Chistogenealogy

If you read Jonan Hex this week (and if you didn't, you deserve to), you may have noticed he visits the town of Kent. It has a corrupt sheriff. Most places Jonah Hex visits have a corrupt sheriff. He's a funny guy, but a lousy travel agent.

Anyway, I was wondering whether the town was somehow related to Clark's parents. For example, was the town mentioned in "The Kents" mini-series? That would be very comic-booky. This is the underlying principle of chistogenealogy: everyone who is related has the same name and all those who have the same name are related.

Sandra Knight (Phantom Lady) being the cousin of Ted Knight (the Original Starman) is, for example, a retcon based on that chistogenealogical phenomenon. Originally, the characters' names were a mere coincidence.

Did you know that the pre-Crisis Jim Gordon (police commissioner of Gotham City) was the cousin of Bruce Gordon (solar scientist and Eclipso's alter ego)? He was. That's how comic books work.

Connectomaniacs like Geoff Johns have even stretched the principle to link Speed Saunders to Kendra Sanders. Soon I'm expecting to hear the scandalous story linking Devon Sanders to Kendra through their common ancestor, Thomas Jefferson Sanders.


I bet you always roll your eyes at those stories where all of the hero's ancestors were famous or they come into contact with their "Moldavian cousins" (also named Wayne or Kent or Whatnot) or visit Castle Whatnot in the Old Country.

Well, it is a bit silly when heroes have a commonplace surname (as most of them do). But it does happen in real life. I, tragically, come from a comic book family. "Garling" doesn't sound like all that weird a name, but is, in fact, unique; everyone named Garling is related, however distantly.

The Garling Coat of Arms. Yes, that's a fishhead above the helmet. Sigh.

So, yes, I am demonstrably related to (among many others):

• German percussionist & lobster-wielding lunatic Steven Garling (at right)
  
• Australian ballet godling Jean Garling
• Jazz trombonist and Fabulous Furry Freak Brother Tom Garling
• Guitar instructor and cellular biologist Caleb Garling
• Hanna Barbera animator John Garling

In a comic book, we'd all (except Jean; she's dead; she'd be replaced by a spunky lookalike granddaughter with savate fighting skills) be lured to an isolated castle in Mecklenburg by the promise of a vague inheritance (probably a fortune in the maritime paintings of Frederick Garling or the formerly lost but recently rediscovered liquer recipes of the Garling Collection in, you guessed it, Moldavia).

Then we'd wind up either (a) bumping one another off (b) trying to keep one another from getting bumped off (c) have a fabulous jam session that would sell millions of CDs and make us all rich even though the inheritance was a bust.