Non-smooth Move

Ugh.

My confidence in James Gunn's ability to handle properly the DCU on the big screen has always been low. It certainly doesn't help that near every word or image I hear from him seems to lower it further. 

But

Get a haircut, yippy.

making Krypton shaggy instead of smooth-coated (because his OWN doggy is shaggy) is the worst sign yet that Gunn cares more about "James Gunn's DCU" than he does about "THE DCU".

Krypto is a VERY simple character. 

His DESIGN is simple, I mean.

He has a longish 'hound-like' muzzle and flap ears, a smooth white coat and, when possible, a Superman cape. His personality is "I'm a dog", so pretty much the only way you can screw it up is by "drawing' him wrong, which Gunn has , Yes, it's a bold move to put Krypto on the big screen. But if you going to gratuitously screw up the depiction of one of comics' simplest characters, then I don't trust you with more complex ones.  This is one Shaggy Dog Story where I don't think the punchline will be worth it.

Maybe the plot of the film is from "The Super-Dog That Replaced Krypto".
But I doubt it.

Some Bad Things

Okay, I promised I wouldn't make fun of Absolute Batman (& His Amazing Friends).

However, I didn't promise I wouldn't let it make fun of itself.

Apparently one of those bad things is dialog.

I mean, what can I say to make that any more ridiculous than it already is?  It sounds like a quote from 

Zorro, the Gay Blade.

Actually, the line in ZTGB is "an' I'm going to dooo some terreebul theeengs ... to CHU!" But it's pretty close.

In the Ghetto

 I come to praise Absolute Batman, not to bury him.

Absolute Batman, which reads not just like fanfic but fanfic as it's being made up by schoolchildren while on the playground, 

Credit for this insight goes to the clever and charming Casually Comics, who has unintentionally taught me to love the Absolute Universe.

Not that it's that bad in itself, but I weary of a comics shelf overrun by Edgy Elseworlds comics.

I didn't like DC forcing Alfred's fanfic on me in the 1960s.  I certainly don't like the contemporary versions any better.  "Nobody will ever read it." From your mouth to god's ears, Bruce.

I didn't like the elseworld stories in the 1960s, I didn't like 30 years later in the 1990s when the major heroes were replaced by edgy alternative versions of the characters, and I certainly don't like it now 30 years even later, when the comic shelves are now devoted to Elseworlds starring edgy alternative version of the characters.

So, really, I couldn't imagine anything I would like less than a New Universe based on "Bad Darkseid Energy" (BDE, I guess) where all the heroes will have A Tougher Time. But (as Casually Comic kindly explained), this may be the best thing that's happened since Jack Kirby died.

That's not to say that Jack Kirby dying was a good thing.
I'm not a fan of his work, but by all accounts, he was a great guy.

One of the things that is made clear is that there is only one version of Darkseid; he doesn't have multiversal counterparts.  Tired of his CONTINUAL failure to accomplish, well, pretty much anything in the mainstream universe, Darkseid decides to create ANOTHER universe based on his OWN BDE, where he CAN succeed.

Also known as "Gym class".

In short, Darkseid has built HIMSELF into a GHETTO.

I would call it an "Armagetto", but, of course, that would be ridiculous.

A ghetto where I can IGNORE HIM and all his associated silliness.  

And I could not be MORE supportive of that! Long live the Absolute Universe!  

Joker: Folie a Deux, The Odyssey, the Brave Little Toaster, and Drag

Sit down for some shocking news you may not be ready to handle:

The sequel to Todd Phillip's Joker film, Joker: Folie a Deux, is not doing well at the box office.

Sorry if I was the one to break it to you.  But, if THAT bit of news actually did shock you, then there's certainly nothing I could have done to prepare you for it mentally. It's not just "not doing well", it's doing worse than Sony's Morbius did.

So perhaps Jared Leto isn't the problem, after all.
Merely "a" problem.

Many have identified the fact that the "Arthur Fleck" character of the original movie is in the sequel revealed to be obviously a shell, just an empty figurehead for a bunch of gratuitously aggrieved numbskulls. You know, just like in real life.

To me, the problem with JFAD isn't that it's a semi-musical or that it seeks to undo the misinterpretation of its predecessor.

Because you know what else was a semi-musical sequel that sought to undo the misinterpretation of its predecessor?  Homer's Odyssey.  But audiences ate that **** up.

Homer, it is deduced, was displeased that dullards in his audience took The Iliad as praise of the Greek Heroic Ideal, rather than as the condemnation it was intended to be.  Thus, its "sequel", the Odyssey, took to deconstructing that "ideal" more explicitly and aggressively.

And it takes some effort to do anything more aggressively than The Iliad.

It's clear that the creators of JFAD were making a Homerically heroic attempt to undo the misinterpretation of the first film as an endorsement of destructive nihilism by an aggrieved audience of dullards.  It's only natural that it would thus alienate fans of the first film and attract exactly no one else, since sensible folk don't really need to hear that message.

Similarly, The Brave Little Toaster would not be a beloved classic if its message had simply been "don't stick your finger in a toaster", because that's not a message sufficient to sustain a feature-length film.

But as a comics fan, I see the real problem of Joker and JFAD much more broadly. To me the problem is "Villain Drag".

No offense intended, guys.

The problem, in short, is when DC (or any IP-owner), allows an independent creative entity (a person or another company) to a tell story about a character that wouldn't otherwise get funding by draping it in the disguise of a well-known character they own.  This character is often a villain, because the company is less invested in the "purity" of the portrayal of such characters.

There's three easy examples right there of characters who have been put in villain drag to capitalize on the Q rating those villains have built up over 80 years.  It's not a sure-fire formula for failure; "The Penguin" seems well received so far. But nothing could symbolize the fact that it's just Villain Drag better than the show runners changing the character's name to "Oz Cobb", rather than Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot.

The Penguin's name is SUPPOSED to be stupid. That's part of the point of his effete but fatal "gentlemen burglar" routine.

Adaptation is one thing, and variants are necessary and helpful mechanism for building a truly mythical character long-term. That's just how ancient myths were developed, too.  

I mean, this guy killed a hobo for a sandwich, fell in love with the Riddler, and was nearly emaciated. But he was still definitely The Penguin.

But there is a palpable difference between wanting to do a new take on a well-known comic book-based character and simply creating a character you want to tell stories about and then covering them with a coat of paint to make them LOOK like the comic book character.

As I mentioned, this phenomenon is not confined to villains, but the less the company has invested in the purity of the character's portrayal, the more likely a target the character becomes.

Sometimes this can be happening without anyone really noticing it.

"Batman versus Superman" is a good example of Anti-Hero Drag.  The essential thing wrong with that movie is that well-known characters chosen specifically because they are well-known characters are acting completely out of character.

You really can't have your cake and eat it, too. If you want to tell a story about BananaMan, then, damn it, you have to be prepared to tell a story about a man who throws Bananarangs, has a pet monkey, and adopted a kid sidekick named Second Banana. These characters aren't just COSTUMES; they come with stories and personalities BUILT INTO THEM; it's why everyone knows who they are already. It's the source of the popularity that opportunistically parasitic outside creators are hoping to leach.

Putting on a little grease-paint and faking a smile doesn't make someone the Joker.

So don't be surprised when "comic book adaptations" that think it does wind up failing hard.

This will hurt me more than it'll hurt you!

Do me a favor: bookmark this page.

Now.

Next time you read someone online asking,

"Why don't they just execute the Joker?"

Give them the link.

And remind them that.

"The Joker Walks The Last Mile", Batman #64, 1942

They already did. 81 years ago.

He got better.

Batman Caped Crusader, Episodes 9 &10: Two-Face, Part 1 & 2

 Or perhaps I should say "Harvey Dent", since he's never actually called "Two-Face".

The restaurant Bruce takes Harvey to is called "Utterson's"; Utterson was the name of Dr. Jekyll's friend in "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll".

A point is made (by Alfred, the spokesman for Not Being a **** in this show) that Bruce is being a **** in having intentionally pushed the emotionally fragile Dent in an attempt to get to the people behind Dent's disfigurement.  Batman points out that this is just the kind of tactic Harvey himself used to use as D.A., which prompts Alfred to note that catching the perpetrating may not be worth losing the victim and prompts us wonder whether Batman choosing to be a little less like his ****ish friend who's turning into a supervillain might be a good idea

They do a good job with Two-Face.  He does not snap immediately, he goes mad bit by bit, as the result of his own reactions and decisions, which is one of the running themes of the series.  

Not everyone has the resilience of Dawn Davenport.

As mentioned in an earlier, the show's characterization is an interesting reversal on the traditional portrayal.  His accident does render him emotionally unstable and bipolar, but rather than make him "evil", it just kicks his war against Rupert Thorne and corruption into extreme mode.  He becomes both more supportive and understanding than he was before, but at the same time much more violent and ruthless.  Two-Face certainly is no "super"-villain, but even in a short episode it's shown how his unpredictability and viciousness makes him unusually formidable. I mean, who throws a piano down a flight of stairs? Even a "simple" incident of him being "good" by saving someone from a mugger turns into a moral nightmare of him trying to make the victim complicit in the murdering the murder. It is not enough that his own worldview is tainted; he insists on tainting yours as well.

Once he is captured, they do a good job of showing you a Harvey Dent you might just believe could be reformed... and a good job of letting Harvey Dent himself convince you of why he should never be given that chance. He is sensitive enough to understand the other inmates in Arkham; and enough of **** to snark "Yes, I know how hearings work, Gordon," to his defense attorney. He is surprising down to the end... I certainly never expected [SPOILER ALERT}...

that they would KILL Harvey Dent.

The flip side is: they do a bad job with Two-Face.  Despite frequent reference to a more elaborate and ambivalent view of justice and whether the end justifies the means (the very question Alfred is trying to help Bruce confront earlier) Harvey Dent still refers more than once to "The Other Guy" as if he is one person and (unnamed, extreme) Two-Face is another.  This is a huge misstep, not merely because it is the one problem this interpretation held promise of correcting but also because it is inconsistent with Harvey's portrayal in the episode.  

In the second part, Harvey is too much a pawn and not enough of a player.  Despite masterfully manipulating Bullock and Flass against each other (another flash view of his "powers" that made him so promising as a potential returning villain), once he escapes from them and handcuffed to Barbara Gordon, it's all a Defiant Ones remake aimed at his final redemption.

On a more technical level, Dietrich Bader (as much as I love him for his brilliant work as Batman) botches the voice for Harvey Dent.  His voice is nasal, whiny, and weak.  Much of the time he sounds more like a teen girl having a meltdown than a Gotham madman.  Two-Face is an high drama villain, an needs a more operatic presence.  He needs a spine-shivering whisper and an intimidating shout; this one has neither.

And also....

they KILLED Harvey Dent.  The other villain on this show with the most potential re-use value.  Are they THAT convinced they aren't getting a second season or that convinced that they make something else amazing no matter how many classic characters they burn in their wake?

Batman Caped Crusade Episode 8: Natalia "Nocturna" Knight

Boy, howdy. The list is long -- unimaginably long, really -- of Gotham City characters I would recommend, or even think of, bringing back before Nocturna. I have only made passing mention of my profound disgust for this obscure character once or twice here, but so thorough is my loathing that I have refused to give her any more screen time explain to condemn her in detail.

Especially when there are other characters who truly DESERVE condemnation in detail.

The version the show gives us here is scarcely recognizable.  The name's the same and she is a pale-skinned creepy goth chick in cahoots with a brother named Anton. But this Natalia is a young girl and a vampire-but-it's-a-medical-condition-so-we-don't-call-her-that.  The point of her storyline is that Batman's got a soft spot for kids. It's a valid character beat for Batman, of course, but I'm not sure we needed a whole episode for it. 

The episode gives a big wink to a bunch of Robins we won't ever get to seen which is on the one hand cute and on the hand irksome.  Thanks for reminding of us of... what you won't let us have?  

The subplot of Harvey Dent's mayoral campaign really heats up in this episode. We learn that Harvey, even if he is full of himself, really IS trying to make Gotham City a better place by getting elected; he's just slowly compromising himself along the way.  It makes his last-minute stand against corruption all the more impressive... and tragic.

The episode DID give us Bruce Wayne announcing that he's looking for some little girls backstage at the carnival and getting the snot beat out of him and throw into a ditch by some carnies as a result, which I found delightfully refreshing.

I believe this is the friend time we've seen Julie Madison, Bruce Wayne's Golden Age arm candy.  Hm. It would be crazy to put her and an older Natalia, renamed "Tala" together for a Mad Monk episode, but certainly no crazier than a female Penguin, eh?

Batman Caped Crusader, Episode 7: Detective Corrigan

Surprised that I named this episode after Jim Corrigan and not Onomatopoeia?  Don't be.  The only thing stupider than Onomatopoeia in comics is an attempt to put him and his metahumor in 1930s Gotham City.  Ugh.  Some of the showrunners' choices in their series have been impressive. Others have been questionable and some (including this one) downright dumb.  Why I do not know.  There were no "dumb" character choices, or even interpretations, in "Batman: Brave and the Bold" (although some were ahem unique, some verged on definitive).

Most human events have been mere byproducts of History's true goal of producing This Perfect Version of Thaddeus Bodog Sivana.

Anyway, what happens to heroic Detective Corrigan in this episode is, I think, the second saddest event in the series as a whole, and I am not ashamed to say that it caught me by surprised, just as it was intended to.  For my sake, I am glad it did.

The episode, in which Team Good Cops is trying to protect Jim Gordon, who appears to have a price on his head placed there by an unknown mob figure.  It's another Battle Against Corruption story, with a strong dollop of the Rich Don't Care About the Poor Or The City, and Right & Wrong Can Be Tricky. I can't believe I am saying this, but in a strange way having Onomatopoeia, an empty cardboard villain with a target on his face where he's supposed to be punched and no ability to spout meaningful dialog was kind of a relief here.

The episode is another example of the series showing us that Barbara Gordon is such a bad-ass just as she is, the idea that she would ever become Batgirl is absurd.

Batman Caped Crusader, Episode 6: The Gentlemen Ghost

There is an upside to planning out a series in advance and giving it underpinning themes.  It can impart a coherent tone and message compared to a more anthological approach. But the downside is that underpinnings can leave you stuck in place, unable to spread your wings. This episode is proof of that.

Several characters are remade here to fit the running theme of class conflict and the arrogant disdain of the wealthy for the underclass.  The Gentlemen Ghost is cast as a spectral elitist and Brit sympathizer during the Revolution, a foe of democracy.  Harvey Dent is shown as a child of wealth, who has relied on his society connections to get ahead, and has trouble in the polls because he's not viewed as a Man Of The People.  Lucius Fox chastises Bruce Waynes for "not treating the help like people". 

At this point in the show, I'm actively peeved at the showrunners acting as if Bruce uses Alfred for batarang target practice or demeaningly calls him "Fattypants" or something. 

I don't suppose there ARE non-demeaning ways to call someone "Fattypants".

He is certainly colder toward Alfred than we are accustomed to, but it's not cruel or dehumanizing.  It's a pretty normal reaction to having lost those closest to him as a child.  It is, after all, traditional to call butlers by their last name. Alfred is the ONLY butler I have seen in any fiction anywhere who is NOT called by his last name. 

Perhaps it's the times we live in or the showrunners' need to exonerate Bruce Wayne from the "crime" of being a one-percenters.  But after six episodes, the execution of this theme is feeling pretty heavy-handed.

This is also the episode where Batman learns, to his surprise, that the supernatural is real. Alfred, being a Brit, is naturally spooky and already knows. To his credit, Bruce adapts to this knowledge extremely quickly and gets some help from discount Baron Sunday. Give the ongoing presence of Detective Jim Corrigan among the Gotham City's Good Cop Brigade, one could be forgiven for wondering they might be setting up for the Spectre at some point.

Batman Caped Crusade Episode 4 and 5: Firebug and Harley Quin

In these two episodes, the running backstory of the battle against corruption in Gotham City comes to the foreground.

Firebug (pretty sure they never actually give him a civilian name) is not really the subject of the first episode.  He's just a living pawn in the game between the good cops, the bad cops, and Batman. He's the plot device that helps the good cops realize just who is on whose side.  The good cops fall out of favor with the mayor, who is losing ground to Harvey Dent's mayoral campaign, and the mayor takes the powerful "Task Force" against vigilanteism out of their hands and puts the bad cops in charge.

Dr. Quinzel's role as part of the Good Cops is expanded, only to reveal that she is, in fact, rather a villain herself. Or at best an anti-hero, kidnapping and psychologically torturing wealthy ****heads into giving away all their money before killing themselves.  As such, she dovetails with one of the other running themes of the series: rich people being ****heads.

Exactly what methods beyond some coercion and classical conditioning therapy she is using to effect these wild changes in behavior is entirely unclear, the behaviors are inconsistent, and her control of her subjects is pure plot magic (certainly for the era the show is set in).  This is a glaring weakness in the episode, but I guess the showrunners couldn't resist using some handwaving to send a version of King Tut jabbering down the streets of their oh so dark series.

Quinzel, and the patients she slowly drives mad, fit one of themes of the show.  She never has some sharp psychotic break with reality.  She becomes the person she is step by step by decisions based on her own beliefs and experiences.  Harley Quin is no sudden break from her persona as Dr. Harleen Quinzel.  It's a clear choice logical dictated as the next step when she reaches an impasse in the treatment of some of recalcitrant patients and sickness in the city that they represent.  In her way, she believes she's doing the city a favor by removing dangerous unhealthy elements.

Isn't that what Batman believes?

Isn't that what even Bullock and Flass believe, as they try to prevent threats to the current corrupt--but stable--status quo?

P.S. You have to be fast on the pause button, but if you are, you can catch a lot of nice easter eggs when they are researching old newspapers on microfiches, which contain headlines that refer to incidents in old BTAS episodes (e.g., "BOYLE OUT AT GOTHCORP" and "RARE FLOWER BELIEVED FOUND AT PRISON CONSTRUCTION SITE").

Batman Caped Crusader Episode 3: Catwoman

I loved this episode for the same reason that many people, I suspect, will hate it: Selina Kyle is delightfully shortsighted and incompetent. That is REMARKABLY refreshingly. I am long-since fed up with the portrayal of Catwoman as a super-competent anti-hero.  But THIS Selina Kyle? Talented but overconfident, selfish and short-sighted, entitled and frivolous, fond but disloyal, covetous and superficial. Troublesome, yes, but not a serious threat. Truly... cat-like.

Note how her treatment of the help comes back to bite her.  It's part of a larger theme for the season.  And, like Clayface, she's a person who's shown to ruin herself through a series of consistently bad decisions based in poor moral character.

Oh, but the outfit, the car, the decor; I appreciate her sense of style over practicality.  She's got her priorities exactly wrong and I support it 100%.  I know it's a fool's dream, but she makes me hope we could see a Golden Age Killer Moth in a subsequent season, because he's a villain in the same mold.

So, Penguin, Clayface, and now Catwoman have been set up and taken down and imprisoned in one episode.  This show does not seem especially concerned about the reusability of its villains, but at least they haven't killed any off. Yet.

The background plots of GCPD corruption and Dr. Quinzel build nicely.  I like Dr. Q quite a lot as an independent character, cheekily taking on Bruce Wayne, and making her a member of a ladies' demimonde with Renee Montoya is a lovely touch.  I can honestly say that this is first time Harley Quin actually made me spontaneously laugh out loud.

Batman Caped Crusade Episode 2: Clayface

Well, someone finally did Clayface the way I wanted them to: with (1) Basil Karlo the horror actor (2) using the ability to alter mostly his face to disguise himself as different people.  I have always hated the ridiculous Silver Age, shapeshifting version, who I feel belongs in a different rogues gallery (and perhaps at a different publishing company).

It's pretty bad when you find yourself siding with the Joker.

It also draws a welcome line for the level of "super-activity" the series will permit.  A malleable face is one thing and still within the realm of "master of disguise"; shapeshifting is, however, a superpower.

This tale of a great man not satisfied with his brand of greatness is classic villain-making. Someone who  becomes a villain by a series of bad decisions based on their character flaws, not just happenstance or a moment of weakness.  That seems to be something of a recurring theme in the series, I think you will notice.  We are not the result of, ahem, one bad day, but rather a series of decisions that reinforce and justify one another. Your character is being formed with each action you take and if you aren't paying enough attention, you might be surprised at what you are making of yourself.

Karlo is, blessedly, suitably Vincent Price-like in demeanor and diction. I was appalled that the voice actor for BTAS' Clayface, who was also supposed to be a great actor, sounded like a dock worker.  He also rather Errol Flynn-ish in the action sequences, which, to my surprise, actually gave me goosebumps at certain points.  I'm not sharp enough at identify visual elements to know what it was, but there was something about the way it captured the chase and battle between Batman and Clayface that charged my imagination in the same way reading their original confrontation from 1940 did; I was impressed.

I appreciated that Karlo didn't become a scenery-chewing lunatic (as he certainly might have). He simply... adapted to his new role and, oddly, finally seemed comfortable with himself now that his life was ruined.

Batman Caped Crusade Episode 1: The Penguin

 Well. 

That was a lot to take in.

First I will say that to some degree I still retain my overall impression of this series that it's more deja viewing than I would prefer.  

Now, I certainly support the series' Golden Age aesthetic; well, it's more than an aesthetic, it's actually the setting, as the 1930s cultural references are intended to make clear.  I am pro-Golden Age nostalgia for characters rooted in the Golden Age.  It's a bold and clever choice, eschewing the challenge of trying to give Batman a period feel in a modern era.

But I am much less supportive of the elements of the show that, inevitably, feel too familiar from Bruce's Timm's original Batman show ("Batman: The Animated Series", you know, the one that started the convention of calling cartoons "the animated series").  For example, as fine and familiar as people and performers as the likes of John DiMaggio, Tom Kenny, Grey DeLisle, Yuri Lowenthal, et al., are... they are, frankly, TOO familiar and it's distracting when I simply hear THEM and not the characters.  Or the character style, which is still, in many cases, more cartoony than I enjoy (although it does seem less so than BTAS).

There is some great character introduction and reinvention going on in the first episode. The good guy standouts were Bruce Wayne's playboy persona and Barbara Gordon's dry-witted public defender (I did a double-take seeing Babs SHOOTING A GUN, but... of course it makes perfect sense; she's the police commissioner's daughter).  I appreciate that "good guy" Harvey Bullock is a scumbag on the take, because I still remember that when he was originally introduced in the comics... that's what he was. On the bad guy side....

BOLD CHOICES WERE MADE. And I approved of that.  

I didn't know we need a torch-song crooning female version of the Penguin, but... I am glad we have one.  And, boy, did that pack an enormous amount into that character in just one episode. The Iceberg Lounge, a legal public persona, a secret crime boss, deadly umbrellas, giant props, off shore weaponry that would make Doctor Domino jealous, a coldness and viciousness that (if heavy-handed) was ... bracing, and a willingness to go-for-broke with a peripitous fall at the end.  I don't know whether they EVEN intend to use "Oswalda" again, but if they don't, they have already gotten their money's worth out of her!

Meanwhile, Harvey Dent, it cannot be overemphasized, is a ****.  This is an ingenious and novel reinterpretation of the character.  The point of every conviction is improving his political credibility, the point of being D.A. is becoming mayor.  He cares about no one except as tools to power and it perfectly contextualizes his friendship with Bruce Wayne, who appears to be a vapid member of elite to which he aspires.  The idea that is only his disfigurement that teaches him empathy, that his scarred side is in fact his GOOD side, is a master stroke that justifies the whole series, in my opinion.

News Flash.

 

Well...

Yes.

Thank you, Bleeding Cool.

But, isn't that EVERY contemporary issue of "The Flash"...?

Absolute Nonsense

It's the heroes you know and love... but now we've made things DIFFICULT for them! It's grim! It's gritty! They are underdogs! Things are serious!

Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that, why, I could buy an issue or two of the new "Absolute" line of comics from DC.

Not that I would, mind you.  

From (where else?) "Bleeding Cool":

This is Batman as underdog. Batman as warrior. That's Absolute Batman, the new ongoing series by Scott Snyder and Nick Dragotta. But it's also a reflection of the Absolute Universe continuity as a whole. Where Superman, Wonder Woman and the rest are underdogs, fighting for their survival as well as everything else, because the world they live in is a different one. And far closer to now.

<eyeroll>

How people can take such things seriously I cannot fathom.

I was going to ignore it when I thought it was just a line of comics where some creators could wear dark eye make-up and write the comics they didn't get to in the '90s because they were too young at the time.  You know; a Goth kids club for writers who want to consider themselves "edgy" even though they write comic books.  But today I learned it's an actual "universe" that comes about as a result of ...

wait for it

"Darkseid energy"

Pictured: Darkseid energy.

I could not stop myself from publicly deriding it.  

I feel slightly bad for putting out curmudgeonly posts two days in a row, but, hey, don't blame the weatherman for bad weather, folks.  

Is there really an audience for this sort of stuff? Some, I'm sure; there is an audience for almost everything, no matter how stupid.

Almost.

But I can't help getting the sense that this sort of project is more of a sop to certain CREATORS than to readers.  "Here; here's a sandbox you can play in.  Your fans will buy your stuff there and you can keep your mitts off the real versions of our characters and everyone will be happy."  You know; what we use to call "Elseworlds" before that became a pejorative term designating "imaginary stories" (as opposed to, um, 'non-imaginary stories', I suppose).  

Anyway, (yet another) grim and gritty Batman? Shrug. But .. Absolute Superman? Wonder Woman? Flash? Martin *snort* Manhunter?

I mean, does it get more "underdog" than THAT?!

Gosh, these poor underdogs! I hope they get some help!

This seems like a likely source.

What's your take on this latest "dark, realistic reimagining" of people with bright costumes, capes, and superpowers...?

Somehow, I blame women for this

 What's wrong with comics? Many things. 

Here is one:

I did not click on the linked story. I have no idea what's behind this. I have heard nothing else about "Green Lantern: Dark" other than this blurb.

It is all I need.

Because it lumps "rotten", "grump", and "adorable" into one package. And, to seal the deal, uses Guy Gardner as a point of comparison.

This is one of the things that is wrong with comics.  Giving us characters who are not positive role models. Giving us characters we are supposed to love for their flaws rather than for their virtues.  Giving us cats instead of dogs.  If I want that crap, I'd read Marvel.

Who is the audience for this? I can only assume women, because, frankly, women are used to putting up with MEN, who often SUCK, which some women somehow think is cute.  I don't know any men who are fans of Guy Gardner, for example.  I also don't know any men who are fans of that obnoxious little shit Damian Wayne.  

I don't even know whether the character IS a man.  It may be a woman. I don't care.  

Maybe women don't actually find such characters adorable and it's just what writer and editors THINK they like. I'd love for that to be the case.

Call me rotten and grumpy, if you want. I do not find such characters "adorable" and I'm tired of being told I should.

Doll Man versus The Runaway Formula, Part 3: High Praise, Indeed

You know what most people don't consider about skydiving? 

It's cold.  

I've parachuted out of planes (generally as part of plan) and had a partner who was a paratrooper, so I am here to remind you: the higher you go, the colder it is.  

Degrees, specifically.

The temperature drops off at about 5.4F every 1000 feet you ascend (if it's sunny out).  So, when you are snuggled in that PanContinental jet cruising along to visit Costa Rica, just remember that on the OTHER side of that plane's wall it is between -40 and -70 degrees F.  

Now, among WWII-era planes, even bombers would only go up to, say, 20 maybe 25K feet.  Normal flying-around two-seaters would be flying somewhere more like 5 or 10K feet.  

All of which goes to say: Doll Man is not dressed for riding outside on the landing gear of a contemporary airplane.

Note that he's still dizzy from the briefcase buffeting.
FAA regulations frown on riding airplane gear while dizzy.

But ride he does, until the spy plane lands in the woods. 

FAA regulatory interpretations also clarify that "if it has a big-ass tree in the middle of it, then it does not constitute a forest clearing, as detailed in AC 150/5325-4B (07/01/05)."

Because the spy hideout is in an Old Ramshackle House.

Or as the Zillow posting puts it, "a secluded homestead with old world charm that only awaits your finishing touches."

He leaps to the window using what we have to assume is his flea-like abilities from weighing only two ounces but having the strength of a normal man.

Well, not a NORMAL man. Darrel Dane is not normal.

And what he sees shocks his senses:

FOREIGN EXTERMINATORS.

So it turns outs that this band of (presumably) Nazi rodent-killers --let's call them "The Rat Patrol"-- DO have Dr. Roberts Formula and have already whipped up a batch and proved its efficiency as a death-dealing weapon.  Did they... get the formula from Joe Spinell earlier? Hm, no, the timing suggests that they just received the formula, meaning... it had to be in the briefcase. The one that Dane said didn't have the formula in it.  

I have no clue.  Dane, being insane, may very well simply be an unreliable narrator.  Maybe he lied to Dr. Roberts just in the hopes of getting a ride on the landing gear of an airplane and a chance to punch out some Nazi scientists. It's Doll Man, so whatever. Doll Man is BASED on a contradiction, since his powers make no sense, and, as any logician will tell you, if you except a contradiction as a given you can use that to make ANYTHING possible.

Then the artist pulls out all the stops to let you know that THIS PANEL CONTAINS EVIL.

The dead rat is a nice touch.

But before he confronts the Rat Patrol directly, Doll Man has a job to do: muck up the formula.  And, if there's anybody who can muck up a formula, it's Darrell Dane, since that's how he became Doll Man in the first place.

I should think that writing with a pen larger than you are would take considerable practice.

Ah ha. This panel finally makes sense of the story's initial splash panel:

THAT is why Doll Man is depicted writing something with a pen; because that's actually the crux of what he needs to accomplish in the story.

Naturally, the Rat Patrol will never notice or unravel Dane's additions to the formula; Nazi scientists are gullible like that.

I bet you any money he just wrote, "+ some hypersulmide."

NOW, it's good to go, and Dr. Giggles here orders his Rat Patrol flunky to (unknowingly) send the now-altered, harmless version of the formula to Germany.

I mean, they COULD be from India. Or Estonia. Or Chile.
But I'm sticking with my original guess.

THEN Doll Man shows his hand.

"A little man? A doll? It's some sort of...
of...
well, I'm not sure what to call it."

The Rat Patrol is not as sanguine as the flight deck crew was about a red-caped homunculus skittering about, and tries to capture The Doll Man.

This sequence, by the way, explains the COVER of this comic:

Yeah, yeah, a lot of guys think that about themselves, Darrel.

Using his proportionate flitty-ness of a mosquito, Dane handily avoids the Rat Patrol.

That is, UNTIL he is undone by the unexpected:

LOOK OUT, DOLL MAN, IT'S SYLVIA PLATH!

Dr. Giggles is poised to kill Doll Man with the gas he's already prepared from the unedited version of Dr. Roberts' formula, but Doll Man NEUTRALIZES it with the quantity of hypersulmide he's been carrying around since the story's second panel.

The real Dr. Giggles would have loved this bit.

I mean, when you're Doll Man, isn't EVERYONE a big boy?

PERSPECTIVE PORN, AWAY!

On the one hand, you'd think crashing your head through solid glass would hurt, especially someone so easily destabilized by some buffeting in a briefcase.  On the other hand, if Doll Man experienced brain damage, who would notice?

And, so, one routing montage later...

that, as the saying goes, is that.

Told you.

Then, in a remarkable display of Golden Age economy of action, he simply picks up the phone and asks, um, the operator (?) to get him, uh, The District Agent (FBI?) in Charge, because he's... Darrel Dane?  It's Doll Man, so whatever.

"Kind of, but our higher priority is dangerously deranged, self-important chemists, so... stay put."

"So... it WAS in the briefcase and you could have avoided all this?
Are you still taking your pills, my boy...?"

And the tale ends with Dane getting the greatest reward any man could imagine: mild praise from Dr. Roberts.