Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Central City, the Musical

"Central City" is sung to the tune of "Oklahoma"...

Great big place!

Great big place, gonna take up space!

Gonna give you towers, turrets and skyscrapers,

sidewalk fer the battle,

villains to pull capers!

Towers on the prairie where the Flash bugs Zoom,

Plen'y of air

and plen'y of room,

Plen'y of room

to string a dope!

Plen'y of depth

and plen'y of scope.

Central City,

where the Flash comes sweepin' down the lane

And gorillas greet

on every street

When the wind comes right behind the rain.

Central City,

Ev'ry month Kid Flash is gonna try
Some how to talk

to some man-hawk

fightin' giant insects in the sky.

The town we belong to is grand

And you know that we long to expand!

And when we say
"Yeeow! Hey, Scipio is gay!"

We're only sayin'
You're mighty large, Central City!

Central City, I'll say!

Central City,
where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain

And a wavin' arm can sure do harm

When the wind comes right behind the rain.

Central City, ev'ry month its citizens and I
Stand on a sidewalk and point and gawk

at the fallin' airplanes in the sky.

We know that our streets can't be spanned

And our city's too large to be scanned!

And when we say
Yeeow! Agoraphobi-ay!

We're only sayin'
You're really large, Central City!

Central City, I'll say.

We know we've consumed the Heartland

because all of our growth is unplanned!

And when we say

Yeeow! Ain't Vandal Savage fey?!

We're only sayin'
You're growin' large, Central City!

Central City I'll say,
Hell - of- an - M. -S.- A.
Central City!


Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

  • God Squad collectible cards.
  • Are there really women who'd rather kick your ass then talk things out, and, if so, aren't they terribly, terribly popular?
  • "Inertia". Tom Peyer is a very clever man and you should read his comics.
  • Kids; they grow up so fast, don't they, Wally?
  • C'mon, Batman; even I knew you were about to get throttled!
  • "Define 'okay'." If you're not reading SuperFriends, you're missing some of the best characterization on the stands.
  • B-black Canary... being a.. a leader? In two different books?! I almost fainted!
  • I can't believe a read a comic where the villain is Ding Dong Daddy; and I loved it.
  • "Did she use kryptonite?" God he's such a moron.
  • When Batman tells you to clean your cave, you do it.
  • Superman baking a loaf a bread... the size of a factory.
  • Firestorm pulls a Jordan.
  • Kirby is a good name for a dog.
  • Don't knock her up? I can't believe I read that. I can't believe he said that. Not even him.
  • So, from whom do you think Vixen borrowed the ability to make her ariolae disappear? Hawkgirl, maybe?
  • Wow; don't **** with Catwoman. Will Pfeiffer is a very clever man and you should read his comics.
  • "Who in their right mind would build a remote-controlled pie?"
  • Red Tornado = peeping tom.
  • Aqualad gets some advice.
  • So, are Deadman and Green Arrow the most perfect pair, or what?
  • Poor, sweet, Donna!
  • Not to be mean, but it really is refreshing to see Superman knocked out in one punch.
  • "No! Don't open the plastic!" I think I laughed for a solid minute when I read that.
  • Superman and Hal Jordan giving relationship advice, in their own specials ways.
  • "How long have we worked together?" Um, maybe six issues or so?
  • Cho = Hylas. Brilliant. FredVan Lente is a very clever man and you should read his comics.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Comic Book Positioning Systems

Like virtually all guys, I love maps. Except for some Gleason work and some of my own abstracts, all the art in my house is maps. Many are of DC, which, as an artificial city, is all about the map.

But, for the most part, the maps I would treasure most ... simply don't exist. Specifically, the maps of the cities of the DCU.

As mentioned many times, I'm a big fan of the fictionopolis. I believe that it;s the most important supporting character any hero can have. Ever read Terminal City? I loved that book, because, really, the city itself isn't just a character, it's the character; all the human characters are part of its details.

Does DC think its readers don't care? Seems impossible. People love to "geek out" on the fullness of their fictional universes. While I wouldn't want a DC version of Marvel's ridiculously detailed tech manuals, I don't think asking for maps of cities we've been reading about for decades is asking too much. For pity's sake, the closest thing I've even seen to an actual map (rather than just a drawing) of Metropolis was this map from the Superman Returns movie.
And that map look, ahem, a bit too familiar. Why, I think I could more readily sketch of map of old Krypton than of Metropolis!

Are they afraid having set geography will limit the writers too much? Seems silly. It certainly hasn't held anyone back from writing Batman stories, and Gotham City is rich in maphood, as Chris Roberson has fully noted. Seems to me like having a map of the city in front of you is more likely to inspire stories, than inhibit them.

DC; please do the following.

Break down and hire Eliot R. Brown to design maps of your other major fictionpolises (Coast City, Star City, Metropolis, Central City and Keystone) and even minor and obscure ones (Ivy Town, Calvin City, Circle City, Vanity, Apex City, Opal City, Hub City, Midway, Sub Diego).

Make them unique somehow. The creation of Opal City was James Robertson's real achievement in writing Starman; follow his example, and be certain each city is a character not just a place.

Put them on posters and postcards and sell them to us.

Why on earth-one has this not happened yet?!