Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Religious Icons

Okay, I know it seems like all I can talk about (lately) is superheroes as Dynastic Centerpieces, but that's just not true. And I'm now about to prove it by discussing religious figures ...
um, as Dynastic Centerpieces.

As any fan of DC's dirt knows, the legend of Alan Moore's departure from DC after his groundbreaking run on Swamp Thing is that editors nixed his story using Jesus as a character. They SAID they were afraid of public reaction, but I think the real reason was they couldn't get the rights to the character. That's the trouble with Creator-owned characters, you know.
Anyway, what if DC had acquired the rights to Jesus (say, by suing for copyright infringement because he could do almost everything Batman can)? I think the cast of The Adventures of Holy Man would have been something like this...

Dynastic Centerpiece: Mild-mannered carpenter, Jesus Nazareth, adopted son of Mary and Joseph ("Ma & Pa") Nazareth, sent to earth by his real father from the distant and cool-to-draw place of Heaven. He controls the Holy Ghost, which is kind of like the Thunderbolt, only not as fun visually.
Junior Counterpart: His cousin, John Baptist, whose water-based powers enable other people to breathe under water and command the loaves & fishes.
Female Counterpart: His mother acquires superpowers of healing and intervention as "Mother Mary".
Kid Sidekick: Judas. Was his last name Olsen, or is that my imagination?
Romantic Interest: Mary Magadelene. ("Hm. 'Mother Mary', 'Mary Magadelene' ... strange how so many important people in my life have the initials MM!")
Elder Statesman: That would be God, I think.
Civilian Companion: Peter Rock.
Animal Companion: The donkey. Definitely the donkey.
Black Sheep: Muhammed. Go ahead, flame me.
Authority Figure: Pontius Pilate. Hey, authority figures don't have to like the good guy.
Contextualizing City: Salt Lake? Just kidding. Jerusalem City, of course.
It's all very Shazam Family, isn't it? Going with that, we'd get comic relief from
Fat Holy Man Jerry Falwell, Tall Holy Man Robert Schuler, Hillbilly Holy Man Billy Graham, Uncle Holy Man Jean-Paul, and Hoppy the Holy Easter Bunny.
Dynastic Centerpiece models; they're not just for comic books any more!


Anonymous said...

No, that was Rick Veitch's departure.
But my Ghod, man, you're doign great things with your virtues of villains series; and you're the first blogger I've seen who spells "supersede" properly. So I have no business barging in with my proofreading comments.
--Mr Ripley

Jason said...

But, I don't even BELIEVE in Jebus!!

Anonymous said...

That makes two of us!

TotalToyz said...

Anyway, what if DC had acquired the rights to Jesus (say, by suing for copyright infringement because he could do almost everything Batman can)?
I can see DC winning that lawsuit. If God is in Heaven, where's He going to find a lawyer?