Can Wonder Woman Dance?

Can Wonder Woman dance?


As long as it's a march, yes.

Tony Basil's Hey Mickey.

Deborah Cox's Absolutely Not.

The Superfriends Theme.

Dolly Parton's 9 to 5.

Stevie V's Dirty Cash.

YMCA (or anything by the Village People, really).

Her own darned theme song, all five versions.

This is the music of Wonder Woman.

At least twice at week, she spends an hour marching. Alone, behind the locked door of her Marching Room. Good for the legs, she thinks. And the shoulders. Keeps you disciplined, too, and your head clear. Everyone should march. Everyone should do the things I do. The world would be much better if they did.

You know it's bad when they send Green Arrow to tell you you're embarassing the League.
"Diana, c'mon; I've got the Arrowcar right over there. Let's go now, okay?"

"Happens" upon parades, she does. As many as possible.

Hi, I was just flying by after returning from a JLA meeting and noticed your Founder's Day parade.

What? You want me to march in it? Why, yes! Yes, I'd be honored! No, no thank you; I brought my own cape. Oh, and don't worry; let me break the news to Supergirl; it'll be ... easier coming from me. Strike up the band!

Back on Paradise Island, the whole marching thing used to drive her mother nuts.

The Suffering Sappho Celebration. The Diana's Day Festivities. Bea Arthur's Birthday. No matter what the holiday or occasion, Diana wheedled her way into the parade so she could march, march, march.

The Themiscyran tabloids would make fun of Diana, calling her "Princess Parade About", "Her Royal Clydesdale", and "Little Miss Marchy Boots". The Royal Family was being humiliated.

Finally, Hippolyta got fed up. Made up the whole "Wonder Woman" nonsense, complete with majorette costume, just to get rid of her. Couple of decades of marching in Man's World'll settle her hash. It worked on Antonia (or "Susan B. Anthony", as we called her).

Once she got here, she used to make up phony causes and protests just so she'd have an excuse to march.

She stopped that once she met her friend Brenda the Majorette (who'd marched so often in front of bands she'd suffered some hearing loss, which Diana eventually repaired for her with the Purple Healing Ray).

Majorette Brenda helped Diana understand the holiday cycle of our society and explained that she could march in any gay pride parade she wanted and people would applaud. Put her picture in the paper. Toss confetti and beads to her.

Since then, Wonder Woman's been a happy gal, indeed.

She's made a lot of other gals happy that way, too!