My Favorites this Week

Quote from someone else's blog.
"Kyle Rayner became a god once, and the first thing he did was cut his hair."

Background detail.
The road sign outside of Arkham in "Legends of the Dark Knight" that says HITCHHIKERS MAY BE ESCAPING INMATES. I really wanted to see an International Symbol of some kind on this sign.

Inexplicably villainous behaviour.
Dr. Light kills 17 students at Mia's school to spook her into running home, so he can follow her there. Dude; couldn't wait till 3:30 PM? How busy are you? Guess when you work at the speed of light, you get impatient.

Kirbyesque moment.

Heh, nice one, Palmiotti and Gray.

Best unexpected reference.
Do not buy Teen Titans this week for the Brother Blood-bath. Buy it for the jaw-dropping Carrot Captain saga that begins within--seriously. My favorite part? Fox and Crow as tv newscasters. I never thought I'd live to see Fox and Crow, in any capacity, back in a DC comic.

Hottie of the week.
Captain Atom. Yow. The combination of the new "outfit" and Camuncoli's art; yow. No one has ever made Captain Atom sexy before, and the "oops where did I leave my genitalia" problem makes it pretty darned tough to do.

Weekly Wow.
I respectfully steal the "@#$ yeah!" concept from my better, Dave of Dave's Longbox, and adapt it to my own wicked purposes.

Captain Atom also gives us the Weekly Wow. I never really liked Captain Atom before. Now I do.

The Eyes of Hal Jordan

I'm not saying Hal Jordan's not ... not trustworthy, mind you.

I mean, lots of people glance around.

Out of the corners of their eyes.

Their masked eyes.

Frequently.

In extreme close up.

I'm just saying...

he really is one severely shifty-eyed brothermucker.

The Sword of Haiku

Haikuesday at the Absorbascon is on hiatus today, in protest over certain matters.

If, however, anyone is inspired to write haiku by this drawing:


who am I to stop them?

Put THESE in your seascape!

Custom Heroclix figures courtesy of Totaltoyz

As previously discussed, the Sea Devils are painfully groovy in their special underwater way.

That's why I had these custom clix (you know -- the kind you buy on Big Monkey's Ebay store) made of the Sea Devils!

Note the big honking harpoons! Those are for making wicked nasty wounds in other underwater characters; they work a lot better than swords, which don't have ranged attack. Next week, the guys and I are playing a special scenario we call "Sea Devils: Harpoons of Neptimus".

Forbidden Elseworlds

"Emerald Candidate",
in which George W. Bush receives the ring of power from his fading predecessor.

The Legion of Substitute Icons

As you know, the "JLA" book is being cancelled in 2006. Now, DC has chosen the Absorbsacon to leak, in Wizard Magazine like fashion, one of its special projects in 2006, a new on-going replacement series entitled:

The Legion of Substitute Icons

Since, thanks to various movie, television, cartoon, and comic book projects, DC iconic heroes are better known and popular than they've been since World War II, it's obviously time to replace them with other characters. Abandoning Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, the Flash, Aquaman, Plastic Man, and the Martian Manhunter, Hawkman, Green Arrow, and the Atom, DC is proudly announcing the Legion of Substitute Icons, starring -- well, featuring, anyway:

The Eradicator, Azrael (formerly of "Sword of Azrael"), Artemis, Guy Gardner (formerly of "Warrior"), John Fox, some guy who isn't Aquaman, Ralph Dibny, the Red Tornado, Charlie Parker, Connor Hawke, and a rejuvenated, amnesiac Ray Palmer (formerly of "Sword of the Atom")


"The LSI is based on a time-honored strategy for marketing our icons," DC head honcho Dan Didio said. "Nothing makes readers appreciate our important characters more than replacing them will poor substitutes. The principle has been used to reinvigorate interest in all our front-line characters, and we'll continue that fine tradition in 2006."

The Elongated Man: Sword of Opal City

As part of DC’s “One Year Later” event, Scipio Garling and Devon Sanders will helm an all-new take on one of the mainstays of the DCU, and when the creators and DC say “all-new,” they mean it. We caught up with Garling for more information on the upcoming stories of the detective (?) of Opal City and just what might be going on in the months to come. First off, that more than a mouthful of a title...

“The new title was my suggestion,” revealed Garling, “and I wanted to do it to clearly signify, right from the logo on down, that this is a different approach, this is a break with what's been going on and a new direction, a new flavor. I'm glad to have seen so many people assuming that the title means more of a Hep & Hipster direction, because that means the title works -- that's exactly the impression we want to give."

The writer explained this new take on the Elongated Man will be more of a dark hipster adventure book … “with clove cigarettes, poets, murky coffee bars, jazz, beatniks, hepcats and more, all taking advantage of that Opal City setting that makes the “hipscape” practically an alien world, full of mystery and wonder,” Garling said.

”But it's not just Hep & Hipstery,” he continued. “There's also science, corporate skullduggery and the occasional superhero in the mix. Think of it as Hep & Hipster if the next city over is a fully-industrialized hi-tech planned community with gates and guards and worse ... schools of children.”

Before Garling goes too far, however, one thing he wanted to reveal upfront (“I should rip the rubber band off fast for longtime Ralph-fans), is that this Elongated Man stars a “new guy” … Jimmy Olsen.

”So in that sense, it's the start of something brand-new -- a new hero, setting out on new adventures. The sword is a metaphor for Jimmy’s pen, since he puts aside his camera and begins to cover the hip scene in Opal, stretching himself as a reporter – literally!” But Garling was also sure to point out at the same time, he and Sanders are not scrapping any of the past history of the Elongated Man, of Opal City, and of all the mythology that's built up around the stretchable sleuth’s world over the years.

”It all happened, it's all still out there,” Garling explained. “Sue’s charred corpse with the tiny footprints in its brain, Hamilton Drew, his brother Ken, Sonar, Catherine Colbert, Duke Donald ... we're not throwing anything away, even if we don't necessarily use it all right away. And we're not killing Ralph (the current Elongated Man), not making him a villain, not scrapping him -- in time, he'll turn up again, and his story is anything but over.”

As for the new series’ setting... ”Suffice it to say that Opal City is hit pretty hard in Infinite Crisis, and its status is anything but quo,” Garling revealed. “Huge upheavals on the Opal citycape, and a chaotic situation full of danger, opportunity, war, political maneuvering and more. Beatnik poets are coming out of the woodwork, the conceptual painters are on the march, performance artists have been disturbed, art theory abounds, and lots more.

”Into that, we drop our new Elongated Man -- an outsider to Opal City, a square from Metropolis, dropped into this rich and complex hipster setting. And he's going to have to figure out his path, find his place in this world as he goes. By the end of our first issue, he'll be traveling with two companions -- the Shoveler of the Scat, a mysterious and not-entirely-trustworthy bop musician who's essentially appointed himself our guy's guardian and guide on the hipster's path, and Knockout, the old Superboy villain -- a vicious lesbian who's the leader of the dyke avantgarde. Why the Shoveler is helping Jimmy, and why Knockout is partnered up with anybody are things we'll learn more about as time rolls on.”

In writing the series, Garling explained he’s using the kind of “zany hepcat muscles” he’s had fun with on the internet’s Absorbascon. ”It's hep-fantasy, but its own flavor,” he said of the new series. “But I do want this Elongated Man to be much more an adventuring coolcat, much less a conventional detective. But that's only part of it. The hipscape is rich in possibilities, rich in exploitable artists, and that means that corporate entertainment interests are looking the Opal’s way, too. The way I look at it, the hipscape is a fantasy realm in chaos, facing internal troubles, but also threats from both above and below -- from above in the form of corporate and other art-stifling interests like Warner Brothers that want to exploit or otherwise profit from recognizable commodities like say, Aquaman, and from below in the form of dark and dadaesque forces that have been confined to the coffee bars of Opal … until now.

”Think of it as a world trapped between the forces of Duchamps and Arp on one side, and Madonna and Will Smith on the other, with a few superheroes and supervillains thrown in for good measure. And Jimmy Olsen, the new Elongated Man -- a new hipster, unsure of his role and of just who the good and bad guys are in all this -- is stuck in the middle.”

Garling explained that it was a mixture of factors that led him to use Jimmy Olsen as opposed to continuing the adventures of Ralph. ”Mostly, it's to have a fresh start,” he responded, “and not to constantly be dealing with some of the narrative problems that have plagued Ralph over the years.”

”I think there's an inherent problem with detectives who are broken widowers,” Garling went on to explain. “Not an insurmountable problem, but it's there, and it's got to be dealt with. Widowers aren't supposed to go and have adventures -- they're supposed to stay home and talk to their dead wives’ pillows. The thing is, killing the wife is usually the end of the story -- the hero's punishment, at which point it's time for ‘sadly ever after’. But in serial adventure, you gotta keep going. And I don't think it's any coincidence that the Elongated Man, as a character, appeared regularly until the series that set him up as the widower of Opal, had him lose a beautiful wife,and start talking to himself, in general accomplished all the stuff a widower gets to do at the end of the story. That's not to say that it's impossible to write the adventures of a widower well. Some people have managed it nicely, like Geoff John’s run on Mr. Terrific. But I don't want to just do what they already did, so I want to try solving that problem a different way -- by starting out fresh, with a guy who hasn't already lost it all. The new Elongated Man gets to start out on top, and anything he loses will be an accomplishment, a new tragedies, new defeats-- not gaining something he enver used to have or fighting to improve the old status quo. Or at least, it'll work that way as long as the Shoveler doesn't -- ah, but that'd be telling. And hey, I haven't mentioned Viagra, or the Nights of the Rented Porno Flick, or the suburb of Coral City, or...”

Asked to explain how the idea of a new Elongated Man came together (did DC force Jimmy Olsen on him, like they did Jack Kirby?), Garling explained the secret origin of The Elongated Man: Sword of Opal City. Garling explained how he’s been “intrigued” how the Elongated has "slowly, slowly" been changed over time, until becoming what the writer feels is almost a “complete reversal” of the original idea. ”The original Elongated Man, back in the Silver Age, was a self-promoting dork, a human being chemically-augmented to be stretchable,” Garling explained. “I thought it'd be an interesting exploration to start with something more like that original idea, and plunge him into the world that's built up around the other guy over all these years, and see what happens. Jimmy Olsen was the obvious choice.”

”We start One Year Later, of course,” continued Garling. “And we start at the very moment our new Elongated Man is dropped into the hipster world. So you'll get to see his rise to prominence as it happens. As for Ralph, well, you'll see some hints of what's coming, but we won't tell you instantly where he is and what's going on with him. He will turn up in time, though, and we'll learn what happened, what it means and how it'll affect the book, the character and the hipscape over time. More than that, I cannot say.”

What Aquaman Does

Some sad Marvel cynic on another blog (which shall remain nameless) finds it oh-so-amusing that silly DC folk like me (including me specifically) can be so passionate over an 'obvious D lister' like Aquaman.

Uh-huh. Well, I know what Aquaman can do. I don't really know what Namor does, other than throw hissy fits and make long speeches while bursting through the surface of the sea; I mean, Lloyd Bridges can do that on a bad day. I guess Namor's pointy ears, itsy bitsy footsie wings, and preposterous speech patterns make him cool.

I wouldn't know what's cool; after all, I read Aquaman.

Anyway, for those who just don't get it, this may help.

Here's Aquaman, casually bitch-slapping all-powerful sorceror Felix Faust into submission with some flying fish while the entire Justice League stands around pathetically helpless. "Thud", you'll note, is the sound of a wizard getting hit in the face with a fish.

Superman stops you. Batman captures you. Wonder Woman defeats you.

Aquaman humilates you.
Utterly.
Every time.

Everyone bested by Aquaman is publicly humiliated, with an indelible scarring effect on their permanent criminal record.


"Say, Shifty-- how'd you wind up here in the joint?"

"Oh, in mid-heist, I was bitch-slapped by a flying fish, then after being pinned to wall by an archery-trained octopus, tiny hermit crabs attacked my testicles and my screaming brought the cops. And all the while, Aquaman just stood off to the side with his hands on his hips, laughing and laughing...."


Do you have any idea what happens in prison to people who've been captured by sealife? I don't like to think about it. Okay, okay-- I do like to think about it, but that's beside the point. Let's just say it's the kind of stuff even HBO won't show.


Being humiliated by Aquaman ends your criminal career. That's why the guy's got next to no rogue's gallery; no one wants to go up against Aquaman a second time. Cutlass Charlie? The Invisible Un-Thing? Shark Nelson? Even the AWESOME HUMAN FLYING FISH? Gone; done; history.

Everyone's afraid to tackle him; it seems easy, but when he beats you -- and he will -- he will humiliate you and your career will be over. Nope; it's just too great a risk.

Aquaman does not have time to punch you; he's too busy laughing. Got to wrap this up quickly, so I can get to bed and dream up new ways of torturing people with fish! "Ever wonder what it would be like if a pufferfish swam down your throat while an electric eel nested in your colon? Let's find out!!!"

The man loves his work. I do, too.

The Original Batman

"Woo hoo, the Original Superman's back!"

Big friggin' deal. What's he gonna do ... PUNCH the universe back into place? Only if they let Wolfman write the story! Superman's just a weekend warrior, a chairman of the board who doesn't know enough to sit back and enjoy his golden years while the real execs who actually know how the world works run the show.

What we really need, you silly people, is the Original Batman.



"Brother Eye" would last all of ten minutes if that guy were around again. Why, he would just fly up to it on his jetpack (with Robin in tow, to play nurse and mop his forehead and say, "gosh!"), rip out some wires and be back in time to dedicate a statue of himself, clobber Calendarman, enjoy one of Alfred's sumptious but low-fat meals, then go out to put the kibosh on a racketing mob while restoring a youngster's faith in Christmas. Next issue, Alfred would be in the background dusting a dead OMAC propped up as a trophy, while Batman perfects a new DNA test to determine whether someone is an illegitimate child of one of the Green Arrow family and Robin practices his nuclear submarine piloting skills.

Those people would be helpful right about now, not the Original Superman.

Women and Comic Books

It's my sense that this blog gets a larger share of female readers than other comic book blogs (probably because I'm 100 times more likely to focus on Power Girl's boots than her boobs).

Are you a woman who reads comic books?

Wel, then, our sister site, Big Monkey Comics, has a new feature for you:

FanFatale.

FanFatale is a forum that invites female fans to discuss a topic on women characters in comics, women creators in comics, and women into comics.

The first topic is on women and violence in comics, with specific reference to Gail Simone. The second is about the use of pregnancy and babies in comics, with an eye toward DC's planned parenthood in 2006. Let me know if there's a new topic you're dying to discuss!

Please contribute a few thoughts and help spark what we hope will be a welcome venue for conversation and debate!

Love Aquaman; Hate the Sword

I like Aquaman. I really like Aquaman.

That's why I won't be buying this crap, described by the author as J.R. Tolkein meets Tom Clancy. That's like Scylla and Charbydis, gas or electrocution, Loeb or Miller. Just shoot me now, and, while you're at it, cancel my current subscription because the fine set up that Pfeiffer and Arcudi have done with Sub Diego is going to be shot to hell anyway.

”Mostly, it's to have a fresh start,” Busiek responded, “and not to constantly be dealing with some of the narrative problems that have plagued Aquaman over the years.”

"Fresh starts" are the narrative problems that have plagued Aquaman over the years.

A new person will be Aquaman? Yeah! That worked brilliantly with Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern!

"And we're not killing Orin (the current Aquaman), not making him a villain, not scrapping him -- in time, he'll turn up in the series again."

Well, what more could anyone ask?

"During the course of our Q&A, Busiek also explained how he’s been “intrigued” over how Aquaman has "slowly, slowly" been changed over time, until becoming what the writer feels is almost a “complete reversal” of the original idea…"

And becoming less and less popular as a result. Yes, let's continue that by all means.

Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis. No, it's really called that, even though most people think it's a joke when they first hear it. And somehow the title sounds ... familiar.

Oh, that's right: Sword of Atom, the last time that DC out of desperation, let a writer shove a superhero into a Sword & Sorcery dress and make a fool of him.

I'll go on record --right now-- as predicting that, despite Busiek's talent, Sword of Atlantis will be an enormous flop, thereafter to be replaced by

yet another

reboot of Aquaman based on the hit WB series, Devil's Deep, a.k.a. "A.C. = O.C."


If I wanted to read Conan, I would.

Action for ... THE MIND!

Why on earth are you not reading Action Philosophers?

Do you think you're too smart to learn anything about philosophy from a mere comic book? That's what I thought, because I'm an overeducated jackass.

But I was wrong. Very wrong. I've read each issue so far and learned something from each, particularly about how philosophers' personal experiences and their own studies of other people's philosophies helped them develop their own.

Or, are you not reading it because you have no interest in "boring dry philosophy hoo-hah"? Then this book is for you; there's a reason everyone on the internet is raving about how it makes philosophy entertaining, comprehensible, and relevant.

Here's a thought that occurred to me when reading the latest issue, "Self Help for Stupid Ugly Losers", which explains the relationship between Freud, Jung, Campbell ... and their philosophies:


At heart, Marvel comics are Freudian, helping us make the transition out of childhood and working out childhood issues. Guess that's why their characters are childish and neurotic...!

DC comics are essentially Jungian, drawing on the imagery of the collective conscious to help people confront the issues of adulthood and old age. That's why its characters are less "human" and highly concern with issues of legacy and tradition.

As one of MY favorite philosophers is fond of saying:

Read comics.

"Please your lover around the clock!"

Ever wonder how Hal Jordan maintains his rep as the DCU's top man-tramp? It ain't Viagra, kiddies. You don't need Viagra when you've got ... a power ring.



Harder, indeed! Yep, the ring's got powers the comics barely hint at.

"Any blasting done around here --
I'm going to do it!"

Goodness! Let me open a window, it's getting a bit warm in here!

I'm beginning to understand the appeal of Hal Jordan, particularly when he brings his ring into play in the form of a giant blasting fire hose. Where's my H.E.A.T. application?

Boy howdy, charge that ring up and Hal's got the energy to power on for a full 24 hours. The man's a round the clock party; no wonder he needs a Space Bubble of Love for his constant conquests.

He should be careful, though; Sinestro, too, figured out how to use the ring to achieve social prowess. That's why the Guardians finally took the ring from him.

Yep, it was because Sinestro had started to wear his ring ....

somewhere other than on his finger.

Cave supercanem

Krypto
100 points
Superman Ability
Range 6

Speed 10 8 8 8 7 6 6
Attack 9 9 8 7 10 9 8
Defense 17 16 16 15 17 16 15
Damage 3 3 2 2 2 1 3

It's all about that fifth click, gang.

Fear the dog.

Death Traps

Note to future villains; this is a bad death trap.


Note the pathetic attempt to spiff it up with the "Naughty Dentist" outfit from Dream Dresser and a fancy name like "The Death Machine". We can't hear it, but I'm sure there's some off-screen hunchbacked assistant blowing a 'ta-da' on a kazoo while Doctor Naughty, DDS, makes his presentation. It's still a crappy death trap that's mostly just a pail of water. Rusty, I'll bet. Jeez, Doc; couldn't you afford the Acid Rinse-and-Spit machine? My evil dentist has one.

This? Now this is a death trap, people:

Labelled activation buttons. Gloved hands. Ascots. A cigarette holder (it's off panel, really, I swear). Maniacal triumphant laughter.

And showy fatal stuff. Lots and lots of it.

THAT is a death trap. Or a guest room for your mother-in-law.

A Haiku for Mxyzptlk

Some people just can't help being heroic, Superman chief among them.

Even in his Clark Kent identity, the Big S can't stop helping people and changing their lives for the better...

with haiku.


Sir? Let's see if we
can't get you out of the rain.
Mxyzptlk?


Now, to make this work Clark has to use the lower-class five-syllable pronunciation of Mxyzptlk rather than the classier four-syllable version, but, hey, that's just the kind of sacrifice a hero makes.

Very impressive, even for a superman. It's not fer nothing that Clark Kent is a writer.

It's raining, you're headed into work without an umbrella, and suddenly you spy your extra-dimensional nemesis, addled and begging for quarters while propped up against a dumpster. Do you manage to compose a haiku?

Give it a try.

Case of the Chartreuse Motive

I don't care what you say, Brad; I know who really killed Sue Dibny.

We all know it wasn't really Jean Loring, because, well, that doesn't make any sense. Duh.

I always suspected it was beloved DC nutcase J'onn J'onzz. I mean, "Identity Crisis" should be the title of guy's biography. "Today I'm a cop! Now I'm a cat! I mean, Bloodwynd! Next year, I'll have amnesia! Again!"

Now I have the missing piece of the puzzle: motive.


Not a jury in the world would convict him.

The real shocker here is not that The Martian Manhunter and Aquaman used their telepathic and other abilities to get away with murdering Sue for painting their apartment chartreuse 20 years earlier.

It's that they live together and both know the word "chartreuse". Lordy, I personally am gayer than Liberace swimming in a pool of "Eternity", and even I barely know what chartreuse looks like.

Amazing men, those two.

Whither the Metal Men?

Ah, the Metal Men.

Metal Men custom Heroclix figures by Totaltoyz, available on Big Monkey Ebay.

Another wacky creation of noted madman and manbabe, Bob Kanigher. Before the Powerpuff Girls, before Terminator 3, before "Friends", there was ... The Metal Men. They had two series of their own, one of which ran seven years.

In a world, where Vibe and the Viking Prince are on TV, Catman is a threat, and Detective Chimp is back on the case, nothing short of Bat-Mite is off the table. What about the Metal Men?

What should DC do with these imaginative characters?

Should they let Morrison weirdify them? Tough call. I'm not sure even Grant Morrison could make the Metal Men weirder than they already are.

Shall Geoff Johns tie them more directly into the larger DC mythos by, say, having them be by-products of the tech that made Robotman (either the original or the more familiar one), or vice versa?

Should they be forgotten as out of place embarassments in a grown-up DCU? If the DCU has Metamorpho in it, can the Metal Men be any worse? When was they last time they were used-- was it in Byrne's Superman?

I'm really not sure what I think. What do you think?

New Song: "Comic Book Man"

Big Monkey Comics Radio is happy to announce that

"Comic Book Man"

by the Aquabats is now on our playlists.

You can listen to Big Monkey Comics Radio for free on-line from the Big Monkey Comics website, bigmonkeycomics.com, which you can go to by clicking on the Big Monkey Comics logo in the sidebar.

Monkey Plug

What do the Spectre, the Doom Patrol, Supergirl, Vibe, and Black Panther have in common?

They're the topics of discussion at the latest Big Monkey "Comic Issues", entitled,

"I Love You, But I'm Not Buying It".

Do check it out, won't you?

The Nine-Month Arc

I was really shocked to hear (courtesy of Wizard Magazine) that one of the following four heroines

• Wonder Woman
• Catwoman
• Power Girl
• Oracle

will give birth in 2006.

Wonder Woman? Um ... how? Seriously, most people are expecting her to get reclayified in aught-six, later to be regalateanized after readers confirm that not even wearing Wonder Woman's costume will make Donna Troy interesting.

Catwoman? Okay, if Selina Kyle has a baby, then I want a new Catwoman. I want a selfish, amoral, fickle Catwoman, not a nurturing, maternal guardian of the East End.

Power Girl? Been there. Anyone who remembers the last time Power Girl had a baby, raise your hand. Now; who can explain it? What -- where did all the hands go?

Oracle? Now, that would be quite a story! As long as someone other than Dick Grayson is the father. Where is Jason Bard when we need him?


DC is not Marvel. Marvel characters have kids; it's part of their humanity (even when they're mutants ... oh, you know what I mean). But in DC, babies dent your iconic status (even worse than getting married, Clark). Babies make it very very very difficult to ignore issues of the passage of time (Remember when Franklin Richards was born? 1968). Babies are the kiss of death.

Grown up kids can show up, but they have to have done their growing up off-panel. Aquaman's son (Koryak, not Artie); Green Arrow's son (Connor); the real Starman's son (Jack); the original Atom's son (Damage). It's like the five-month Sequence of Maturation in soap operas: Swaddled Baby; First Christmas Season, Object of Custody Battle, Away at School, Hot Young Teen with Troublesome First-Time Romantic or Sexual Relationship.

Have a baby in the DCU and you might as well hang a "Shoot me now!" sign around your neck. Either you or the baby -- or both -- are headed for the afterlife or limbo. I could list all the examples, but it's easier to reverse it; does anyone know of any counterexamples? Hey, where'd all the hands go?


Anyway, I'm assuming it must be Oracle.

Off Target on Green Arrow

I know I'm asking for it when I say this, but .... I just don't get Green Arrow.

I can understand (believe it or not) why people are into Hal Jordan; he's just not my kind of guy. But Green Arrow? I don't get how he can be anybody's kind of guy.

I know Green Lantern has lots of fans (oh, I hear from them!). But I was shocked (no, really, I'm not being snide here) to find that Green Arrow has lots of them, too.

The Green Arrow Compendium, The Green Arrow Message Board, Green Arrow Fansite, good reviews, the Green Arrow fanlisting, he Green Arrow Fan Film site (gulp!) which is actually on IMDB, a potential real Green Arrow movie (gulp gulp!). Even our friend Brad Meltzer likes Green Arrow; go figure.

I was suprised because my perceptions of Green Arrow are that he went from being a wan Batman-manque` to being an annoying, conceited, self-righteous, hypocritical womanizing jerk, without much in between. At what point could someone get to like him?

Characters like that can be interesting. And useful, particularly when used to illuminate the personality and viewpoint of others. But that's pretty much how I see him, more as a device for revealing the characters of those around him, rather than an independent figure in his own right.

So, I'm not saying he's useless, or should be donated to Marvel or anything. I'm just saying I don't understand how anyone can actually like Oliver Queen himself.

I await, without snark, any explanation my readers have!

Batshopping

Well, it's the holiday shopping season! Time to brave the downtown crowds or shopping malls. Cheer up! It could be worse; you could be Batman...


You think you've got it tough? Try picking a gift for someone who can turn lumps of coal in diamonds, particularly in the Gotham malls, which are crowded with depression-era street toughs and footpads shopping for bosses who will kill them if they don't like their gift.

"Pardon me, citizen; I was about to buy that item for my friend, the Man of Steel."

"Nice outfit. Well, yer boyfriend is gonna hafta settle fer sumpthin' else, bud; this one's mine."

"Holy hardcases, Batman! That's the last set of earmuffs in Superman's size!"

"Thank you, Boy Wonder, I know. Sir, I implore you in the name of all that it is decent -- yield that loot.

"Gosh, yes, or we'll hurl our batarangs!"

"Okay, buddy, I'm about to sic store security on you and yer 'boy wonder' if you don't back off now."

"My apologies, sir; it's merely Robin's youthful yuletide enthusiasm. Here; shake; and no hard feelings."

Thud.

"Holy heart failure! What's wrong with him, Batman?"

"It's alright, Robin; just a topical neurotoxin hidden in my gauntlet. He'll regain motor control before the mall closes. Quickly -- grab the muffs, chum; we haven't one moment to lose. "

What "Green Lantern" is Missing

I really am enjoying the new Green Lantern series (probably because I'm a boring person; I'm told boring people like Geoff Johns's work). That's a big surprise to me because, let's face it, I'm not exactly known as a big Hal Jordan fan.

But there's something missing. It needs more scenes like these:


Lots of them. Like, at least one per story.

Stamp Out Crime!

Okay, granted, this is a very good thing:

I know that this is the first page of stamps I shall have ever bought, and I will have it framed and on the wall.


But I have to agree with Kevin ...

where the heck is VIBE, meng?