Having hijacked a cow, Batman & Robin dash back to the Bat-cave to give a baby raw, unpasteurized milk, because they are old school.
|I miss THIS version of Alfred. He was not at ALL happy to help you with anything you needed.|
But then... disaster! Even though we never actually see anyone call Bruce "Batman" in front of the baby, the baby deduces the truth:
|"I don't like it," Bruce said, his hand creeping closer to the baby's nose and mouth. "Not at all."|
Alfred's no fool. He's knows perfectly well from experience that Bruce is about to kill that baby, because NOBODY gets to know Batman's secret identity and live to babble about it.
Fortunately for Junior, Batman gets called out to deal with some, you know, crooks.
|How many diamonds do you have to steal to pay for a helicopter and a bomb that size?|
Golden Age Batman had no point of diminishing returns. If you lifted a pack of playing cards from the bodega, he would crawl through sewers, strap himself to a rocket, and chase you to the ends of the earth to bring you to justice. THEN give you a lecture about gambling.
|"There are trains down near the shipyards, Junior. I could take you them to see them.|
Really, really close-up."
That's dangerous. And this Batman has NOT had time to prepare. Meanwhile, old-school Alfred is fed up and is ready to quit.
|"Either young Tom King goes or I do!"|
Naturally, Batman sacrifices Robin, the Boy Hostage, to keep Alfred from bolting.
|"Surely there were other 'children' at the circus I got you from? |
Just do... whatever they used to do for them. Off to fight crime!"
Naturally, Dick and Alfred are completely incompetent -- or cowering in a corner of the manor -- and the baby straightaway goes on walkabout... to the Batcave.
|Who's the greater threat to society: diamond thieves or the people who let that baby alone to climb down those stairs?|
|Well, OF COURSE, Batman kept that as a souvenir; who wouldn't?|
The tot accidentally activates the Artificial Lightning Generator used by the Electric Mobsters and Robin has to circus-routine them both into another nearby trophy that can serve as a protective Faraday cage.
|This is what happens when you leave babies in the care of circus folk.|
|"I learned it from you, Dad; I learned it from watching YOU."|