Darkseid, on Confidence

As we've said before, of all the villainous virtues, the greatest is Confidence...

"My thinking is flawless, Stranger! My planning impeccable!"
Darkseid, "Send for...the Suicide Squad!"

He's split off from the real universe, living in a bleak cul-de-sac on the other side of the dimensional tracks. His every follower is a spineless lickspittle whose collective spunk and ability for independent thought is less than that a Daily Planet cub reporter or an enfeebled British manservant. He wears fishing boots, a mini-skirt, and a crash helmet.

And, despite a fantastic press machine, he has...never...done...anything.

BUT. His thinking is flawless, his planning impeccable. So watch out.

The Clock Maker, on Punctuality

The villainous virtue of Planning has a twin: the villainous virute of Punctuality.

Bombs are always "set to go off at the stroke of midnight." Big heists are supposed to go "exactly as scheduled." Deathtraps are often "precisely timed." And when the hero shows up, what does the villain say? "Ah, right on cue, Exemplar Man!"

Villains are punctual people and they take the time to teach us to be punctual, too. Take, for example, The Clock Maker:

"Murders! Murderers of time! You kill time every day! You kill precious seconds that might be used in doing something! Seconds ... minutes ... hours hurry past you and you kill every one of them! Murderers! All these faces...these hundreds of pairs of hands accuse you of murder! If I had my way I'd see to it that time would kill you!! Time would murder you!"

Mr. Brock, "The Clock Maker!"

In case you missed it, Mr. Brock was rather down on those who wasted time. So, be prompt and don't fritter away your time.

Or an old man may blow you up with an exploding alarm clock or mow you down with a big sickle.

Clock King, on Purpose

"You ruined my life, archer...you and that quack doctor! Well, now you're both going to pay for that when the bomb goes off ... even if I die in the process!" 

Purpose is a cardinal villainous virtue.A life without purpose has no meaning. The wise Clock King knows this. His purpose in life is to destroy the enemies who destroyed his life. Well, not destroyed, really, because he's still alive. And has a groovy costume. And an entry in Who's Who. None of which he would have had, if his life had not been "ruined". In fact, if his life hadn't been "ruined", it wouldn't have had any purpose, and a life without purpose has no meaning. Hmm. Now we know why Clock King isn't cited as an exemplar of the villainous virtue of Logic.

Alaktor, on Punctuality

Someone pointed out that our previous post on the villainous virtue of Punctuality wasn't really on "punctuality" but on "not wasting time".

Touche. But "not wanting to waste time-iness" doesn't haven't quite the ring of "punctuality", so I'll stick with calling it the latter, imprecise though it may be! I wonder how Alaktor would feel about that...?

"Stop wasting time! Your super-powers are helpless against us! Well, what is your answer? Remember, your refusal to surrender means your certain destruction!"
Alaktor, "The Civil War of the Legion"

Ah, Alaktor. He had no powers, but his back-up singers were Nero, John Dillinger, and Hitler, which really lent him cachet.

Ordinarily, if you have no powers and your teammates are a fat sissy in a toga, a gun-less gangster, and a dictator without a country, taking on the Legion of Super-Heroes would make you an exemplar of Confidence, not Punctuality.

But snitty Alaktor is always pressuring everyone to stick to his personal schedule for galactic domination...even though he has a Time Bubble!

Two-Face, on Logic

Everybody understands the importance of logical thinking, but a villain understands its role. Logic is not a master that should constrain you; it is a tool to be used to ones own ends.

No one understands that better than Two-Face, who is capable of justifying any action as either good or bad, depending on how the coin lands. Can you tell he used to be a lawyer?

"I'm a freak, now... a monster! So I seek the company of other monsters, criminals, murderers, thieves! They are my friends...and you are my enemy...that's why you must die!
Harvey "Two-Face" Dent, "The End of Two-Face"

Now, how do you argue against that?

The Penny Plunderer, on Logic

Speaking of coins...

"Pennies...and coppers! They did this to me! Pennies...coppers...copper pennies! I hate them all! When I get out, I'll get back at coppers and pennies! I'll fight coppers--with pennies! Every job I pull will involve pennies! My crime symbol will be PENNIES!"
Joe "the Penny Plunderer" Coyne, "The Penny Plunderers"

Logic is not a cold, hard thing. In the hands of a properly inspired villain, it can be warm, vibrant, and beauteous. If Two-Face is the greatest proponent of villainous logic, Joe Coyne is its patron saint. If you read the above sentence every day after you wake up and every night before you go to sleep, you will gain the power to justify any course of action you wish to take in your life.

Try it.

The Square Root of the Calculator = The Atom-Master

The Calculator, brilliant reconceived as an anti-Oracle by some guy named Meltzer (Hi, Brad!), is the breakout character from Identity Crisis. Not only was he a lynchpin of IC, he's one of the six directors of the Secret Society of SuperVillians. Why, with only Batman, Superman, and Green Lantern for company, he even has a Team Ability named after him in Heroclix .

A lot of fans pride themselves on knowing Calculator's wacky 1970s origin. In a memorable series of back-up stories across the DCU, some nut/genius dressed like a giant calculator ran around stealing treasures at the apex of their value, fighting individual JLA members, and "inoculating" himself against defeat aftewards with his "special button". The Calculator had a panel strapped to his chest and a helmet that materialized solid objects by rearranging the atoms of dust molecules in the air. Naturally, he was finally captured by ... you guessed it ... Batman, who turned his own weapon against him (the Calculator returned in the 1980s to battle the Atom, AirWave, and Blue Beetle).

But what most fans haven't noticed is that the original Calculator himself is a redux of a different character: the Atom-Master.

Bob Rozakis may be wacky but he's no fool. Steeped as he is in the history and traditions of DC, when pressed to create a new villian, Bob can reach into his big bag of forgotten villains, dust one off, give it a new coat of paint, and voila, a sensational character find! This time he did just that, by reviving of one ... the Forgotten Villains.

Can't name 'em, can ya? They were six painfully obscure villains who banded together, at least from their perspective, to conquer the universe. But from the DC editorial perspective, their function was to give the Forgotten Heroes someone to fight. None of the other Forgotten Villains matters (there was one named "Enchantress"; I wondered what ever happened to her...?) to us here, but the Atom-Master...!

The Atom-Master had a panel strapped to his chest and wore a helmet that materialized solid objects by rearranging the atoms of the dust molecules in the air. Sound familiar? Yep--

The Calculator,
now one of the best known villains in the DCU,
is the direct "descendant" of
the Atom-Master,
now one of the least known villians in the DCU.

Just another example of why DC is cool, folks.

Oddly Weak

Saturn Girl tunes in to the "Cup o' Joe" panel at the San Diego Comic-Con.

The Perfect Character

"we suddenly realized who the perfect character would be to tie all these other characters together – the one anchor character who’s not Superman or Batman who ties together many of the various aspects of the DC Universe. I know – it sounds ultra mysterious, but I think if you put two seconds to it as a fan…you’ll stumble across the answer.”

That's a Mark Waid quote from the recent announcement about the return of Brave & The Bold.

In my neck of the woods, we hope the character Waid's talking about is the Martian Manhunter. As you may have guessed from a number of previous things I've posted about the Martian Manhunter, I'm happy to hear he'll be getting more play.

I mean, who else could he be talking about? Zatanna? Phantom Stranger? Adam Strange?

Give your opinion and answer the poll about it!

Stupid Hero Quote

"I'm not sure what happened myself! I actually was close to death--in a coma--when I suddenly awoke in the brownstone's basement next to some of those sneakers!"

Ah, comic books. In what other medium could you run across the words coma, brownstone, basement, and sneakers all in the same sentence without being dumbfounded?

This speaker of this Stupid Hero Quote was clearly dumbfounded, himself! You would be, too, if you'd read the story...

The Cross-Company Draft

"The cops of [Gotham Central] are the best [Gotham] has and being a Gotham cop is hard. They [operate] in a city where Killer Croc is not considered a major player and that is creepy. I love Marvel but honestly, if you set DC’s rogues loose in The Marvel Universe for just five minutes, they’ll come back to The DCU drinking Pimp Juice from Spider-Man’s jewel encrusted skull."

That was taken from a couple of Thor's Comic Column reviews that I, Devon of "Seven Hells!," have done over the last two years. Ideas, that while talking to Scip yesterday, spawned forth, a beautiful, wonderful idea.

DC and Marvel Comics NEED to hold a draft. A draft where characters can find a "home" after being overshadowed by far superior heroes and villains.

Let's face it: some characters work better than others. The Joker is a once-in-a-lifetime treasure. Marvel's Turner D. Century is a dime-a-dozen villain, worthy of a bullet in the head and yet, I wonder what he could have accomplished if he were afforded the respect of say a DC villain, like....I dunno...Chronos or The Clock King?

With that being said, I'd like to formally offer up for trade to Marvel, a character tailor-made for the Marvel Universe.

He's got everything a good Marvel villain needs. He has super-strength! He's misunderstood, a victim of circumstances beyond his control. He is a former professional wrestler as was the hero to whose Rogues Gallery I'd like to see him join. He is a thief, a master extortionist and a finer pimp you'll never find. He is...

Killer Croc!!!!

Marvel you need this monster! With the majority of Spider-Man's villainy (The Scorpion. Dr. Octopus. The Vulture. The Grizzly.) adopting some sort of animal totem, he'd fit right in. With the original Scorpion, Mac Gargan, currently filling the role of Venom, someone needs represent the "reptile" in Spidey's menagerie.

Who better than Killer Croc?

In a universe where killer clowns massacre innocents using poisoned fish, the DCU has little use for a super-powered pimp with a rash.

Killer Croc has super-strength AND he was a wrestler? So was Spider-Man. Marvel, can you imagine the carnage these two could inflict to downtown Manhattan? My God, I'm practically handing it to you!!!

What will DC take in return? Good question.

Seven Hells has a better answer....

Brave & The Bold

There are many pleasurable elements to the announcement that DC will start publishing Brave and the Bold again (as predicted by Seven Hells, by the way). But none as funny as this:

"It’s always going to be a tightrope walk between characters that we know will absolutely, positively goose the sales, and characters that may not be as hot, sales-wise at that moment, but regardless, are pretty interesting. We can’t do Adam Strange and Metamorpho, for example. No one’s going to buy that."

particularly since it was preceded several paragraphs before by:

"The fun of it, of course, is finding the plot devices that would allow you to have, say, Batman and Green Lantern in issue #1, and then Green Lantern and, hypothetically speaking, Supergirl in issue #2, and Supergirl and Hawkman in issue #3, or whatever..."

Heh. Being petty can be fun...

How Smart is Batman?

Smart enough...
to invent an untraceable "date drug"
for those cold, Robin-less nights.

Dark Knight Archives Volume 2

Let's see what choicy quotes from Batman await us within The Dark Knight Archives Volume 2 ...

"Now to crack a couple of nuts!"
The Golden Age Batman did not fight nice.

"I--I--I think I'm going to be a sissy and faint, Doc--sorry!"
Oh, Batman you're a sissy, but you're a polite sissy, and we love you for it.

"I've got money, good looks..."
And modesty, Bruce. Don't forget modesty.

"Next time I'll drive your head down so far you'll be able to chew on your shoes!"
Batman can also tell a pretty mean "yo' mama" joke, so don't sass him.

"I'm coming up there to get you! I'm walking up the steps now!"
An urban guerilla like Batman knows the value of the element of surprise.

"Let's borrow this car!"
Borrow? Borrow!? Face it, people, Batman's a crook.

"It's easy for anybody to put on a Batman costume and throw suspicion on me!"
Shut up, Batman, we saw you take the car.

"Now, Mr. Murder, let's see who--"
I guess he'll catch up with Mr. Mugger and Mr. Burglar later.

"C'mon, Robin, we've got a date with the Joker."
*Shudder*.

Starman's Drama is Beyond Mere Verbs

"Readers watching!
Drama--paramount!!
Verbs--superfluous!!!"

The Most Beautiful Object in the Universe

It's so--
so beautiful *sob*!

Old Grey Eyes

If you aren't reading Wonder Woman, please tell me why not.

I'm not an "automatic fan" of Greg Rucka's writing. I dropped Gotham Central because the whole "police procedural" routine just didn't do it for me.

But Rucka's work on Wonder Woman has me riveted. His characterizations and use of mythological figures is spot on (something that matters to me a lot because I'm a Classicist). He's created an intriguing supporting cast, revitalized her rogue's gallery, and shephered her through a heroic quest that's resulted in strong, positive character development for her, her companions, and her opponents. He's even given her a new "power"!

Her new ability, a greater intelligence in how she sees the world around her, comes from the gift of a portion of Athena's eyesight. This shows substantial erudition on Rucka's part; in Classical literature Athena's frequent epithet "grey-eyed" was symbolic of her ability to see the world more wisely and dispassionately than her fellow gods. Rucka's followed through by having Athena's intelligence and wisdom allow her to take control of a new Information Age Olympus. Now that WW shares Athena's vision, her new eyes are prominently colored grey (DC artists: do not EVER forget this henceforth!) and she perceives much more clearly her immediate surroundings.

A good writer like Rucka doesn't TELL us this, he shows us. John Byrne would have had WW say, "By partaking in a share of the divine vision of my patron and ruler of Olympus, grey-eyed Athena, goddess of wisdom, I now have to ability to perceive the world as it is, not as others might wish it, and other people as they truly are, not as they wish to be perceived! It would seem that, though no longer the goddess of truth, yet I remain its acolyte." *Sigh*.

But Greg Rucka allows Wonder Woman to realize that Cassie needs to be left alone to process her new knowledge about her father; that her associate whose child she brought back from the dead is still uncomfortable with her because she caused the death to begin (a brilliant touch of emotional realism from Rucka); and that the staffer whom we readers thought had a crush on her is actually a Checkmate spy. All of this happens simply, subtly, and immediately.

This subtle power is not only a logical extension of Athena's power, but of Wonder Woman's, almost as if her lasso were now, well, in her eyes. Superman, with his super-vision, sees. Batman, with his deductive powers, observes. Now, Wonder Woman, with her grey eyes, perceives.

Krakks in the Facade

Um.

Is the identicality of the KRAKKs an homage or is there some sort of template they use for this stuff? Pardon me if I'm being naive...

Can some of you art-types explain it to me?

Tarnished Wings of Silver...

Oh, happy innocent Silver Age Batman & Hawkman--*sob*--
what .... what happened to you? *choke*!
By the way,
the sound of a right cross is still "KRAKK".

No.

The Emperor Without Clothes

All-Star Batman & Robin #1 is atrocious.

The art is lovely. The lettering is exemplary. The writing is overwhelmingly crappy.

I don't know any woman who talks like this version of Vicki Vale, and I hope I never do. "How lame is that?" "That's so cool!" Frank Miller may be writing her for the slavering adolescent fanboys of Wizard Magazine ("It's got a lot of babes in it!"), but that doesn't mean she should talk like them. It undermines the character's credibility, particularly since she's supposed to be a high-class columnist.

Frank. Repeating things does not make them meaningful. Repeating things does not make them meaningful. Repeating things. Does not. Make them. Meaningful.

Batman's been stalking Dick Grayson? Waiting for his parents to die, or what? You're just creepy, Frank.

There was classic comic book irony to the original death of Dick's parents, by falling. The "Flying" Graysons became the Dying Graysons. Shot in the head by snipers? Nothing Frank can pull out of his butt in this storyline can possibly justify this needless and savage rewrite of the second most important moment in the Batman & Robin mythos.

*Sigh*. Did Robin's origin really need corrupt, child-abusive cops, Frank? Is watching your parents die in front of you not enough?

Everyone who's seen the original scene of Batman comforting Dick after his parents have died will never forget it. Everyone who's seen Frank's version of Batman "drafting" Dick as a "soldier" in his "war" will spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it. Yes, Frank, "Jason was a good soldier"; or to Carrie, "Good soldier". We get it, Frank. It's stupid, unrealistic, and makes Batman horribly unsympathetic. Stop it, or go write Captain America.

No one wants "Batman & Robin" to succeed more than I do (well, maybe DiDio). But I know an Emperor Without Clothes when I see one. I just hope the title survives Miller's idiocy and that no one gives the book to any children until it's got a new writer.

The REAL Cat-Man

As anyone reading Villians United knows, the re-invented Cat-Man is the sensational character find of 2005. Cat-Man's original shtick had been a cape of questionable magical properties that granted him nine lives, and an unhealthy fixation on Batwoman (*snort*), so when she fell from public view, so did he. He had the chance to die a couple of times before then; fell into a cataract, hit a buoy with his speedboat. You know, fun "watery grave" stuff that lets you bring villains back later. Why, the Joker "falls to his death" into the water so much, Aquaman made him an honorary citizen of Atlantis. But I digress...

Wacky Bob Rozackis, his mind affected by breathing the fumes that back issues emanate, brought Cat-Man back in 1977 to fight the Freedom Fighters in Minneapolis. Scary; don't think about it.

Then Len Wein used him in 1980 in a Catwoman story, during one of her "good girl" periods, where he tried to frame her for his crimes. Another great Cat-Man water death; falls into a live geyser. Yowtch.

Society's enemy Gerry Conway (*shudder*) brought CM back a year later in a follow-up, another face off against Catwoman. This time he fell off his yacht and into the bay, from which he had to be rescued because he "couldn't swim". I'm sure Ger thought that was so darned cute (cats can't swim, har har har!) that it was worth ignoring the 14 or 15 previous times Cat-Man survived a watery grave. Dork.

For an "obscure villain," Cat-Man has been remarkably busy. He worked for the Joker against Killer Croc (who killed him ... well, almost). Later he broke into the Batcave, believe it or not. He worked for Brainiac during Crisis (1985). He worked for Ra's (1986). He fought Manhunter Mark Shaw (1987). He tangled with Catwoman (1990). He kidnapped the mayor of Gotham (1992). He fought Catwoman (again!) and the Cat-Cult he stole his magic cape from (1995). He told Neron to buzz off (1995). He fought G'Nort (1998). [Not many characters could tell off Neron AND fight G'Nort; Cat-Man is astonishingly versatile.]

More recently, when the Gotham earthquake hit, he hoodwinked the KGBeast during a prison break-out and escaped by swimming away. Must get that issue and mail it to Conway. Fought Black Condor II in Opal City. In JSA #28, he's in the audience at Roulette's House. Yeesh, Cat-Man is a more frequent "special guest villain" than Burgess Meredith!

Then, during his run on Green Arrow, Brad Meltzer re-introduced him as a washed up loser and wife-beater (Hi, Brad!). Brad's unflattering portrayal of CM was the last straw for the angry Cat-gods, it seems, who commanded DiDio et al. to MAKE CAT-MAN COOL. Not "cool again"; Cat-Man had never been cool before. He was always just another villainous "rip-off" of Batman. Or WAS he...?

In fact, Cat-Man is a copy of another hero entirely: Cat-Man.

The original Cat-Man was a Golden Age hero with 33 issues of his own comic published during 1940-1946. He was created by Holyoke Publications, whose company unheavals resulted in a complex numbering system for Cat-Man issues, comprehensible only to people like long-time Legion fans.

Cat-Man was your standard sock-'em-in-the jaw kind of guy, in a jarring reddish-orange and yellow costume that looked, well, exactly like DC's Cat-Man. He was Army captain David Merrywhether, who, abandoned in the jungle as an infant, had been raised by tigers. No, really. Naturally, this gave him felinified powers and abilities. It's a comics thing.

The Cat-Man Comic was notable for three reasons. (other than the eye-stabbing brightness of his costume).

First, Cat-Man had a female sidekick named, of course, "Kitten" (*snicker*!). She was his, um, "female ward", Katie Conn. Rrowwr!

Second, his comics had gorgeous cover art, courtesy of Puerto Rican artist Alex Schomburg and L.B. Cole (see illustration at right), which has made the Golden Age rarities pricey acquisitions.

Third, Cat-Man Comics housed Joe Kubert's first comic book story, "Voltron", which he pencilled, inked, and lettered ... at age 12. You go, little Joe!

Now, none of this should be confused with the 1950s Australian comic, Catman, who looked exactly like the love-child of the original Cat-Man and the Golden Age Starman (what DRAMA!).

Anyway, if modernized ultra-cool (and, I might add, disturbingly studly) Cat-Man doesn't get a sidekick named "Kitten" by the end of the year, I'm going to be mighty disappointed!

When I was born

When I was born....

Eclipso tried to destroy his alter ego / arch enemy Bruce Gordon by using a giant, red ore-crushing robot.

Named "Roger".

*Sigh*.

Why are robots always red?
Who names an ore-crusher?
Why would it have feet?
Does Eclipso not know how to use a gun?

The Silver Age is like my dog;
I love it, but it really makes my head hurt.

Victory is Cold and Dark

Ordinarily I don't brag about my Heroclix victories (on-line anyway) ... because I usually lose. But, because I'm still bitter over losing certain other competitions (damn you, Wangari Maathi, and your trendy, pacifying headwear!), I'll revel in my win at last's night clix table (despite the risk of on-line or real-time retaliation from a noted blogger whom one does not wish to anger).

We played two games to inaugurate the new water and ice map from Xion Studios; no blocking terrain, only six squares of terrain to stealth in, basically a tiny icy shooting gallery. For giggles, I fielded a "Cold and Dark" theme team of villains; Experienced "Please Heal Me with Your Warmth!" Killer Frost, Rookie "Slowly Moving Target" Mr. Freeze, Rookie "Not in the Face!" Obsidian, Rookie "I'll Be Way Over Here" Shade, Rookie "Worst Dial Ever" Penguin.

A fun, but hopeless team, particularly since the other two teams included the likes of the illegal promo Batman from Icons & Veteran Arcane, a "Four Elements" group of Hawkman, Aquaman, Firestorm, and Clayface, a JSA group of Mr. Terrific, Stargirl, Black Canary, Hawkgirl, and the Asian tigers Talia, Ra's Al Ghul, and Lady Shiva.

I won. Twice. I didn't even lose any figures. There are gods, people, and they are evil!

Why did I win? Because my mind channeled the collective genius and expertise of Per Degaton, Vandal Savage, Kanjar Ro, the Ultrahumanite, and all world-conquering DC villains who always lose. That, and nearly constant use of Stealth, Smoke Cloud, and Barrier on a map where hiding was difficult. Best moment? The Penguin clobbering that preening poseur Ra's Al Ghul with a critical hit. I almost called my mother: "What's that, Ma? Your grandchildren have formed a musical group and are appearing on next week's Star Search? That's, um, real cute, Ma, but let me tell you about my Rookie Penguin...!"

Give DC Heroclix a try, gang. It's more fun than you think!

The Human Flying Fish Speaks Out!

There is no justice in this world!

I, Vic Bragg, am the Human Flying Fish, bravest criminal of ALL TIME. Once you have seen me, my image is burned upon the back of your retina for all time; close your eyes, for I am there!

Why am I not in Villains United?! Ragdoll? Crime Doctor? The friggin' CATMAN? What about ME?!

Before there was Dr. Geist, there was Dr. Krill. When Dr. Krill, your average criminal mastermind / marine biologist / surgeon, needed a human guinea pig for his bizarre experiments to twist the human form by installing gills into lungs, what did I say?

"Sure, doc, I'll play guinea pig!"

Now, THAT'S bravery, folks. I had to recovery for several months after my surgeries (Doc performed those on a hijacked "Hospital Ship"; oh, they're all over the ocean, really). Was I scared? No.

Was I scared to don a golden yellow wetsuit with water wings and look like Esther Williams brain-damaged offspring? No.

Okay, one does put on some weight after several months of bedrest, and I was afraid of looking fat in front of the fans, so I had Paul Gambi whip me up this snazzy bodice with slimming purple and white stripes and a snug little black cinch; stylin'!

So with only some risky experimental and unnecessary surgery on my lungs, a few months of bed rest, and a willingness to dress like Batman's astonishingly flamboyent cousin, NOW look at what I can do. I can catch seagulls, man. Do have any idea what the black market for seagulls is? I'm telling you, that Doc Krill's a friggin' genius! He's right, we were ready to clean up a fortune!

I started by scoring this discarded beachball that had floated out to sea. I wanted to sell it on E-bay but Doc said, naw, we'll ransom it back to the kid's family. Doc's a smart one! He's a mind-reader, too, as you can see. As you can see from the panel, Doc can hear my thoughts! I think I love him.

Well, I would have gotten away with it -- except for that dork, Aquaman. Who wears gloves to go swimming? Dang it all; do you know how hard it is to find an undamaged, lost beachball? Aquaman can ruin anything; the Superfriends, the Atlantic Ocean, even the Detroit League; loser.

Then he caught me when I was trying to steal an empty box. Ever notice there are no Container Stores at beach towns? There aren't. Doc coulda found a buyer for that box, and we woulda been living on easy street, with enough money for me to go on wearing gold lame skintight costumes and for Doc to continue performing radical surgeries on my vital systems for the rest of our friggin' lives, man. Doc and I would have been so... happy *sniff*!

Shut up, Aqualad, you big-headed purple-eyed little FREAK! When we get out of prison several decades from now, Doc and I are gonna track down that box and mail it to Aquaman with your severed mishaped dwarf head inside, no matter how many years or stamps it takes! No one mocks the Human Flying Fish ... and lives.