Friday, April 11, 2008

The Ominious Black Sun

Well, I got suddenly and dramatically sick yesterday. (Dramatically? Shyeah, there's a shock.) Like, fainty sick, as in a Ted Knight style "Assist me to the couch!". That's what happens when you read more than one Starman story in a row; the constitution can only take so much.

As a result, I wasn't able to finish My Diatribe Against Art that I've been thinking about. (Other bloggers rant; I have diatribes). So, instead, I'll have to release this post early...

Annuals used to be a big deal. In an era before nonstop company-wise crossovers and weekly series, annuals were the place were Big Stuff happened. Take, for example, the Justice League of America Annual of 1985.

Lesson? Do not feed Steel chili.

Lots of Things Whose Shock Value is Severely Diminished by Familiarity happen. Red Tornado is destroyed; the JLA satellite is destroyed; Vixen cops a feel.
Do you think she bought the strap-on herself, or was it a gift from Dale?

Many great Vibe moments, of course. Vibe fighting with that jerk, Green Arrow. Vibe working with Black Canary (as he should be, instead of that jerk, Green Arrow). Vibe's jealous face as Vixen cops a feel ("!Don't tell ME to back off of Dale, puta!").

Even Geo-Force gets a moment, during his double date with Black Lightning and Batman.
Finally, I understand why Geo-Force is on the team!

But most of the action centers around the Leaguers and Co. fighting a giant violently pink hole that's sucking in everything it can.

Hmm; what does that remind me of...? Oh, yes, of course...


But none of that is really our purpose for revisiting this issue today. Our real interest in this issue is that contains one of the great Comic Book Haikus of all time, folks...

The space warp is still
hanging there, pulsing like an
ominous black sun.

Leave it to Dale Gunn to produce a haiku that's not just inappropriately florid, but sexually suggestive of, well, of what apparently Vixen wasn't able to resist early. 'Cuz, you know, Dale, that Space Warp is not black; obviously your mind is elsewhere.

What haiku can YOU offer to celebrate this issue, these characters, or the giant pink sucking hole?


Anonymous said...

This is rough, cause my copy of this issue is out on loan to a friend, but I'll give it a shot anyway:

Satellite is gone.
Whupped by Infinity Inc.
It's been a rough year.

-Citizen Scribbler

Anonymous said...

Remember this, it
Takes a black man and Batman
To hold The Force back!

Derek said...

Don't be embarrassed,
Steel. Ollie's chili does that
to everyone.

Little known fact: Sheer
Arrogance has an aura,
And Geo-Force GLOWS.

Ack. I should really leave poetry to them as have an ear for it.

argh.sims said...

The Absorbascon:
Font of comics knowledge and laughs.
Get well, Scipio

Anonymous said...

Perhaps this is more of a tribute than a poem:

Dale, J'onn, Cindy, Hank
Paco, Zatanna, Arthur
Mari, Ralph and Sue

-Citizen Scribbler

Anonymous said...

What a dingbat! I spent so much time counting out syllables on my fingers that I forgot to wish Scipio a speedy recovery- twice!

Get well soon, Scipio. I love your diatribes, but I wouldn't mind seeing you take on a straight up philippic sometime either...

-Citizen Scribbler