Friday, July 21, 2006

Ten Things

Ten Things I would find more enjoyable than 52's back-up series, 'the History of the DCU starring Donna Troy' ...

1. Jimmy Olsen in a dress.

2. A Day in the Life of Halo.

3. The Spectre and the Phantom Stranger watching the corpse of Orca the Whalewoman rot, with dialog by Brian Michael Bendis.

4. A reunion of all the characters from Bloodlines.

5. The History of Ill-Conceived Characters Created When Editors Were Sleeping, starring Donna Troy.

6. Proty's Penthouse Party.

7. Week after week of Alfred silently polishing the silver at Wayne Manor and dusting the Batcave.

8. Prose-only Lobo/Major Force slash fiction.

9. Gypsy getting a pedicure and foot massage.

10. Reprints of every time the Red Tornado has blown up.


And you....?

28 comments:

Allan said...

1. A DC version of Marvel's popular "What If?" called "Wouldn't It Have Been Stupid If We Had...."

2. A competition in which c-level superheroes were teamed up with professional ballroom dancers and we could vote to see who was the best.

3. The introduction of a new mysterious supernatural character with the strange ability to set up any two superheroes on a blind date. In her first adventure she would match up Doll Man with Elasti-Girl.

4. Superheroic "Yo-Mama" contests.

5. Three words: Batwoman, Batwoman, Batwoman.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I actually appreciated 'The History of the DCU', although I can't really say I enjoyed it. I'm fairly new to comics (in particular the DCU) and I'm using 52 as a jumping off point. 'The History...' was an acceptable attempt to get new readers like me caught up on the complicated history of the universe.

Scipio said...

"1. A DC version of Marvel's popular "What If?" called "Wouldn't It Have Been Stupid If We Had...." "

Hmm. I'm not certain I'd be able to distinguish that from "The History of the DCU".

Ashtur said...

Hey! I like Razorsharp and Gunfire!!! (so sue me).

Otherwise, I've just been skipping poor Donna's lesson in applied history. Just like I do most everything else where Donna shows up.

Have you sent her to Marvel yet?

Moose N Squirrel said...

"The Spectre and the Phantom Stranger watching the corpse of Orca the Whalewoman rot, with dialog by Brian Michael Bendis."

This actually sounds fantastically entertaining to me. "A whale woman?" "A whale woman." "A whale woman?" "A whale woman." "Damn. Did you say a whale woman?" "What part of 'whale woman' don't you understand?" "The part that goes whale woman." "Did you say whale woman?"

It'd be like Waiting For Godot, only not good, and with the Spectre.

Chris Sims said...

Extreme Justice.

Anonymous said...

1- The new adventures of Judomaster and Tiger

2-Azrael vs Doomsday: final showdown

3-Perry White getting superpowers

4-Mister E. 8-issue miniseries

5-Teenage Mutant Ninja Monkeys

6-The History of the DCU starring Terry Long

7-Lessons on how to perform the Cactus Mambo

8-Silver Surfer

9-Animated Jinx: the series

10-Naked Darkdeid

Steven said...

"The History of the DCU starring Terry Long"

Well, we've certainly found something WORSE than HofDCUsDT!

Asthur, I liked Sparx. We all have our cross to bear.

Oh and, Clark Kent, sans powers, sitting through a press conference on rebuilding Metropolis (again).

Or the History of the DCU starring Bizarro-Brainiac!

Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

Brave & the Bold episode teaming up Batman with Sugar & Spike or Fox & the Crow. Written by Bob "Cool incarnate" Haney.

The Fortress Keeper said...

Hard to beat option #3, but let's see...

Civil G'nort - Proposed legislation banning canine Green Lanterns divides Legion of Super-Pets. Nothing will ever be the same again ...

Pimp My Batmobile!

Sugar & Spike repeatedly kicking Dr. Light in the groin.

Scotto said...

How about a @$%*# letters page? Letters pages mattered, man. The Interweb has NOT successfully replaced them.

But yeah, the Donna Troy feature sucks. THAT should be moved to the internet. A dynamic website with the official history of everything, so they can just change it all the time with a few minutes of typing. Like Wikipedia.

Gordon said...

Rob Liefeld's SUGAR AND SPIKE

Pauly Shore Meets the JSA

Benari said...

1. Snapper Carr's snazziest hook-ups!

2. Just Imagine...Stan Lee creating the DCU...AGAIN!

3. Dr. Light's super-rape-a-poolaza summer special.

4. DC's Genesis

5. Phil Collins' Genesis

6. Robot Zombie Monkey Pirates vs. Godzilla. Actually, I might enjoy that one...

7. The Imprisoned Superboy Prime endlessly carving an "S" in his chest...in real time.

8. Gerry Conway's extensive notes on "fixing" the DCU.

9. Sword of Bludhaven.

10. THIS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwEk62HViIA

There's a lot of Hasselhof out there.

Hoosier X said...

Scipio,

I have no doubt that this DCU with Donna Troy thing is Not Good.

But I have to ask how well you actually remember Bloodlines.

(Sugar and Spike kicking Dr. Light in the groin actually sounds very amusing ... but only for two or three issues.)

Evan Waters said...

Rolling head of Pantha!
Rolling head of Pantha!
Rolling head of Pantha!

Scipio said...

Hoosier,

The Bloodlines reunion would be hosted by Scourge.

Mela said...

I second Rolling Head of Pantha.

(Although, my local shop owner & I actually can't hate it, because we've both seen how newer readers can use it for some quick catch-up without the pain of actually having to read "Zero Hour" and without someone like us spending hours explaining some of this stuff.)

Scipio said...

Understood. But I thought the very point of "New Earth" was not having to know all that stuff; in fact, being able to forget it.

Having the History of the DCU in the back of 52 feels like bringing your ex-wife along on your honeymoon.

Steven said...

See, I LOVED the idea of a History of the DCU. I just didn't like this execution of it, with Donna crying every time she's told someone she's never met died in an alternate reality and major moments just hinted at (and DC 1,000,000 mentioned at all).

I would have preferred a much more fourth wall shattering narrator (the Phantom Stranger or Mr. Mxyzptlk, or heck, Dan DiDio) just telling ME, the reader, what the heck happened to get from point a) the Big Bang, to point b) OYL, with hints of point c) 3006.

I mean, it's not like you need a four page recap of Zero Hour (why?) to enjoy an issue of JSA, but histories, like who's who's guides, can be fun ways of doing exposition outside of an actual story.

This just wasn't one.

Anonymous said...

I can see the point of wanting to set out in some comic, somewhere, what this year's "History of the DCU" is, but this feature doesn't really seem to be doing that, as much as it's told us what the histories used to be, and what moronic cosmic event overwrote that history for the next one--I can (mostly) remember those old histories, but I'm still not sure what the current history includes: Power Girl knows that she's the Earth-2 Supergirl, but does the general public on Earth know that there used to BE an Earth-2 (and is there another Earth-2 still out there, besides the one that used to be Earth-3?). We see in JLA #0 that most of the Silver & Bronze Age Wonder Woman history is back in place, but did her mother still have to travel back in time to join the JSA, or did she do it while she was living thru that era the first time, or did Diana join the JSA, either by time travelling or by starting her mission in 1942? And if all of WW's messy history is back, is Kate Kane the first Batwoman of the current history, or has she taken on the identity of her dead Aunt Kathy? And what happened to the Titans' future history that said that Bette Kane was going to become Batwoman (you'd think that Flamebird would grow up to be Nightwing...)???

-Mindbender

Hoosier X said...

Re: The Bloodlines Reunion

A two-sentence recap of such a thing would be highly amusing. (I hope you can accommodate me when it comes out.) But I truly never wish to see any of the Bloodlines characters again. Even to see them all killed by Scourge. (Unless it was drawn by Steve Ditko and written by Alan Moore. That would be neat.)

The Bloodlines characters make Justice League Detroit look like the Justice Society.

Bill Meisel said...

Where do I pick up my copy of

Proty's Penthouse Party?

Zaratustra said...

1) The Battle for Bludhaven Redux Xtreme: About six thousand superpowered figures all dress in black outfits and traipse around a dusty pile of rubble.

2) Naked Detectives: Jason Bard, Ryan Choi and Ravager team up to fight crime and conveniently-placed objects.

3) The Story Of Donna Troy, Starring the DCU Universe: Heroes across the universe cry their hearts out as they see Donna suffer half-baked death after half-baked death.

4) Mr. A VS. Mr. E - Everyone's favorite Randist meets everyone's favorite Fundamentalist. Hilarity ensues!

5) Shadowpact - Actually, I wouldn't like that.

Scipio said...

"3) The Story Of Donna Troy, Starring the DCU Universe: Heroes across the universe cry their hearts out as they see Donna suffer half-baked death after half-baked death."

I'd subscribe.

Steven said...

4) Mr. A VS. Mr. E - Everyone's favorite Randist meets everyone's favorite Fundamentalist. Hilarity ensues!

I wouldn't mind seeing Ditko's the Question (the proto Randian) vs. O'Neil's the Question (zen Buddhist kung fu enthusiast) vs. Timm's the Question (creepy conspiracy theorist).

I mean, what is it with that character? It's like no one knows who he is so he's just this blank slate.

Oh.

Ununnilium said...

What about the one from the 2005 Question miniseries?

mrmanatee said...

Hey now. As somebody who doesn't buy a lot of comics and hasn't read IC yet, I find it to be fairly useful. Granted, it would be a lot better if it just starred Harbinger's orb instead of Donna Troy, but it's still nice to know.

Steven said...

What about the one from the 2005 Question miniseries?

Haven't read it, but if it's Rick Veight, it's probably a trippy New Age Question likely to get his ass handed to him by the other three.

Not sure how the 52 Question fits in either, but he's GREAT!

and Mr Manatee, I agree the idea of a History of the DCU is great, especially for readers like you (WELCOME!), but the execution just, well sucked.