Correcting an oversight

There's a comic book creator whose recent work has impressed me and I've failed to mention it, but today I correct that oversight.

That creator is, improbably, Chip Zdarksy.

Now, I have said plenty of bad words about Zdarsky's work and every word was much deserved.  I take none of that back. In fact, I'm going to start by adding a few more...

His recent "Gotham War" trivializes itself by driving by utilizing the old "Batman Frazzled Beyond His Limits" and "Batman versus Everyone Else" motifs that are somehow both trite and out of character for Batman.  He draws semi-arbitrary lines and puts Bat-characters on either side of moral/stragetic debate in the War Against Crime.  Because, you know, nothing says IMPORTANT drama than heroes, especially ones who work closely together, FIGHTING ONE ANOTHER rather than, I dunno, criminals and because someone still thinks he's writing for Marvel.

It also included silly Morrison-manqué touches (such as the Batman of Zurh-An-Arrrh), laughable plot-twists (like Vandal Savage BUYING Wayne Manor, without Bruce knowing), false deaths (courtesy of Clayface), and... the list goes on.

In some ways, the execution of this storyline simply couldn't be worse.  

But I refuse to let that blind even me, hard-core Zdarksy anti-fan that I am, to the fact that:

the STORYLINE is nothing short of g-d brilliant.

The storyline, in case you have not been following it, is essentially that Catwoman siphons away all the goons that populate the gangs of all of Gotham City's kooky costumed criminals.

The Joker! Clown Prince of Crime!

The Penguin! Pudgy purveyor of perfidy!

and the cool, CRUEL, Mistah Freeze!

Et al., of course. 

She does so to teach them to work ON THEIR OWN as BETTER criminals but NON-VIOLENT ones who target only "worthwhile" scores (that is, to say, rich people).  And violent crime PLUMMETS in Gotham.  

This is so brilliant, for a variety of reasons, even typing it makes my teeth hurt. Here's a few.  This is old-style, Golden Age plotting, where Our Criminal Of The Month has Some New Scheme, Theme, Or Tactic.  This is the **** that MADE most still-used Golden Age villains FAMOUS in the first place.  "The House That Joker Built"; "The Penguin Takes a Flyer Into the Future"; the Beauty Shop of Elva Barr; old comics were FULL of plots where 'some new wrinkle' would be brought to bear against Gotham (or Batman). Instead of having each of these schemes performed by The Ugly Suit gang or some such throwaways, writers used already familiar and popular costumed criminals as the perpetrators.  This made the stories more memorable because of the colorful criminal and made the criminal more memorable by showing, through a new gimmick, that they were more than one-trick ponies.

What do crimes in reverse have to do with THE JOKER?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's just an amusingly ironic idea that popped into his head one day.  This is the secret to Batman's longtime villains' longevity: their versatility.

Catwoman running a "school for larceny" is exactly such a scheme.  The Golden Age teams with stories about masterminds who run 'academies' where they teach criminals to Rob Better or who sell 'foolproof' crime-plans to members of the Ugly Suit Gang.

The Faginesque  "Crime College" from Batman #3

As this excerpt from a 1982 story ("The Academy of Crime") shows, the phenomenon was not confined to the Golden Age.

So, look, that aspect of the plot is by no means original.  But Zdarsky is using the Golden Age method of putting this otherwise generic plot under the banner of the Catwoman.  This is another part of the brilliance of the plot: it is rooted firmly in Catwoman's historical characterization as being a THIEF who avoids KILLING.   The plot is character-based.

In Catwoman's case, however, she's not doing it (solely) for profit or power.  It's also her way of FIGHTING CRIME... with CRIME.  She's doing it to help keep Gotham City SAFE.  That's not only NOVEL, it's shear genius.  Catwoman is remaking Gotham's underworld in her own image and IT WORKS, because it has drained away all the raw goon-power that Gotham's kooky criminals

Look out, criminals! Here come...
Batman and Robin!

are dependent upon to cause all the mayhem that they do.  This is painfully clever. As readers, we are just accustomed to assuming the goons are available in plentiful supply to these people; they are just part of the scenery.  Zdarsky smartly goes right to the heart of that assumption and turns it against that: does that HAVE to be the case? What if it's NOT, and what could deplete the supply? And his answer is original and (comic book) realistic; not the reformation or capture of all these goon, but rather their empowerment as independent operators. 

It's also brilliant because, of all people, Chip Zdarsky finally is the writer WHO GETS WHAT CATWOMAN IS.  Catwoman is not a hero; Catwoman isn't even an anti-hero.  She's a criminal, but a practical one with a conscience.  Only simplistic writers (and readers) think that characters must either be All-Good or All-Bad.

If only the Batman mythos had some character that could serve as a constant reminder of this fact.

Zdarsky has some of Batman's team slowly being seduced to Catwoman's way of thinking; violent crime is down, and the victims of the new wave of thefts are, frankly, people who are not objectively harmed by the loss of their excess property.  

Three guesses which member of the Bat-Family is most attracted by Catwoman's approach.

And it frees up the Bat-fam to focus on more serious crimes if they simply 'wink and nod' a bit to what Catwoman's doing. What's not to like?

After all, what harm can it really do...?

Batman, naturally, finds plenty to not-like.  Batman is very good at finding things to not-like.  He rightly points how indulging crime, of any type, will not have good results and how inevitably this democratization of crime will lead to unplanned and unpleasant results by those clumsier than Catwoman. Which, you know, is exactly what does happen. Because Batman doesn't do "wrong".

"..to protect life, limb, AND PROPERTY as Batman and Robin".
Bruce wrote that himself; doesn't want anybody stealing his Batman stuff.

Too many writers like to depict Batman as stupid or blinded by obsession. But Batman is simply the adult in the room. He is not swayed by your magical thinking, he knows there are no easy solutions. The World's Greatest Detective and has no trouble deducing the mess that will inevitably result from Catwoman's plan.

Batman is the adult in the room.
If you just remember that, every story with him in it makes a lot more sense.

Batman-- despite the "I'm Batman"reputation-- has a much more realistic sense of his limitations than Catwoman, in her criminal egotism, does.  Zdarksy uses this conflict to drive a wedge between the two characters and IT'S ABOUT DAMNED TIME SOMEBODY DID.  Golden Age Batman knew it; Adam West's Batman knew it; heck, even Robert Pattinson's Batman got it: Batman and Catwoman have essential worldviews that render them incompatible.  Are they hot for each other? Do they lurve each other? Maybe; who cares? They truly have--have had-- "irreconcilable differences" for some 80 years and cannot be together as a result.  

There is only ONE reason for Batman & Catwoman to finally "get together" and it's Huntress and Geoff Johns has ALREADY plopped her back into existence (as he does, when motivated), so that reason is GONE.

For that ALONE, Zdarsky deserves my, and everyone's, thanks.

One Undone

Now that our long national nightmare is over and Chip Zdarsky is no longer writing Batman, I thought I'd check back in again on the title, now that Matt Fraction, a writer I have good impressions of, is writing it.

I have read that his team's immediate intent to do to "one and dones" (or,  as we used to call them, "stories") rather than The Next Arc That Will Push Batman To His Limits And Change Him Forever And Everything You Think You Know About Him And Gotham City.  Of that, I certainly wholeheartedly approve and this first issues is exactly that. Bully.

However, I am less approving of the execution of the idea.

Some of the problem lies with the stupid situations bequeathed by Zdarsky: Alfred is still dead, Jim Gordon has been busted to beat cop, and Vandal Savage has taken over both Bruce Wayne's and Jim Gordon's lives because he's now living in Wayne Manor and serving as Gotham City's Police commissioner.  These developments that feel like lunchtime schoolyard improvisations ("Yeah, well, now MY villain is the police commissioner, so there!") and wouldn't pass the Laugh Test on the Batman '66 television show.

It's substantially LESS credible than the Commissioner Nora Clavicle story, which really says a lot.

It has zero basis in Vandal Savage as a character.  Granted,  he's always been a sonic screwdriver; not a 'real character' with his own motivations (there is no way you don't get over your emotional need to Rule The World after 50,000 years), but a simple plot device to create very specific challenges. 

You know how you can tell Frankenstein's Monster isn't a "real" person?  Because you can see the stitches. So, too, Zdarsky's use of Savage is so transparently ad hoc as to be uncanny (in the bad way).  "I want ONE villain who can cause BOTH Batman and Jim Gordon to suffer peripety. Can't be a bat-villain; can't be too strongly associated with another hero's rogues gallery; needs to be one of those powerful, generic, schemers. Ah! Vandal Savage! No one will get upset about misusing Vandal Savage because no one cares about him!"

You'd think DC might have jumped at the change to retcon away Zdarky's silliness with renumbering of Batman at #1; alas.  I wouldn't expect Fraction himself to reboot all this nonsense away overnight, and I think it likely he has plans to undo it all at some point. Meanwhile...

Fraction's commitment to one-and-done seems to have boxed him into an unfortunate need to have Batman undergo a character arc within one issue.  To do so, however, has him mischaracterizing Batman on each end of the story.

Batman starts as a cynical ****, which is absurd considering how many criminal reformations he has personally bankrolled.

Apparently Batman is one of those absolutists who never recovered from reading Aristotle.

By the end, he's unmasked and is chilling with a newly neotonized Killer Croc.  
Am I the only person who misses when "Killer Croc" was just a gangster with a skin condition?  

Anyway, these extremes of characterization are, well, too extreme.  Batman as Bipolarman has already worn out its welcome.

Speaking of Batman being crazy, he seems to have created an AI version of Alfred who follows him around acting as a virtual sounding board that only he can see and hear.

Except for butterflies, 'cuz they're magical.

No, AI-fred. You asked Batman a literal question ("where are we going") and he replied not with a literal answer ("to the vivarium") but with a figurative one ("playing a hunch").  That's the exact opposite of being "literal", which, I suppose is also exactly the kind of mistake you'd expect an AI to make (but certainly not an accomplished writer like Matt Fraction!).

This is too ludicrous for Fraction to have introduced without comment, so I can only assume that it's a Zdarskyism.  It sure is wacky, but I guess it gives Batman someone to talk to without Robin by his side.

An AI assistant for Batman;
what could possibly go wrong?

Fraction is committed to helping us understand what Batman is doing and how.

TOO committed.

The story is littered with these tech-splanation boxes that remind me of "The Batwave" from "The Batman" cartoon.

 I never DID figure out what the Batwave was.

To me, they seem more interruptive than helpful.  But maybe because I'm such a studied expert on Batman Stuff, that when I see Batman issue commands into a communicator and then the Batmobile obeys the commands, I am brilliant enough to deduce that he's using a voice-command connection to control the Batmobile.

Or maybe I just have four Brother AIs in my house.

It doesn't help that Fraction uses these to explain obvious tech we've seen before while ignoring the techn-ephant in the living room:

"Please state the nature of the butlering emergency..."

I will forgive Fraction's heavy-handed use of THE BUTTERFLY as a metaphor for change, because comics, after all, are not generally a subtle medium.  What I will not forgive however is the lazy use of television news to delivery exposition:

Looks like someone never recovered from reading Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns.

Well, as long as the overt Millerisms end there it should--

Balls nasty. Licken Chegs in danger.

Ouch. Yeah, I don't know whether that's a knowing parody or an unknowing pastiche, but what I DO know is that I don't want to see any more of it. 

Miller did ONE thing that was wholly positive which everyone does and should imitate (even though almost no one remembers that Miller is the writer who did it):
MILLER made Alfred a dead-pan snarker, thus completely revitalizing the character.

So, there are definitely some hiccups in the #1 of this new "Batman" character. But I am still optimistic that Fraction will do the character more justice than his predecessor.  Am I wrong to think so...?

Thank You, Rich Johnston

Today is the day I publicly thank Rich Johnston, founder of and frequent columnist on Bleeding Cool.

I am a dilettante. This blog is not my job. I do it when I want, as I want.  I can make fun of a seventy-year old story in excruciating detail for seven days straight and ignore whatever giant multiverse-shattering crossover DC is demanding I pay attention to.  I'm an American!

And with my Pointy Toes of Justice I can defy the Petty Tyrants and Would-be Cultural Hegemonists of the World, like freckled football Archie Andrews.

So I can not-read Batman.  There was a time when I didn't exercise this American freedom.

A freedom Batman himself shot people to protect for me.  Thanks, Bruce!

When I was much younger, before Brainiac 5 invented the internet, I used to travel (and this is pre-Time Bubble, mind you) to comic book conventions to scour the boxes to find missing back issues of Batman and Detective for my "collection".  SO I COULD KNOW IT ALL FIRST HAND.  And those sellers could smell my desperation a mile away.

That changed.

At some point, I realized there were things I'd rather NOT know. Like what stupidity was being wrought upon Batman by the Favored Hack of the Month.  

Some people's work (like Tom King's) is like an atomic bomb; you really don't need (or want) to be at ground zero to get a sense of what a disaster it is.

Which is why I haven't been reading Chip Zdarsky's Batman.

And, therefore, today, I thank Rich Johnston.

Because he has been reading Chip Zdarsky's Batman so that the rest of us don't have to.

INTERLUDE: For Chip Zdarsky

 How To Make Me Not Read Your Batman Comics:

"When DC approached me to write Batman, I immediately thought about things that could really challenge the character mentally, physically, and in terms of his relationships," Zdarsky said in an interview with ComicBook. "Failsafe is his Doomsday.”

Doomsday.  Lovechild of the Hulk and Porcupine Pete. Solomon Grundy's less articulate cousin.  Blockbuster without motivation.  The Living Plot Device.  The Monstrum Ex Machina.  Compound-Noun. Literally, the most-lazily-created character created in my lifetime (certainly in proportion to its role).

That was your immediate thought of what to do? For BATMAN?  

DC. Or DISCOVERY, if necessary. A word, if you will.

Please hire an adult to write Batman (have any of you seen his latest film?).

Rather than

Chip Zdarksy

  

"Batman's Robot Plot Twin"

You know why I'm not bothering to read Chip Zdarsky's apparently interminable "Failsafe" storyline in Batman? (you know, another story where Batman's Paranoid Contingency Plans Get Out of Hand, Subtype AI-Driven)

Because I read it the first time.

Stupid robots. Can't even do Heroic Haiku right.

Jeering & Solicitations MARCH 2023

ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN: JON KENT #1

ANOTHER SUPERMAN HAS FALLEN.

Across the Multiverse, Kal-Els are being murdered. Val-Zod, the Superman of Earth-2, believes only one man can help stop the killing—Kal-El's son, Jon Kent! Jon will have to step across dimensions and face the killer of the Kal- Els, the monstrous Ultraman, the man who kidnapped and tortured him for years. And Val-Zod is not acting alone in trying to save the Supermen. Who is the mysterious woman alongside him? And what is her shocking connection

to the Super-Family?

C'mon. Ultraman's a putz. Leave him alone.

SUPERMAN #2

NIGHT OF THE PARASITE!

Superman is overwhelmed as Parasite's new powers are unleashed! Can Superman stop all of Metropolis from being consumed by the power-hungry Parasite or will he need Lex Luthor's help to save the day? Introducing a new antihero—Marilyn Moonlight, the Spirit of Metropolis—who only operates at night! Is she friend or foe to the Man of Steel?! And how does she connect to Metropolis's secret past?

I SHOULD think Marilyn Moonlight is stupid. But it sounds SO stupid that's ... Silver Age Awesome.  Who'da thunk they'd rebrand Nocturna and sic her on Superman?

 

ACTION COMICS #1053

"No livin' thing's supposed to have power like this. No matter how blue your eyes are or how pretty your face is, you're just as much a monster as me."

War rages on between Metropolis's two men of steel, Superman and Metallo! As Metallo's new body continues to evolve in unexpected and nightmarish ways, the voice of his "operating system" has been changing too, testing the limits of his sanity. Finally, when his alien tech takes on a life of its own and infects the most violent members of the Blue Earth movement, the resultant abominations target Superman's greatest strength and greatest weakness: his family! Introducing the first appearance of the Necrohive!

"Necrohive" sounds sketchily '90s. But the Blue Earth movement reminds me of the White Triangle and that's a good template for a Superman foe.  I can feel the "Superman Triangle Era" vibe building.

 

SUPERMAN: LOST #1

SUPERMAN'S ODYSSEY OF SOLITUDE!

After Superman is called away on a routine Justice League mission, Lois Lane awakens to find a complete stranger standing in her living room. The Man of Steel, home much sooner than expected, reveals he has, in fact, been lost

in space for 20 years. Nothing and no one seem familiar to him anymore, and the timeless bond between them has been severed...or has it? Can love conquer all? Superman's 85th anniversary celebration continues with this allnew

blockbuster 10-issue series from the creators of the Eisner-nominated Deathstroke series!

Still trying to parse "routine Justice League mission".  The League shouldn't HAVE routine missions. Routine missions do not require the Justice League.  Anyway... I've already read the Odyssey.  

LAZARUS PLANET: REVENGE OF THE GODS #1

After the events of Lazarus Planet, the gods of the Multiverse have decided to take down the heroes they once called champions and the world they've sworn to protect. For years the gods sat idle atop their mountains as their

legends faded into obscurity along with their bodies. Now is their time to remind the selfish mortals of their existence and take back the world with something more powerful than belief…fear. Only the brave heroes Wonder Woman and Shazam stand in their way, but will their combined powers be enough?

Look; I like the gods. I worship them!  But I have lost count of the number of times someone decided that "The Gods Get Angry and Turn Against Us" or "Disappear" or "Return with a Vengeance" was the story they needed to tell. Again.  

You want to tell a story with the gods that will interest me? Pick ONE of them to commit a small act (from their perspective) of revenge or punishment or reward and let it cause ENORMOUS chaos. Because that's how those stories generally work (e.g. the Apple of Discord).  Using "the gods of the Multiverse" doesn't make your story seem bigger; it just makes the gods seem smaller.

LAZARUS PLANET: REVENGE OF THE GODS #2

The gods have leveled up, and Shazam is no match for them! After Wonder Woman's changing of sides to save her Amazon sisters, Billy must use his quickly fading wisdom of Solomon to formulate a plan to stop his world's destruction. Little does he know a secret ally awaits him in Olympus…but how will he make it there? Sounds like a job for Wonder Girl!

Gods do not "level up". Team Flash "levels up".  Anyway, I don't know much about this new Wonder Girl; she sounds a bit heavy-handed but... Wonder Woman has never been known for its subtlety.  Frankly, I'm just glad they've agreed to stop pushing "Donna Troy", continuity's biggest mistake, and as much as liked Young Justice's Wonder Girl, anyone rooted in WW's supporting cast is doomed, because Diana sheds supporting casts as if they were last year's mini's at a mod boutique shop.

WONDER WOMAN #797

The Revenge of the Gods continues in this can't-miss tie-in! After Diana's shocking choice to align herself with the gods, her world has changed. Could godhood be the answer to all her problems? Find out as Diana ascends! Plus, don't miss a special Shazam story starring the new champion!

Wonder Woman's apotheosis is another story trope I've lost count of.  I bet Ed Indelicato and Hoppy and Trevor Barnes maintain a website in the DCU that just does nothing but update whether Diana is a god that day ("Wonder Woman IS NOT a god today. Check back tomorrow!")  and Veronica Cale has someone check it every day.

BATMAN - ONE BAD DAY: RA'S AL GHUL #1

WHY WON'T BATMAN SAVE THE WORLD?!

For centuries Ra's al Ghul has wanted to save the Earth from the worst of humankind, and for centuries he has failed. Recently his greatest obstacle has been the Dark Knight Detective, Batman. Ra's offered Batman a chance to be a part of his new world order, but Batman refused. For years their cold war has raged, but Ra's will have no more. Ra's will remove Batman from the equation and save the world, re-creating it in his image and bringing the peace and prosperity all the good-hearted souls of this Earth deserve. Don't miss this epic tragedy from the all-star creative team of Tom Taylor (Nightwing, Superman: Son of Kal-El, DCeased) and Ivan Reis (Detective Comics, Blackest Night): the last of the One Bad Day specials, and one of the most epic to date.

An epic tragedy? Oh, no! Is Ra's going to DIE?!??!  Also, things are either epic or they are tragedies, they are not both.  And these One Bad Days... are not epic. 

BATMAN #133

Written by CHIP ZDARSKY

Everyone goes insane eventually. And then they belong to the terrifying Red Mask! But Gotham City has a new savior. He strikes from the shadows, exhumes the dead, and is known only as…the Batman.

And in our backup story, Tim Drake's search for Batman continues as he and Superman, Jon Kent, team up to stop the terror of the Toyman!

"Everyone goes insane eventually." Including whoever hired Chip Zdarsky to write Batman.

DETECTIVE COMICS #1070

Written by RAM V

The gothic opera crashes into a crescendo as Batman goes head-to-head with an Azmer demon…unaware that it is is someone in Bruce Wayne's life. Meanwhile, a mysterious team called the Vigil arrives to investigate the Azmer sightings—but who are the Vigil, and are they on Batman's side? Then, in the backup: With Mrs. Freeze only a pale image of the woman Victor Fries fell in love with—what is he to do now to save her?

GOTHIC OPERA? This looks like a job for the GOTHAM OPERATIC CRIMES DIVISION! I hope they put at end to all this demonic nonsense.

BATMAN & THE JOKER: THE DEADLY DUO #5

When the Deadly Duo's investigation brings them into the catacombs under Gotham, Batman and The Joker's adventure becomes a trip into hell. If you thought this series had already shown you its horrors, get ready for a descent into the heart of darkness as Batman and The Joker's true enemy is revealed.

You know, when I was a child, "Batman teams up with the Joker" is the kind of thing my friends and I used to PLAY at the pool.  Because, you know, no sensible ADULT would play that.

MULTIVERSITY: HARLEY SCREWS UP THE DCU #1

Harley's back in Coney for a long-overdue reunion with old friends, old haunts, and…an old time machine?

You heard right! A mysterious benefactor has left Harley a time machine, and after giving it about a half second of thought, she decides to take it for a joyride. What could go wrong, right? Funny you should ask. Turns out a quick trip through time can screw up a few things…namely, the entire DC Universe!

"Harley Screws Up the DCU".  No argument there.

HARLEY QUINN #28

Ever have one of those days where ya just can't catch a break? A day where you're really trying not to get into trouble while your girlfriend is out of town, but then some jerk attacks you at brunch, you get arrested for some teensy-weensy property damage, and you're sentenced to community service? Why, I tell you, it's enough to make a gal start seein' cartoon fishies every which way and such! Also featuring a very special in-continuity dream of Harley Quinn starring, you guessed it, moi, in the role of a lifetime—the magical-girl-clown protector of Gotham City!

Doesn't "magical-girl-clown" just say it ALL?  It's like someone dialed up "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" on the H Dial 30 years ago and forgot how to change back.  

UNSTOPPABLE DOOM PATROL #1

THE WORLD'S STRANGEST HEROES ARE BACK IN THE DC UNIVERSE!

After the events of Lazarus Planet, more people than ever have active metagenes! Most of these new metahumans have become misfits, shunned and imprisoned by a fearful society. They are hidden away in the dark, lost to a system that only sees them as weapons or guinea pigs—ticking time bombs that can only be defused by the Unstoppable Doom Patrol! Robotman, Elasti-Woman, and Negative Man are joined by their brand-new teammates Beast Girl and Degenerate and led by Crazy Jane's mysterious new alter, the Chief, on a mission of saving the world by saving the monsters!

A comic book featuring one of DC's currently hottest teams because of several seasons of a television show. Imagine.   "A mission of saving the world by saving the monsters" actually seems like a clever, unique, and appropriate role for the DP.  Given that nowadays, Batman and Superman are facing off against Mr. Nobody, the idea that DP takes on things "too strange for other heroes!" doesn't hold water. I mean, I've seen the Martian Manhunter fight an evil sentient orchestra.  

THE FLASH #794

The Fraction is moments away from victory, but they forgot about one thing…an almost-10-year-old with red hair and the power to turn things around. Finally, Irey West has found her new superhero name, and she intends to use it while saving the Flash Family from certain doom!

How spunky.

THE FLASH #795

The Flash Family retreats, mourning the loss of their family members, while Barry tries to find a way to stop the Fraction once and for all. Surprises abound as the past is revisited and we hurtle toward the end of the One-Minute War!

Is it Wally's kids and Linda Park-West? Fingers crossed.

DC/RWBY #2

Gotham is being overwhelmed by Grimm! They keep appearing in every corner of the city, and the only lead the Dark Knight has is the four mysterious girls he just met. Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang explain to Batman and the assembled Bat-Family how they landed in Gotham. But just as some pieces start to coalesce, a horde of Grimm are converging on the worst possible location: Arkham Asylum!

I... I... I'm really sorry I looked this up.

DC'S LEGION OF BLOOM #1

How do you announce winter is coming to an end? You spring it on them! Welcome the springtime with a celebration of DC's greenest and greatest. As the flowers bloom, breathe in that Swamp Thing smell. Watch the Blue Beetles fly out from Titans West. Pick a Captain Carrot or two from Floronic Man's garden, but make sure to avoid the Poison Ivy. The season may go by in a Flash, but don't worry—stories like these last forever. Oh, and Wonder Woman will be there, too!

I like this sort of theming.  It's memorable. DC should do more of this sort of thing to showcase the breadth of the DCU. "We have more PLANT characters lying around than most universes have characters period."

WALLER VS. WILDSTORM #1

In the early 1980s, as the Cold War stubbornly refuses to thaw, a new battle heats up…for the soul of the intelligence agency Checkmate. As the agency's super-heroic public face, Jackson King—a.k.a. the armored Battalion, former leader of Stormwatch and the symbol of American might—has long suspected that Adeline Kane is up to dirty tricks overseas, engineering horrors that betray everything he believes about service to one's country. But King doesn't know that Kane has a clever new ally—an ambitious young woman named Amanda Waller. She has her own ideas about how metahumans can serve their country. And honor, dignity, and long lives don't factor into them…

National security reporter Spencer Ackerman (the Daily Beast, Reign of Terror), comics and video game writer Evan Narcisse (Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Gotham Knights), and veteran artist Jesús Merino (Wonder Woman, The Joker Presents: A Puzzlebox) celebrate WildStorm's legacy of espionage-flavored superhero morality plays, pitting Stormwatch against the deadliest people in the DCU—including Deathstroke himself!

GODS I'm sick of Amanda Waller.  

SWAMP THING: GREEN HELL #3

One former avatar wasn't enough to take down the savage champion the Green created to wipe out the last of humanity…so another avatar will have to do what Alec Holland couldn't! It's time to unleash the Animal Woman!

I keep thinking that one day the Swamp Thing will get its head unstuck from the ass of its own mythos. But that's the fate of every mythos that is Made Great by One Great Writer and then abandoned to the less bold.

STATIC: SHADOWS OF DAKOTA #2

As if vigilantes hunting down Bang Babies in the streets weren't enough, Virgil learns that his young friend Quincy is manifesting powers—making him their next target! Meanwhile, down in the shadows, Ebon is investigating a connection between the vigilantes and the disappearance of his brother, Rubberband Man!

This actually sounds kind of cool.

ICON VS. HARDWARE #2

With time itself under Hardware's control, the hierarchy of power in the Dakotaverse has changed! Having altered events so the Big Bang never happened, Curtis Metcalf now finds himself as the head of Alva Industries—but the world is still on the brink of chaos! Can Hardware stop his alternate-timeline self from dooming us all? Does he want to? Because if he won't, it'll fall to Icon…and crossing Icon is never wise!

The only word I care about is this paragraph is "Dakotaverse". I pray that the resurgence of the expansive Multiverse (rather than Grant Morrison Design Project) has given the "Dakotaverse" its own world. It deserves it. 

BLOOD SYNDICATE: SEASON ONE

Rolando "Tech-9" Texador and Hannibal "Wise Son" White return to the Paris Island suburb of Dakota City after military tours overseas—but life in Dakota City could not be more different.

While Icon and Rocket have been away patrolling the rest of the world, superpowered "Bang Babies" have been forming rival gang factions and terrorizing the island. With gang leader Holocaust's ascent and the rallying of his super-powered army, who protects the neighborhood when the capes aren't watching? Tech-9, Wise Son, and their childhood friend Carlos "Fade" Quinones will have to rally together rival gang members to have a chance to save their home—if they can stop fighting each other!

See, this is the kind of story you can tell when you homestead these characters in their own universe rather than being cooped up on Earth-1 (or whatever we call it now).  

 

BATMAN - ONE BAD DAY: THE RIDDLER

Tom King and Mitch Gerads, the Eisner Award-winning duo behind Mister Miracle, The Sheriff of Babylon, and Strange Adventures, reunite to dive deep into the mind of Batman's most intellectual foe…the Riddler. The Riddler has killed a man in broad daylight for seemingly no reason, but…there's always a reason. The Riddler is always playing a game; there are always rules. Batman will reach his wit's end trying to figure out the Riddler's true motivation in this epic psychological thriller. This deluxe hardcover collects the first critically acclaimed, bestselling installment of the Batman - One Bad Day series.

Because THAT's something everyone wants in hardcover to put next to the family Bible. A pig in a dress is just a wasted dress, DC, you ain't foolin' nobody.

BATMAN: DETECTIVE COMICS VOL. 4: RIDDLE ME THIS

RIDDLE ME THIS…WHEN IS A CRIMINAL NOT A CRIMINAL?

The Riddler is back in Gotham City in a big way, becoming a media personality and using his newfound influence to wreak havoc on the Dark Knight. As Batman chases down clues to put an end to Riddler's machinations, the clock ticks away for the citizens of Gotham whom Edward Nygma has placed in the line of fire. It's the final arc of Mariko

Tamaki's epic run on Detective Comics, co-written by Nadia Shammas with art by the legendary Ivan Reis. And in "Gotham Girl, Interrupted," the critically acclaimed team of Sina Grace and David Lapham bring Gotham Girl back into the Batman universe in a thrilling murder mystery that speaks to her origins. Collects Detective Comics #1059-1061.

This sounds like a apropriate use of the Riddler.  We'll see.

BATMAN #357 FACSIMILE EDITION

Batman meets one of his most peculiar foes of all time when he encounters the gangster known as…the Squid! Plus, a trip to the circus gives Dick Grayson an eerie sense of déjà vu when he sees a performance by young acrobat Jason Todd—the boy fated to inherit the mantle of Robin! This facsimile edition reprints the first cameo appearance of Jason Todd and includes all the original ads from the 1983 periodical.

Gotham's "Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge" gets a facsimile edition?  Um... okay.  Perhaps these are now for interesting or unique (if not original) stories from DC's past, rather than important ones.  That might actually... be a better use for them.

BATMAN INCORPORATED #6

Someone has stolen from Professor Pyg, and he's ready to burn down Gotham to get his property back. Everyone is a suspect, and everyone will pay. With Batman gone, Batman Incorporated must return to Gotham before the city is nothing more than ashes.

<eyeroll>.  Look, I have been willing to give Batman Inc a chance, but you're not helping with the continued stupidity of "Professor Pyg".

BATMAN/SUPERMAN: WORLD'S FINEST #13

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS METAMORPHO?

In the pages of World's Finest, Batman, Robin, and Superman have traversed some of the DCU's most iconic locations and teamed up with the likes of the Teen Titans, Doom Patrol, and Supergirl, but none of that will prepare them as they must go across the globe in search of Rex Mason, a.k.a. Metamorpho, the Element Man! The World's Finest Strangest Adventure begins here!

Fun. Fun is good.

BATMAN: THE ADVENTURES CONTINUE SEASON THREE #3

The Joker's right-hand man, Straightman, isn't quite feeling himself lately. He keeps experiencing moments…flashbacks…of a life he doesn't remember. After a recent run-in with the Clown Prince and his stoic enforcer, Batman starts to unravel the man's past, but it lands him smack dab in the crosshairs of Amanda Waller and Task Force X!

See? "Straightman". That's how it's done, people.  A character called for the internal logic of the characters involved, who then is allowed to grow bit by bit.  In case Whoever Created Punchline has forgotten, that's how Harley Quinn became popular.  

BLACK ADAM #9

In the 24th century B.C., having proclaimed himself pharaoh, the mighty Adam finds himself surrounded by enemies while discovering that holding the throne is a lot harder than seizing it. Meanwhile, in the present, those same enemies from the Old Kingdom now threaten modern-day Kahndaq as, amid civil unrest, a resurrected Ibac the Invincible conspires with Adam's political rival.

All I have to say is: thanks, DC, for remembering that most of "Ancient Egypt" was in fact as ancient to the ANCIENTS as the ancients are to US.  

BLUE BEETLE: GRADUATION DAY #5

Superman and Batman come looking for Jaime in Palmera City. After weeks of attacks with Blue Beetle directly at the center, the World's Finest can't sit by any longer. They're going to get to the bottom of Jaime's connection to the impending Reach invasion, even if it means putting an end to his life as a hero!

... Isn't this ALWAYS Jaime's story? Can someone write another? I like that kid; he deserves a  second story.

NIGHTWING #102

Nightwing is a great leader, not just because Batman trained him, or because of how Alfred raised him, or even because he has a heart of gold—it's because of his friends, and now that the Titans are in Blüdhaven with him, they can leap into the light together…which is perfect timing for the demon of darkness Neron to do something about it.

Neron? Ugh. No bad idea ever gets forgotten.  Meanwhile, entire generations are growing up without knowing the glory of Killer Moth.

Ten Things I'm Sick Of

 1. "Bat" & "Cat". It's a stupid, childish attempt to Sound Cool.

Zdarksy. Of course.  Who else would think imitating Tom King is a way to sound cool?

2 & 3.  Japanese Manga's weird fetish/obsession for nymphettes in sailor costumes and Corgis/Shiba Inus.

It's creepy in its relentlessness. Why can't they fixate on circus boys in swimming trunks, like normal Americans?

4. The continued Wink&Nod sexualization of Catwoman.

"Uncovered"; oh, it's not naughty ambiguity, it's a genuine exploration of her as feminist anti-hero icon, blah blah blah.  At least in the Golden Age when she wore a split-skirt and plunging neckline, they were more honest about it.

5. Yaoi.

Look, I suppose we gay people have a right to creepy trash as much as anyone, but I don't have to like it.  If this stuff is even FOR gay people, rather than just female readers who get off on watching male characters treat other male characters as badly as female characters are usually treated.

6 & 7. G'nort. And "swimsuit issues".

Who is this FOR?! People who fetishize grown-up circus boys in swimming trunks?

You know, the Fat Funny Friends of the Golden Age may be mostly gone, but don't convince yourself that the contemporary equivalent, the Lore-Riffing Parody Meta-Character (I'm looking at you, Dr. Quinzel) is any way more sophisticated (OR funny).

8. Oh So Clever Parodies/Satires/Homages that try to excuse themselves by lampshading that that's what they are.

Although ever time you DON"T lampshade it, some fool who missed the joke will inevitably start to take it seriously (e.g., Lobo, Sentry, the Extremists, the Watchmen), and, inevitably, that will include not just readers but writers.

9 & 10.  Chip Zdarsky and The League of Overused XXXtreme Batman Tropes.

"Batman descends on Gotham City, full of rage and force, more driven than ever to save his home. But the new landscape has turned friends into foes. Can anyone stop his reign of terror? Should they? The Gotham War continues in this second chapter!"