Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Hal's Horny Haiku

Oh, Hal!

Nowadays, when you want to find out about someone you're obsessed with, you simply google them (just ask Chris Arndt about that!). But in the long ago days, before the internet, researching people was pretty darned difficult.

So back in the day, Hal Jordan, who never hesitated to use his powers for his own benefit, must have had a ball using his omnipotent power ring to suss out the 411 on every little tavern maid and stewardess (and they WERE "stewardesses" back then) he fancied. Why, here's our vigorous hero now pouring out a powerful thought impulse ... huh, I'll bet!


"Power ring, tell me
about the girl! I want to
know all about her!"


Phew! "Lonely superheroes who talk to their weapons, next on Oprah!" Between the caption, Hal's balloons, and the creepy close up, I feel the need to shower myself clean.

I can't remember whether Hal gets to "know" this girl (wink wink), but I'm betting he does. They don't call him the Emerald Mountie for nothing: he always gets his girl.

Oh, yeah -- this is what passes for Heroic Haiku when you're Hal Jordan, I guess.

Care to outdo Hal's horny haiku yourself?

18 comments:

Bat-Mac said...

Damn you, ring! You've made
me infertile. Is this
the end of shallow Hal?

Is that allowed? How strict are we about 5,7,5 - according to my Japanese mate there can be some deviation in English.

Derek B. Haas said...

The 911 on the girl?

I never realised that Hal preyed on women in crisis, but it does make a warped sort of sense...

Ring, I seek women
who are vulnerable to
my warped predations.

Scipio said...

"shallow Hal"; nice one.

911? OOPS! Let me kix that...

rafi-el said...

Carol Ferris dressed
Up as Star Sapphire -- Hal plays
Zamoran love slave

Hal was test pilot
With main squeeze Arisia, Hal
Joined light-year high club

Jeff R. said...

She's not yet legal?
Ring, age her bod a few years
'Cause I'm no pervert.

David Lawson said...

Cheesy porno music
Accompanies this picture.
Hall is a love god.

David Lawson said...

Uh, that should have read Hal is a love god.

Bully said...

Dammitall, human!
I'm a powerful weapon.
Not magic eight ball.

Mike said...

Perfectly coifed hair,
Wears tights and bright jewelry,
What a gay icon. :)

Bobby Flashpants said...

Recruit horny Hal!
The Guardians? Cosmic Pimps.
He gets them dwarf porn.

Des said...

If I use all my
willpower I may yet look
up her tight, short skirt.

Yellow underwear?!
Damn this ludicrous weakness
all to Oan Hell!

Lucky Alan Scott!
The hot ones don't wear wooden
underwear, ever.

Derek B. Haas said...

Yellow underwear?!
Damn this ludicrous weakness
all to Oan Hell!


The winner, forever.

Anonymous said...

dear runaway bride
hal has your crazy big eyes.
do you have a ring?

John DiBello said...

Kyle Rayner, he
was politcally correct.
Hal makes up for him.

Scipio said...

MIKE! I just noticed that was YOU with "icon" post...

WELCOME!

Haole said...

I think to the ring
but talk aloud to myself
i need to get some

i am the supreme
green love machine not ollie
dawn should be with me

with a power ring
no woman can resist me
better not tell guy

k26dp said...

What is Hal doing?
The same thing anyone would do
If they only could

Chris Arndt said...

I'm curious. Did the ring tell him about the girl?