The New History of the DCU

Having just read the second and third issues of The New History of the DCU, I want to share my thoughts on this masterpiece of synoptic lore-spinning.  It is a tremendous, unenviable undertaking with impressive results, even if I don't agree with each decision made in the process.

I am delighted that the creators choose to represent the original Teen Titans with one of their most absurd adventures, where they fought giant disembodied body parts.

Well, that caption box packs a wallop. By describing Wonder Woman as a "born of clay and endowed with godly powers" in strongly rejects her new-ish "secret origin" as the daughter of Zeus in favor of her traditional origin.  But PERHAPS it is simply that Barry doesn't KNOW the secret origin?  That's my hope since I like Wonder Woman more as a demigod than as a Galatea.  It also embraces the concept (first offered by John Byrne, I believe) that there was a Wonder Woman in WWII, but that it was Diana's mother, Hippolyta.  I guess I'm not the only fan who wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

Bulletproof cape?  An understandable, if strained, attempt to soften the idea of letting a kid run into battle with gun-toting gangsters... as if he would ever actually get the chance to use the cape, WHICH FLOWS BEHIND HIM, to protect himself.

My feelings about Cyborg remain unchanged, by the way.

More cake having/eating.  This telling keeps Cyborg in the JLA's new initial adventure fighting Darkseid, but cleverly puts him in suspended animation afterwards,  keeping him out of the formal formation of the League with the Martian Manhunter after the battle against the Apellaxians and making him still young enough to be a Titan.  That is an impressive bit of legerdemain, accomplished with only one phrase.

Yes. I Ching and his contempt-filled relationship with pantsuit Diana Prince remains in continuity.  

Thank you for reasserting that Guy Gardner was a gym teacher. In Baltimore, by the way, which I suppose is where the ability to overcome great fear comes from.

I REALLY think we all could have done without Kobra, of which no one is fond and upon whom no significant continuity hinges.

Really? I had thought this was gone from continuity, as it certainly seems as though in current continuity Arthur and Mera just has their first child.  I would have to read more carefully, but perhaps this is something that DID happen, but then Unhappened due to Crisis, meaning Barry could still write about it knowingly, even though it has no longer happened.

Ambush Bug, who to my knowledge has zero fans (if he ever did) and zero importance to lore, REALLY should have just been left out of history.

ART FAIL.

I do not know who the lip-obsessed artist for this comic was.  But I DO know that the Phantom Stranger is not The Phantom and does NOT wear a mask.  His eye are simply shadowed by his hat. AND his eyes are not actually blank; they just APPEAR that way when he wears the hat, because he's the Phantom Stranger and doesn't have to make sense.

"Legends" was an under-remembered but great crossover (the one in which the Phantom Stranger keeps smack-talking Darkseid and Glorious Godfrey turns the common folk against superheroes).  I am glad to see it remembered here as well as its connection to the JLI.

I am touched to see this remembrance of a young Paul Kupperberg's X-men-like version of the Doom Patrol, including tentative hero Scott Fischer, who no one remembers was the first fatal victim of the Dominators' Gene Bomb, and Arani ("Celsius"), who claimed to be Niles Caulder's wife, and who sacrificed herself silently in battle when he returned and denied ever knowing her, which was one of the saddest and most mysterious plot resolutions I have ever seen.

Look, I know Barry Allen is a scientist, not a humanist, by trade. But I refuse to believe that Barry could write a sentence as clumsy as "Would that such deep tragedy limited itself to the stars, but no."  He's read too many comic books to write that poorly.

Wow. I'd almost forgotten The Ray.  So... where is he now?

I had forgotten that the Eradicator was the one who saved Superman.  It make sense; the Eradicator was focused on preserving Kryptonian stuff (including Kal-El). But I certainly didn't remember it.

Heh. "Slowly healed."  This is tacit acknowledgement that we can all forget about Bruce's love interest Shonda Kinsolving and her magical healing touch (which is what ACTUALLY happened).  I really think they just should have thrown  Wonder Woman's Purple Healing Ray into the mix; what are super friends for, after all?

Happy to see Static, of course, but... when are they going to take advantage of the opportunity to link him to Black Lightning?

Why are we not allowed to erase this? Other than complicating Lex's backstory (and making some powerful real-world allusions), it has zero impact on continuity and causes considerable headaches.  Like, does the Secret Service still protect ex-prez Lex?

Well, whatever else, Jean Loring is still crazy!

Mystery Analysts: Wonder Woman

I say "Wonder Woman" rather than name a city, because who really knows where Wonder Woman lives? It's one of my pet peeves about her.  

Real-world Boston seemed random and inappropriate; who moves to cold cramped Boston from Paradise Island? John Byrne's "Gateway City" was an utter cipher; I'd be shocked if any of you could tell me a single thing about it (without looking it up), especially since virtually no writer has cared to use it again (until Ultimate Wonder Woman).  

Part of Wonder Woman's geographic problem is that she's not FROM any U.S. city (as are Batman, Flash, Green Lantern, Green Arrow, and many others). She needs a REASON to locate in a particular city of her own and The National Capital of the country she's living in seems like a pretty logical place.  Just put her in Washington, where the character started. Besides, with its low skyline and classical architecture it's probably the city that seem most familiar to a resident of Themyscira. It's weird and artificial enough that it might as well be a fictionopolis, any way.  Or fictionalize Washington as "Federal City", an idea I think is long overdue.

But let's move on to our task of giving her some Mystery Analysts, which she clearly needs as a resource. Zeus knows I love Little Miss Marchy Boots, but a detective she ain't. She couldn't even figure out who killed her OWN PUBLICIST.

The case remains one of DC's best and most famous mysteries, which Wonder Woman totally did not solve.

But who on earth would be among Wonder Woman's Mystery Analysts?  It would be great if they could be, say, all women and one token man, as an inverse of the Mystery Analysts of Gotham. Unfortunately, Wonder Woman's mythos doesn't much support that.  She's got lots of women in her historical cast, but most of her "professional help" is men.

Ed Indelicato

Wonder Woman's partner in trying to solve Mayer's murder was Boston detective Ed Indelicato, a surprisingly memorable character.

It helped that Ed was deeply weird and very human.

Simply put, Indelicato, who later retired and became an author (of crime fiction, I presume) make him a no-brain among WW's Mystery Analysts. He's the "Kaye Daye" (weird memorable crime fiction author).

Those glasses are like Kaye Daye's hats.

Unlike many members of the Mystery Analysts (the original or my own versions), he's a colorful character, quickly conveyed and easily identifiable,  which is useful for characters who have to share their screen time with others.

Chic Novelle

Well, this is a reach!  Chic Novelle is a Golden Age Wonder Woman character, a follower of sexist investigative journalist Selldom Wright (why HE is not my choice should be doubly obvious).  She shifts from being one of his informants to investigating on her own behalf and helps Wonder Woman capture the "Blue Seal Gang" (one of those tawdry pin-striped suit gangs so many Golden Agers wasted their time on).

Chic was handy with guns, too. I'd like to imagine an updated version of her would still accoutre herself in a 1940s manner, just because she's a gal with style.

I Ching

Oh, yes; I went there.

I Ching is, of course, the absurdly stereotypical Wise Old Blind Chinese Sensei who mentored (i.e., mansplained) Diana Prince through her de-powered, karate-chopping, gunning-toting, boutique-owning era in the 1970s. But, as long-time readers of this blog will remember, the BEST thing about Ching is how clearly he and Diana DETEST each other. 

"I cannot WAIT to see what pathetic losers they match you up with, Diana!"
"I'll take some pictures for you, Ching. Oh, wait, that's right..."

Naturally, an updated version would need a more sensibly first name than "I". Or, since Ching is canonically dead (Diana's inability to save him was a perfect capstone to their passive-aggressive relationship), perhaps a DAUGHTER could be substituted.  I always thought it odd that Diana's mentor during this (or any) period would be a man, rather than a woman.

It would avoid... a lot of the unpleasantness inherent in "I Ching" and his relationship with Diana.  An "Isadora Ching" who perhaps knows martial arts like her father (grandfather?) and is a Chinese-American private detective would bring some snap to Diana's Mystery Analysts while being a fine nod to her lore.

Tom (Nemesis) Tresser 

Another one of DC's turtle-necked master of disguise espionage types. He has a history with Wonder Woman as her male sidekick at one point.  

And her side-piece.

They had this annoying and sad situation where they were sleeping together and he thought it was more than that, but it really wasn't.  He was a substitute in more ways than one for Steve Trevor and the story basically admitted that.

I would have probably preferred hard-boiled P.I. Tim Trench for this spot in WW's Mystery Analysts, because his relationship with Diana during her de-powered era actually had some crunch to it. But Trench was murdered pretty famously in a JLA locked room mystery and it's probably best to let (eternally) sleeping dogs lie.

And I DO love Tom's hair.  It's got that Gumby/Capt. Pike thing going on.

Besides, having a former beau among one's Mystery Analysts is an interesting wrinkle and might give Tresser a way to stand out as a character (something he never did on his own).

Etta Candy

Ordinarily, I wouldn't pick someone from a hero's "inner circle" for a Mystery Analyst slot. One of the purposes of Mystery Analysts concept is to help expand a hero's supporting cast, not merely consolidate it.  But DC is often at a loss as to what to DO with Etta Candy in the modern era, where Fat Funny Friends are not the norm.  

And, sadly, there aren't as many Japanese princesses who need spanked in comics as there used to be. Not even in Wonder Woman comics.

Etta's modern incarnation is in Military Intelligence (or some such), so giving her deductive talents would be pretty consistent.  Even without the Mystery Analysts, giving Wonder Woman a sidekick who is actually better at figuring out what's going on would not only be refreshing, but free up Wonder Woman to lasso people and toss things about as she does.

And to march. 
Wonder Woman needs plenty of time to march, march, march.

Trevor Barnes

How Dr. Domino would enjoy yanking that tie!

A currently unused character from Wonder Woman's past supporting casts, he is associated with diplomatic matters, which would make him a good choice as an "international troubleshooter" who relies on his worldliness to solve mysteries that might stump others.

He's was absolutely terrible and being the trusting superhero love interest who gets into scapes/is kidnapped, so an independent Mystery Analyst seems like a better role for him.

Plus, he's not remembered well, so rejiggering who and what he is a tad to fit with the Mystery Analysts probably wouldn't upset many people.

A Christmas Wedding for a Pagan Bride

 My Sims versions of Diana Prince and Steve Trevor decided to (finally) get married over the holiday.

How romantic!

.

At least, in theory.

"THIS is why we don't get invited to more weddings, OLLIE!"
"WE'RE TRAPPED ON AN ISLAND, AIIYEE, I MUST ESCAPE!"

Most guests other than Ollie had the decency to stay in their seats and observe the ceremony.

Well. Stay in their seats, at least.  
Sector 2614's pretty exhausting, you know.

Diana didn't entirely understand some of our wedding traditions, but she tried, bless her heart.

"HAH! Throw as hard as you will, such tiny grains will not stop an Amazon from completing her physical regimen!"

Likewise, Steve had some trouble with some Themysciran traditions.

"HOLA! You think to survive our wedding night with just THOSE fighting techniques and a Y chromosome, man-warrior?!"

Etta Candy seemed to have misinterpreted "festive attire" on the invitation.

"OH! ETTA! You're ... your hairdo is lovely."

Steve found out at the reception what happens when you ask Mr. Terrific "What's your degree in?"

Diana had some wistful memories that would have been better left at her bachelorette party.

I guess some women appreciate a stiff upper lip.

As you would expect, the League Boys hung out together.

"Clark, I swear, if he tells ONE MORE 'Flash Fact' story..."
"Bruce, our Code applies to our friends as well as our enemies."
"...You left the radio on back in your hotel room and are listening to the game, aren't you?"
"You really ARE a detective. Shhh; Martin Baxter's at bat..."

“I too am aware of baseball,  HalJordan and fellow Leaguers! I once employed some of my lesser used powers to alter the outcome of a Flamingos game!”
"Great Guardians, when did YOU arrive, J’onn?”
“He’s been invisible.”
“He’s been there the whole time.” 
“Gee, thanks for telling us, Super-Peepers and World’s Greatest Detective.”
“Well, actually, Hal, if you just observed the indentation in the seat cushion—“
“Shut up, Barry.”
“I’m REALLY glad Dinah and I got to come to THIS wedding!"

Because most of the guest's were Diana's, Dinah got stuck at The Groom's Table, which did not entirely thrill her.

"WEPAAAAAAA!!!!"

Arthur didn't sit with the JL Boys, because as the Officiant he was busy trying to keep Wild Dog and Black Canary from breaking out into their Next Violent Argument.

"Well, René, as long as we're talking about women in the military at THE WEDDING OF THE GREATEST WARRIOR YOU KNOW, let ME give you MY thoughts..."

Lois got stuck at The Bride's Table with the Bride's Gay Brother but was clearly more interested in WWIII about to break about over at The Groom's Table.

Eventually, Arthur extracted Renê for sake of his safety, since the last person you want yelling at a wedding or anywhere else is Black Canary.

"Thassit, Lo-lo; I have HAD it with that woman!  She's the reason nobody invites Oliver to weddings."

"Thank you for the vacuum cleaner, Jason; I'm sure Steve will get a lot of use out of it!"

Diana's commitment to truthfulness was put to an awful test.

I only wish Ching had been there to see.
So to speak.

Bruce received some interesting news while he was there.

"BATCOMPUTER, ACCESS IRIS WEST FILE AND ACTIVATE CONTINGENCY PROTOCOL "THAWNE-SPAWN".

But the third-happiest person after the Bride and Groom was J'onn, who got to take home all the leftover Super Chocolate Tummers Bomb Cupcakes.

"MARS
NEEDS
CHOCOS
!!!"

Photo courtesy of Barry Allen.

Publishing House of Mysteries

As I mentioned yesterday, CBR is constitutionally, DEFIANTLY wrong, so this latest bit should be no surprise.  I suppose none of what CBR does along these lines should surprise me. The whole clickbait/generic lisicle style is pervasive on internet topic sites of any kind; it's just the one that algorithms shove in my face most frequently, due to the topics.

It's not that I merely disagree with any of the opinions implied, but rather that there ARE no opinions really implied. These are not lists or positions taken by, say, an actual blogger/vlogger with their own vision.  Those might be interesting or engaging. Rather, CBR's articles might as well all be titled "Most Publicly Recognizable Examples of X" or "Assertion that Throwaway in Recent Issue is a Permanent Continuity Change" or "Everyone Has Forgotten An Important Thing That Is No Longer Even Remotely In Continuity If It Ever Was".  

But the linked article, "10 Biggest Mysteries in DC Comics", is just face-punchingly mislabeled, when it is, at best, "10 Most High-Profile Reveals That Were Actually Retcons."  It did, however, jog me into considering the legitimate question: 

What are the 10 "biggest" mysteries in DC comics? And by "mysteries" I do NOT mean "unanswered questions" like the Joker's real name, the Phantom Stranger's origins, or how DID the Giant Penny in there, anyway. 

[Any replies addressing those issues will be deleted.]

I mean, you know, ACTUAL MYSTERIES.  

Like the kind Ace Investigator SPEED SAUNDERS used to solve.

Things that are mysteries to us and to some of the characters, things that they and we are challenged to solve (fairly or not). You know, real Kay Daye, Christine Ariadne stuff. 

I'll concede, I doubt I can even LIST ten, so I'm asking in advance for YOUR help. No matter how years later you may read this, please add any good ones you think of. Because otherwise all people will think of BS like "Hush". P.S. Don't list "Hush", which not merely some BS, but some ****.

I can think of plenty of crappy DC "mysteries": Identity Crisis, Long Halloween, Hush, Zero Hour (Who is Extant?), Every Silver Age Story With A Mystery Hero, Terry Sloane's Murder, The Joker's Daughter, The Wild Dog Mystery.  But what were the good ones? And why aren't there more of them?  I mean, DC does stand for "Detective Comics", after all.

Our nation needs Ace Investigator Speed Saunders again.

Here are some that I remember as definite positive stand-outs.

Who Killed Myndi Mayer?

This was certainly among the most affecting mysteries I have ever read in comics (don't spoil it for anyone).  Myndi Mayer wasn't a disposable walk-on or side character.

Myndi Mayer was a substantial supporting character, an ongoing, vibrant, and unique member of Wonder Woman's cast at the time.  She was a Strong Female Character of a sort, in the sense that she was an independent, successful businesswoman (she was Wonder Woman's publicist), but she was no angel, which was refreshing for a WW character.  She was grounded in a way that innocent Diana, new to "Man's World" in those days was not, and she made helped her transition from Paradise Island possible for Diana and believable to us.

That really should be the function of WW supporting cast-- grounding her -- whether they be an Etta Candy, an I Ching, or a Hoppy (not the bunny, the fast food worker).

But Myndi was found one night with a bullet in her head and the mystery was:

And quite a mystery it was.  It was AWESOME because it was the LAST thing you expected from WONDER WOMAN. But there she was: stuck in a murder mystery, the victim a close friend of hers, and she was unable to punch something or just magically lasso everybody into confessing. Eventually she DID solve the mystery and because of all those things it was incredibly impactful. And for other reasons, but you deserve to read it yourself.  

I can honestly say there is no mystery in comics that affected me more. There are still occasions, forty years later now, where some real world happening will prompt me to say: "Hm; Who killed Myndi Mayer, indeed?"

Who is Sensor Girl?

Although this mystery probably OBSESSED me (and everyone else) more.  I assured you nobody obsessed as much over all of the things on CBR's list COMBINED as they did over this. People LOST SLEEP over it!

I know because I kept them up talking about it.

It's a Legion of Super-Heroes' mystery and LSH LOVES mysteries, almost all of which have the form "Who is?"  But this is the greatest LSH "Who is?" mystery of all time.

Sensor Girl was a character who joined the Legion but kept her identity and the precise nature of her powers secret.  This violates, like, 47 of their little Constitutional Rules, about which they are quite fussy. But Saturn Girl says "I vouch for her", which immediately ENDS that subject, because nobody-but-nobody in the Legion crosses Saturn Girl.

You... do not want to cross Saturn Girl. Or doubt her.
Or suggest that that costume makes her look trampy.
(from Legion #90, a very memorable issue from Tom Peyer's very memorable run)

Sensor Girl was a mystery that stumped the most intelligent person in the DCU: Brainiac 5.  

Who has a 12th Level Intelligence, in case no one has mentioned it yet this issue.

Most people thought she was Supergirl. Her demonstrated variety of powers did seem consistent with that theory, but she seemed to have weaknesses inconsistent with it.  I knew it wasn't Supergirl because she had this flair about her that Supergirl could never have. Supergirl was a sad sack; Sensor Girl was a big old drama queen.

With a wicked pimp slap.

Eventually, Brainiac DID figure it out because, well, he's the most intelligent person in the DCU and that IS his power in the Legion so, how else could the story end?

He also pointed out that the answer was obvious and that you were an idiot for not figuring it out, because making you feel stupid is his other power.

But the real story is: with no internet hive-mind to solve it, this mystery OBSESSED anyone who knew anything about the Legion and was a high-point for Legion obsession and if you know anything about the Legion, you know that obsession is, um... well, knowing anything about the Legion and being obsessed with the Legion are pretty much the same thing, aren't they?

The Geoff Johns' Mysteries 

Geoff Johns is basically Nancy Drew or, if you prefer, a Solo Hardy Boy.  Geoff tells a very particular type of mystery, one especially designed to reward comic history aficionados.  A Big Event is building in one book or across many (or perhaps... on a television show); it's got lots of players and several appear to be driving the events. But it doesn't QUITE all add up.  

And you can't quite tell whether that's just, you know, how it's written or whether ... there's something else.  So MUCH comic book writing has big plot holes that we accustom ourselves to not questioning too much. Comic book roads are full of plot holes, so we've equipped our mind-cars with such extra shock-absorbers and heavy tires that it's easy to overlook it when we really DO run over a dead body.

Unlike Ace Investigator Speed Saunders,
who ALWAYS notices these things.

Geoff Johns takes advantage of that and ALWAYS hides things right in plain sight...right in our blind spots.  There is always Something Else, and that Something Else is always a Piece of DC History He Remembers Which You Forgot.

Blackest Night?  Nekron, refugee from a blacklight poster. Who even READ that first story?!

JSA: Darkness Falls? Ian Karkull, who fought Dr. Fate. Twice.

 

I mean, only ROY THOMAS remembered Ian Karkull.

Doomsday Clock? Dan Didio.
Oh, I mean, "Dr. Manhattan". Dr Manhattan screwed up the DCU.

You can think of others; you get the idea.  I love 'em, but they are all sufficiently similar that I lump them together.  I'm not being dismissive; it's the kind of thing that a Brad Meltzer tries to pull off but can't.

Watchmen

Speaking of Watchmen, it is ... a lot.  So much to think about. It's been part of our comic book history for so long that it's easy to forget--especially if you weren't alive when it came out--that it was, first and (at least apparently) foremost, a MURDER MYSTERY: who killed The Comedian?  But I still remember discussing the theories with my boyfriend at the time.  

I remember keeping him up all night talking about it.

I don't remember whether I or anyone else was surprised at the time. It's not like there were any 'bad guys' to choose from after all.  

Australian Lex Luthor Junior

I wasn't sure whether to count this as a mystery per se, but "Who is Australian Lex Luthor Junior and whose side is he on?!" was a definite PUZZLE of GREAT power during its time. 

And it's time was LONG.  It was SO long. That was what sold it.  No one could believe that DC had the attention span to hoax us that long. But in those days, the glory days of The Superman Triangle Comics, they did indeed.  They convinced their entire readership that Lex had died and been replaced by his illegitimate son from Australia. Over time it was impossible to believe this person

was this person

There was so much to like about the new Lex.

Possibly more than we can imagine.

In a way, he was still a challenge to Superman, even though he was a GOOD guy, not a bad guy. He was a challenge by BEING a good guy. Supergirl became disenchanted with Superman and became Lex's girlfriend, enchanted by seeing what he could do without even any powers.  Superman, with his minimalist approach to intervention, looked like a slacker compared to Junior's proactive approach to improving Metropolis. It seemed as though DC had decided that was a new, mature tack for the concept of "Lex Luthor" and really had throw out the scheming greedy egoistical big-brained madman of the past.

But in fact...

THEY SAVED LUTHOR'S BRAIN

Still one of the greatest panels in comics.

The whole thing was just so damned... COMIC BOOKY. In a GOOD way. They just WENT THERE. And it was GLORIOUS to realize you had been lovingly duped for OVER TWO YEARS.  DC can't even go two years now without a crossover that reboots the entire mutliverse, let alone stay the course on this sort of thing.

Can you image DC doing anything like that now? :-)

But enough of my remembrances: what are YOUR favorite mysteries from DC comics?