Tuesday, November 08, 2005

One-Horned Haiku


Oh, dear; oh, my.



Ever since her creation by Marston, Wonder Woman has been bursting with symbolism. Well, this scene is a perfect example! Here, artistic license has even been taken with the unicorn's horn: instead of being a sharp spiraled cone with an icicle-like appearance, it's a thick shaft with a tapering head, kind of like a ... a rocket. Yes, it doesn't take a exegetical genius to see what that horn symbolizes:

the writer's pen.

You can feel the writer's struggle here. His metaphorical pen (as represented by the unicorn's horn) stabs toward haiku, poking at the muse of poetry (here personified by Wonder Woman), but missing every time, as the correct meter dodges, avoids, and evades him.

Then Wonder Woman cruelly laughs at his powerless projectile of poetry. "Hola!" she interjects meaninglessly. "You can't capture Wonder Woman with the paltry syllabification of a haiku! It requires pages and pages of paragraph after paragraph of wordy narration boxes: just ask George Perez or Phil Jimenez!"

Sadly, there's no way to parse this sequence's narration into a haiku, although it's so desperately needed to capture the moment!


Can you help out the writer by composing an appropriate haiku about Wonder Woman's successful evasion of the thrusting horn?

15 comments:

Ariel said...

Suffering Sappho!
Where are your manners you cad?
Buy me a drink first!

What?! You're hard again?
Take less Viagra next time.
I can barely walk!

Hot damn Diana!
I have never had such great
Foreplay in my life!

JP said...

The monoceros
Prefers virgins, so they say
But this cliff will do

Benari said...

She coyly dodges
the unicorn's thrusting horn
Great Hera, indeed

Bully said...

I don't understand
Such Freudian comic books.
Why are you laughing?

Michael said...

Thank Hera! I've made
The unicorn capture it-
self! Thud! (Thud echoes)

Tom Foss said...

Giant phalluses,
Furry rape attacks, bondage
fantasies, lassos.

Marston must have been
First to write Wonder Woman
erotic fanfic.

Devon said...

I don't get it, man.

This crazy haiku lovefest.

It just hurts my head.

rafi-el said...

Thrusting horn was not
Steve Trevor's idea of foreplay.
He liked to receive.

Hal goosed her and what
was Colonel Trevor's response?
He died! What a yutz.

Lois Lane or Steve
Trevor? Who is bigger yutz?
Jimmy Olson wins!

Ariel said...

Well that's a surprise.
Apparently Diana
is NOT a Size Queen.

Jeff R. said...

Like a Minature Matador
The Daring Amazon skirts
Horny Impalement

With Uncanny Speed
She leaps out of the way as
The Horn Penetrates.

(A Unicorn will
Do a Hole in the Wall, and
Can Make it's own Hole.)

Monkey In Blender said...

So many poems
So few actual haikus
Lines must stand alone

Sleestak said...

This Wonder Woman #151 cover is kinda Haiku-ey

http://www.comics.org/graphics/covers/277/400/277_4_151.jpg

Mike Loughlin said...

First from behind me!
Then, it's coming towards my face!
Climactic thrust! THUD!

By Hera, that's it?
The unicorn stopped, tired.
I crave more battle!

Bully said...

"This Wonder Woman #151 cover is kinda Haiku-ey: http://www.comics.org/graphics/covers/277/400/277_4_151.jpg"

Wondy One-Five-One:
This was Wonder Girl's first tale?
She didn't exist!

Des said...

He thrusts it, she ducks
Di: thank the gods you haven't
been penetrated.