Saturday, May 22, 2021

Those Yellow Gloves are for Cleaning Up Blood

 You know who'll cap your *** without batting an eyelash?



O.G. Aquaman, that's who.  Golden Age Aquaman would just as soon kill you as look at you.


Friday, May 21, 2021

One Through Five: Fifth Story

In their fifth stories,

Superman


saves a train from a faltering bridge and townspeople from a faltering dam.


Batman


scares the city senseless


fights a gorilla


escapes from a death-trap


fights an even larger gorilla.


Wonder Woman


saves an American submarine twice and destroys a Nazi one.


Aquaman

saves a millionaire's life,

befriends a senator,

becomes a millionaire himself in order to solve a case,

saves the senator's daughter's life

exposes corruption in the shipping industry.


Flash



travels at the speed of light, 

goes to outer space, 

circumnavigate the moon, 

defeats Mr. Element, 

and gets chewed out by Iris West.


Green Lantern


defeats an empty uniform worn by the imaginary friend of an overworked scientist.

Thursday, May 20, 2021

One Through Five: Fourth Story

In their fourth stories,

Superman

exposes gambling corruption in college football.


Batman

snaps a man's neck with his foot.


Wonder Woman


saves a host of innocent girls from slavery in Baroness Paula Von Gunther's Nazi espionage operation, while giving a serious bump to Holliday College admissions.


Aquaman



punches his way out of decompression chamber death-trap to save a boy's life by raising an entire freighter off the seafloor, while exposing corruption in the salvage business.


Flash

captures the terrorists Le Chat Noir in Paris and El Claw in Cairo, 

re-builds the Great Pyramid, 

saves some hikers from an avalanche on Mt. Everest, 

does a panel homage to the Great Wave Off Kanagawa by Katsushika Hokusai (1831), 

defeats a pirate sub in the Pacific, 

goes around the world in 80 minutes and 

still makes his date with Iris in time.


Green Lantern


scares off some birds.



Wednesday, May 19, 2021

One Through Five: Third Stories

In their third stories,

Superman


drags of bunch of rich a-holes down into the mines they own to convince them to improve conditions for the workers.


Batman

starts a fire, then stands and watches a foe burn to death in it, while posing dramatically.


Wonder Woman


saves Steve Trevor,

meets and befriends her sidekick, Etta Candy, and the Holliday Girls

joins a college marching band,

saves Steve Trevor again, and

meets and defeats her first supervillain, Dr. Poison.


Aquaman


kills a shark with a conch shell and saves the entire nation of Pearl Island from pirates.


Flash


defeats his first named supervillain, Captain Cold.


Green Lantern

defeats a bald scientist who has a battering ram and 

sexually harasses his boss.

Tuesday, May 18, 2021

One Through Five: Second Story

In their second stories,

Superman

stops a war in the South American country of San Monte single-handedly.


Batman

hangs a man out a window to make him talk.


Wonder Woman

brings Steve Trevor back to Patriarch's World in her Invisible Plane

acquires a secret identity,

makes a bunch of money with a one-woman show,

saves Steve Trevor's life two more times,

uncovers and destroys an enemy chemical base.


Aquaman


sinks a pirate ship with its own torpedo.


Flash

saves a child's ring from a sewer, 

defeats criminal conjurer "The Brain" three times, and 

gets demeaned by Iris West, all before dinner.


Green Lantern


gets hit in the head with the Yellow Lamp.

Monday, May 17, 2021

One Through Five: First Story

In their first stories...

Superman


survives the destruction of his homeworld, 

comes to earth, 

gets compared to a grasshopper, 

grows up, 

becomes Superman, 

saves an innocent woman from the electric chair, 

goes on a date with Lois Lane, 

smashes a bad guy's car, 

kicks a wifebeater's ***, 

saves Lois's life, 

goes to Washington DC on a work assignment and exposes corruption by threatening to drop a warmongering lobbyist from the Capitol Dome.


Batman


punches a bad guy into an acid tank.

Wonder Woman

saves Steve Trevor's life and defeats her entire nation of warriors in an Olympic contest to become Wonder Woman (which comes with a lovely costume).


Aquaman

sinks an enemy submarine by punching it once with his fist.


Flash

pioneers the multiverse over a carton of milk, 

survives getting struck by lighting, 

saves Iris West from an assassin's bullet,

invents his compressible Flash costume stored in his ring, 

defeats the Turtle, 

and becomes a famous hero in Central City.


Green Lantern


lifts a rock.