Eight Fabulous Moments in COIE

There are shining gem-like moments in the rubbish that is Crisis on Infinite Earths. Let's do celebrate some!


Vibration is manmade.

As mentioned in a previous post, comic panels don't get much better than Paco's post-Plasmus pop-and-lock performance.

That, by the way, is Vibe's winter outfit. Only time he got to use it. Jack from the Royal Flush Gang bought it at the Estate Sale while I was busy looking for any remaining bikini briefs.



"Back to You, Lana!"

A neanderthal eats Lois Lane's microphone. Naturally, a neanderthal is no more capable of eating a microphone than you or I are, and, given their dental hygiene, it's likely that a neanderthal's teeth would all fall out if he tried to eat even, say, an apple. Maybe he's from Bismoll? The whole thing is so ... Silver Age. It really needs a thought ballon from Lois thinking something like, "That caveman is eating my microphone! He must think it's some sort of unknown fruit! Luckily, it's a remote 'mike' without a cord to a power source, or he might have gotten quite a shock!" Yes, that would be very Silver Age, indeed.


The Creped Crusader

Batman gets covered head to toe in gelatinous mucilage. Batman covered in anything is funny. The goopier, the funnier. And the fact that this is the last thing Barry Allen sees before he dies is hilarious.

Batman actually reaches for his universal solvent from his utility belt, with a close up even. The only thing this panel lacks is voiceover by William Dozier: "Horrors! Batman, pasted, pinned, and powerless! Is our hero finally stuck? Stay glued to your seats until next week; same bat-time, same bat-channel!"


"Shut up, Element Lad."

"Shut up, Element Lad. You don't know anything" is one of the great paragraphs of the English language. For some 30 odd years, Brainaic 5, who with his obscene 12-level intelligence is the smartest being in the 30th (or for that matter any) century, had has to grit his teeth, smile, and treat his brain-dead Legion comrades as if they were equals. This is more ridiculous than my taking my dog's advice on the stock market or asking a parrot what it thinks of the continued relevance of the Michelson-Morley experiments in light of quantum mechanics. Finally, in Crisis, Brainy just can't take it any more. Brainy could have appropriately made that comment to almost any Legionnaire (except Lyle), but it's particularly funny because it's that sappy, New Age, nappy-headed, curd-munching, pacifistic, pink-clad pansy, Element Lad.


The Evil Jonathan Livingston

In this startlingly dadaesque panel, Earth-3 seagulls lament their inability to outfly the antimatter walls and ponder the cruelty of the gull gods.

Meanwhile, the Earth-3 Mark Trail attempts to bury his own head in the sand. Isn't it nice to know that even essentially evil people like the beach?

This is the kind of panel DC needs to reproduce as one of those Inspiration in the Workplace posters. You know -- for evil people. They have offices, too. Probably near yours.


Fetus Marvel

I don't know anyone who thinks Marv Wolfman is funny. That, I assume, is because he isn't. His attempts at flippancy-based wit sound exactly like what a nerd thinks cool people sound like (I wonder whether he knows Joss Whedon?). Just as Archie characters are a child's idea of what teenagers are like, Wolfman's characters are a boring nerd's idea of what interesting hipsters are like.

This classic example,"Fetus Marvel", is such a horribly off-color remark, I'm shocked the editors let Wolfman use it. It's also imbecilic, considering that Beast Boy comes from a universe with Superman, Supergirl, Superdog, Superhorse, Supercat, Supermonkey, Superboy, and the Super-antfarm of Kandor.


The Penguin Vs. Firestorm

In this panel, the Penguin has taken his rightful place among the 30th century's most fearsome villains, the Fatal Five, and is fighting Firestorm (who has godlike powers of molecular reorganization) to a standstill. You go, Pengy.

Eeek!

Blue Devil says "eeek!" when he misplaces T.O. Morrow. It's uncanny; that's exactly what I would say if I misplaced T.O. Morrow.

I really never liked Blue Devil before. But after reading that panel, now I do it; I get it, I finally get Blue Devil.

Blue Devil is, like, Hellboy's gay little brother; I love Blue Devil now.

Any other moments that stand out for you?