Let me tell you, kids; however bad you THINK your comics are now...
just be glad you're not in the Bronze Age.
P.S. Add "turn him into a fly" to the list of 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Where's Cecille when you need her?
And then there was the time Green Arrow was turned into a fly and had to fight off a giant spider.
Let me tell you, kids; however bad you THINK your comics are now...
just be glad you're not in the Bronze Age.
P.S. Add "turn him into a fly" to the list of 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow.
Let me tell you, kids; however bad you THINK your comics are now...
just be glad you're not in the Bronze Age.
P.S. Add "turn him into a fly" to the list of 1001 Ways to Defeat Green Arrow.
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20 comments:
I don't know, man...Kevin Smith? Brad Meltzer? Are we really sure this is worse?
Sure, it's stupid. But it's a disposable kind of stupid that was done in a few pages and never spoken about again. It's only a matter of time before some writer has Onomatopoeia empowered by the restless spirit of Fibber McGee to bury the Justice League in an avalanche over the course of a three year mega-event that crosses over into every title.
They resolve that using Molly...as in the drug, not Fibber's wife. That's how they'll reintroduce Speedy to continuity. And then everybody will have their minds wiped of the event to protect their civilian identities.
You know, you raise good points.
If the Bronze Age was chockful of casual, regrettable lunacy, it was also blessed with retrograde amnesia. If it hadn't happened within the last pages you could ignore it.
P.S. if you're reading Kevin Smith and Brad Meltzer, well, then that's kind of YOUR fault, isn't it?
We can compare apples to apples on this one ... did you actually read Nocenti's run on "Green Arrow"? Compared to that, fly-headed Green Arrow is god damn Shakespeare. Fly-headed Green Arrow has straightforward structure, thematic coherence, and a reversal of a disadvantage into an advantage. Nocenti had a baton-twirling Green Arrow groupie.
Nocenti's one of the writers that I automatically avoid. Sheer incoherence -- absolutely nothing makes sense. At all. It's just weird -- what editor reads that and says, oh, this is great! Print it!
But I digress. Why does GA have an insecticide arrow? Is he planning to fumigate Justice League headquarters? I get (and love) Bronze Age lunacy, but seriously, the dude can only carry so many arrows. You're fighting someone like Darkseid, reach into your quiver, and all you've got left is insecticide? I think I'd rather use the space for an extra explosive arrow or something with a bit more general utility.
Ha! Fair point on the "big names." All I can say in my defense is that the books were given to me unsolicited with the suggestion that they were good, or at least important in some hand-wavy fan way.
And we only know it's terrible in retrospect, right? Well, except that Green Arrow's involved, but at that point, we're all guilty.
But yes, I look at the Bronze Age as the interesting transitional relaunch ideas were all shot down and books had to go out, whereas today it's no less stupid, but it's all very serious and deliberate. It's better than the malicious stupidity of the Iron Age, though, to be fair.
"Nocenti's one of the writers that I automatically avoid. Sheer incoherence -- absolutely nothing makes sense. At all. It's just weird -- what editor reads that and says, oh, this is great! Print it!"
I have read that she's got Friends In High Places who have assured her that, as long as she wants to be writing comics, she will be given comics to write. While that's obviously hearsay, it's probably the most likely explanation -- Lord knows she's not getting work because of her sterling track record.
Nocenti's newest project is going to be Klarion the Witch-Boy, but it's going to have to do with technological magic or social media or some such. Does anyone want to argue that she's a professional writer and therefore she's likely to do just fine, as some did when she was handed "Green Arrow"?
Green Arrow's secret super-power was to have whatever arrow he required when he needed it. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd pulled an "anti-heroin-addict arrow" from his quiver when Speedy confessed.
"Nocenti had a baton-twirling Green Arrow groupie."
OMG HOW DID I MISS THIS?!?!?!
"I think I'd rather use the space for an extra explosive arrow or something with a bit more general utility."
Well, there's always the atomic warhead arrow for such occasions, as shown in one Starro story.
"ZING goes my arrow...and ZOINK goes the spider."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"Well, there's always the atomic warhead arrow for such occasions, as shown in one Starro story."
THAT'S what I'm talking about. After all, how often do you run into giant spiders? But Starro shows up at least quarterly to clamp his foul echinodermic progeny to people's faces. You can gakk a giant spider with a plain 'ol pointy arrow (not that GA would ever stoop to doing that when he can use something improbably specific). I'm carrying the atomic warhead arrow. In my lead-lined quiver.
I'd still rather read fly-headed Green Arrow attacked by a giant spider (in the same story with fish-headed Aquaman attacked by a giant seal) than the Joker getting his face carved off. But that's just me.
Hey, Baton Girl is STILL less ridiculous than Katana.
And probably much more fun.
Of COURSE Ollie would have an anti-spider arrow! He has a vacumn cleaner arrow for heaven's sake!
I actually confess to a secret adoration of old Green Arrows, simply because I can hardly wait to see what sort of trick arrow he is going to come up with.
What I find amusing is ignoring the fact that, with a fly-head, Ollie is just as vulnerable to the arrow as the spider is.
Heh. Ollie doesn't usually think these things through.
Ollie is even better prepared than you think. He had ways to take out other super-heroes long before the JLA kicked Batman out for it.
Justice League of America #102, 1972. The JLA and JSA are trying to decide which of them should carry the weapon to the giant hand crushing the Earth, i.e. which of them is most likely to survive it. The two Green Lanterns say that their rings would protect them. Green Arrow says that a yellow wooden arrow would take out either of them...and holds one up to make his point.
Holds. One. Up.
He carried it in his quiver!!
When one does think of it, there IS a Trick Arrow to take the entire JLA down!
Superman: Kryptonite Arrow/Red Sun Emitter Arrow/Magic Arrow (what? Zatanna could prob get Oliver one of those)
Batman: A normal, decent-enough arrow could take him.
Wonder Woman: Atomic Warhead Arrow - Let's see Wonder Woman block A NUKE. Failing that, Phantom Zone Arrow.
Aquaman: We know from Tower of Babel that Arthur is vulnerable to many chemicals - say, some strong poison, or Fear Gas.
Green Lantern: YELLOW ARROWS! Not these days, through. Maybe Phantom Zone Arrow again?
Martian Manhunter: Arrow loaded with a high-level incendiary should do it.
The Flash: Flashbang Arrow could blind Barry (unless Barry runs faster than light or some bullshit), then he's pretty much easy prey. Or Oliver can just shoot Barry from behind.
Black Canary: This is a situation that calls for a arrow so new, I don't even have a name for it, so I will call it the Stickum Shaft!
"This is a situation that calls for a arrow so new, I don't even have a name for it, so I will call it the Stickum Shaft!"
That made me happy.
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