Sunday, September 09, 2012

Octopus Week #6: Ollie, Ollie, Octo's Free

When we last left Al "Slippery" Michaels, now known as The Octopus, his entire gang had just been captured by Green Arrow while trying to rob a game show.

See, Al?  Shoulda listened to Octavus; shoulda stuck with the Octo-Alphabet Board method.  This is what comes of thinking for yourself.  This, and the costume.

"hey michaels me and the Arkham crew saw your boys on channel 8 last night; thanks for the great show, LMFAO; love, Dent #theoctopussucks"

Imagine for a minute that you're trying to make a name for yourself as a criminal, in fact, you're trying to jump the 'big divide" between be-suited gangster and costumed villain.  Now imagine how embarrassing it would be to have your entire gang caught in one fell swoop.

By Green Arrow.


Of course, when one habitually wears a tentacle hat one tends to become endured to embarrassment.

So, what's the next logical step for Michaels, then?   Is it....?

(A) Return to regular gangster hood, his pretensions toward villainy broken
(B) Eschew crime entirely and apply for work at DARPA
(C) Give in to his smoldering sexual attraction to Octavus that he's been sublimating into his criminal cos-play as "the Octopus" and move in together somewhere in New Venice;

But they did get a new apartment together, I note. Now they can do whatever they want, without worrying that one of the boys is going to walk in on them.

I began this series with so little respect for Michaels.  But at this point he shows himself a true VILLAIN by not even considering the first three, comparatively sane choices, and embracing the fourth, villainous one with every ounce of strength in his tentacles.  

Clearly, the television gameshow debacle has only pushed him to up his game and he not only swears vengeance, he PUBLISHES it in the newspapers.  Because that shit's on-line; it's searchable.  Now, that's commitment.

Well, jacta alea octonaria est; even layabout Ollie can't help but see the Octopus's threat in the Star City papers. 

Newpapers? Who knew that many people in Star City could actually read?

Ollie and the little red-headed boy spend the next couple day obsessing about their favorite subjects -- themselves -- instead of trying to find the guy with the tentacle hat who lives with an octopus in his living room.  Finally their ruminations are interrupted by the flaming shaft of the jism-signal.

I'm guess the commissioner's GA fleshlight was broken.

One of Green Arrow's best qualities is his willingness to rush headlong toward self-destruction. Go get 'em, Ollie.

 So, I can't decide: which is weirder, wearing the Octopus outfit in front of other people or wearing it when you are all alone, in the dark, by the side of a rural route?

So, Green Arrow is dead. So is that brat.  The Octopus wins after all.

 I wept when I realized how much pain would have been spared the world had this panel been true.

Actually, Green Arrow uses a smoke bomb to trick the Octopus into thinking he blew up the Arrowcar.  Because, well, because heroes are real jackasses who love to deceive and humiliate you before they capture you.  And it takes substantial planning and effort to humiliate someone who runs around in a tentacle hat.

I don't have the heart to comment on the whole "Arrowcar has eight letters" thing; you'll have to snark that one yourself.

Wait, not 'the Octogyro'?  Sorry, Michaels; you just failed Supervillainy 201

"Thank the octo-gods I spent all that gold bullion from the salvage ship on this Octocopter!  Otherwise, I would have had to have pulled out an automatic and shot Green Arrow and Little Boy Red!"

No, really; it's totally possible to hang on to the wheels of helicopter in full flight for a couple of miles like that.  In short sleeves.  Right, Josh?

I'm sure Ollie will make short work of the Octopus when they arrive at his hideout.  After all, he's got no gang to back him up any more, and no one back at the hideout to help him, right?


Dean said...

Sigh. The Octopus could easily have put eight bullets into GA as he hung from the landing gear. He was too attached to his initial car-bomb concept, is all.

Johnny Bacardi said...

The "Commissioner's GA fleshlight", eh? I had no idea those things were around back then.

Steve Mitchell said...

Great Scott! How long was this story? I thought it was over after the studio fight, with the Octopus making his getaway, possibly to return another time.

Bryan L said...

No, Dean, if the Octopus had leaned out to shoot GA, his tentacle hat would have blown off. And then where would he be? Fashion dictates.

Chad Walters said...

Saw this and thought of this site:

DC is trying to claim that Hal Jordan HASN'T received multiple head injuries, but we all know that's not true.

SallyP said...

Yeah, I was a little bit disappointed with him not calling his cute little Autogyro an Octogyro. If you are going to the whole crazed villainy schtick, you HAVE TO COMMIT!