Having hijacked a cow, Batman & Robin dash back to the Bat-cave to give a baby raw, unpasteurized milk, because they are old school.
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| I miss THIS version of Alfred. He was not at ALL happy to help you with anything you needed. |
But then... disaster! Even though we never actually see anyone call Bruce "Batman" in front of the baby, the baby deduces the truth:
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| "I don't like it," Bruce said, his hand creeping closer to the baby's nose and mouth. "Not at all." |
Alfred's no fool. He's knows perfectly well from experience that Bruce is about to kill that baby, because NOBODY gets to know Batman's secret identity and live to babble about it.
Fortunately for Junior, Batman gets called out to deal with some, you know, crooks.
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| How many diamonds do you have to steal to pay for a helicopter and a bomb that size? |
Golden Age Batman had no point of diminishing returns. If you lifted a pack of playing cards from the bodega, he would crawl through sewers, strap himself to a rocket, and chase you to the ends of the earth to bring you to justice. THEN give you a lecture about gambling.
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| "There are trains down near the shipyards, Junior. I could take you them to see them. Really, really close-up." |
That's dangerous. And this Batman has NOT had time to prepare. Meanwhile, old-school Alfred is fed up and is ready to quit.
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| "Either young Tom King goes or I do!" |
Naturally, Batman sacrifices Robin, the Boy Hostage, to keep Alfred from bolting.
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| "Surely there were other 'children' at the circus I got you from? Just do... whatever they used to do for them. Off to fight crime!" |
Naturally, Dick and Alfred are completely incompetent -- or cowering in a corner of the manor -- and the baby straightaway goes on walkabout... to the Batcave.
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| Who's the greater threat to society: diamond thieves or the people who let that baby alone to climb down those stairs? |
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| Well, OF COURSE, Batman kept that as a souvenir; who wouldn't? |
The tot accidentally activates the Artificial Lightning Generator used by the Electric Mobsters and Robin has to circus-routine them both into another nearby trophy that can serve as a protective Faraday cage.
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| This is what happens when you leave babies in the care of circus folk. |
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| "I learned it from you, Dad; I learned it from watching YOU." |
7 comments:
I'm just impressed that Gotham toy stores were carrying Thomas the Tank Engine toys in 1955.
Wait. How old is that baby, where he hyphenates Bat-Man, but Batman and Robin don't...? And don't be silly, Bruce isn't going to murder the baby. He'll just stand idly by quipping about pitard-hoisting while the baby falls into its own deathtrap.
I like Batman's attitude with the bomb. "I've defused this, so it's completely harmless, so now let's make sure it doesn't accidentally impede the helicopter's landing." I'm not sure how that helps him or even if that disrupts a helicopter, but that's extremely thoughtful for a man who's about to pummel two sharply-dressed guys in very tight quarters.
The perspective on those stairs wins the day, though, with Robin incoherently screaming at a baby coming in a close second...
"he hyphenates Bat-Man, but Batman and Robin don't"
The only guess I can offer is that maybe the hyphen is supposed to mean that he's saying it somewhat slowly?
I don't know much more than the minimum about babies, but I notice that he's old enough to talk (AND to walk) yet young enough to still be in diapers. That would mean that he can walk up and ask an adult to change his diaper and, no kidding, I have honestly never heard of a real-life baby doing that. Is that in fact a real-world phenomenon? Or does it just prove that the writer didn't know any more about babies than he knew about, you know, anything else? :-)
I'll weigh in, cybrid. Yes, toddlers can walk and say words, but still be in diapers. My daughter used to go into the bathroom, get her training potty, and carry it out to the living room to do her business because she didn't want to miss her TV shows.
If they're still in diapers after they're about two, then you probably want to take a more firm approach to potty training.
Thanks, Bryan. :-)
On another note, suppose the baby DOES start saying "Bat-Man" in front of others. This IS Gotham City, right? People probably talk about Batman every day, and that's where children get words from in the first place, from what adults say within their hearing.
Even if he got far enough to say "Cousin Bwuce is Bat-Man," well, kids do indeed say the DARNEDEST things...
TOTALLY OFF-TOPIC TANGENT, noticed while browsing:
"Note that Trophy 41 was acquired in June 1939; Trophy 1001 (as we are about to learn) was added in April 1950. That's 960 trophies acquired over 10 years & 10 months, which means Batman & Robin solve a case once every four days."
And since Robin was The Sensational Character Find of [April] 1940, that means that Batman accumulated nearly a year's worth of trophies all by himself. Which, since even by golden age chronology standards, Robin couldn't have been active for more than a full decade (1940-1950) without reaching his twenties by that point, is kind of moot, I guess. ;-)
https://absorbascon.blogspot.com/2006/09/on-batman-657.html
Good point, cybrid. You have to figure that Batman is regularly referenced in every Gotham household, so just saying the name in and of itself isn't particularly damning.
Bruce is clearly looking for a reason to gack the kid. He's probably worried about losing mansion headcount, what with Alfred threatening to quit. Alf may also have a pretty solid lawsuit based on job description/discriminatory practices. Even Batman needs a solid HR department.
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