Tuesday, July 15, 2014

"We've all got our faults..."

[pointing to a map of California]

Tim Draper: Everything west of this line is the richest, most expensive real estate in the world: Northern California, Silicon Valley, West California. Everything on this side of the line is just hundreds and hundreds of miles of worthless desert land, which just so happens to be disowned by...


Roger Salazar: Uhhh... Tim Draper, the Riskmaster.

Tim Draper: Now, call me foolish, call me irresponsible, but it occurs to me that a multimillion-dollar ballot measure planted at just the proper point would, uh...

Democrats: Would split California into six different states. Millions of innocent voters would be politically neutered. West coast politics as we know it would...

Tim Draper: Fall into the sea. Bye-bye, California. Hello, new west coast. My west coast.

[Roger overlays map with new map]

Tim Draper: Casa del Tim. Draperville. Marina del Tim. 

Rogersburg... Rogersburg?

Roger Salazar: Mr Case, he's got his own district.

Tim Draper: Rogersburg?

Roger Salazar: It's a little bitty district...

Tim Draper: ROGERSBURG?!?!

Roger Salazar: Okay, I'll just wipe it off, that's all. Just a little district...

Monday, July 14, 2014

Haikuesday: The Shield is poetry in motion

The Shield brings every 

ounce of his giant muscles 

into play, and leaps.  

Spin the Spy Bottle

So, the latest loser in DC's 'spin-the-spy-bottle' game is Dick Grayson.

Pardon my cynicism, but nothing says "we longer know what to do to make this character work" than recasting someone in the spy-thriller genre. Um... except recasting them in the barbarian-lost world genre.  But that's another story.

DC tried to do this with both Hawkman and Aquaman.  Hawkman used to fight CAW (The Criminal Alliance of the World) and Aquaman used to fight OGRE (The Organization for General Revenge and Enslavement).  CAW had high-tech weapons out the whazoo (including anti-grav guns, acid-bubble bazookas, explosive particlizers, and protonic amplifiers), so naturally they were beaten senseless by the shirtless guy with the mace.  They did, at least have the decency to choose a hawk-themed acronym, so that Hawkman could fight them with less embarrassment.

Stupid CIA.  I bet it's full of GIRLS.

Unlike Hawkman, Aquaman didn't even pretend to need the CIA's help to fight his evil organization of choice, the broadly named Organization for General Revenge and Enslavement. OGRE's fussy about who they work for: "I wish to hire you to revenge myself on those who usurped my father's throne with a democratic movement, and then enslave our hated neighboring country of Backyardistan". "Oh, I'm sorry-- OGRE only does general revenge and enslavement, not specific requests. But we'll send you links to some other evil organizations that do targeted mercenary work."  

But OGRE wasn't fussy about who it hired, including losers like Fire-Haired Karla and the fat perv, The Invisible Un-Thing. (don't ask).  

Now, it's a little less ridiculous to have Dick Grayson as a spy, since he doesn't have Aquaman's superpowers or Hawkman's, um.... wingedness.  But putting him in SPYRAL-- a spy organization that has the word SPY right there in its name, so no one thinks otherwise--has pretty much doomed it to campy stupidity right from the get-go.  Of course, that will be offset by angst of "Robin's got a gun! Will he shoot...to kill?!"

Let's see. Dick Grayson is the presumptive heir to the Wayne fortune, can do anything (he was the Boy Wonder, after all), and has been an independent operator, a team leader, and the partner to the most revered crimefighter on his planet.  "I'm going to join a morally questionable international spy organization!" is perhaps the least credible decision DC could have him make.  

I tell....the DCU is smelling more and more like it's headed to its next reboot next year.