A Perfect Hal Jordan Dis

I think it's fair to say I am something of an expert on not respecting Green Lantern, backed by a twenty-year track record of highlighting his foibles.

For which twenty years is not enough.

Yet, this week, in Aquaman, of all places, I read the most damningly dismissive dis of Hal Jordan I have ever seen.  And from the mouth of a little girl.

NEVER HERE-O BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

A witticism truly worthy of a young person discriminating enough to dress as Aquaman for Halloween.  One which strikes at a flaw in the execution of Hal Jordan as a character that is more pervasive than his being stupid, 

or clumsy, 

or vain.

It strikes at the fact that the "Hero of Coast City" is never there.  His adventures seldom occur there, he has few connections there, and it seldom has need of him (except when it is endangered by the fact that he lives there).  

He is NOT at home, washing his tights.

It's the same criticism I make of his infamous heel-turn into a universe-destroying maniac when Coast City was destroyed.  "How could Hal be that upset about Coast City when he's barely ever there?"

My own interpretation is that he wasn't upset so much because he LURVED Coast City, but because he felt guilt for being away so much, including when it needed him most.  It was own failure that drove him mad, not grief.

The fault isn't really "Hal's", as a character.  It's the fault of the writers who consistently favor extraterrestrial adventures for Hal rather than terrestrial ones.  It's an understandable preference; Earth is, after all, lousy with superheroes and in space there are lot fewer things to hit your head on.

Fewer. But not zero.

The Ga-Ga Gun

 August 1964

Owlman uses his Illumina-Gun in "Crisis on Earth Three" (Justice League of America #29)

April 1967

The Owl uses his Owl-Gun in Dell Comics' The Owl #1.

September 1967

Dr. Mid-Nite uses his Cyrotuber in "Crisis Between Earth 1 and Earth 2" (Justice League of America #47).

The Ga-Ga Gun (or its equivalent) was quite simply an idea whose time clearly had come.  But has it gone?  I have never seen repeated uses of such a device.  

I must agree with the assessment that Dr. Mid-Nite's blackout bombs were a threadworn device, even in the '60s.  I find Dr. Mid-Nite more interesting when the character's uniqueness in being a brilliant physician is relied upon narratively more than his uniqueness as a (daytime) blind person.  Giving him a a wider variety of weapons based on his knowledge of this weaknesses of the human body seems like it would keep the character much more interesting in a contemporary context.

The New History of the DCU

Having just read the second and third issues of The New History of the DCU, I want to share my thoughts on this masterpiece of synoptic lore-spinning.  It is a tremendous, unenviable undertaking with impressive results, even if I don't agree with each decision made in the process.

I am delighted that the creators choose to represent the original Teen Titans with one of their most absurd adventures, where they fought giant disembodied body parts.

Well, that caption box packs a wallop. By describing Wonder Woman as a "born of clay and endowed with godly powers" in strongly rejects her new-ish "secret origin" as the daughter of Zeus in favor of her traditional origin.  But PERHAPS it is simply that Barry doesn't KNOW the secret origin?  That's my hope since I like Wonder Woman more as a demigod than as a Galatea.  It also embraces the concept (first offered by John Byrne, I believe) that there was a Wonder Woman in WWII, but that it was Diana's mother, Hippolyta.  I guess I'm not the only fan who wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

Bulletproof cape?  An understandable, if strained, attempt to soften the idea of letting a kid run into battle with gun-toting gangsters... as if he would ever actually get the chance to use the cape, WHICH FLOWS BEHIND HIM, to protect himself.

My feelings about Cyborg remain unchanged, by the way.

More cake having/eating.  This telling keeps Cyborg in the JLA's new initial adventure fighting Darkseid, but cleverly puts him in suspended animation afterwards,  keeping him out of the formal formation of the League with the Martian Manhunter after the battle against the Apellaxians and making him still young enough to be a Titan.  That is an impressive bit of legerdemain, accomplished with only one phrase.

Yes. I Ching and his contempt-filled relationship with pantsuit Diana Prince remains in continuity.  

Thank you for reasserting that Guy Gardner was a gym teacher. In Baltimore, by the way, which I suppose is where the ability to overcome great fear comes from.

I REALLY think we all could have done without Kobra, of which no one is fond and upon whom no significant continuity hinges.

Really? I had thought this was gone from continuity, as it certainly seems as though in current continuity Arthur and Mera just has their first child.  I would have to read more carefully, but perhaps this is something that DID happen, but then Unhappened due to Crisis, meaning Barry could still write about it knowingly, even though it has no longer happened.

Ambush Bug, who to my knowledge has zero fans (if he ever did) and zero importance to lore, REALLY should have just been left out of history.

ART FAIL.

I do not know who the lip-obsessed artist for this comic was.  But I DO know that the Phantom Stranger is not The Phantom and does NOT wear a mask.  His eye are simply shadowed by his hat. AND his eyes are not actually blank; they just APPEAR that way when he wears the hat, because he's the Phantom Stranger and doesn't have to make sense.

"Legends" was an under-remembered but great crossover (the one in which the Phantom Stranger keeps smack-talking Darkseid and Glorious Godfrey turns the common folk against superheroes).  I am glad to see it remembered here as well as its connection to the JLI.

I am touched to see this remembrance of a young Paul Kupperberg's X-men-like version of the Doom Patrol, including tentative hero Scott Fischer, who no one remembers was the first fatal victim of the Dominators' Gene Bomb, and Arani ("Celsius"), who claimed to be Niles Caulder's wife, and who sacrificed herself silently in battle when he returned and denied ever knowing her, which was one of the saddest and most mysterious plot resolutions I have ever seen.

Look, I know Barry Allen is a scientist, not a humanist, by trade. But I refuse to believe that Barry could write a sentence as clumsy as "Would that such deep tragedy limited itself to the stars, but no."  He's read too many comic books to write that poorly.

Wow. I'd almost forgotten The Ray.  So... where is he now?

I had forgotten that the Eradicator was the one who saved Superman.  It make sense; the Eradicator was focused on preserving Kryptonian stuff (including Kal-El). But I certainly didn't remember it.

Heh. "Slowly healed."  This is tacit acknowledgement that we can all forget about Bruce's love interest Shonda Kinsolving and her magical healing touch (which is what ACTUALLY happened).  I really think they just should have thrown  Wonder Woman's Purple Healing Ray into the mix; what are super friends for, after all?

Happy to see Static, of course, but... when are they going to take advantage of the opportunity to link him to Black Lightning?

Why are we not allowed to erase this? Other than complicating Lex's backstory (and making some powerful real-world allusions), it has zero impact on continuity and causes considerable headaches.  Like, does the Secret Service still protect ex-prez Lex?

Well, whatever else, Jean Loring is still crazy!