Per Degaton, Part 3: "DEATH TO THE ATOM!"

When last we left Al “The Atom” Pratt he’d committed to roaming the streets of Gotham til he found Per Degaton and could simply shake the information he needed out of him about how to fix The Change.

‘Cuz the Atom’s a tough little macho guy and that’s how he rolls.

Sure enough, that’s exactly what he’s doing, and it’s exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.

Note the Atom is "on the street level above" outside the Gotham Insurance Co.;
above WHAT you will soon learn.

Sigh. I wish a 5'1" overly-muscled, aggressive Jewish physics student in a fetish get-up were roaming the streets looking to shake ME til I gave him what he wanted.

Aside for Modern Readers Who Don't Know Al "The Atom" Pratt.  I didn't make that description up; those are the Atom's stats.  Here's a point of reference:

That man is contemporary music's shortest male pop star, Bruno Mars.
He is FOUR INCHES TALLER than Al Pratt.

Meanwhile, underneath the street, Degaton's Diabolical Forces have grown tired of the tedium of world domination and are pressuring him to stop off for some good old-fashioned BOOTY-PLUNDERING.

The bald guy is Kale. He’s P.D.’s awesomely practical Human Resourcs manager, played with characteristic charm by Anthony Carrigan.

I'd swear Per Degaton was being played by Elon Musk, except that's clearly Elon in the foreground.

Kale knows how to take a wallop without blinking and convinces Degaton to see the wisdom of letting the troops line their pockets on the path to world domination.  What a man! So they break into the Gotham Insurance Building (right below where Al Pratt JUST HAPPENS to be stomping about angrily) to steal a million in gold, because I guess that's something insurance companies had on hand in 1947. 

It ain't called the Golden Age for nothing.

Kale’s booty-plundering is so palpably groundshaking that Al nearly does a Pratt-fall. 

Ordinarily I'd make some crack here, but there already is one.

Al investigates with his usual delicacy.

Al Pratt, Master of Deduction.

Note that Al’s adventure is following same pattern as Jay’s, but in Al’s case, encountering Degaton is actually part of his agenda.

Jay had the presence of the Special Metal from which to deduce why Degaton's weapons are unaffected by the Change and Al does not.

Al atomizes the PerDegagoons and then manhandles P.D. himself.  

I think if we translated Al Pratt into modern terms, he'd be an MMA fighter; just one of those tough little monkeys whose power is beating the CRAP out of people any way he can.

The Flash’s assignment required speed. Atom’s required a confrontational rage-monster.

Who better to confront a would-be Napoleon than someone with a Napoleon Complex? Gotta admire Atom’s resolve to simply BEAT the info out of the man who’s brought modern civilization to a standstill.  And it almost works.

IF NOT FOR THE AWESOME KALE.

Look, we all know Degaton winds up in the rubbish bin.  But I want to learn that Kale went on to second-banana for ALL the great villains of his time, all of whom lost because they didn’t listen to him.

For example:

DEATH TO THE ATOM!
Such verve! Such enthusiasm! The man’s a gem.

Behold the Genius of Kale:

Probably because The Atom is a small target
and Degaton won't admit what a terrible shot he is.

An excellent point, Kale! The Atom is just a diminutive college student in a stupid costume, with no powers or abilities other than GRIT and possibly an extra Y chromosome.  He really doesn't merit anything other than a bullet.

But, no.  Degaton, vainglorious and pompous, has to pretend to be a supervillain rather than what he is: a mere thuggish world conqueror.

MY way: elaborately and unsuccessfully.

"I AM DEGATON." Pfft. Like that means something. Do you need TP for your bunghole? What a poseur. If you learn nothing else from this series, learn this: Per Degaton is a ****.  It is absolutely his most consistent character trait and the real reason he always fails.

Instead of following Kale's sensible suggestion OR crafting a truly supervillainous death trap, he cobbles one together out of the safety exhibits at the insurance company that looks like Mousetrap from Hasbro (or Ideal, if you're old enough). 

What is this? Final Destination: the College Years?

Hey, Per; Rube Goldberg's lawyer's on the phone... .

Okay even the Hooded Claw would find this laughable.
Then again, he has a pretty active sense of humor.

"HA HA YOURSELF."
Look, Al’s a macho hunk and a physics expert.
Expecting wit would be asking for too much.

Wasn't this scene in the SAW: Jigsaw Babies cartoon?

I’m not even going to show you his escape because the trap is unworthy. Al simply ATOMS his way out. 

Unlike Per Degaton, if I had a time machine, I wouldn't try to conquer the world. I'd go back and set down for a series of long talks with Ben Flinton about the thought process behind the design of the Atom's costume, which somehow remains counterintuitive and uncannily OFF even if you've been staring at it for 82 years.

While the Atom didn’t get ALL the information he’d hoped, he did learn it was a BATTLE that Degaton changed. And, as we the readers know, it was obviously the Battle of—

Hawkman always had the pulpiest splash panels.

WHAT?! Tanks emerging from the subway?! Degaton’s attack on Gotham’s civic district is already underway! Join Hawkman tomorrow for his fight against Degaton’s Diabolical Forces to protect the Mayor!