Wednesday, July 28, 2021

The Persian Jewel Mystery, Part 2: Waking The Dean

Persian Consul Synade explains to Speeds Saunders that he just happened to have one of his fainting spells right before his guest, Mr. Nolan, whose corpse is still in the room, was shot.  

Pictured: idiosyncratic Persian apostrophe use.

What might seem like a pretty convenient excuse to you or me seems to Speed Saunders like a pretty convenient excuse ...

to order a stomach pumped.

For I Have No Mouth and I Must Be Stomach Pumped.

What fun to be a mad god like Speed Saunders; with all authority at his whim, he can order anyone to make anyone to do anything.  "Bring Doctor Hudson and a stomach pump! Make my horse a senator! Do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around! Make him eat a prawn!  Let them wear ganache!"  

Naturally, the consul, in standard Persian profile, thanks Speed for the forced stomach pumping, oh, and one more thing...

he mentions that the missing Sassinid Empire jewels were stolen from HIM. I think I probably would have mentioned a likely motive for the murder before having my stomach pumped, but maybe that's just me and I'm no Persian.


Speed of course had simple pocketed the Sassanid jewels from the nightclub rather than, say, turn them over to the Medized Commissioner Safetybelt, knowing that he himself would probably solve that case before the police anyway, so it would save time and Speed is all about saving time.  

Which is why the very next panel he's already tesseracted behind the curtain in the other room, camera in hand, to snap a picture of the suspects.

Did he have the camera with him already at the restaurant? Or just caused it to appear from the fifth dimension?  I like to imagine he made Dr. Hudson go out and buy him one.

Wait, that's square-headed Bennet with ganache-hat lady, but who is the guy in between them? We haven't met him or seen, him the police haven't said any about who he is, and Speed hasn't interviewed him, but THERE'S NO TIME FOR THAT BECAUSE SPEED HAS FILM TO DEVELOP.

I'm sure he didn't take the time to develop the film himself;
probably dumped the task on Cousin Slow.
"But, Speed, what's this all abo--"

Armed with the pics of Bennet, Ganache Hat Lady, Mr. In-Between,  and the Corpse of Nolan, Speed visits the photo morgue at the police department.  There, with the photo morgue superintendent to help screen the pics, Speed is able to identify Mr. In-Between as a professional safe-cracker.  

For I Have No Eyes and I Must Screen.

I... I'm confused.  Did the Consul not know who Harry Karr was? If not, why was he partying with him? If SO, why was he partying with him? Everyone knows you don't mess with Mr. In-Between.  

Why is Speed trying to figure out who the people the Consul was partying with were instead of just asking the Consul?  This does not seem like it saves time at all. I guess it's hard to question someone when you've shoved a tube down his throat.  

"I see it's been six months since your last visit..."

Anyway, instead of asking the Consul or the police who the murdered man was, Speed takes what must seem to him like the ONLY logical course of action.

Who needs the internet when you can just wake up random people and force them to answer your questions?

He goes to wake the dean of the college in the middle of the night to ask him.  And he better have the answer, if he knows what's good for him, because Speed's face is ALREADY pushing at the Fourth Wall and he's not afraid to break it.

It's the Metropolitan University because, of course, branch universities do not merit visits from Speed Saunders.

Whoa, rough night, eh, Dean?  I like to imagine that the Dean looks wrecked because Speed does this to him three times a week.  But, like everyone else, the Dean is terrified to tell him to bugger off lest Speed wish him into the cornfield or instruct the authorities to sell his organs on the black market.  

This being a Speed Saunders story, the Dean does recognize Nolan as... an Expert on Persian Antiquities.

Fred Guardineer's world is full of Many Little Parallel Lines.

Hm, this raises an interesting question: why would an expert on Persian antiquities be killed at the site of a Persian antiquities robbery? Seems like someone used him to identify what was worth stealing. Which raises a much MORE interesting question:

why bother using Nolan for that when the manager of the local nightclub can do the same thing at a glance just because he's Persian?


John C said...

Wait. "Speed calls on the Dean of the Metropolitan University, following his hunch"? Hunch? At best, dear narrator, the hunches follow Mr. Saunders. Unless we're missing, like, eighty pages edited out of every story where Speed guesses wrong, or this is actually a series about a toddler shouting at random adults and retroactively assuming that whatever they do was his order. Those could also be fun, but otherwise, I refuse to believe that the Ace Investigator follows a mere hunch.

I do have to wonder, though, if the Dean's "oh, and there might, native experts or whatever" afterthought was meant as a jab at the field. It sounds like it.

Bryan L said...

Speed casually drops some haiku:

I'm letting you get
Out of here at once. I'll let
you know what I find.

Because Speed doesn't settle for bland statements like "okay, you're free to go." This ain't Law & Order.