We all know that the Starman Archive has no rival for DRAMA. But if it did, that rival would be "Who Wants to be a Superhero?"
Boy, when Stan Lee said the tests would only get tougher, he wasn't kidding, True Believers.
Love the Enforcer's new supervillain outfit and his mushmouthed scenery-chewing! I'm now his biggest fan -- or second biggest fan, judging from last night's challenge! HA! AhHAHAHAHA!
He's not a real supervillain, of course; he's a Sinister Sidekick ("Hey, Bawss, you'll find dese here seecret recordins ree-uhl useful-like!").
Who would have thought the "Buying Lunch Challenge" would be an insidious snare, and one which would easily trap all but two of the heroes? FOOLS! THE UTTER FOOLS! Truly an ingenious deception; I applaud the producer's evil.
I bet Nitro G and Levity wouldn't have fallen for that trick, because they actually read comic books. Feedback escaped because of his steely gaze and power of super-disturbing-sincerity. Fat Momma, well, I think she escaped only because the trap was flirtation-based and she knew darned well no one would be flirting with her.
There were two eliminations last night and, lemme tell ya, they were pretty shocking! Shocking, but justified in the context of ratcheting up the moral standards of the contestants. Sadly, two of the contestants I liked the most were eliminated, leaving two who I can't stand.
Now it's time for me to pass Moral Judgment on some of them, like my idol, Stan Lee.
"Lemuria -- you are a vicious backstabbing viper-fanged beyotch of the worst kind. You are a nightmare and should turn in your costume. However, as a consolation prize, you're being sent to DC as the latest member of the Outsiders."
"Tyveculus -- it's my job to tell Lemuria she's a vicious backstabbing viper-fanged beyotch of the worst kind, not yours. Soopuheerowz are supposed ta make people feel bettuh about themselves, not worse! Captain America called; he wants his high horse back."
"Feedback -- if I asked you to bite off the head of a hamster to prove your courage, would you do it? Ah, no, Feedback! Put down the hamster! The '90s are over, Feedback, and people want heroes who can do their jobs non-psychotically."
"Creature -- I hate you less than I used to, because you immediately understood the Self-Sacrifice Challenge and you met it with complete sincerity. I don't like you, but you've earned my respect and you seem to be actually learning something during the process."
"Monkey Woman -- I have adored you more with each passing episode and you are a Tower of Fabulousness. But! A Tower of Fabulousness built on the Quicksand of Deceipt will inevitably sink. 'Nuff said."
"Fat Momma -- you have gone over to the dark side. I was so happy for you when you aced the Fire Walk With Me challenge and used your donuts to comfort the Screaming Twin! But you totally missed the point of the Self-Sacrifice Challenge. I used be a huge supporter of you, but you have abadoned Justice and embraced Vengeance. Overwhelmed by emotion, you have lost your mission and you are lost to us. You will reassigned as the Fat Funny Friend of the Punisher where it is hoped you will revive its sagging sales in the black female readers demographic."
"Major Victory -- every time I think you're going to trip on your own cheesiness, you prevail. Even though you stumbled on the Buying Lunch challenge, you of all the contestants seem to have the best natural sense of what it means to be a soopuheerow. I don't know whether you'll win, but I'm becoming convinced which each passing episode that you are the only man worthy of fathering my baby."