Saturday, November 04, 2006

The Wonder Woman Nursery Song, Verses 5 & 6

This is way to dance and sing
dance and sing
dance and sing
this is the way to dance and sing
to please my strange Creator.

This is the way we dress like beasts

dress like beasts
dress like beasts
this it the way we dress like beasts
to please my strange Creator.

Friday, November 03, 2006

The Wonder Woman Nursery Song, Verses 3 & 4

This is the way to spank the butt
spank the butt
spank the butt
this is the way to spank the butt
to please my strange Creator.

This is the way I'm bound and gagged

bound and gagged
bound and gagged
this is the way I'm bound and gagged
to please my strange Creator.

The Wonder Woman Nursery Song, Verses 1 & 2

This is the way I don my boots
don my boots
don my boots
this is the way I don my boots
to please my strange Creator.

This is my ladies' marching band

marching band
marching band
this is my ladies' marching band
to please my strange Creator.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Aquaman's new writer interviewed

I'm happy to announce that Big Monkey Comics has the first interview with Tad Williams
, the new author on Aquaman (as of issue #50).

And it's full of surprises... .

Steve Trevor, Poet of the Exclamation Point

Wonder Woman gets a lot of attention, but her supporting cast is underappreciated. Let's start today with Steve Trevor.

Could any character have a more bland reputation than Steve Trevor? Lyle Waggoner will do that to you. It's the same reason my agent won't let Casper Van Diehn play me in "Sword of the Absorbascon: the Movie".

But it's undeserved, I tell you. Leaving aside Steve's ability to succesfully pull off outfits that even I, enlightened old P Street gay radical that I am, can describe in no other way than "faintworthily faggy", Steve is one of comics' greatest proponents of More Picturesque Speech. While you won't find him spouting Starman-villain-level oration, Steve is the unacknowledged master of the Expressive Exclamation.

  • "Great Hounds of Hades!'
  • "You poisonous snake!"
  • "They'd have crushed me like a lemon squash!"
  • "Say, that speed boat is headed straight for me!"
  • "Great calamity kittens!"
  • "Here's to *hic* bee-eeyutiful women!"
  • "Black Horrors of Hades!"
  • "Jittering junebugs!"
  • "gog--ooch!"
  • "This smoke is frightful!"
  • "Great gadzooks!"
  • "By the great horn spoon!"
  • "Uh-uff-wha-glub!"
  • "Great cannabalistic catfish!"
  • "Great Caesar's ghost!" (Yes-- that's who Perry stole it from.)
  • "By the nibbling Niagara!"
  • "ugh-sput-t!"

I have been practicing saying "By the nibbling Niagara!" in the mirror for 30 minutes now, but haven't succeeded in finishing the phrase without laughing yet...

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Moulton's Future

Kids; they think everything is new. Well, long before characters like Animal Man and Ambush "pioneered" meta-awareness, Wonder Woman made it obvious that she was a regular reader of her own stories...

Oh, I've made some fun of the whole Wonder Woman bondage thing, but frankly I don't like to because, well, it makes me rather sick how Moulton got away with it and for how long. Nowadays such a person wouldn't be allowed to write for AG comics, let alone DC comics. Nowadays, Moulton would have to write for Bound & Gagged or be penning Saw III.

Yes; yes, I'd definitely say that counts as "close confinement".

I mean, really, there's no way to exaggerate it for comedic effect, because it can't be exaggerated. And it's not like one can make sniggering innuedi at such obvious B&D; one might as well try to make ribaldry about The Boys.

So I shall praeteritively press on to the story whose oddities sparked Wonder Woman Week here at the Absorbascon, the one where Moulton gives us his idea of the future. I haven't the strength to recall in any detail the, well, I guess I'll call it "the plot". Suffice it to say the Amazons pulled out some Golden Plot Device that allows them to show the world of 1000 years hence.

And what is that future like? In short...

Wonder Woman and her friends are still alive; don't ask. Gee, Moulton sure got that one wrong; Etta Candy didn't even make it to New Earth.

The first woman president has just been elected. Such was Moulton's great faith in women that he thought it would take only 1000 years for one to be elected president.

She's opposed (of course) by a "man's party", which includes Senator Heeman and the aptronymical Grafton Patronage; obviously Moulton and Kirby sat behind each other in "Naming Your Characters" class at Comic Creator College.

Woman are (still?) silly ninnies easily fooled by men and swayed by their looks.

There are still secretaries. They are still all women. They wear horrid costumes with built-in devices that allow dictation to be beamed to her brain and automatically controlling her arms. And Diana Prince is still a secretary, working for the same General she's always worked. For the last

Heck of a glass ceiling, that.

Security guards are all women, dressed like majorettes. Gee, kindly female prison-tenders dressed like marching girls: Moulton's future utopia. Manly men dress like Terra-Man and unmanly men dress like, well, like Steve Trevor.

Boys are "US"

In the future, you see, Blockade Boy designs everyone's outfit.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Golden Age Wonder Woman Week Begins

If this doesn't terrify you for Halloween, I can't imagine what would:
Are you ready for ... Golden Age Wonder Woman Week?


There are two types of people in the comic book world:
  1. those who knew immediately what "RFG" stood for in the title of this post and
  2. those who did not.

I'm one of the former and, if you're reading this blog, you probably are, too.

If I were younger I might have waited to see whether Wizkids would make these fanboy favorites, but I'm not certain I've got another 250 years left in me. So I tasked Totaltoyz with creating ...

As you'll remember, they came in second in our last Custom Heroclix poll.

I weep for their beauty. And they are going to be a butt-kicking team, I think, particularly in combination with either the Joker or the custom Amos Fortune I've ordered; bring it on, JLAers!

Four Out of Five Dentists Choose....

I need some help with a question:

during one Aquaman storyline, Neptune (or was it Poseidon?) gave him his trident.

What did it do? What happened to it?