Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Reboot? The Testimony of Aquaman
"Our next witness is the King of Seas, Aquaman. Mr Curry, do you swear to--"
"I am SO HAPPY TO BE HERE."
"Uh...that's great, sir. May I ask why?"
"Before the last reboot I was always dead, or disfigured, or demented. Now I'm HERE. And I'm AWESOME."
"I see. So you'd say, then, that you are faring well in the reboot?"
"Poseidon's beard, man! I have a KINGDOM. I have RESPECT. I am BADASS. I have a HOT REDHEAD as a consort (I don't even have to be married). I've got no Aqualad for baggage. I have ALL my body parts, and a shiny costume, and great hair! AND TWO BOOKS!"
"I see. So, you feel that this newfound respectful treatment--"
"Yes, that's my favorite part, also, for obvious reasons. There's talk that--"
"And a DOG. Salty the Aquadog! Wanna see a picture? I live in a cool lighthouse and everyone in town loves me!"
"I'm going to be in MOVIE, did you know that? A cameo, yeah, but with a BIGGER film down the road."
"OH, and not only am I a badass, my VILLIANS are, too. Ocean Master, Scavenger, Black Manta, heck even VULKO is a badass. Even the new Creature King!"
"OMG, do you think they'll bring back the Human Flying Fish? Only as a BADASS?!"
"YOUR MAJESTY!. there'stalkthatDCisgoingtoreboottheiruniverseagainnextyearandreversethingsorcreatea newstatusquohowwouldyoufeelaboutthat?"
"That's ...that's OUTRAGEOUS!!!"
"So you don't want to be removed from the New52 into some other context?"
"Whoever tries will be so full of trident holes that the sponges will pity him."
"No further questions."