Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Editorial League

The truth is:

Everything you think you know about DC's Editorial board is a lie.

Those "people" you see at conventions? Hard-light energy constructs. "Dan Didio" et al. do not exist.

Editorial policy at DC Comics is actually made by....

the Justice League.

And by that I mean the real Justice League, not one of these ersatz rosters thrown together by Ameritemps.
"Aw, sure, J'onn," says Superman, being a you-know-what. "You want time off from the League to try yet another series? Yes, I'm sure it'll work out differently this time, J'onn. Wonder Woman, would you please find a writer for JLA who's obsessed with the Satellite Era? That way J'onn here can get some time off for his *koff* 'series' ..."

"She can't hear you over the Sousa music, Superman. I told you not to give her an I-Pod for Diana's Day."

"And you're always right, aren't you? GL, will you--"

"Really, my hands are SO beautiful, I probably shouldn't wear gloves at all! And where's that kid in the leather jacket? I need somebody to get me lunch!"

"Sigh, as the Legionnaires would say. Can someone--"

"I already told the Flash to do it; he hired Brad Meltzer ten seconds ago. 'Clark'."

"Thank you, Batman, but call me 'Clark' again and you'll be gasping for air on the moon in fewer than ten seconds..."

Naturally, they all seem to participate equally in decisions, but it's really Batman secretly running the show...

Batman invents the Archive Volume series.

Huh; apparently nostalgia looks like Pepto-Bismol.

Naturally, the first Archive Volumes are Batman's. Oh, and Superman's too, of course; Batman hates having to hitchhike back from the Sea of Tranquility.

The League attempts to hire Steve Ditko.

"On to the next candidate; find me this Alan Moore fellow."

Batman ponders "writing for the Trade".

Here he's reviewing drafts of Brad Meltzer's JLA.

The Justice League launches plans for
All Star Batman & Robin the Boy Wonder.

Batman just smiles, knowing he'll still be more popular than they are.
"Hey, guys, Superman and I are anxious to see your new feature films.
When exactly are those coming out...?"


David C said...

Brilliant! What more can be said but "Hyqqyeha!!!!" (It's not just word verification, it's a cheer!)

Anonymous said...

Brilliant as always.

The Ditko Website has scans up of a page from Steve's version of "Get Smart", with Ditko fingers and all.

You have to wonder what the Ditko JLA would have been like...

Anonymous said...

I prefer this blog when you post humorous Justice League material.


Siskoid said...

That's what *I'm* talkin' about!

Anonymous said...

Oh, dear God, a Ditko JLA...

I can't stop thinking about it!

Anonymous said...

Ah, Scip. You're a genius!!

Daniel Fernandez said...

This made my day. I don't usually comment, but that was hysterical.

SallyP said...

Hey, Hal DOES have beautiful hands. It's about time that people noticed.

Anonymous said...

Good stuff! Best All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Victim joke I've read yet!

Anonymous said...

While this was brilliant on... oh let's say eleven levels if you count that one involving penguins, I still find Hawkman justifying his existence in the Justice League through "special contact lenses" funnier than anything else.

ChrisM said...

"What should have taken five seconds took me almost five minutes"....Brad Meltzer's JLA


It took 3 issues for the Big 3 to get off that DAMN table discussing superhero polaroids...

Jon Hex said...

Look at Batman's position in the last picture.

He looks like a coach or father watching his team/sons enjoy a victory.

Jacob T. Levy said...

I remember that 'search the earth' panel-- and I remember being bothered by it as a kid. Circling the earth a dozen times has, to a very near approximation, a 0% chance of finding a person located on the surface of the earth; a dozen circumferences of a sphere occupy basically 0% of the sphere's surface area. Barry couldn't just speed along Fifth Avenue and say, "hm, he's not in New York!" Hawkman's contact lenses had a better chance of working.

I was a nerdy kid.