Showing posts sorted by relevance for query halo. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query halo. Sort by date Show all posts

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Hating Halo

There are nine levels in Hell and, in each, you are greeted by Halo, wearing a different costume.

Halo, for those of you blessed by ignorance of her, was a member of "the Outsiders". Because nothing says "outsider" like teenage blondes with rainbow-striped hair and a skating outfit.

Why did the editor not stop this monstrosity? Oh, that's right; the editor was Len Wein. Can't you hear the pitch? "It's Rainbow Raider meets Kitty Pride! It's Rainbow Brite meets Jade! It's Color Kid meets Amethyst!"

It's head meets hammer is what it is. If I'd been there, I'd have worn my Punisher T-shirt and there would have been no survivors.

Halo is an underage re-animated corpse with amnesia. Let's just call that Strike One.

Strike Two: Halo's origin involved not one but two moronic Mike W. Barr homonym-based characters: Syonide and the Aurakles. Didn't I hear them play at Ladies Night at the Black Cat on 14th St.?

It is axiomatic that homonymous characters are stupid. They are based on rhyming, which appeals to the lowest levels of literate humor (naturally, there are lower levels of humor that are subliterate, such as Bodily Function -based humor). Rhyming is for children, who delight in discovery familar sound patterns as they acquire language; nursery rhymes, Dr. Suess, the poetry of Maya Angelou. Nothing in comics is stupider than the "rhyming demon" shtick that poor Etrigan got stuck with. I mean, how bad is it when I feel pity for a Jack Kirby character?

Strike Three: Halo has a spectrum of powers, one for each color of the rainbow. I dare you to say that to non-comic book reader without being embarrassed. I dare you to say that out loud without being embarrassed.

Color-coordinated kryptonite?
Okay, that makes some sense; I mean, sapphires and rubies are kind of like that. Color-coordinated emotional spectra and the Green Lanterns' "necessary impurity"? Um... well, marginal, but I'll buy it in a broad metaphorical way. Actual color-based powers including the Purple Ray of Unhealing as wielded by a woman named "Violet"? Shoot me now, then subscribe me to Power Pack and G.I. Joe.

Note that I've reached three strikes just instrinsic to her character; I haven't even touched on what she's actually like or her storyline. I may do that at some later date, but only after consultation with my physician.

I'd really like to try to explain to you how much I hate Halo, but I only know about 7 or 8 languages, which means I don't know nearly enough words to attempt the task. The League of Halo-Haters; The Halo Revenge Squad; The Legion of Halo's Doom; I belong to them all.

Here's how much I hate Halo. Some poor mad fool has made a Halo custom Heroclix figure (no doubt as part of his craft therapy at The Home). One of you self-styled Halo-lovers better buy it soon, or in a month or so, I will buy it and set it on my windowsill under a magnifying glass to watch it slowly melt away, as a sort of a Christmas gift to myself...!

So act now; save Halo, save the world.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

"Haloes belong with the angels, kiddo..."

As some of you may know, the fabulous new DC Heroclix set, Origin, came out recently. In my part of town, we celebrated publicly with a marquee tournament at Big Monkey, whose highlights included a player pulling one of the four extremely rare "chase" figures (specifically, Hippolyta).

Privately, we debuted the set at my house last Monday with a heavyweight grudge match between Devon "Charge is My Middle Name" Sanders and Glen "My Plan Can Only Fail If I Roll a Two" Weldon.

It's always a clash of styles between those two. Devon lurks behind trees, then leaps out screaming to smack you in the face with some sacrificial berserker; once the damage is done he sends out his Untouched Secondary Attacker he's been holding in reserve to KO whoever remains. Meanwhile, Glen, who was graduated My Great Attack-a from the Wile E. Coyote School of Strategy, is preparing byzantine four-part maneuvers involving a minimum of three mental powers, two feat cards, one team ability, and a Dane Dorrance pog -- schemes so brilliant, in fact, that they can fail only if Glen rolls a 5 or less twice in a row, which he does almost every turn.

When Devon laid out his team on the board -- Wildcat, Hawkman, Catman, Blackhawk, and Mister Miracle -- he feigned to be innocently composing a team entirely of figures from the new set. But it was obvious what he was really up to: it was one of his Testosterone Teams. If you know Devon's style of play, his merely placing those figures on the board said: "I am the Dale Gunn of Earth Prime and your team is about to be drowned in Aqua Velva."

Glen, just as subtly, said simply, "Oh; well, then..." and placed his team on the board:

Supergirl, Wonder Girl, Triplicate Girl, and Halo, saying, in essence, "I can trounce you with a team of teenage blondes."


Oh, it was on. Very on.

I knew what I needed to do; I removed the breakables, sent the dog to the bedroom, and got a pad and pen to take notes with.

The Girls dealt the Boys a swift initial smackdown. In their opening salvos, Halo and Supergirl kayoed Devon's avatar, Hawkman; meanwhile, Glen, master of psychological warfare, sipped his cosmo and chatted about manga influences in Miss Martian's costume design. The whole thing couldn't have been better calculated to demoralize Devon, although I thought Glen went too far when he blew his nose on an issue of DC Presents Lady Cop.

Who needs to go see 300?, I thought; this is a battle. Glen's Girls had additional successes; Halo blasted Wildcat for 3 clicks and Blackhawk for 5, proving that war is Halo.

But, much to his credit, Devon kept his cool, ingeniously using Mr. Miracle to make the Girls vulnerable even to attacks by his weaker characters, like Catman and Blackhawk. A lesser man would have given up; I surely would have, and at one point I urged Devon to concede that he had lost. But he persevered and, through clever use of his figures, wound up with his last one, Wildcat, kayoing Glen's last figure, the upstart Halo.

The moral?

Heroclix is more fun when you play theme teams, rather than just teams designed perfectly for winning.


What? You were expecting, "Never give up; never surrender"?


Anyway, this post introduces a new feature here at the Absorbascon: Theme Teams on Parade, in which I will offer Heroclix Theme Teams of my own devising. Look for it.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Halo asks for your lack of hate


halo
Originally uploaded by Scipio1.
Um, I'm "Halo" and I'm kinda the last person in the Comeback Poll. Please don't hate me.

Uh, my origin's sorta...complicated. But it involves ancient energy beings with an unlikely pun for a name ("The Aurakles"? Didn't they open for the Beatles?), Tobias Whale, Baron Bedlam, Jason Bard, Dr. Moon, Syonide, Kobra, the King of Markovia, and multiple body switching. As for my powers, er, just think of me as the Rainbow Raider's little sister.

Do you like the rainbow action in my hair and my I-don't-sweat-I-glow aura? I think they were supposed to appeal to the 'girls aged 10-13' demographic. Oh, and I have an "anomalous brainwave pattern", at least, that's what polite people call it.

I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself! My real name is Gabrielle Doe. And Violet Harper. And Melissa Brown. Whichever; I'll answer to hey-you, actually. My codename "Halo", well, Batman gave that to me when he found me unconscious in the middle of a forest in an Eastern European principality. Batman's like that. Always wandering around the world, finding wounded strays, anthropomorphizing them with cute names, and taking them home to show Alfred. "This is my little bird with broken parents, I named him Robin; I found this nasty rat in an alley, I call him Jason; this rabid racoon with busted language skills I call Batgirl 'cuz she doesn't need a real name."

I'm, uh, I'm also kinda the reason Batman left the JLA. So I guess I'm the proximate cause of the breakup of the classic JLA, and the creation of the Detroit League and the Giffen League.

Oh. Please don't hate me...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Things That Made Me Happy

in my comics this week.

  • Acts-of-villains riders.
  • Well, as unlikely as it may seem, the Outsiders has officially become interesting.
  • Really, don't you think Gizmo should have replaced his glasses by now? Or at least his eye? Does he not have an image consultant?
  • Heh. Calling him "Carl".
  • Talking bombs. With shark faces. I love comics.
  • Hm. Barbara Gordon... Red Lantern...?
  • She's a Major? ROTFL!
  • THAT is the perfect title for the last issue of Robin. Nice one.
  • "Psyche!"
  • Wait is that... a giant bullet-shaped cenotaph? Instant classic.
  • Robin beats Shiva. Pure brilliance. That is why I love Tim Drake.
  • Heh. Calling him "a transformative figure".
  • That's the first explanation of the Outsiders that has every made sense to me.
  • Not at ALL something I expected to find out about Superwoman. Psyche, indeed.
  • Geo-Force working for a servant. Delicious!
  • DC really needs to start selling notebooks with that black hand symbol on them.
  • Roy Raymond, Jr. I am nonplussed. In a good way.
  • Batman and Rocket totally need to go out.
  • I assume that kissing him is pretty much like eating a mud pie.
  • Okay. Metamorpho is officially really creepy now.
  • Huh. Don't you think that she, of all people, would be a bit more freaked about getting a doll in the mail?
  • Now that is the way to quit your job. On live teevee.
  • Ryan is right; it is Nekron, isn't it?
  • Roy's "Marsh Marsha Marsha" moment.
  • Hm... Halo's possible role in the Blackest Night? Interesting. Yeah... I just said "Halo interesting".

Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Gunman

Next in our on-going series of goon tokens to assist your villainous Heroclix figures is the classic Gunman.

The Gunman gets its stats from the Sarge Steel pog (and very nice stats they are, too, particularly for only 8 points).

Perhaps you don't want to spend a 100 points on tokens every game, but there are worst investments than a handful of Gunmen. Don't underestimate the amount of damage some Gunmen can do to the host of figures without any damage-reducing powers. Black Lightning, Alan Scott, Mister Miracle, Batman, Halo, et al.-- they could all get shot by the Gunman.

Especially
Halo. Repeatedly.

And who is our charming model for this token? The Gunman is Michael "the Mutt" Conway, who's currently wanted on multiple counts of Assault with a Deadly Weapon and Generally Looking Really Mean. You wouldn't know it to look at him, but Mike's a thespian. Of course, if you call him that to his face, you'll be eating bullets for breakfast.

Mike earns a really nice living using human beings for target practice, but he still shaves his head with a broken bottle, not to save money, but just because he likes the feel of it.

Mike the Mutt looks like he lives in a bad neighborhood, but there's one nice thing about it: no squirrels. Not any more.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Keep Your Head in the Game


My original plan for today was to post my next "Least Likely to Change" installment, but something happened today to change that.

Today, I received in the mail my latest shipment of customized Heroclix.

Dale, whom you will recognize as frequent commenter "Totaltoyz", made me a nice group of clix that Wizkids hasn't gotten around to making you and probably never will.

I got Argus. I think he's an underused part of the Flash Family, as in both the comics and Heroclix, that team could use somebody who has a schtick that isn't dependent on superspeed. He's on an Azrael dial. After all, what else can you do with an Azrael?

I got the Rainbow Raider (surfing the spectrum with stolen painting in arm), because, well, it's funny. Besides putting him on an Experienced Halo amuses me. I enjoy dissing characters I don't like by stealing their dials for demeaning customs. Especially Halo.

I adore the Busiek-style Prankster (armed with Kryptonite Custard Pie). He's on a very capable 107 point Joker dial, so he'll be a very worthy addition to the new Superman enemies coming out in the Justice League set.

I also got Mr. & Mrs. Menace, the Sportsmaster and the Golden Age Huntress. I love those two. We'll see how well they do against Rookie Alan Scott and Rookie Wildcat!

I got Dr. Impossible (because I helped name him), hilarious prehawkified Northwind (because he's just so fabulously faggy), and, of course, the Awesome Threesome of Torpedo-Man, Magnet-o, and Claw (because they are, ipso facto, awesome).

Oh, and just to give Aquaman a spot of extra trouble, I had "Devil Ray" from JLU made to act as an evil sidekick for Black Manta.

I even got a set of four G.O.O.N.s (surely you remember the Grand Order of Occidental Nighthawks?). Each wears a black derby and a turtleneck that says G.O.O.N. on it. They carry such deadly weapons as brass knuckles (nice touch, Dale!), pistols, a black round bomb that says "BOMB" on it, and an umbrella. Caped Crusader beware!

Ordinarily I would thank Dale for his amazing work (really, the pictures don't do these things justice) by email, but this time I am moved to do so publicly in a post. You should check out his Ebay page and order some custom clix of your own!

Dale also told me he was going to include a special gift to me for free, in appreciation for my support of his work. He tried to prepare me by saying that I should really by sitting down when I opened the box, or at least have someone at hand to assist me to the couch.

Naturally, I privately pooh-poohed this warning; you know how artists are about their work. My mistake. I did, in fact, stagger to couch with this surprise figure in hand, gasping for breath. I don't have a camera good enough to take a photo of it, but perhaps Dale will provide us with some.

It's 23 points. It has Charge and Leap/Climb. It has four clicks of life. Well... not life, really.

the Rolling Head of Pantha.

The "Superman Prime" Revenge Squad (6 figures at 697 points)

ID Name Points
J085Martian Manhunter
177
le027Veteran -Power Girl
120
U081Veteran Black Adam
150
le066Veteran Superboy
127
jl101Rolling Head of Pantha
23
cd217Krypto
100

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Custom Quartet

Remember voting a while ago on the next Heroclix that I should have custom-made?

Here are some of what you voted for!

ARGUS

Don't remember him? Aw, sure ya do! Argus is one of the two or three acceptable leftovers from the Bloodlines crossover. Argus sits on an experienced Azrael dial; I mean, it's not like I'd ever use Azrael! Argus lives in Keystone and will augment my Flash teams (which have very little variety in their abilities!)

CAL DURHAM

Cal Durham is the former Black Manta sidekick who went legit and was part of the extended Aquateam; nowadays, he's the mayor of Sub Diego. Naturally, Cal will help provide more options for my underwater games.


THE SPORTSMASTER

A Classic foe of the Golden Age Green Lantern and, of course, the star of the Greatest Story Ever Told. Sure, he may seem a little goofy, but none who used to fight Alan Scott to a standstill is a lightweight. So, he sits on a Veteran Taskmaster's dial, making him a nasty piece of work and one that could, with a bit a luck, actually take a chunk out of the original GL.


THE RAINBOW RAIDER

Really; what can be said about the Rainbow Raider that hasn't been said already? Besides, the Flash Rogues need some more muscle and he's actually pretty powerful.

Did I have him made because I love Rainbow Raider? No. He sits on a Halo dial. I had him made just because I hate Halo that much.

Monday, July 06, 2015

...the gang's all here-o!

This morning, DC announces a bunch of new miniseries, updating 'classic characters'.

In 2016, DC will launch Swamp ThingMetal MenRavenFirestormKatana: Cult of the KobraMetamorpho and Sugar & Spike. Some of the series will be written by the characters' original creators

Now, there's a lot I could talk about here...
but this is the only thing I WILL talk about:



Not Katana.  As dumb as that character is, it's clear they aren't going to leave her be, so contextualizing her with Kobra (and even dumber character of the same type) makes some sense.  

No, not Katana. 

That THING above her.  Which can only be:

HALO.

Hated, horrible Halo.

I can't WAIT.


Thursday, October 20, 2005

Top Five Crisis Makeovers: Batman?!


3. Batman.


Yes. Batman. Oh, it wasn't flashy like the Dr. Light and Firehawk makeovers. And it didn't happen in Crisis on Infinite Earths on panel, but it happened nonetheless.

Let's see what Batman was like during Crisis.



A wide-eyed goober, superpowerless from the waist down AND the waist up.

Sorry, gang. I'd love to blame Wolfman for this, but I can't. That's really how the Bronze Age Batman was.

In the Bronze Age JLA, even Aquaman could hit hard. But useless (Hi, Marv!) Batman mostly got stuck just piloting some Batvehicle. He spent all his time hanging out with -- how do I put this in a loving and supportive way? -- third-rate schmoes. Elongated Man,Metamorpho, the Metal Men, Katana, Halo, GeoForce. Is it any wonder the only constructive thing the Bronze Age Batman could do in Crisis was knock out Calendar Man. Heck, I could knock out Calendar Man. Marsha Mallow could knock out Calendar Man.

DC made a huge deal out of re-starting Superman and Wonder Woman, post-Crisis. Clever bit of misdirection, that. Yeah, Clark and Diana shed lots of their excess backstory in a big hypertime yard sale (I was there, and let me tell you, Alex Ross and Phil Jimenez are vicious little shoppers ....!). But, when you come right down to it, their personalities and costumes stayed nearly identical to their pre-Crisis versions.

But Batman? Well, this is Batman post-Crisis:


And that's before Jason got killed and he started to turn really scary.

The modern age Batman can star simultaneously in 11 different titles, guest-star in 3 others, appear in the second issue of every new series, and alienate the superhero community and the GCPD, while cobbling together a world-threatening omniscient artificial intelligence in his spare time. The post-Crisis Batman is more like the Golden Age one; he can defeat the arsenal of a terrorist country using only a paper clip and a Q-tip, increase voter turn-out through sheer force of will, and automatically cause anyone within a twenty-foot radius to have 34 percent fewer cavities. The modern Batman doesn't stand around uselessly during a Crisis ... he causes it. You show 'em, B-man!

Fooey on all those of you who think you want back the pre-Crisis Batman because this one "is a jerk"; I say you've forgotten what he was like. The post-Crisis Batman was the REAL Sensational Character Makeover of 1986, and don't you forget it!


"I'll get you for this, Scipio! Halo, help me!"

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Character Donations #75-78

What decent American could argue against donating the Masters of Disaster to Marvel?

Names that are the same as their powers or a pun based on their powers is the classic Marvel "mutant nomenclature". I'd say, based on their Who's Who entry, the "Masters of Disaster" meet that particular criterion...
  • New-Wave, the leader of the group, can transform her body into water, or any of the many forms water can take.
  • Windfall can control winds, ranging from gentle zephyrs to violent storms. She and New-Wave are sisters (New-Wave's first name being Becky), and Windfall witnessed their mother's murder at the hands of New-Wave.
  • Shakedown was ttemendously strong, and could generate vibratory forces that he can either channel through a medium or project toward a desired target. Shakedown had a crush on Windfall and felt frequently remorse for his violent actions.
  • Coldsnap is a human freezer unit, capable of genereating sub-zero temperatures and great quantities of ice. His normal body heat is conderably lower than the average.
  • Heatstroke can generate extremely high temperatures, as well as controlled bursts of flame. Her normal body heat is considerably above the average.
Let's see, can we struggle along without a team that was single-handedly defeated by Hooker the Girl Giftwrap? Just look at the Outsiders' faces; even that posse of misbegotten losers is clearly stupefied by the cheesiness of their opponents. Only the blissful Halo seems immune to mortification, enshrouded in the fog-like delusion that she's going to get her own book and violating the Fourth Wall Taboo. I suppose in order to be Halo in the first place you pretty much have to be immune to mortification.

New-Wave ("Wow, her name refers to powers AND her edge-hugging hipness; the kids will love her!") is yet another Zan-clone, whose principal accomplishment has been drowning Shakedown (hold back those tears, folks), which is a mercy-killing because anyone (other than Superman or Letterman) who has his initial(s) on his chest (as if when his mother sewed the costume she wanted to make certain he didn't confuse it with anyone else's in the supervillain's locker room) should clearly be put out of our misery.

New Wave's got "X-Factor" written all over her. Maybe, just maybe, if she could retain her cohesion in the sea, she'd make an okay one-time sparring partner for Aquaman, at least until he just sucked her up with his Mysticky Hand of Aquarius (tm), sending her off the Land of Liquid Fairies, who would, I'm sure, heal her tormented soul of its unquenched desires with the gentle licking of the lambent undulations of their blahbbity -blah -blah -blah (insert 12 issues of Rick Veitch here).

Windfall? Gee, another character who blows. Apparently, every one of these "Criminals of Crapola" teams has to have one member whoss power is being full of hot air (the Wind Elementals must have a strong union). Oh, but Windfall's special because she's torn between being a hero and being and villain, and she's New Wave's sister. Sisters with dissimilar elemental powers and internal disfunctional family strife? Vacillating between hero and villain due to moral uncertainty? Enjoy Marvel, ladies; go date the Summers Brothers.

And if you don't know the hideous Vertigoesque fate Grant Morrison doled out to Coldsnap & Heatstroke, who are Tragic Victims of Comic Book Irony (tm), in Aztek #7, then be happy I'm sparing you the details. What remains of them would feel at home among Marvel's Misunderstood Monsters, I'm sure.

The more I look at the "Masters of Disaster" the more I marvel that I didn't get around to donating them sooner. So many Misbegotten Creations of Enemy of Society Mike W. Barr, so little time...

My only problem is figuring out how MANY characters they count for (Shakedown = zero? "Heatsnap" = um, 2?); I'm calling it a non-fantastic four and moving on.

Friday, February 22, 2008

The Parental Trinity

We are used to thinking of Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman as "the trinity" of DCU. That's based on their being the three most consistently iconic and well-known of DC's characters. But it's more that just that, isn't it?

DC, being DC, isn't content to simply say, "These are our three most popular characters." DC seems to intuitively understand that for mere characters to be actual icons, they need to stand for something. Not simply the generic Good Guy message of "Be Good and Beat Up Bad Guys", but something unique. But since their acknowledgment as the Big Three, editorial attempts (whether conscious or not) have tried to distinguish among Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman as three points of a conceptual triangle.

These attempts have met with varying degrees of success. The differences in outlook and style between Batman and Superman have been beaten to death so thoroughly in so many places -- for that matter, on any single page of Superman/Batman -- that I have no desire to retread them here. Attempts to shove Wonder Woman into that tightly bound conceptual dyad have been spotty and rung less true.

One of the most promising attempts was position here in direct opposition to both Batman and Superman over the killing of Max Lord. Batman and Superman, whatever their differences in style, are both very much products of our society. As vigilantes, they are willing to use their abilities to bring criminals to justice, but not to carry out punishment, which is in the purview of society as whole, not an individual. Wonder Women is a classical hero from an entirely different society; they kill monsters and threats to civilization.

But even that distinction seems to have broadly overlooked. Besides, it's not really a "triangle" in any meaningful way; it's just Wonder Woman's worldview versus The World's Finest's. Regardless, I myself have my own perceptions of the differences between them, and likely you do, too. One I would like you to consider is how the Big Three represent three different models of the nuclear family.

To put it more directly,
  • Superman is the child of two parents.
  • Wonder Woman is from a single-parent family.
  • Batman is an orphan, raised with no parents.

2, 1, 0. This is a real, built-in difference among the three characters. It's not one that's been superimposed through later interpretation; it's part of their origins.

In some ways, this basic difference resonates through their characterizations. Batman, the orphan, is all about building a family. You know: adopting circus kids, street urchins, the neighbor's kid, the neighbor's kids' girlfriend, mute loonies and religious nutjobs, lost dogs, wayward librarians, obsequious imps, mechanically-minded hunchbacks, even Halo and Geo-Force. Whoever. Batman's like the Old Lady With the Houseful of Straycats.

Forget all that "long figure of the night" BS some writers try to hand you; Batman is the character, who, almost immediately after he was introduced, abandoned that shtick to hang out with a kid in green pixie boots.

For obvious reasons, Batman does not take family for granted, and, of all the Trinity, has been best at forming a (rather non-traditional) family and acting as its head.

Wonder Woman, on the other hand, is the child of quite literally a single-parent household. As such, she was clearly raised with independence in mind. Wonder Woman has been good at making friends and colleagues, but, unlike Batman, she's never seemed moved to form a family around herself.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've see her paling around with Donna, her sister. She's been seen with Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark) often enough, I suppose (though it's certain nothing like a "Batman & Robin" relationship). But much of Cassie's training was farmed out to warrior-nanny Artemis. As this last issue of Wonder Girl made clear, Wonder Woman's focus has always been helping Cassie become an independent woman and warrior, able to choose her own path, rather than treating her as a sidekick or a partner.

Superman? Well, I've never really forgiven him for unceremoniously dumping both Matrix (look that up, kids!) and then Superboy (who was genetically his SON, for Rao's sake) on his parents. But recently I've softened on that, as a result of insights gained from reading Kurt Busiek's stories where he and Lois have essentially adopted the orphaned Chris Kent. Clark is from a two-parent family, and that is his irreducible model of family. It simply wouldn't occur to him to try to act as a single parent to either Matrix or Superboy; a child needs two parents, Clark would feel. Only now that Superman has a wife does parenting seem like an option to him.

So, while the members of the Trinity represent different models of family, there is something those models all have in common: they are built around the idea that family is more than just blood. Batman and Superman lost their birth parents; Superman was adopted by other, Batman adopts others. The youngsters they have charge of aren't their blood relatives but they've made them their sons. Wonder Woman was created by her mother, but not born of her; her "sister" isn't really her sister by blood and neither is the new Wonder Girl.

Whatever else they may represent, the Trinity stand for the idea that while families come in different mode, they are made by choices and time spent together, not just genes... .

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Madness of Queen Jean: Editor's Interlude

Back when they wrote stories like "Queen Jean, Why Must We Die?", comic books had an amazing institution called the "Letter Column" (leh-tuhr cohl-uhm). It was kind of like a message board where you could comment on recent comics. But with some incredible differences:
  • It had a moderator who weeded out stupid comments.
  • The moderator was an editor at DC Comics (!!!).
  • People had to use words, instead of emoticons.
  • It was actually in the comic itself, so that other readers would all see it.
  • The moderator/editor himself would actually sometimes REPLY to your comment.

Amazing, huh?

Anyway, in the Letter Column of the comic book that contains "Queen Jean, Why Must We Die?", there's a letter commenting on a recent issue of Atom-Hawkman, the one with the first appearances of that groovy ghoulie the Gentleman Ghost.




The letter-writer enjoys heroes who lose their temper and act out, generational fear and distrust, and betrayal by friends. But little-bitty flying spheres (you know, like the kind that float around Mr. Terrific?) he finds too hard to swallow.

Who could that be?


Perhaps, the kind of person who would have Batman angrily turn his back on his friends in the Justice League to form and manipulate a group of younger heroes? Yes, it was...


ENEMY OF SOCIETY MIKE W. BARR,
CREATOR OF HALO THE OUTSIDER
AND PERPETRATOR OF
NUMBERLESS OTHER LITERARY CRIMES

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bystanders: Who They Are and How They Came to Be

You know what’s missing from Heroclix?

Bodies.

Warm, living, innocent civilian bodies (or at least tiny cold plastic representations thereof). In a “real” comic book battle, one of the most common issues is the welfare of the innocent bystanders. How often the hero has to “take the fight away from this populated area”. How often the weaker but more mobile team-members are assigned crowd control and evacuation. How often an evildoer takes a hostage to proof himself against batarangs, plastic-cat arrows, and ill-defined energy blasts. Without such opportunities, how’s a villain supposed to do his job?

Yet Heroclix battles seem to take place in an unpeopled social vacuum, an oddly tidy post-apocalyptic wasteland where no signs of life remain other than abandoned hot-carts and bubblegum machines. There are no elders, no adults, no children, no pets, no birds, no bugs, and no airborne viruses. Nothing but capes and criminals. And Lois Lane.

And that’s just not how the real (?) comic book world is. So I’ve begun incorporating bystanders into my Heroclix games.

Heroclix did originally began with Bystanders as part of the game. They were tokens—pogs, as it were—of either stock characters (e.g., “The Politician” or “The Paper Boy”) or of well-known supporting characters (e.g. “Alfred Pennyworth” or “Linda Park”). Wizkids (makers of Heroclix) clearly had a sense that such characters needed to be included in the game, but they gave insufficient thought to making an appropriate role for them in the game’s mechanics. As a result, the on-line forums for Heroclix players blossomed with strategies like Superman using baby Lian Harper as a ‘meat shield’ to protect himself, Alfred’s enduring partnership with the Legion of Super-Heroes as their camouflage expert, and how Galactus can conquer the universe aided only by an army of clones of Aunt May.

Over time, Wizkids realized that Heroclix’s ability to represent comic book characters accurately is one of its competitive advantages, and one that distinguishes it from a host of other table-top games. Heroclix is at least as much about its four-color atmosphere as it is game mechanics. Within that in mind, they’ve discontinued “pogs” (along with the out-of-character strategies they fostered) and have made some of the more important supporting characters into regular figures (e.g. Alfred, Commissioner Gordon, Lois Lane).

But my nature abhors a social vacuum, so recently I’ve been adding bystanders back into the mix as part of my house rules for the game. And you can, too!

Buy Standers

You could use pennies or beads to represent bystanders but it ruins the flavor of the game. It would be like playing Heroclix with no sculpts on the dials and with only terrain markers on the maps. Just do what I did, go to the dollar store and buy some toy soldiers or firefighters or such. They are recognizable as people, similar to Heroclix in size, stand up on their own, and easily distinguished from the “real” figures in the game. You’ll need about 40.

Extras Find their Marks

After the real game pieces have been set up in their starting areas, place the bystanders as follows.
· Do not put any in the starting area rows or the row adjacent.
· For each other row, roll a pair of dice of two different colors (let’s say, one red and one blue). The red die tells you where to place figures to the right of the spine of the map (the line between Columns H & I) and the blue one is for the left. For example, if for Row 4 you roll a Red 1 and a Blue 6, you would place a bystander at I4 (one space to the right of the spine) and at C4 (six spaces to the left of the spine). If you want bystanders to be sparser, roll two dice for each side rather than one. Treat a roll of nine as if it were a one, and if you roll 10-12, omit placing the figure.
· If a square is blocked, just skip putting a bystander there.
· Repeat the process for Rows 4 through 21, and you’ll have bystanders randomly distributed throughout the map.

“Get out of my way, inferior beings!”

Bystanders block lines of sight. Non-flying figures (including bystanders) cannot move through a square occupied by a bystander. Bystanders are neutral figures with regard to breakaway. Bystanders are affected by hindering terrain and blocking terrain as normal.

“EEK!”
Bystanders have only one goal: run away from the fighting. Because when a guy with a bow and arrow starts shooting at a talking gorilla in your airport terminal, you change your travel plans mighty fast. None of this “Gosh, the Spoiler needs our help!” or “If you want to hurt Halo you’ll have to get through me!” nonsense for our bystanders; they are practical people, with other, non-combat places to be Besides, since they live in the DCU, they’ve see all this already. So at the end of each round of turns, they try to run away. But how? And whither?

Bystanders head for the closest exits, of course. You need to decide in advance where those are. What makes sense as an exit depends on what map you’re playing on, of course, but a good ‘default exit’ is the starting areas. That way, both teams are sure to have panicked citizens pouring toward them as they wade their way into battle.

At the end of each round of turns, one die is rolled to determine movement for all the bystanders. Each bystander moves toward the closet exit, as many squares as the die roll (and other obstacles) permit. They should always move, if possible, away from regular figures, as well. For example, if a regular figure is directly between a bystander and an exit, the bystander will, obstacles permitting, move diagonally so that he’s both moving both toward the exit and away from the figure. Although all bystanders get a move after each round, they don’t exactly move simultaneously; ones on outer rows move first, followed by the inner rows. So, first the ones in Rows 4 and 21 are moved, followed by those in Row 5 and 20, etc.

With the right terrain, the bystander will create unpredictable logjams that regular figures will have to work around until the citizens clear out. After a few rounds, almost all the bystanders will have escaped, except for those who have become …

HOSTAGES!

I love this part. Bystanders aren’t just ‘moving terrain’; they’re ‘special objects’, too. Villains can, if you wish, land on the same square as a bystander and take it hostage. Hostages function sort of like objects, except a figure doesn’t need superstrength to “carry” one.

Villains with a hostage:
· Move at half their speed
· Cannot be the target of a ranged attack
· Get plus one to their Defense against close combat attack
· Can, if they have superstrength, throw the hostage at an opponent up to six squares away to whom he has line of fire; this action incapacitates the opponent automatically (because they have to ‘catch’ the hostage). The hostage is then placed adjacent to the hero, but not in between the hero and the hostage-taker.

Naturally, the main advantage to hostage-taking is immunity from ranged attack. Sick of getting bopped by batarangs from the shadows? Grab a hostage! Oh, and no sneaky rules-lawyering to get around the direct attack thing. No fair trying to zap the hostage-taker with Pulse Wave or splash damage or Force Blast; don’t want to hurt an innocent hostage!

Now, if you’re automatically thinking, “Well, how can I tell the difference between a villain and a hero? How do I make such an arbitrary distinction not covered by the keywords in the game? And what if I’m playing two teams of heroes against each other?” Well, if that’s what you’re thinking, then I can’t help you and you’re probably playing Marvel Heroclix anyway.

“RUN!”

Hostages can escape from villains:
· If a hero does damage to the hostage-taker, or
· If a player uses an action to give him a chance to breakaway (which requires a roll of six), or
· If the hostage-taker makes a critical miss or
· If the hostage-taker has two action tokens on him, and adjacent hero breaks away, the hero can carry the hostage off with him, releasing it in a square adjacent to wherever he stops.
In these cases the hostage is ‘released’ into an adjacent square, then to run away to be interviewed by Clark Kent, looking for a human interest angle to the latest super-donnybrook.


Is this a foolproof, watertight addition to the regular rules of the game without any unforeseen issues for game mechanics? HECK, NO!

But it is fun, gives the villains a fighting chance, and feels a lot more like a comic book than a battle in an utterly barren landscape.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Modern DeMedici


Mostly I talk about the writing in comics, not the art. But that doesn't mean I don't care about or like art; I used to work in an art museum, in fact.

So, to help increase the attractiveness of my blog to art-lovers and increase my hit count and acquire a new source of "lazy posts"--

er---

I mean...

"to help bring some much-needed artistic flair to the Absorbascon and to offer it as a showcase for budding pencillers"

I am willing to post any fan art you send me on this blog!

Of course, there's a catch. The subject matter must relate to one of our favorites (or anti-favorites) here at the Absorbascon. Examples of acceptable topics include:

  • Vibe
  • The Cast of the Big Monkey Podcast
  • Hal Jordan getting hit in the head (no head-hitting, no post-ee)
  • Orca the Whalewoman
  • Dr. Domino
  • Much-hated Halo
  • The Rolling Head of Pantha (pictures of Pantha's head while still connected to her body will be disqualified)
  • The Awesome Human Flying Fish
  • Dale Gunn, Love God
  • Jean Loring in any state of madness or evil
  • Koryak
  • The original Starman or any of his villains
  • Purple-robed pansies armed with corndogs
  • Major Victory from Who Want to Be a Superhero
  • Vibe
  • The All-New Atom
  • Congo Bill (no, NOT Congorilla)
  • Evil kryptonian cats from the Phantom Zone
  • Geo-Force getting the crap beaten out of him
  • Oysterwoman beating the crap out of someone
  • Joe Coyne, the Penny Plunderer
  • The Sea Devils (or just Judy Walton, Queen of the Sea)
  • Masterman
  • And, of course, Vibe

Send submissions to:
scipio@bigmonkeycomics.com

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Hell-oclix

My brethren, I seek to warn you that Hell hath arrived on Earth, and it cometh in three flavors.

Blueberry


Cherry


and Pineapple

The traitorous god of the Old Testament who promised with the rainbow never to destroy mankind again now sendeth a rainbow to lay waste to humanity: Halo the Heroclix.

This is how it endeth, folks. The Three Flavors of Evil. The Brides of Abnegazar, Rath, and Ghast. The Powerpuff Hurls. The Triadic Popsicles of Doom.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Things That Made Me Happy...

in my comics this week.

  • "Well, it's a perfect mess, now." Monarch has a sense of humor!
  • Brains versus brawn.
  • "You gonna give him a kiss oR just go through his pockets?" Oh, Joker, you irreverent wag!
  • Nice silent Sinestro cameo.
  • The future JLA is composed of Legion rejects? So funny, on so many levels. And sad.
  • More dead New Gods! YAY! If they made Fatheads of the dead New Gods, I think I'd buy them.
  • Brainiac 5, still wearing that horrid magenta jumper with yellow boots; thank goodness!
  • Hal's birds. Who says Hal's not witty? Oh, wait; I do.
  • I just LOVE the Source's new outfit. Very populux.
  • Ah, the Guardians never learn, do they? The Alpha Lanterns do NOT inspire confidence!
  • Is Brainiac 5 also a descendent of Fonzie?
  • I'm glad Batman doesn't seem to know what's going on in his own book, because neither do I.
  • You have to love that one of the steps of Brainy's latest plan is, "Become dictator of my home planet."
  • I'm enjoying the UP versus Earth xenophobia storyline in Action, because it reminds me of the White Triangle storyline from the first Waid Legion.
  • You did notice those Black Hand symbols in the Guardian's eyes, didn't you? That would be a bad sign... .
  • Tusker? Storm-Boy? Golden boy? Eyeful frickin' Ethel? Did DC hire Blockade Boy as a ghost-writer?
  • As I always suspected, the New Gods are just the mushrooms that grew up on the corpses of the REAL gods.
  • Oh, my god. Earth-Man is, essentially, the Composite Superman. Fabulous.
  • I got the Batman & The Outsiders Showcase. If you think I hated Halo and Geo-Force before, you ain't seen nothing yet.
  • C'mon; give Crane the ring! At least for a week or two!
  • Whoa; crabby Scott Free is even worse than crabby Aquaman.
  • Yera Allon; yay!
  • NO. Not "swear us the chosen"; regardless of sequence, the case of the subject remain nominative. it needs to be "swear we the chosen". Now.
  • There seems to be an epidemic of "King Lear poses" among villains. Darkseid, sit up or just buy a recliner!

Saturday, March 07, 2015

Aquaman and the Others

Well, Aquaman & The Others has ended.


Prisoner of War must smell like a platoon of dead guys.


No one is more interested in Aquaman getting his due than I.  So I was very excited for him to get a second title.  He'd never had a second title. Heck, usually he doesn't have a FIRST title.

There are many ways they could have gone with a second Aquaman title.  It could have been an extra-continuity anthology title or an alter-continuity 'for-fun' title; that's worked well, for example, with Wonder Woman, who has one of each (Sensation and Wonder Woman '77).  Imagine a title where you could still read stories about Sub Diego, or Thanatos, or even A.J. Curry; imagine a title where you could watch the Marine Marvels  and Tusky take on Queen Vassa or the Lizard People.  


Or The Brain AND HIS NONSTOP HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING


But DC is interested in consolidating Aquaman's brand, not diversifying it.


That's why they choose an actor who looks as much like Aquaman as possible. 


So it makes sense that they would try to establish him as a leader on his own, independent of his royalty.  One can only suppose the model for Aquaman & The Others was Batman & The Outsiders: iconic hero leading a loose group of new or secondary characters with no common background.  It probably wasn't the best model to choose...

The Outsiders were not there to make Batman seem cool or become popular.  Batman defines both those terms already.  He was there to increase their visibility and street cred.  And even that didn't work well.  Metamorpho and Black Lighting, both of whom had history, power, and pedigree to be on better teams (such as the Doom Patrol or the Justice League) always seemed like they were slumming.  Halo? Looker? Geo-Force? Yes; well, we can see how well they've done since then.  


It's the Trinity of Fail!
P.S. Did Looker always fly with her arms and legs spread, crotch/boob first? Because that's a bit on point, even for Looker.


Only Katana seems to have stepped to a new level (specifically, "The Level Where You Can Be Used After the Next Reboot or in Another Popular Medium Rather Than a Forgotten Character Forever Tied to a Well-Meant Experiment of a Previous Era").  

Aquaman & the Outsiders gave Aquaman no pre-established heroes to lead; it wouldn't have worked with with the new continuity.  But it posited that Aquaman, when he found out he was the real King of Atlantis, said... "Hm, no, thanks."  Kind of makes Orm seem like less of a jerk, doesn't it?  Instead Arthur went off wilding around the globe with a disparate band of adventurers whom he met by..
whom he met at...
whom he met when.. .

Okay; I give up. Are we supposed to know or even GUESS how a Brazilian jungle woman, a cosmonaut who lives on the moon, an aged American super-spy, a middle eastern prophetess, and Hispanic Ragman all met and became colleagues? Let alone why? 


Sure, the same could be said about the Scooby-Doo Gang, but it's easy to figure it out:
they all live in the same bus.
And what a generic group they were.  I'm fond of them as individuals and grew to (mostly kinda) like them in the series.  Their ethnic diversity was nice, but they were pretty clearly a half-baked boy band of stock figures: Jungle Woman, Superspy, Soldier Man, Cosmonaut, Seer Lady, and Mystic Girl.  Not an A-List boy band, either; the Others are more like "O Town".  Nobody seemed care to enough to give them more imaginative names than 'The Operative" and "Prisoner-of-War" (or, for that matter, "The Others").  But what do you expect from Dan Jurgens, the man who created Doomsday The Living Plot Device?


Not that there was anything wrong with O Town, mind you.


Somehow through Aquaman's royalness, this group discovered ancient relics of Atlantis missing for some 10,000 years and then... divvied them up and kept them.  I guess that's how The Law of Sea Salvage works but, those things really clearly belong to Atlantis. Specifically, to its king: Orm.  I guess you can say that since Arthur is really the king, they are his to do with as he sees fit on behalf of Atlantis. But giving them away to auslanders really shouldn't be one of his choices, particularly once he does return to take the throne.   

Perhaps then it's just being consistent when he gives each of the objects to the person who can use them least.  The guy who already lives in space gets the helmet that lets him live in space; the spy who can espionage into anything gets a key that lets him do the same; the lady who has visions gets the widget that lets her see them in HD; the close combat soldier gets shackles that let him force blast everyone away, and the jungle woman who hates ever leaving her jungle gets the amulet that lets her teleport anywhere in the world (or the moon).  Oh, and the king of Atlantis gets the trident that lets you be king of Atlantis.  

It's never really explain, that I could tell, WHY those relics were made and in that form. Okay the key is a key, the trident is a scepter slash magical bazooka; some make sense.  But why did Atlan make chained shackles that go boom? Pretty convenient for a character named "Prisoner of War" to come along, eh?  Why make a helmet that lets you breath in space or underwater?  Neither of those things were really much of an issue, I should think.  I wanted to read the story where Atlan enacted his master plan that involved using each of those items to retake the throne of Atlantis; did someone forget to tell it?

Then at the end of the series, after they have all proven they don't really need the devices to do their thing, and about to go their separate ways again, Aquaman lets them keeps the relics of Atlantic (which, as the series took eleven issue to show, are NOT safe in their hands).

Perhaps at some future point, the Others will blossom again, and more fully.  Many characters and groups have short, inauspicious beginnings that laid the groundwork for later comebacks and revisions.  The original run of Firestorm was just five issues (not counting the story in Cancelled Comics Cavalcade); now Firestorm's on live-action teevee.