Sunday, April 05, 2015

The Martian Manhunter is no dummy!

When last we left J'onn J'onnz, thanks to the dedicated but unobservant Mr Bean and his Martian Manhunter Museum, some Apex City criminals have deduced the alien atlas's weakness: FIRE!

"Because what a squad car of armed officers really need to help them deal with a gang of flame throwing bandits is a pretty-boy detective who never uses his gun and would never ever think of just shooting them in the leg!"

By the way, the answer to yesterday's question is...

THIS is what a flame-throwing helmet looks like:

Kind of makes 'the Human Flame" seem less impressive, doesn't it?
And that is NOT easy.

One can only assume that the cops in the squad car -- and the car itself -- were completely burn to a crisp by the Hothead Gang, because they are nowhere in evidence when the Martian Manhunter arrives on the scene.

When polled, Apexians listed 'offshore banking' as their second favorite personal finance innovation of the last 50 years, right after 'meteor/falling object insurance'.

Given what he's facing, sure death by flame, J'onn sure is striding with remarkable √©lan right toward it.  

Whuhuhwhat!??!?! C'est impossible!  Somehow the Martian Manhunter has become ....impervious to flame?!

Meanwhile....we've found the squad car.  Right in the path of the onrushing getaway car!  Probably got delayed by the confusingly detailed Apex City roadmaps ("Wait, there was supposed to a red mailbox at 237 High Street, and I didn't see one, are you sure this is the right road, Chauncy?  And now there's a BLUE one, for chrissake, stop the car and ask a non-policeman for directions!")

"Martian high-speed"; which looks a LOT like flying, but, somehow, isn't.

So instead of making a withdrawal, the bandits themselves get the station house!   

But how did J'onn survive the flames?  Why, with the help of the very source of his troubles, of course; the Martian Manhunter Museum!

So, J'onn can phase OTHER things through walls too? Of course he can.  When he wants to.

Where we discovered that J'onn was using... A DUMMY.

A remote-control, motorized dummy.  Even though we had zero reason to believe earlier that it was either remote-controlled or motorized.  Or that J'onn had the control.  Or that anyone would make such a thing out of fireproof plastic.  Or that there WAS a plastic that it is completely impervious to the heat of three acetylene torches.  Or....oh, never mind.

Martian ventriloquism. If you didn't see THAT coming, you haven't read enough comics.
It doesn't matter, J'onn will never use that power again.
J'onn treats superpowers like teabags; I mean, yes, you CAN reuse them but.... eeeeewww!

Naturally, seeing the potential utility in such a crimefighting aid, J'onn makes an arrangement for Mr Bean to supply him with a large number of fireproof Martian Manhunter robots, which he then stores in his Caribbean Fortress of Aptitude for emergency uses.  

LOL, just kidding!  That would make way too much sense.  Having used the 'power' of a fireproof robot duplicate once, J'onn would never think of doing so ever again.

How lonely does it get being the only Martian on earth? VERY lonely.


John said...

Now those are helmets.

Again, though, I question the architectural and zoning decisions in Apex. The Fire-Snorks have clearly parked the bizarrely-specific getaway car (seriously, check the detail on that shadowy undercarriage!) in front of the bank, what with the glass window and the street lamp with signage. Yet, the impending head-on collision and the rendering of the street itself implies something more like an alley, with only one way out and no room to pass.

Granted, "Elm Street" doesn't sound like a major thoroughfare, but a bank on a residential street sounds like a serious zoning problem to me...

I'm sure glad Aloysius Bean made this remote-control, motorized dummy out of fireproof plastic!

Uhm...yeah. That's also extremely specific, so much so that I'm ninety percent sure Bean is planning some sort of arson-y heist of his own to frame our Jolly Green Giant.

Credit where credit is due, though, that thing is pretty amazing at striding purposefully! That's really how J'Onn should come onto every scene.

Scipio said...

The Martian Manhunter is all about 'extreme specificity". The powers. The addresses. The crime outfits. The cars. All of it.

Nathan Hall said...

Is it just me, or do the robbers look like Snorks?

Bryan L said...

I was humming "I'm A Little Teapot," Nathan, but Snorks work too.

Scipio said...


Unknown said...

The Fire-Snorks Gang is a custom HeroClix waiting to happen!!!