Jive Turkeys of America

I want to talk about how, 

well, how STUPID

the Golden Age Justice Society of America stories were.

Sadly, this is one of the LESS stupid ones. Be glad I didn't pick the one where they fight King Bee.

But, honestly, even READING them is wearying, let alone writing about them.  They are exactly the comics that made people think "comics are stupid and just for kids" because they WERE stupid and just for kids.

I will however share ONE sequence from the JSA story ("Food for Starving Patriots", All-Star Comics #11)  that broke me:

People always wonder why Johnny Thunder was in the JSA, especially when he basically never uses the Thunderbolt, which constitutes his superpower.
Well, his OTHER superpower was being so stupid that he never questioned the insane and/or asinine things the real heroes did, like any sensible character would.

It's not clear where these culinary miracles (which are expanded to regular size with a Special Solutiion) come from. Did Hawkman (an archeologist) invent these shrunken meals himself?! How did he do this? Where did he acquire them and how can he have them in nearly unlimited quantities?  

This certainly seems to imply that he invented and makes them.
Where did he GET the thousands of turkey dinners to begin with?
From Shayera, I assume, slaving away in the Hawk-kitchen, putting little paper crowns on the ankles of each individual roasted turkey.

You are not told.  All you needed to know, apparently, was that he had them, because Our Allies in Europe were starving during the war, and this was the excuse for eight or so sub-stories about each of the JSA members being assigned to deliver them.

Because it's just not a JSA story without ASSIGNMENTS.

And if you are wondering, "Wouldn't eight stories in a row with, essentially, the same plot get rather tedious? ", then, congratulations, you are quite correct. But here's one representative scene from each that are sure to keep you from clamoring for more!

Doc M was the party animal of the original JSA.  He was made for the night.

Yep. This is the story that comes from.

I--I'm sure he means "English P.O.W. Camp". Pretty sure, at least.

I would make fun of Atom for being a Bossy Little Top but...
Bossy Little Tops are hot.

Always one for the personal touch, the Spectre takes the time to drop two Nazis off on Pluto. Just two, though.  Don't want to hog the whole war to yourself, you know.

Johnny puts the "slow" in Czechoslovakia.

Don't you think you might have left that joke for the Sandman, Doc F?

Ah, yes, Wesley Dodds, the mysterious, haunted chemist
and all-around laugh riot.

And, once you have finished your assignment, always remember you have to turn in a written report. Yes, really.

You just know that was all Sec. Woman's idea. She's so persnickety.