Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Doll Man versus a Box of Candy, Part 3

 When last we left Doll Man he was hesitant to attack a foe who was crippled.

The one-legged man, however, was un-hesistant to attack a foe who was six-inches tall and mentally divergent.

One-Leg is the same man who, upon first perceiving Doll Man as a threat, said "Seize the impetuous little insect!", so we already know he has the stuff of true villainy. Sure enough, he immediately crafts an ironic death for Doll Man with a snide comment that no one can hear.

Oh, yeah; that's the stuff. It's the gratuitous "little" that really does it.

While his two-legged cronies lie around, knocked unconscious by Doll Man, One-Leg just ties a rock to the box and throws it off a pier.

How deliciously dismissive; "Well, that was fun! Who's for Chinese?"

I bet he whistled as he walked away.

Of course, as Easily Escaped Deathtraps go, a wet cardboard box isn't particularly threatening to a six-inch man with the strength of a six-foot man.

Eye-witness Peter the Pufferfish wasn't able to convince Aquaman that this actually happened; "Look, Pete, I know you must have seen something, but, landsmen aren't that tiny and they simply don't come in chocolate boxes. I think you're spending too much time in San Francisco Bay."

Personally, I'd imagine re-enlarging oneself would be a pretty automatic reflex in getting to the surface faster.  Is Doll Man's chemically-altered brain able to resist such reflexes? Or maybe his full-size strength is able to propel his lightweight form to the surface with the speed of a bullet? In my experience, human beings are not designed to be propelled through the water at bullet-speed, so that would seem to be a problem in itself. For some reason, I have no trouble understanding The Atom, but The Doll Man leaves me continually perplexed.

Is Doll Man still buoyant at that size? Does it make a difference...?

So, now, Doll Man is TICKED.  

"Oh, no, you di-in't!

NOW we are going to see Doll Man dole out some vengeful butt-whippings!

So, is that suit perfectly dry or completely soaked? Show your work.

He's been holding back with these saboteurs, giving them warnings and love-taps and the chance to reconsider their actions, like he's the Wonder Woman of Escher City.  But NOW?! No more Mister Nice Doll.

"Hullo, Letterman General? I just wanted to make sure you have enough hospital beds for the passel of pummeled saboteurs I'm planning on sending your way!"

That's the wind up, and here's the pitch, HERE IT COMES!

... whut?

He... finally just calls the authorities?

"Caught by one tiny man trapped in a wet candy box at the bottom of the ocean, according to eyewitness Mr. P. Pufferfish of San Francisco Bay, now being treated at the Letterman General mental trauma ward."

"Mine yer own business, flatfoot, I'm admiring myself."

It... it WAS a cop. Several cops.  Doll Man just called the cops, who apprehended the saboteurs (and somehow convicted them with zero evidence of wrongdoing other than a wet candy box).  All Doll Man did was get his *** kicked by a cripple and thrown into the ocean and then took credit. 

Oh, well; that's our Doll Man!


Bryan L said...

Well, that was certainly an ending. I'm trying to imagine Batman escaping from a Riddler deathtrap and then telling Gordon, "Jim, I'm gonna call it a night and let your boys handle it from here."

On the suit, I'm going with slightly moist. My theory is that the volume of water required to drench Doll Man would be minimal once it's distributed over his full-sized suit. But, since we don't know where his clothes go when he changes sizes, pretty much anything goes.

Which brings me to another thought. Wikipedia did note one interesting thing. At certain points, Doll Man apparently displayed psychic powers. Which (along with the mention of psychic projection Apache Chief the other day) got me thinking -- what if Darrel's actual powers are psychic? Is he really shrinking to six inches or is this a psychic projection?

Taking it a step further, what if this isn't "real" at all? What if Doll Man's adventures are occurring solely within Darrel's head? The wild Escher landscapes, the convoluted chocolate plots, the surreal villains -- are these simply creations of Darrel's unconscious mind? Are we adventuring through a dreamscape that Darrel dispels by invoking an authority from his external world, in this case the police? Is he simply waking himself up?

It would explain a lot.

John C said...

"Martha, I'm--"

"Yes, I know. You reek so badly of chocolate that I could smell you crossing the street. I read all about it in the evening paper, how after gadding about like some second-rate Wild Bill Dunn, the high and mighty--that was sarcasm, Darrel--Doll Man just called the police like I suggested before lunch. Which was delicious, by the way."

I have to admit, I like the "special effects" that make it look like Doll Man's knee explodes (or maybe passes gas) whenever he changes size. Tying the rock to the box was also a nice touch.

And honestly, if this was a Green Arrow story, it's not like Roy wouldn't need to go ask a scientist about the wet cardboard thing.