Friday, June 10, 2005

The Wit and Wisdom of Wonder Woman!

In my on-going attempts to convince you to buy Archive Volumes (I have stock, you know), I present these bon mots from the mouth of Wonder Woman (WW Archive 1).

"Why, Mother, it's lovely!"
That's what Diana says when she first sees her Wonder Woman costume. Feminism, circa 1942. Think Clark said that when Martha first showed him the 'S' ?

"Steve...Steve...I've got to see him... be near him...but how?"

Yes, our girls need a strong independent role model like Wonder Woman!

"Besides your band, we need a hundred pretty girls brave enough to capture dangerous men!"
Geez, Diana, where do you think you are, Central Casting? Can't you get by with one kid sidekick, like the other heroes do?

"I did not tell you to torture this girl!"
Ya see, she gave a Nazi spy over to the Holliday girls who, naturally, blindfolded her and made her crawl around on all fours while they whacked her bum with a wooden paddle and derided her. Then the girl thanked them afterwards. I'd have loved to have locked Marston and Wertham up in a room together and seen who came out alive...

"I submit! Chain me!"
Okay, I really can't say anything about this that hasn't been said before.

"I have to smash these controls! I guess this heavy object will do..."
Lessee, add that to her base damage of 3, plus Close Combat, that's a total of seven clicks...

"What's this letter doing in Lila's desk? I'd better read it!"
Uh, in America, we've got laws against that sort of thing, Princess.

"Let's see you wiggle out of this tie-up, girl-friend!"
I try to find the occasion to say that one at least once a week.

"It can't be legal to deprive poor children of milk!"
Apparently, Paradise Island is communist.

"I've never changed my clothes under milk before!"
This one, I'm afraid, I only got to say once. Well... truthfully, anyway.

"Can't is a word I do not understand!"
Foreign language classes on Paradise Island are pretty rudimentary, I guess.

"Great girdle of Aphrodite! Am I tired of being tied up!"
Wonder Woman; first superhero to break through the fourth wall.

"I'm glad to get my position back, but I envy yours as wife and mother."
Yeah, simply being a superhero and foreign princess must be pretty boring and unfufilling, huh, Diana?

"I hope I wasn't too rough with pussy."
Uh. Uh. Uh...

"I've never disguised myself as an elephant before!"
Sure, Diana, sure... She works that innocent routine, doesn't she?

"But Etta, if you get too fat you can't catch a man!"

GODS, Wonder Woman is an inspiring role model.

"Pardon me, boys; I'm the Chattanooga Choo-Choo!"
Uh, Diana; you really aren't supposed to drink that much champagne at once, Amazon or not.

"Little boys with big mouths must have them stopped up!"
I'm beginning to think I could spend my entire social life simply quoting Wonder Woman.

"What lovely bonds!"
Diana; get help, please.


naladahc said...

Man. Exactly what context does "I've never changed my clothes under milk before!" fall in?

N said...

"Great girdle of Aphrodite! Am I tired of being tired up!"

That's TIED up

David Campbell said...

Come to think of it, I've never changed my clothes under milk before, either.

Scipio said...

I know, David; there's just so much of life we've yet to experience!

Scipio said...

N, fixed it, thanks!

Naladahc...well, that's a reason to buy the Archive Volume! It's not a hoax, not a dream, not an imaginary story; Wonder WOman changes clothes while in a vat of milk...

David M said...

Helpless with laughter. All I have of that stuff is the old Holt paperback with the Steinham intro. It's been a joy over the years, but you're right- must read more Golden Age Wonder Woman!

Ebenezer said...

It can't really have success, I feel so.
led bulb