Tuesday, April 04, 2006

"Quickly, Elevator Boy; to the shaft!"

I am trying ernestly to continue hating Jimmy Olsen, but, believe it or not, reading the Superman Family Showcase is making it increasingly difficult.

Nonplussed? Me, too. But how can you hate somebody ... like this:
"Dick Hunter, Elevator Boy"

I am certain I rented that movie; the star kept inviting people to go up and down his shaft.

And now I'm eagerly anticipating the rest of the Superman Family Showcase stories, where I'm hoping to encounter Jimmy's other "secret disguises": Ben Dover, the plumber's assistant; Peter Lover, the circus sword swallower; and Phil Colon, proctology nurse. I mean, really, Jimmy! I guess it works, though; judging from the word balloon, Superman really enjoys Jimmy's role-playing.

Face it, the more Jimmy Olsen stories you read, the more you realize that hating Jimmy Olsen is like kicking a sick puppy. It's just not fair.

This panel is from "Jimmy Olsen's Forgotten Adventure"; "Oh, Superman, I was so drunk last night!". Don't worry, Jimmy, I'm sure the jpegs will be all over the internet to help remind you.

Anyway, since this is Haikuesday...According to this
identification I
know I'm Dick Hunter.

Okay, Jimmy, okay, we get it; you're a "Dick Hunter", give it a rest.
Stop hitting us over the head with it like a brick...

The universe sends a firm message to Jimmy about the lack of subtlety in his
"secret identities".


Anonymous said...

I didn't know Jimmy was Hal Jordan's long-lost cousin.

afdumin said...

I'm beginning to get a little worried about your uncanny abilities to uncover this stuff.

Mark said...

You forgot about Jimmy's Irish secret identity "Paddy Fitztightly"

Anonymous said...

Uncover? I'd say this stuff is barely covered at all. It's like big old dinosaur bones sticking out of rock formations in Wyoming just waiting for someone to notice.

Boy, does that line sound "Dick Hunterish."

Wertham was right!

Anonymous said...

Superman and the
Batman both have big secrets:
they have two good Dicks.

Dorian said...

Mike and I have been wondering when someone else was going to get around to noticing "Dick Hunter." I think we both made the same leap to "themed gay porn film" that you did.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to haiku...

Dick Hunter's Shaft Rides
Commitment to safety: no
days since last inj'ry

Dick Hunter: porn star.
Like Johnny Wad, but freckled,
sans bushy mustache

Dick Hunter seeks out
Elevator action, but,
Alas, random brick

Jake said...

Thanks for getting to this. I just finished the Showcase and am going to start writing up reviews of the various half-assed stories within (that's said with nothing but love, kind of like when I confess my sister is bat-shit crazy). This story was ripe, but seemed to only have the one gay porn angle and I wasn't sure how many jokes I could milk out of that.

Well done, sir.

Harvey Jerkwater said...

Great, now all I can do is come up with new aliases for Jimmy.

"John Thomas, Chimney Sweep."
"Roger McDicker, Cucumber Farmer."
"Steve Reacharound, Male Prostitute."

Anonymous said...

Maybe he could team up wuth Nova in Marvel's new mini... Dick hunter meets Dick Ryder

Anonymous said...

Bruce Wayne is jealous
World's greatest Hunter of Dick?
Jimmy beats them all!

Jeff R. said...

Jimmy's new catchprase
Must be "No Dick can escape
The Dick Hunter", right?

Anonymous said...

As Elastic Lad?
Jimmy as Turtle Boy? And
now as Extrano?

Anonymous said...

Dick Hunter!!!

LOL...I am SO changing my name by deed poll... =)

Anonymous said...

Sorry to bump such an elderly topic, but I just have to add...

At least he was glad Superman came.