face is certainly partly to blame).

Sure enough, the Falcon obligingly appears...out of the sky!

I call foul!  The splash panel showed the Falcon picking up the cage WITH HIS OWN HAND.  Yet another metaphorical cover/splash page, where This Scene Does Not Appear In This Comic.

Now, it's 1959, and J'onn COULD have probably averted this by enlisting the cooperation of the newly-created Federal Aviation Agency, but JJ always insists on doing everything himself using his wild array of powers in some odd way.  

Because it's not like you could take out your service revolver and just shoot the plane's gas tank, an idea that even a TV studio guard would have.  You ARE kind of thick, aren't you, John?

But, the Falcon (who, after all, has been planning all this for years) is way ahead of him with another distraction tactic.

In Apex City, there is ALWAYS a nearby flock of Apexians to endanger.

Note that, since J'onn is invisible, the Falcon is simply releasing the lion FOR FUN. Or just a general practice of causing disturbances to cover his getaways.  In either case, I am impressed.

Okay.  You've read enough Martian Manhunter stories; time for a test to see how closely you pay attention.  Can YOU deduce how the Martian Manhunter deals with the escaped lion?

• A.  Walks up invisibly and firmly but gently uses his super-strength and invulnerability to push the lion back into its cage.
• B. Uses his telepathy to calm the lion into returning to its cage.
• C. Lures the lion back to its cage with an ice cream cone he conjured atom-by-atom with his mind from the void of space.  Plus, lions aren't that into ice cream.
• D.  Uses his Martian breath to simply BLOW the beast back into its den because Mars-halation is his default long-distance power.

A?  Too direct and simple; you fail Martianing 101. 

B? No. Of course not. J'onn doesn't HAVE telepathy, remember? It's the only power he DOESN'T have. Except for flying.

C?  A temptingly bizarre choice. But J'onn can only conjure an ice cream if he's got an ice cream cone in front of him to model it after. I mean, the man's not a magician, you know.

D?  You cannot be faulted for choosing D.  It is the choice most consistent with how MM operates. HOWEVER...

That is how he solved the PREVIOUS situation and the Martian Manhunter never uses the same trick twice IN A ROW.  The answer is therefore obvious. It's...

E. SPINNING

REMEMBER: 
All problems that can be solved by spinning must be solved by spinning.
It's the first rule of Martian power use.

What good on earth does THIS do?  Well, J'onn had just spun a big hole in the ground.  And as stupid as John Jones may be....

... male lions are stupider.

Falling safes. Falconplanes.  Meteors. Rampaging lions. Giant Robot Bears.  Sudden sinkholes.  Exploding water towers.  Since Apexians spend all their time flocking around town and gawking, they have seen it all and so accept every weird occurrence with childlike innocence.  No wonder the Martian Manhunter decided to settle there.

Once again Detective John Jones (despite having godlike powers) has failed to stop the Falcon from committing a spectacular robbery in broad daylight before a crowd of witnesses.

"You know, Jones,  I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but...
have you ever even TRIED to just shoot his gas tank?"

Tomorrow: Captain Harding IN ACTION!

The Human Falcon: he's fantastic!

You may remember my run-down on The Martian Manhunter's rogue's gallery a short 18 years ago, in which we met the malevolent Human Falcon.  I discovered how severely this piqued everyone's interest and for the last 18 years I have been pestered EVERY DAY by someone wanting me to discuss the Human Falcon IN DEPTH.

Okay, fine. Perhaps not EVERY day.

Let's get some background on the HF from his hype-man, the editor.

He is bizarre, but he is not winged.
It's really impressive just HOW untrue this all is.

The speed of a hawk! Well, he has a plane.  

A FALCONplane, mind you.  Branding matters.

The strength of an eagle!  Okay, I will cede this point, since the splash panel suggests that the Falcon can with one hand lift a giant cage with a giant golden eagle in it WHILE hanging from a thread with the other hand.

And he's holding it OVERHAND, like he's palming a basketball.
It's abnormal.

I mean, even J'onn J'onzz can do nothing!  But that's really MM's thing, isn't it: he's all-powerful yet always believes himself incapable of stopping some mook in a business suit.

The wile of an owl! Well, we'll just see about that, won't we?

It starts, as so many interesting stories in the '50s do, with a gaggle of girl dancers backstage at a TV studio.

This is in the same vein as a priceless folio of famous parasols.

I am trying to imagine myself as a collector of priceless plumes, which is odd even for a comic book citizen. I mean, I know the Sims can collect bird feathers, but comic citizens?  

Anyway, I am a Priceless Plume Collector and Roy Raymond there calls me up and says:

"Can we borrow your priceless bird-of-parade plumes? It's for a good cause: television!"

So, I say: "Fantastic! Glorious! I'm floating with ecstasy!" because in those days being on television, which was sort of primitive version of YouTube, was a really big deal. And, after all, what could possibly go wrong?

Let's find out.

Look! Up in the sky! It's... a bird! Metaphorically.

By the way, those are clearly ostrich feathers (the traditional plumes used by female dancers) rather than the much smaller (but more valuable) plumes of a bird-of-paradise, but I'm not going to go there.

Now, you may not think you'd be afraid or even startled by a man in a suit wearing an owl-head. But if you think that, you probably have never seen the Aussie horror film "Stage Fright".

Trust me; such a person would scare you.

Gotta hand it to '50s villains: their commitment to the strictures of contemporary couture while still trying to be intimidating is impressive.  They WILL wear a normal suit but you WILL still fear them.

Anyway, TV studio guards in the 1950s were no creampuffs and they pursue this animal-headed loon without hesitation, dedicated to earning their minimum wage, with which they support a mortgage and a family of five.  

Their plan is to simply shoot his gas tank with the pistols that, you know, all '50s TV studio guards carried.  They are already smarter than Detective John Jones.

Unfortunately mere TV studio guards are not up to the challenge of the Falcon's owlish wiles:

Like he's Speed Saunders, the Falcon whirs about on his pursuers and confronts them.  The best defense is a good bird-feather bazooka offense.

Bird-feather bazooka is next-level thematic weaponry; I can't believe the Penguin never used one.  Naturally, this unbeatable weapon is nearly FATAL for the guards, and Detective John Jones must abandon his own pursuit of the Human Falcon in order to save their lives.

If only J'onn had the ability to fly. Which he doesn't. It's the only ability he DOESN'T have, really. I mean, except for telepathy, which he also doesn't have.

To do so, he must become his Martian self (because at that point, he could not use his Martian powers while in his human form).  But he's also invisible, which does not prevent him from using his powers.  Later, writers would realize that, if he could do THAT, there was NEVER any reason for him to become visible while using his powers.  So they also made it that he couldn't use any other powers while invisible. It's almost as if there were a growing recognition that J'onn's endless panoply of powers made him unwritable.

Naturally, he solves the problem with Mars-halation, his favorite long-distance power (and second favorite overall power).

Now, it's possible that this entire incident seems a bit familiar.  That's because it is nearly identical to an incident in the famous "Mr. Moth" story, where an animal-headed villain in a business suit escapes to his plane after a robbery and uses a device to blind pursuing authorities who must then be saved by Martian Manhunter before they wreck their vehicle.  This is because this "The Falcon" story (March 1959) is entirely re-run beat-for-beat exactly one year later as the "Mr. Moth" story (March 1960).

But at this point, this sort of incident is so unprecedented that it actually moves Apex City's Police Captain Harding to STAND UP.

Something the not-easily-moved Harding does not do lightly.
At his size, Captain Harding doesn't do ANYTHING "lightly".

Tomorrow: The Martian Manhunter versus a lion, because what could be more thematic in a Human Falcon story than a rampaging lion.

Taking my game to a higher level

My very crafty husband has gifted me with props for enlivening my Heroclix games, with which I am delighted.  Together we created an elevated, transparent and blank "supra-map" that I can put above outdoor maps to represent the airspace above and on underwater maps to represent the surface of the sea.

You can see it in use in the photo, where it represents the airspace above a public park where Hawkman and Hawkgirl (with some pals) are confronting some Manhawks, Satana, Byth, and Ira Quimby.

The Manhawks, Satana, Byth, and Ira Quimby are all customs.  You have to be willing to put in the work for a Hawkman-specific Heroclix game.

You can also see some of the aerial props he made (you should see the RAINBOW, not pictured).  

Okay, fine; there's the rainbow.

The rules adapt quite simply to a second level: there is no line of sight between the levels (it's too high up!); it costs one square to move up or down; a figure can only move up or down in one turn, not both.  It really brings life and purpose to flying characters and battles!

Here's a photo of the supra-map being used to represent the surface of the sea in game where Aquaman and his finny friends are taking on Black Manta and his goons.

These are the props for use in temperate/cool waters.  He made separate sets for Tropical Ocean and Polar Ocean. These things matter to me.

The Tropical Ocean props

Tropical surface of the sea close-up.

The Polar Ocean props. Brrrr.

The iceberg combo is a really nice touch.

Anyway, this has reinvigorated my enthusiasm for the game and inspired me to make a new map of my favorite, freaky fictionopolis: Apex City!

As in my original Apex map, all of these locations (including the two bridges) and place names are from references in actual Martian Manhunter stories, which were always specific about just WHERE something was happening.  We know more specific places in Apex City than in Metropolis.

My inspiration for the map was post-war beach-town tourist maps and postcards. That really does seem like J'onn's natural habitat (to the degree that J'onn seems "natural" anywhere!).

I am eager to figure out a way to have random meteors, fires, and plane crashes occur during the game and threatening the Martian Manhunter as an added challenge.

The props are ready.

I am also planning to make flocks of Apexians as "mobile hindering terrain".  I just have figured out the game mechanism for their auto-movement. 

Because what is Apex City without its flocks of panicked citizens?

The Mixed-Up Martian Powers!

In our recent visit to the 1940s Star City, we had reason to mention Apex Studios, which is, naturally enough, in Apex City, where all businesses are named after the town, the Floridian home of 

J'onn visited Apex Studios at least once in Detective 268's memorable tale of

In which, once again, J'onn's powers cause more problems than they solve.

Martian-halitosis is darned inconvenient when one of your favorite powers is Marshalation.

Car 45, where are you? "Just around the corner"; of course.  
Apex City contains many wonders, yet is really dense.
Much like J'onn himself.

What IS it in the Apex City gene pool that DOES that to their chins?

It's a riddle with no answer.

J'onn makes a sound tactical decision that also allows lets him go solo, so he can use his panoply of Martian powers unobserved, because Ares forbid that Detective Jones should just take out his service revolver and shoot some thief in the leg.

And to get out of the car as soon as possible. Even J'onn's afraid of Slade's driving.

He changes into his Martian form, because I think at this point in his evolution, he couldn't do any Martian tricks while in human form.

I mean, any tricks EXCEPT shift back to his Martian form.

Then, the most natural thing in the world happens.

A flaming meteor from space lands at J'onn's feet.

J'onn is focused on the anomalous aspect of the meteor's flames not harming him, rather than the bizarre coincidence of a flaming meteor from space landing right next to him because flaming meteors from space fall on Apex City daily.

But how on earth can that be?

I see; thank you, Explanatory Floating Head of Wonder Woman.

Weird crap happens to J'onn constantly; if he actually stopped to deal with it, he'd never get anything done, so he presses on.

I think the meteor is a remnant of the planet Rastafaria. Just like "The Brother from Another Planet". 

NOW it gets more interesting than just random meteor strikes!

The metaphor of Detective Jones as a closeted Martian is always tantalizingly JUST out of reach for me.

Tee hee, J'onn's become the Bizarro Manhunter. This'll be good.

Yes. I can imagine that easily. Something ALWAYS goes wrong,
badly wrong for J'onn.  
He's the Charlie Brown of alien super-heroes.

I KNEW the internet would not fail to provide me with the image I needed.

Sure enough, it goes even more wrong for J'onn as some workers notice him, report him to the House Committee of UnTerrestrial Activities, and he's burned at the stake like a witch.

 "I don't care what they do in the privacy of their own homes and alien bars, but do they have to GLOW in PUBLIC?"

It's little scenes like this that really hammer home the fact that the DCU, well, wasn't much of a "U" at all back in the day.  Each hero operated not merely in a vacuum, but in their own little world.  Which is terrible for J'onn, since he can't use his Marshalation in a vacuum.  It's also terrible because it means he can't simply say: "Hi, I'm an alien superhero, just like Superman, except green. One with a ridiculous allergy,  but that's not important right now."

Fortunately for J'onn, he is in the ONE PLACE where he can get away with this glowing alien bit.

At APEX MOVIE STUDIOS.

Imagine; J'onn looks exactly like a 1950s B-movie writer's idea of what an alien looks like! So, undaunted, 

Don't worry; he gets daunted pretty soon.

J'onn decides to phase through a nearby wall 

Payroll. It's always payroll.

and instead just smashes his face into it

Oops. Or, being an super-strong and indestructible alien lummox, crashes THROUGH it like he's Kool-Aid Man.

"YOU BLOCKHEAD!" shouts the director.  Actually, he blames it on the WALL, because everything on movie sets is fake and flimsy.

"AND DON'T CALL ME 'CHIEF'!"

Two power fails in a row is a pattern, so JJ decides to test his treasured lung power (Marshalation).

You probably don't floss enough, J'onn.

Just how DOES Apex Studio store its junked ships VERTICALLY?  Like J'onn, Apex City is special.

Being a detective, J'onn quickly deduces (with a little help from some starlets), that the meteor and/or its fire is the cause of his Mixed-Up Powers.

It's a Red Kryptonite story, in other words.

This presents J'onn with his WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

That is, an ORDINARY EARTH DETECTIVE who can casually crash through cement walls like he's Kool-Aid Man.

Oh, dear; the struggle is real.  Fortunately for J'onn, British comedic character actor Maurice Dallimore is on hand to steer him in the right direction.

"It is the considered opinion of Her Majesty's government that you must pursue the thief at all costs."

Sigh. J'onn.  Just turn BACK into your Earth guise as Detective Jones, take out your service revolver and SHOOT THE THIEF IN THE LEG.  Detective Jones could handle almost every situation you ever find yourself in, JJ, because your real problem is your ridiculous panoply of powers, mixed up or not.

Oh, no. A fire has broken out. In Apex City, American's Most Flammable Vacation Spot. Imagine.

Upon beginning his rescue, he immediately abandons the idea of doing it as An Ordinary Earth Detective and uses his Martian vision.

What will happen? Take a wild guess.

Oxygen-eating Vision. 
Sure, J'onn. Whatever.

Naturally, J'onn's mixed-up powers have given him exactly the ability he needs to rescue the men. At this point, just rename him Nemesis Kid or let him swallow the H Dial, why don't you.

With truly Charlie Brown levels of insecurity, J'onn notes that his colleague Slade now has the situation in hand, and concludes that he himself will be on no more use to the police and will have to quit.

"All I have is the powers of an ordinary Earth detective and the ability to walk casually through cement walls; I'm useless a police officer!"  Get some therapy, J'onn.

I'd love to just SLAP J'onn when he gets like this, but I'd only break my hand.  Besides, now that the universe has (again) brought JJ to the point of tears because he's a blockhead, it relents and gives him his powers back.

"As the Martian Manhunter reaches the wall..."
Were ya just gonna... crash through that wall, JJ, like the Kool-Aid Man again?  
Is that what you were going for?  smh

Sometimes the internet will NOT provide you just the image you need.

The Red K effect of the meteor ended once its flames died out.  Because Martian Manhunter stories always treat fire as if it's some sort of tangible, radioactive element, rather than just the result of a chemical combustion process.

Harrumph. Okay, maybe the mix-up left him unable to shapeshift back into Detective Jones. But his over-reliance on his 47 powers is still the root of his problems. 

Now, Batman would have that meteor encased in lucite, labelled, and displayed in the Hall of Trophies overnight and Superman would assign a team of robots at the Fortress of Solitude analyzing it to determine what caused the effect and whether it could be of any danger to him in the future.  The Martian Manhunter...?

To him, it was a Tuesday.