Captain America Week! Day One

As you know, I own (among other things) a comic book store. So, naturally, NOTHING comics-related escapes my notice. Mine is the eye of the hawk on matters comics-book-sy.

As a result, I followed up immediately on rumors I'd heard about someone doing a Shield knock-off. A Shield knock-off? Scandalous! Being his greatest and perhaps only fan, I resolved to unearth the truth, no matter how many chits I had to cash in to do so.

After just a few calls to some my industry insider friends, I got someone to sneak me an advance copy of an issue from some upstart pub house called "Timely" (thanks, Stan!). Timely, as well, is my intervention, since I intend to expose this group for their shameless usurpation of the Shield's schtick (phew; try to say that three times quickly).

So, the character, who acquired his superstrength and toughness from an obscure biochemical 'vita-ray' treatment (sound familiar, Shield-lovers?), is named "Captain America". Snort; like a name that hokey going to catch on. Is it too much to hope they're going to do something remotely cool with him?

Yikes; apparently it is too much to hope...

He's playing baseball?! With Nekron from Tales of the Green Lantern Corps #2 (1981)?!?! WTF?!!!??! What kind of stupid comic book company wastes our time showing heroes playing baseball... with villains? What's next? The X-dead shall rise?

Okay, though; this is cool:

Bases replaced by tombstones? Very cool; very "Tales from the Crypt". Maybe this won't be too bad to read, after all. I wonder who the villain is...?

The...
"Black Toad"?
Gods help me, this is going to be a LONG week...