Thursday, July 20, 2023

DEATH IS THE PRIZE: Trigger Happy

When we last left Olle and Roy, Green Arrow had intentionally missed the crook's target so as not to give himself away as the genuine article, having been warned by Roy The Underage Adult, that to do so would ensure his death at the hands of St. Louis Louie and his tie-wearing gang. As long as the last guy (whom we've dubbed "Hillbilly Arrow") doesn't hit the target everything will be fine: all the contestants will be dismissed as fakers. That way, Ollie can call the police to mop up the gang while he's at home in his smoking jacket or off fishing.


Not only does this guy look like Green Arrow (although his hair is now suddenly colored brown), he's every bit the overconfident jackass that Ollie is.  He's Oliver's Paul Sloane, apparently.

Fortunately, there is no way this arrogant poseur can hit that target. Intentionally.

Chance of doing it UNintentionally, however, is 99%, because Golden Age Green Arrow is a sitcom where hijinx WILL ensue.


A blow on the head! This is definitely where this (still unnamed) guy wakes up convinced that HE is Green Arrow and for the rest of the Golden Age, Oliver is hounded by this deranged wannabe, set on killing Ollie and taking his place as Roy's lover, er, I mean, Green Arrow.  What would you name this guy? "Preen Arrow"?  Nah, let's call him "Green Harrow".

At least, that's what would happen in Gotham City. But this is Star City, so he just gets dumped in the back of a plum Studebaker on his way to sleep with the fishes.

"Why not capture them now, G.A.?"
"Because we've got two and half more pages to go. Besides, we haven't used the catapult yet."

Well, as we can now confirm, this is still the era where the Arrowcar is called the Arrowplane, for no other reason I have ever been able to discern.  Maybe the "aeroplane" pun was too good to pass up and Ollie's fortune wasn't thought of as large enough at this point to justify a plane? Or he hadn't yet gotten permission to station a giant yellow jet on his apartment building's rooftop? I mean, it's bad enough that the ArrowCAR takes up eight parking spaces in the garage.

"Besides, this will give us the excuse to use the catapult when we get to the docks."
"But they could kill him and just be using that to dispose of--"
"I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THE DAMNED CATAPULT, ROY!"

The journey, during which none of St. Louis Louie's gang of seasoned criminals notices a GIANT YELLOW JUGGERNAUT WITH A DORSAL FIN tailing them, ends at Star City's legendary Small Craft Cove.

"Waiting until they actually THROW him into the water, G.A.? Doesn't that seem like an ill-advised and unwarranted--"
"I SAID READY THE CATAPULT, ORPHAN WHO IS ENTIRELY DEPENDENT ON MY LARGESSE FOR FOOD AND SHELTER!"

Per usual, Roy realizes that Oliver's plan is terrible and bravado-based, but he's too cowed by the prospect of possible penury to press his objections.

Pictured: Showboating.

I really wish the artists (whom we'll discuss tomorrow) would have taken the time to show two grown men landing feet first on a small rowboat, without it breaking or capsizing.  I guess Green Arrow is just THAT good a shot <eyeroll>.

Okay, "Tell it to the marine animals" is pretty funny, especially for the Golden Age. I can see why St. Louis Louie, comedically large bowtie and all, is still one of Green Arrow's best known and beloved adversaries today.


St. Louis Louie is sufficiently genre-savvy to know that G.A. calls the ropes he ties to arrows "Arrowlines".  If this were the Bronze Age instead of the Golden Age, you just know that "ArrowLINES" would be the name of the letter-column. Also, the incompetent criminal lieutenant who was running the contest (a Lieutenant Louie?) is, surprisingly, a sadistic psychopath.

But not to fear; none of that will avail against the avenging bane of ALL Star City criminals:

"THE GREEN ARROW'S KID PAL."
See? I'm not the only one who can't remember his codename.

Meanwhile, Green Harrow learns a lesson; everybody hates Green Arrow and wants him dead.

The start of Ollie's weird doppelganger fetish.
"Well, here you are, Gee-Ay.  Soaked from Small Craft Cove, trembling in fear, and bound helpless, while wearing my costume, in a small rowboat that won't capsize no matter HOW hard two grown men slam into it. I'm going to enjoy this...."

Naturally, the criminals misinterpreted the situation as Red Arrow having rescued Green Arrow because, well, that's how things work in Star City and Occam's Razor and all that.

Note that the gang has zero qualms about being able to handle Green Arrow.  It's SPEEDY they are afraid of. Oliver's oblivious to this as always. What Uncle Gadget doesn't know, won't hurt him (as long as Penny is there to protect him).


St. Louis Louie reminds us about the time recently he almost killed Green Arrow just by bouncing an empty revolver off his skull, because that will remain the pinnacle of his career.

This MIGHT have been our chance to be rid of Oliver once and for all and let Roy take over. But, no.  Golden Age Green Arrow is a systole and diastole between Ollie The Impetuous Imbecile and Green Arrow the Demigod-like Odyssean Archer.

That's the most ridiculous Green Arrow thing I've ever seen.
And I've seen the Plastic Cat Arrow.

There is just SO much wrong with that panel that to discuss it would take longer than recapping the entire story.  

The rest of the story is just skippable mop-up ops, including the Golden Age finishing trope of the Chastisement of The Foolish (usually reserved for the villain but sometimes bestowed on a Well-Meaning But Misguided Civilian, as in this case).

While Roy nets the Lieutenant Louies, Ollie is ALREADY planning his next fishing trip with Hillbilly Arrow.

Of course you "ain't" in a class with those two fellows, you stupid hick; you're a risible hillbilly and they are well-heeled urban sophisticates who fight crime AS A HOBBY.  I suppose this is why the Lieutenant Arrows were never seen again; they would have sullied Green Arrow's legendary dignity.




8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gee, I wonder why Roy got into drugs?

- Mike Loughlin

Scipio said...

You learned something new every day. Thank you, Joe, for introducing me to that song.

Bryan L said...

This is a very confusing conclusion. The Arrow boys catapult to a ... rowboat. Why? It's not going to be fast. So they just need it to fire arrows from? A boat chase isn't going to end well for poor Roy, because you know he's manning the oars. And Ollie hides in the boat to pretend that Hillbilly Arrow is the real Green Arrow? To what end? I mean, the jig is up at this point. Why continue the deception? Or is it to allow Speedy to terrify the gangsters without the wholly unnecessary presence of Ollie? You've already covered using six arrows to empty the gun, but if Louie had managed to aim the gun toward anything, then Ollie just fired it for him. Six times. I guess the tried and true "arrow in the gun barrel" was overused.

There are a lot of strange choices being made here.

Scipio said...

"Why? "
BECAUSE OLLIE PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THAT CATAPULT, BRYAN, AND THE STORY CAN'T END UNTIL HE USES IT.

Scipio said...

"Why continue the deception? "
Well, that's just a BASIC principle of comics of this (and perhaps any) era.
You continue The Deception BECAUSE YOU CAN. That is only reason that is EVER required.

Scipio said...

"then Ollie just fired it for him. Six times. "
I would have loved a cutaway to Hillbilly Arrow with six fresh bullet wounds.

Anonymous said...

I'm probably thinking about this too hard, but if it's present-day Ollie living in the early 1940s, it's possible that culture shock has hit him so hard, the only way he can think to function is by doing the most nonsensical thing he possibly can at every juncture. The astonishing thing is that it actually works.

- HJF1

Scipio said...

Let's assume he's trying to be as ineffective as possible in order not to disturb the timeline ;-)