Scipio reads the Solicits

JUSTICE LEAGUE #8
Written by GEOFF JOHNS
Art by CARLOS D’ANDA
Backup story art by GARY FRANK
Cover by JIM LEE and SCOTT WILLIAMS
1:25 Variant cover by MIKE CHOI
1:200 B&W Variant cover by JIM LEE
On sale APRIL 18 • 40 pg, FC, $3.99 US • RATED T
Combo pack edition: $4.99 US
In the five years that the Justice League has been a team, Green Arrow has never once been a member. And he intends to rectify that right here, right now! One member against his candidacy: Aquaman!
Plus, in “The Curse of Shazam” part 2, Billy arrives in his new foster home just as an ancient evil is uncovered halfway across the world.
This issue is also offered as a special combo pack edition, polybagged with a redemption code for a digital download of this issue.

ZOMG, cannot wait to watch Johns's Aquaman dissing Green Arrow. Or just punching him in the quiver.

JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL #8
Written by DAN JURGENS
Art by AARON LOPRESTI and MATT RYAN
Cover by DAVID FINCH and RICHARD FRIEND
On sale APRIL 4 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
The plan was for the JLI was to be installed as Earth’s official protective team. But once Breakdown attacked, that all came to a swift and sudden end. Now, as the pall of death and injury hang over the team, all that matters is survival. Featuring the introduction of a surprise new team member!

Well, that's cheery. Now with 63% less 'bwahaha' than the next leading brand. Isn't it vaguely odd that JLA should be funnier than JLI? And a surprise new team member? I assume this will be Vibe, whose appearance in the N52 is overdue. Perhaps this time he'll actually be from Puerto Rico. Or Tenerife. There's a LOT of dancing on Tenerife.

(Previous interior art shown)

AQUAMAN #8
Written by GEOFF JOHNS
Art and cover by IVAN REIS and JOE PRADO
1:25 B&W Variant cover by IVAN REIS and JOE PRADO
On sale APRIL 25 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Part 2 of “The Other League”! As a deadly hunter continues his murderous quest for the Atlantean trident, an unknown chapter of Aquaman’s life is revealed! Before he was a part of the Justice League, Aquaman was Arthur, the man from Atlantis, and leader of a mysterious team of adventurers. Armed with weapons forged in Aquaman’s past, these men and women were on their way to becoming the most powerful people on Earth – until it all came crashing down.

Deadly hunter = ... the Fisherman? Let's hope so. A mysterious team of adventurers = ... the Sea Devils? NEPTUNE PLEASE let it be the Sea Devils.

WONDER WOMAN #8
Written by BRIAN AZZARELLO and CLIFF CHIANG
Art and cover by CLIFF CHIANG
1:25 B&W Variant cover by CLIFF CHIANG
On sale APRIL 18 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
To march on Hell itself, you’re going to need some sensational weapons – and Wonder Woman intends to call in a few family favors to get them! Armor of Hephaestus? Check. The pistols of Eros? Check! But will any of it be enough to wrest an innocent soul from the grasp of Hades? And what does Hermes know that Diana doesn’t…yet?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA, Wonder Woman pulls a Punisher pose with the Pistols of Eros; "Eat hot desire from my love gun, suckers!" This is automatically one of the greatest covers of all time. Kudos unto Azzarello for realizing that the Olympians aren't Amish and, just as in the ancient world, their appearances and tools would reflect the current state of humanity.

THE FLASH #8
Written by FRANCIS MANAPUL and BRIAN BUCCELLATO
Art by FRANCIS MANAPUL
Variant cover by KENNETH ROCAFORT
1:200 B&W Variant cover by FRANCIS MANAPUL
On sale APRIL 25 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
The Flash gets pulled into the Speed Force that gives him his super-speed powers…and he learns he’s not alone in there! Introducing Turbine, a prisoner of the Speed Force who just wants out – even if it means trading places with The Flash!

THANK MERCURY for new Flash villains. I am SO sick of the Rogues.

CAPTAIN ATOM #8
Written by J.T. KRUL
Art by FREDDIE WILLIAMS II
Cover by MIKE CHOI
On sale APRIL 18 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Ever since a tragic accident turned him into the überpowerful Captain Atom, Nathaniel Adam has wanted nothing more than to connect and relate to the people around him again. But coming face-to-face with a future version of himself is not what he had in mind! What is the meaning for this strange encounter? What impending doom is the future Captain Atom trying to avoid? And what exactly is the timestream?!

My only real question is when Captain Atom meets himself is he as bored by him as we are?

THE FURY OF FIRESTORM: THE NUCLEAR MEN #8
Written by JOE HARRIS and ETHAN VAN SCIVER
Art and cover by ETHAN VAN SCIVER
On sale APRIL 25 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Jason Rusch rockets to Europe to thwart the next Rogue attack, only to find that other Firestorms have beaten him to it! Introducing the all-new Firehawk, France’s own atomic defender, and Hurricane, Great Britain’s officially sanctioned Nuclear Man! Meanwhile, out of the ashes of last issue’s shocking climax, Ronnie Raymond and the Russian Firestorm, Pozhar, begin a long, mutual descent toward the dark underbelly of the Firestorm Protocols. New cowriter Joe Harris (Ghost Projekt) continues this acclaimed series with superstar artist Ethan Van Sciver, who provides another stunning issue of full interior art!

Um... Firestorm, Inc.? Really, ONE Firestorm is bad enough, DC; settle down.

GREEN ARROW #8
Written by ANN NOCENTI
Art by HARVEY TOLIBAO
Cover by HOWARD PORTER
On sale APRIL 4 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Part two of a three-part story introducing new creative team of Ann Nocenti and Harvey Tolibao!
Green Arrow faces off against the enraged father of three beautiful sisters, which might not seem so unusual for Ollie until you add in the part about being trapped in a frozen tundra with a horde of bloodthirsty, mutating animals. Things aren’t what they seem as Green Arrow must race to uncover the truth about this “family” before he becomes a monster snack – or a frozen corpse!

Ladies and gentlemen, Oliver Queen starring in... "The Hangover" III.

MISTER TERRIFIC #8
Written by ERIC WALLACE
Art by GIANLUCA GUGLIOTTA and WAYNE FAUCHER
Cover by J.G. JONES
On sale APRIL 11 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T • FINAL ISSUE
Guest-starring The Blackhawks! It’s Mister Terrific vs. the technological monstrosity called Digitus – and to destroy his greatest foe yet, Michael may be forced to destroy Holt Industries! But as one enemy is defeated, another rises from a shocking source: the U.S. Government! Also, betrayal rocks Mister Terrific’s life when he discovers that his ex-girlfriend, the mysterious Karen Starr, may be more than she seems.

The Blackhawks? Mister Terrific? Karen Starr? The U.S. Government? Hey, it's Cancelled Comics Cavalcade!

DC UNIVERSE PRESENTS #8
Written by DAN DIDIO and JERRY ORDWAY
Art by JERRY ORDWAY
Cover by RYAN SOOK
On sale APRIL 18 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
As more and more of the Challengers of the Unknown are killed in action, the remaining few must press ahead on their quest! They have to uncover the secret behind the talismans they’ve been collecting before Ace and the spirits from the Well of Souls can finish the job that started with the plane crash!

"As more and more of the Challengers of the Unknown are killed in action"... now THAT is about the only Challengers comic I can imagine enjoying.

THE SAVAGE HAWKMAN #8
Written by TONY S. DANIEL and JAMES BONNY
Art and cover by PHILIP TAN
On sale APRIL 25 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
Hawkman has a violent encounter with a past adversary: the beautiful alien shapeshifter Askana, who once tried to kill him! But his time she needs his help, claiming that agents from her homeworld have tracked her to Earth to terminate her. How can Hawkman trust her – or help her?

Why do I get the feeling that Hawkman's past has a lot more going for it than his future?

DC's Second Wave

So according to the today's news from DC Comics:

In May of 2012, DC Comics will release a “Second Wave” of titles as part of its historic DC COMICS-THE NEW 52 initiative. Six new, ongoing series will build on the shared universe and bold concepts introduced in September 2011 with the renumbering of DC Comics’ entire line of comic books.

Featuring a variety of different genres and storytelling sensibilities, the titles in the “Second Wave” will be helmed by some of the most legendary writers and artists in the comic book industry, and will also feature the first ongoing comic book series written by acclaimed novelist China Miéville.

“The excitement of the initial launch of DC COMICS-THE NEW 52 was in seeing the re-imagining of these classic characters and concepts,” said Bob Harras, DC Entertainment Editor-in-Chief. “The ‘Second Wave’ is all about world-building.”

DC COMICS-THE NEW 52 “Second Wave” includes:

• BATMAN INCORPORATED – Writer: Grant Morrison. Artist: Chris Burnham. The acclaimed ongoing writer of ACTION COMICS, Grant Morrison, presents a fresh take on BATMAN INCORPORATED, in which the Batman brand is franchised globally in preparation for a major international threat.

• EARTH 2 – Writer: James Robinson. Artist: Nicola Scott. The greatest heroes on a parallel Earth, the Justice Society combats threats that will set them on a collision course with other worlds.

• WORLDS’ FINEST – Writer: Paul Levitz. Artists: George Perez and Kevin Maguire. Stranded on our world from a parallel reality, Huntress and Power Girl struggle to find their way back to Earth 2. Perez and Maguire will be the artists on alternating story arcs.

• DIAL H – Writer: China Miéville. Artist: Mateus Santoluoco. The first ongoing series from acclaimed novelist China Miéville, this is a bold new take on a cult classic concept about the psychological effects on an everyman who accidentally gains powers to become a hero.

• G.I. COMBAT – Writer: J.T. Krul. Artist: Ariel Olivetti. Featuring the return of a classic DC Comics series, THE WAR THAT TIME FORGOT, along with rotating back-up stories and creative teams – including THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER, with writers Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti and artist Dan Panosian; and THE HAUNTED TANK, with writer John Arcudi and artist Scott Kolins.

• THE RAVAGERS – Writer: Howard Mackie. Artist: Ian Churchill. Spinning off from TEEN TITANS and SUPERBOY, this series finds four superpowered teens on the run and fighting against the organization that wants to turn them into supervillains.

The six new series will replace BLACKHAWKS, HAWK AND DOVE, MEN OF WAR, MISTER TERRIFIC, O.M.A.C. and STATIC SHOCK, all of which will conclude with their eighth issues in April.

“Many of the characters from our canceled books will appear in DC COMICS-THE NEW 52 titles, and in some very surprising ways,” said Harras. “We’re developing stories that reach from cultures around the globe to parallel worlds. We’re just getting started.”

Setting the specifics of the changes aside for a moment, I am delighted that, simply put, DC had a PLAN. They didn't simply assume that all the books in the New 52 would do well enough to continue and had books ready to replace them with. Just as with its decision to revamp/reboot all its lines and to go same-day digital, DC is clearly doing more forward-thinking than they used to. I mean, maybe it's possible they are doing this on the fly, but I don't think so; it must take a while to scheme and staff new series, so I assume they must have had all these series saddled in the stable and ready to run. Good thinking, DC! Who said we learned nothing from the DC Implosion?

I haven't been reading BLACKHAWKS, HAWK AND DOVE, MEN OF WAR, MISTER TERRIFIC, O.M.A.C., or STATIC SHOCK, but apparently not many have been. I did give Mister Terrific and Static Shock a try, because I like those characters. But one of my New Year's resolutions was not to continue reading comics that aren't good just because I'm fond of the characters within them; and so, I dropped those titles pretty darned quickly.

It's sad; they are two characters who could definitely "rise up the ranks" (unlike, say, GEO-FORCE). Mister Terrific has a Golden Age legacy and a good modern background in the JSA titles; he's got interesting "powers" and, frankly, looks hot. Static Shock has youth appeal and is essentially the only "electricky" hero in the present-day DCU (at least, assuming that there is no Black Lightning in the new universe). I certainly find them more interesting than 'Cyborg', Marv Wolfman's unimaginative offspring, who's been elevated to take the Martian Manhunter's place as 'the founding member of the JLA whose publishing history doesn't merit his inclusion'.

The failure of their series is sad not only because I like them and because they are good characters with great potential, but because they were two of the pillars of DC's effort for greater ethnic diversity among its more visible heroes. Sure, the characters aren't going away, and may even be repurposed (I wouldn't be surprised to see Mister Terrific move to Earth-2 or Static join the Teen Titans); that's not the issue. But there's no question that, without titles of their own, they will be much less visible. I'd rather see them replace Batman and Guy Gardner in the Justice League International title.

O.M.A.C.? Well, it's crazy and that's not necessary bad; but it's Kirby-crazy, and that's never been a good fit with the DCU, in my opinion. So, OMAC, don't let the Boom Tube hit you on the way out.

As for HAWK AND DOVE, well, I'm not sure it's a concept that has ever worked all that well. They were meant to represent a cogent political and philosophical conflict during the era they were created. Attempts to re-cast them as agents of "chaos and order" or infuse a romantic conflict failed, and as plain old super-heroes, they just don't seem to cut it. Frankly, they seem as though they'd be more comfortable on some other Earth.

I crow on and on about 'liking war comics', but the reality is, I like the IDEA of war comics, I like the existence of war comics. That doesn't mean I gravitate toward reading them, and, in fact, I haven't been reading either Blackhawks or Men of War, so I'd be lying if I said I'd notice their absence. That said, I'm glad DC is following up with G.I.Combat. Sounds like it's going to be mostly "weird war" (which was always DC's strength in war comic), and that's what's most likely to get people like me to read it.

As for the Runaways-er, I mean 'the Ravagers'-- well, a spin-off of the current Teen Titans and Superboy inspires me little. I mean-- aren't you supposed to create spin-offs from things people LIKE....?

Batman Inc, well, that's in the big box o' Morrison, so there's no help for it. If it were going to be fun, using 'Batmen' in other countries to show cultural differences and to tell stories a bit more light-hearted -- or even just different -- than would work well in the current version of Gotham City, that would be great. But it's Morrison, so instead it will be cryptic, elliptic, and apocalyptic; for now, count me out.

Earth-2; now, there's the stuff. That's the other shoe we've all been waiting for. The revitalization of the JSA and their legacy characters was one of the great success stories of the previous age of comics. And now that the JSA no longer needs to fit in around the edges of the JLA, it can, and I'm guessing will, expand to become a JLU style organization for its Earth. I'm hoping it includes VIBE; I'm sure you are, too. That's the kind of wackiness Earth-2 will enable, much like a World's Finest starring Power Girl and Huntress, the 'breakout' characters from Earth-2 who suffered most from the effects of deracination when they became Earth-1-ified.

And speaking of wackiness: DIAL H. Really, it don't get no more wacky than that, and I am definitely on board for an issue or two just see how they play with the concept.

P.S. Read the Ray. I've been waiting years for a comic book about a permanently naked, hot Asian lifeguard and I don't want to see it cancelled. Besides: giant flying mutant jellyfish and the attack of "the Purple Rose of Cairo"? We need more of that sort of thing.

GIANT PENNY WEEK, epilog: The Batcave map!

Our epilog to Giant Penny Week is a Heroclix map of the Giant Penny's home: THE BATCAVE!


Bruce's study has three points of access to the Batcave:

1. the service elevator behind one of the bookcases (which originated in the Silver Age);
2. the bat-poles (!!!) behind another bookcase (from the TV show, natch); and
3. the long winding stone staircase behind the grandfather clock (the usual means of descent during the Golden Age and early to mid Silver Age)

Rather than separate "rooms", the Batcave's areas are distinguished by levels (marked with numbers) as the cave floor terraces down to the waterline at Elevation 1. Batman's central 'work area' with the Batcomputer flows directly into the Batmobile's turntable area and the causeway out of the Batcave. Note the stone stairs go over the causeway and open up there to form a balcony looking out on the Batcave. As for how the Batplane gets out of the cave, um.... I dunno. A tunnel. Or a winch. Yes, it's usually a winch of some kind.

Most of the areas of the Batcave are pretty sparse, with just enough "stuff" to make each area unique. The exception, of course, is the hoarder's paradise, the "Hall of Trophies", home of the Giant Penny. I tried to use only trophies that I've seen appear there (or can reasonable infer). See if you can spot:

• Diver Jones's tiger-headed diving suit
• the giant eight ball (from a Two-Face story, as we've discussed)
• Thomas Wayne's bat-man costume
• a statute of the original Robin
• a statute of Ace the Bat-hound
• the Penguin's machine gun umbrella
• the Joker-in-the-Box from "The 1,000 Secrets of the Batcave"
  
• Mr Freeze's freeze-gun
• The Red Hood's helmet and cape
• the Tinytown house that saved Batman's life when he battled Dr. Doom, and the sarcophagus Doom died in
• the harpoon cannon, giant die, and giant chess rook from that same story
• trophies from the Killer Moth, Mad Hatter, and the Riddler.

Special thanks to Michael Bielaski for the robot dinosaur pic!

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #8: Haikuesday with the Giant Penny

We have already noted two comic book haikus in the Giant Penny's original story, "The Penny Plunderers":

I call this one "Skinny's Epitaph":

Tough! But that's always
the risk a fellow takes when
he turns criminal.

I call this one "Joe's Two Cents" (a.k.a., "If Joe Coyne weren't a Sarcastic Wise-Ass, He'd be Alive and Batman & Robin would be Dead"):

So long! Here's two cents--

that's all your lives will be worth
in a little while.

But today we round out Giant Penny Week with ONE MORE. It's in Joe's famous meltdown scene, and I call it

NO GOOD AT ALL!

It's a pay phone ! I
need a single nickel to
be able to dial!

And that's the end of GIANT PENNY WEEK! Except for tomorrow's epilog, which is about the Giant Penny's home: the Batcave!

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #7: Adventures of the Giant Penny!

As seen at "Comics Make No Sense", there's actual more than one giant penny rolling around Gotham:

"Gosh, Batman; the nobility of the almost-human giant penny!"

As pointed out yesterday, the Giant Penny weighs in the neighborhood of 49,000 pounds, which should mean that every one of the Penny Plunderers in this panel are DEAD (and that Batman is hella strong): And then there was the time that Bruce and Dick moved the 49,000 lb Giant Penny... BY HAND.

Gene Colan was a great guy; but getting the year on the Giant Penny wrong?
ONLY a Marvel person would make that mistake.

Speaking of the Marvel universe, apparently it's where the Giant Penny vacations:

The Giant Penny likes to lord it over pointless Kirbyesque whatnots: "So, what exactly are YOU supposed to be?"

Then (as previously covered the Comic Treadmill's exhaustive examination of ALL giant props) there was the time the Giant Penny decided to go bungee jumping from a helicopter.

Forty. Nine. THOUSAND. Pounds.

Or, one of my favorites: the time it finally had it out with the Robot Dinosaur.

• "I'm the coolest trophy! Robots are cool; dinosaurs are cool; I am a ROBOT DINOSAUR."
• "Yes, Rex, you've pointed that out before..."
• "I'm also the largest trophy! And the most popular! Kids look at the Batcave and say, 'ooo, how cool it would be to have a Robot Dinosaur!' No kids says 'ooo, I want a Giant Penny!' "
• "Rex, I'm warning you...."
• "I bet they don't even know your NAME..."
• "THAT DOES IT---!!!!!"

Little known fact: instead of "rock - paper -scissors" kids in the DCU play "Giant Penny - Joker Card - Robot Dinosaur".

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #6: Thoughts for Your Penny

So, have you ever stopped to consider... how much the Giant Penny actually WEIGHS?

My estimate; oh, about .... 49,000 pounds.

Happy to show my work, by the way. The Giant Penny is depicted at various sizes, from between about 12 feet high (about twice as tall as Batman & Robin) or up to, oh, I'd say 16 feet high, tops.

Assuming the Penny is 12 feet high (that's usually how it's drawn) it would be about 9.6 inches thick (since it's proportionate with the dimensions of an actual penny, .75 inches in diameter by .05 inches thick).

Since the volume of a penny (even a giant one) would be (pi * radius * radius * height) that gives a volume of between 90 and 91 cubic feet. It's 90.7 if you assume it's a perfect cylinder; it's not, of course, since the heads and tails have raised and lowered areas to form the design. But it's close enough for comic books.

Assume the penny is made of the same stuff as a regular penny (which you KNOW it is, because Gotham City's Giant Props are NEVER just hollow mock-ups; they are always actual working giant versions of whatever they model).

Apparently, I'm not Joe Coyne's biggest fan after all.

In 1947 (that's the year on the Giant Penny, in case you never noticed, and the year the "Case of the Penny Plunderer" was published), pennies were about 95% copper (which weights 542 lbs per cubic foot) and 5% tin (which weights 456 lbs per cubic foot). So, since the Giant Penny is about 86.165 cubic feet of cooper plus about 9.535 cubic feet of tin...

the Giant Penny would weigh an estimated 48,769 lbs. A little less if they used zinc instead of tin.

Which makes some of things the Giant Penny does in tomorrow's post even MORE surprising...

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #5: Betrayed!

So, after Batman & Robin escape Joe Coyne's deathtrap by making a battery out of two pennies in saltwater and tapping out an S.O.S. into the phone wires, they search the joint and find a clue to the Penny Plunderers next target: a yacht party that had rented some of Joe's arcade machines.

Batman flies after their escape boat with the Batplane, towing Robin along on water skis. Which makes perfect sense in a world where people make batteries out of pennies and salt water. In fact, I'm not sure why Batman didn't just putting giant pennies in the water and friggin' electrocute the Penny Plunderers. Must have seemed more fun for the artist to draw Robin landing on the gang's faces with his water skis. Besides, it would be impossible for a flying craft like the Batplane to hang something like a Giant Penny out the window. Or so you'd think; more on that later.

So, since it's pretty easy to escape a man in a plane and a boy on water skis once you're on land, the Penny Plunderers go to ground at the docks. UNTIL Joe has a bright idea, as bright as a copper penny:


"No, let's not try to escape Batman; let's try to capture him. Just like I did two pages ago, when I failed to kill him because I chose to set up a death trap rather than shooting him in the head. Why? Because I'm not just an obsessive gangster; because I'm a VILLAIN, goddammit, and I'm gonna act like one! Furthermore, just to show how unafraid of Batman I am, I'm going to use MYSELF as bait. Then I'm going to assume that you two losers, who just had the snot beat out of you by a teenager on water skis, are going to be able to "bottle Batman and Robin up" by, I don't know, sneaking up behind him or something, rather than just getting your asses kicked again by a boy in swimming trunks. And in the process I'm going to lock myself, unarmed, in a room I can't get out of, and call it 'trapping Batman & Robin'; I AM A GENIUS!!!!"

Joe E. Coyne: Genius At Work.

Oh, but the room in which Joe decides to seal himself lies deep with the Warehouse of Irony, for it (highly improbably) has a payphone in it. Which of course Joe can't use, because....


The irony of this is not lost on Joe.

Face-melting irony, in fact.

Although the irony not might be lost on Joe, Joe is certainly lost on the irony.

"Betrayed"? MMmm, no, I'd say it's more like you chose something worthless and nearly useless as your "crime symbol", Joe. Appropriately enough. But nothing is ever YOUR fault, is it, Joe?

In case you might have missed it, the caption box underlines the fact that the cause of Joe's death is COMIC BOOK IRONY.

PLEASE tell me this kid grows up to become The Penny Plunderer II.

And Joe Coyne goes to the electric chair, which I really really prefer to imagine being hooked up to two giant pennies immersed in salt water. Joe's story ends here; but the Giant Penny's story goes on!!

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #4: Death Trap!

When last we left the Penny Plunderers, Joe Coyne had re-acquired one of his lost gang members, one who desperately hopes Joe doesn't realize that he ratted him out to Batman. But Joe does know. Penny for your thoughts, Joe!

Extra style points to Joe for taking the time and trouble to set up that damning fortune in the weight machine. Anyone can be evil; being a villain is about style, people!

I bet you probably don't find Joe Coyne very threatening. He has no superpowers or special weapons. He has no disturbing deformity or demented worldview. He's just a creative hood with an obsession for pennies and less fashion sense than Jimmy Olsen. But you know what? He's still a Golden Age villain:

Golden Age gangsters are happy to shoot you dead, in a darkly ironic way. We may laugh at Joe Coyne because he's no Lex Luthor or Joker, but he's a great example of the transition of villainy that occurs across the Golden Age and into the Silver Age.

Old school crime comics had a host of gangsters, who to us would seem mostly interchangeable. Usually they were not distinguished by their appearance or obsessions, but rather by their criminal rackets. They were The Guy Who Fixed Prizefights or The Guy Who Preyed on Trucking Companies; how exciting. But Batman changed all that.

As has been pointed out a zillion times, Batman was, in many ways, not particularly original. His various characteristics (detective, polymath, pugilist, acrobat, wealthy socialist, dark vigilante, etc.) had all been seen in other characters, even in combination. There were other heroes who could do all the things that Batman could do. The difference is that the focus shifted away from what Batman could do-- because, as we know, Batman can do anything you need him to--and toward the way Batman did things. Batman was about STYLE, and that was the key to his popularity.

That, and his bottomless well of human sympathy.

His slate of foes, over time, naturally evolved in that direction as well. The emphasis shifted from scheme to theme. This was very liberating for the writers; once they had villains who were intrinsically engaging due to the style, they could focus on coming up with interesting, even outlandish, schemes for them to perpetrate. The combination was much more potent than the the old "Manny the Mafioso" gangster stories, and, to this day, colorful villains tend to squeeze out other, more mundane criminal threats.

[Oh, and for That Guy who's about to object that Dick Tracy and his villains Did It First: EHHNNKH! Sorry, wrong answer. If you'll check the debut dates of Tracy's villains, you'll notice that prior to Batman's debut in 1939, Tracy's foes are mooks like "the Smuggler", "the Squealer", "the Tramp", "the Stabber", and "Larceny Lou". With the possible exception of "The Blank", it wasn't until the 1940s that Tracy villains really went wacky.]

That's Batman's "sympathetic face", by the way.

Any way, Joe's basic tale is a classic gangster story of kid who makes the wrong choices. But his perception of a theme to his failure, his obsession with turning this theme to his advantage, the predictably his mania creates and the fact that his mania proves his ironic undoing: these are style markings of the supervillains to come. As is his use of thematic weapons to capture Batman and Robin when they show up:

Really. Supervillain or not, you have to respect someone who can beat the crap out of Batman and Robin with nothing but some pennies. In just two panels.

Then, in another moment of budding supervillainy, Joe, having knocked out Batman & Robin with nothing but a bunch of pennies, cobbles together a death trap with ordinarily household items.

One of those pennies should actually be colored GREY not ORANGE. It'll be important in a minute. Oh, and note the spices.

Batman, not to be outdone, spanks MacGyver's mama by getting out of trap using the two cents that Joe couldn't stop himself from tossing them in order to be an ironic asshole, some blotting paper, and salt water. Really, this is either the most awesomely absurd or absurdly awesome death-trap escape from anything, ever (you choose):

Thank goodness they store their condiments with the unused arcade machines. And that everyone in comic books knows Morse Code!

I tried to come with some reason while Batman would do this rather than just, say, pick the lock on the door. Only possibility: this means of escape was the optimum intersection of "awesome" and "ironic".

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #3: Attack of the Giant Penny!

When last we left "the Case of the Penny Plunderers", Joe Coyne had pretensions of remaking himself as a "villain" rather than a mere crook by hewing to a lunatic "crime symbol". Using the power of free association that allows them to divine the schemes of the madmen they fight, Batman and Robin have not only figured out, just by reading the paper, that there is a "Penny Plunderer", but they've divined his next target.


The One-Penny Black, by the way, is a real thing. Golden Age writers like Bill Finger used to hang out in illicit trivia dens in Chinatown, lying on divans, soaking in all sorts of bizarre useless data that they might later incorporate into some plot point. You kids, with your internet, you know nothing of sacrifice.

The first appearance of the Giant Penny. And the much less famous Giant Stamp Tongs.

Rather than alert the police (because, you know, where's the fun in that?), they just lurk around in the shadows, until Coyne and his gang show up, whereupon there's lot of Patented Punning & Punching. And Batman showboating by means of functional giant props.

Just once I'd like to see one of those props turn out to be paper mache, so I could see Batman go crashing through it to a faceplant on the hard, cold floor, while the photographers from Picture News go to town. But I'm sure that's against the Gotham City Civil Code on Giant Props.

But sometimes the gods punish hubris immediately and Batman pays for his showboating with...

a roll of pennies to the forehead.

Hm. What's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yes:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Batman's humiliation is deliciously augmented by the fact that Robin--and a roomful of Gothamites--are watching as Batman gets pwned by a Grade Z hoodlum with some pennies and falls off a giant stamp to the hard, cold floor. Where's Vicki Vale when you need her?

Before there were blogs, there were the Gotham tabloids.

The bad guys do the logical thing, which in Gotham means "escape via the rooftops after climbing up the giant postage stamp and out the skylight." Because, you know, the rooftops are the perfect way to flee from Batman. But one of them doesn't make it, and Batman, tries desperately to salvage his self-image by intimidating a skinny gunsel. Boy, I sure hope a member of Coyne's gang isn't eavesdropping from the skylight and kidnaps the squealer....!

Uh-oh. This won't end well...

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot....!

This is what the Giant Penny does:

Small wonder that the Giant Penny is the standard by which all other Giant Props are measured. But what's it feel like to get hit by a Giant Penny? Well, we'll be discussing that later.

Batman actually uses the Giant Penny against Coyne's gang, NOT vice versa. Then it's not seen again until it shows up three years later in the original Hall of Trophies story ("The Thousand and One Trophies of Batman", Detective #158, Apr 1950).

How did Batman get his gloves on the Giant Penny? Most readers think grateful citizens just up and give Batman trophies after he saves their asses (or gets them publicity by getting pwned on the front page of Picture News). Or they think that Batman pockets trophies from crime scenes when the police aren't looking. But that's silly. Clearly, Alfred spends most of his day on Ebay on Bruce's behalf, buying up relevant giant props from previous cases. And thanks to the Gotham City Civil Code on Giant Props, the expense is actually tax-deductible.

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #2: Meet Joe Coyne!

The Case of the Penny Plunderers begins with the origin of our antagonist, Joe Coyne.

"Penniless"? "Coyne"? "Business in pennies"? Hm; I think I'm sensing a theme here...

"A measly two cents? What can I buy with that?" In 1947? Probably a new suit. In fact, sell 2.75 more newspapers, Joe, and that'll be enough for you to buy an automatic washing machine, a year's supply of gasoline, carpeting for the living room, a vacuum instead of a plastic broom, not to mention a forty-inch television set.

Actually, according to the on-line inflation calculator, Joe cannot, in fact, buy much with 2 cents, since in 1947 it was only worth the equivalent of 19 cents currently. But Joe could still buy almost ten times as much we could, so no sympathy for him here; heck, we can't even buy a stamp for 19 cents.


Yes, Joe; other guys have 'big bills' and you have only pennies, as you stand there in the Gotham night under a streetlight. Of course, some other guys with big bills have to stand in the Gotham night under a streetlight and watch their parents lie there dead in pools of their own blood. Beware of envy, Joe. Well, perhaps, as you say, it will be different when you grow up.


Or maybe not. Writer Bill Finger, with astonishing efficiency, let's us know that Joe got his chance, and he blew it. It's not just that he got a good job and got fired. He wasted it on, well, penny-ante gambling. But the key is: Joe didn't stop when he got caught once. Because Joe is a weak fool.

See? I told you.

Joe is weak and turns to crime. And he's clearly a fool for not casing the joint better. Joe, you shoulda spent some of those pennies on some crime comics and you'd know that already. Oh, and speaking of weak fools... who's your tailor, Joe?

But the Gotham penitentiary has its usual salutatory effect and Joe sees the error of his ways.

Psych!

Stop whining, Joe; at least you got a nicer outfit out of the deal.

Um... Joe? Brooding's not healthy. You just said "I hate pennies", which is crazy talk, and you keep shouting "COPPERS!" and "PENNIES!", kind of like Mr Crocker from Fairly Odd Parents. Now you're just making irrational, baseless connections in a paranoid attempt to displace your own failures and follies onto some sort of external conspiracy. Kind of like Umberto Eco. And you're doing that thing with your hands that people do right before they become comic book villains. Turn back, it's not too late, Joe, it's not too late!

This really needs in some museum somewhere. Or in every museum, everywhere.

Uh-oh; it is too late. You're making absurdist vows, are talking about having a 'crime symbol', and have degenerated to the point where you can only portrayed by John Astin or Raul Julia. And since both of them are dead, that's ... a bad sign.

Yep, Joe's definitely turned what I call "the Mad Hatter's Corner", the point at which, after a series of questionable decisions of increasing dubious morality, a character gets that one final chance to suck it up and be a normal person but instead says, "What the heck, I'm a Gothamite, I'm just gonna choose to round that corner into Crazytown and set up shop there!" Vowing to avenge your parents' death by fighting crime doesn't seem quite so crazy when compared to vowing to base on your crimes on pennies.

So... Joe embarks on a life of crime based on... pennies. Which is sure to turn out so much better than his previous life of crime. You know... the one ruined by pennies.

Well... at least Joe's dressed for Crazytown.

Let's see: penny arcade machines (heck, ANY pinball machine), bank tellers with no plexiglass barriers, no coin counting machine. It's seeming less and less likely that Joe Coyne will be in the next Batman film trilogy.

But how many opportunities for penny-related crimes can there be? I mean, even in Gotham?

Guys, guys; use bubble wrap!!!

Piggy banks. Of course Gotham has a millionaire with a "priceless collection" of something bizarre that relates to the villain's 'crime symbol' that he's willing to ransom back for a fortune. Because that's the kind of place Gotham is. At least piggy banks are more likely than Estruscan snoods.

Well, Joe should be okay; it's extremely unlikely that he's going to draw Batman and Robin's attention with these kinds of low-rent, low-risk heists. Unless Bruce and Dick are bored (since they have nothing to do other than fight all the crime in an enormous city, maintain the Batcave, and do all their millionaire philanthropist stuff) and are just sitting around trolling the newspaper for weird crap they can stick their noses into.


Oh, dear. This won't end well...

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #1: Case of the Penny Plunderer!

We are familiar with the Giant Penny because of its prominence in the Batcave. For many decades, the Giant Penny has been constantly visible in the main area of the Batcave as one of its essential pieces of recognizable decor (along with the Robot Dinosaur and the Giant Joker Card). Indeed, the Giant Penny and its buddies are the icons by which artists let us know that we are in the Batcave. Rather than, say, the JLA Secret Sanctuary or the *snort* "Arrowcave". One wonders what trophies might be used to easily distinguish the Arrrowcave; probably a giant wooden nickel. But that's a discussion for another time.

Nowadays, we wouldn't hardly know the Batcave without the Giant Penny. But originally, the Giant Penny (along with its fellow Batman trophies) was housed in a separate, locked vaulted area within the Batcave: the Hall of Trophies. The Hall of Trophies wasn't introduced until 1950...three years after the Giant Penny first reared its head (um, so to speak) in this story:

Remember you have Bill Finger to thank for the Giant Penny. Meanwhile, do not look closely at the questionable perspective that is causing the bullets to hit the giant penny instead of Batman and Robin. I blame the artist; some guy named "Bob", apparently.

But do spend time reading that lovely Preface Box. So philosophic, so loaded with .... thoughts. I really miss Preface Boxes; they used to set the tone, they let you settle in as reader to hear the tale. They were like a warm cup of cocoa as you sit down at the fire to hear someone tell a ghost story. Through the Golden, Silver, and Bronze Ages, Preface Boxes were to comic books what the Invocation of the Muses was to ancient epic poetry. Since we've lost them, comics have changed from being a slow descent in a hot tub to a sudden jump into a chilly stream; oh, sure, you warm up once you start swimming your way through it, but it's not the same experience at all.

In the gentleman days of yore, the Preface Box was a warm hug before a long conversation over a candlelit dinner. Nowadays, it's not uncommon to put the title and authorial credits for a comic book story at the END of it, which is the literary equivalent of tossing someone your name and number only after rockin' it in the back of his van in the discotheque parking lot.

And the "Penny Plunderer" Preface Box is lavish enough not only to set up the mystery of why someone would be daft enough to focus their criminal career on pennies (unlike normal people, who never think about pennies at all, let alone think about pennies while shooting at Batman) but to set up its bizarre antagonist with such poetic elan, in a haiku titled "We Handle Pennies All the Time and Never Give Them Another Thought":

But, it was not so
with Joe Coyne. He thought about
pennies all the time.

Wow; Joe Coyne, elegantly wrapped up in 17 syllable, much like... like a roll of pennies. Don't you wish your current comic book writers took that kind of interest in their craft? Before we delve into the story proper, what kind of haiku can you compose to honor antagonist Joe Coyne, writer Bill Finger, the Giant Penny, or the late lamented Preface Box?

GIANT PENNY WEEK, #0: Better than Sauerkraut!

There's an old New Year's tradition where I'm from of putting a penny on every window sill on new year's day to earn fortune. Or keep the devil away. Or instead of sauerkraut. Something like that.

So I'm going to observe that tradition this year with YOU and the most famous penny of all: The Giant Penny in the Batcave!

As we have discussed before (in what is apparently a seminal article, since every time I do research on the Batcave, the internet keeps taking me back to it), the Giant Penny comes from a very obscure, early Batman & Robin story (World's Finest Comics #30, 1947; reprinted in the 100-page giant comic Batman #256, 1974; and again in the marvelous trade paperback anthology Secrets of the Batcave, 2007) with an old-school, one-shot foe: Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer.

We've admired Joe's inspiration and his poetic prowess, but we've never really read his story together and what better time than Giant Penny Week?

What do you think, Joe?

Um...Ooooo-kay, Joe. I'll take that as a "yes".

So get your vinegar, lemon juice, and a pinch of salt together, and get ready for ...

Giant Penny Week.

Enter at your peril!